jmc

Told my parents about 3 months that my family hubby and 2 children were thinking about moving to oz. Thought it was better telling them now than later mum said she didnt want us to go but didnt blame us. After that oz wasn't mentioned only once when my dad spoke to hubby at work saying that they couldn't sleep ,they were not not eating etc and that my mum was going to phone me with a piece of her mind but she never did, after the weeks passed still no mention about the move .Asked mum today for year she was born no kids around she went ballistic she said she has nearly had a nervous break down with the worry she cannot believe i could do this to them after she has looked after me all these years, she said she has sacrificed everything for my children and we are such a close family,this country is not that bad and what is she going to to if either of them takes ill she hasn't got anybody to phone, and I'm going so i dont have to look after them when they are old they are both early 60s and fit and well, she has told my brother who lives in London and he is so disgusted with us ,she said if we go that is the end of everything and she would worry about me being home sick,my dad just said least she has got it off her chest.She said i have a good buisiness and nice house so why could i leave.


I just could not believe what she has said feel better for writing this post as anyone been in the same situation as this?


Lou x

oliverandlisa

Lou, i really feel for you, Olivers mum has been EXACTLY the same as this. It hasnt really got any easier even after 2 years and to be honest we are not expecting it to. However, if you are anything like us you know what you are doing is the right thing, you have thought carefuly about the pros and cons of the situation. And in my opinion, you should follow your heart and do what you feel is right for your family.

Feel free to PM me if you want a chat.

Lisa.xx

shiels

My parents have been ok, but I think this is partly because they don't think that we will go!
My dad does'nt have good health but at the end of the day if something sudden happened to him there would be nothing I could do if I was at work 5 miles away or 24hrs away in Australia, this is the way I have look at it otherwise I would never even consider the move. 'You only get one life and its how you choose to fill it that counts.' C x

milliesmum

We are expecting the same from my family, I think we will have to adopt the broken record approach and not fall for the emotional blackmail. Easier said than done. At least you know your not the only one Have not told everyone yets as we are going to wait till my brothers wedding is over and done with as things could get nasty.

I hope they come round, I really do

username 34

you know what - you should quote her own words...

"we sacrificed everything for you"

and say that is exactly what YOU are doing for YOUR family (as in your kids and hubby). My in-laws (well FIL as MIL is in a home with a terminal brain dementia illness) were the same and SIL has NOT forgiven us. But sorry, we simply could not justify sitting in the UK giving us a lesser quality of life simply to wait for hubby's mother to die - which is the reality.

My parents on the otherhand are immigrants to the UK themselves so although desparately sad to see us and grandkids go they knew why we did it and supported us.

Your parents will hopefully get over it - if not I'm afraid they're being selfish - you have to consider who benefits most from this and the priority they have in your life.

If your kids are the main reason you're doing it (e.g. more time with you at home, more outside life, more opportunities, healthier lifestyle, more financial freedom) then you are definately making the right decision and if your parents see that as wrong..... well then they're not being good parents to you.

sorry if it sounds harsh but you just cant be held to emotional blackmail however much love there is.

kellyjs

Its harsh but remember that life is too short and you want to do the best for YOUR family and thats your kids. Families attitudes are all very selfish so accept it and feel sorry for them that they don't have the forsight to realise that there is a great big world out there
Good luck

Rachelle

I really feel for you my mum was hell at first, she started out ignoring any conversation about Australia and cried - alot!

I made her listen to our plans, no matter how upset it made her, because when all said and done it is happening and she might as well get used to it and accept it - my aunt was really upset with me about it all and said I needed to go easy on her but although it hurts me to see her hurting I need her to realise she needs to make the most of the time we've got together here rather than trying to make me feel guilty about leaving her.

Some people may think I'm wrong but it does seem to have worked - now she's calmed right down and has stopped crying so much! Please don't think I'm heartless but like the saying goes sometimes you've got to be cruel to be kind. I don't know if any of this will help you but at least you know you're not alone! Alot of people have gone through it some alot worse than others if you do a search you'll probably find some horror stories!

Best of luck hope things improve for you

Desire

Hello Lou,
I think you find the response from you Mum very common to what other people have experienced.
The whole process for my hubby coming to Australia was just 7 weeks.
When we had to break the news to his parents his mum went crazy.
Saying it was not good news, nothing to celebrate and that everyone would feel bad of him. (not sure where that bit came from) She got up and said she would have to leave our house and get her head round it all. We went round to see her 3 days later and she just went into a mad rage, none of it really making sense. We left the house and i remember at the time thinking why can't she be happy for us, and not be so selfish etc. But i was so focused on Oz i couldn't see her side of the situation.
Anyway Hubby left for OZ and i stayed behind to sale the house and tie up the loose ends, i followed 3 months later.
We have been here a year now and talk about a rollercoaster of emotions!!
Nothing or nobody can prepare you for how you will feel during the first few months you arrive.
I didn't get my head round how his parents (not just his Mum) must have been feeling when we first told them our news, untill i was here and had time to think about it.
We were and still are a very close family. Your mum mirrors that of my hubbys. Lou she loves you so much, for her at the moment the thought of you going is such a lose that it almost feels like a bereavement for her.
It's such a shock for them i think they just come out with all their emotions at once and at the time it almost seems like anger.
My close friend said to me at the time "Don't be hurt by it, they just love you so much' well i couldn't understand it, i was so focused on Oz i couldn't get my head round her thoughts as well.
Now a year down the line and they have been out to visit us, they stayed 7 weeks and we had a great time. They feel more at ease after seeing where we live, what schools their grandchildern go to etc.
It was me this time that struggled when they went back!
Try not to think too much round it. Like i say it's just such a shock/lose.
She needs time.
Thinking of you
Desire x

carolwilk34

Desire

This is an excellent posting. We are hoping to move to Perth soon and have yet to tell my hubbys parents. Will bear all of this in mind when the time comes.

You said it only took 7 weeks for your hubby's visa? Did you get PR in this time? Interested to know as we are hoping to do the same with sponsorship from South metropoliatan Health.


Carol x

cantwait

Hi Lou, i've sent you a PM i went through the same with my Mum/Dad, you have to live your life for yourself not for other people, life is to short. it's to late when your sat in your rocking chair wishing you would have emigrated when you was younger.

Paula.
Warrington Cheshire now Sunshine Coast QLD and well worth all the pain.

iPom

http://britishexpats.com/forum/showt...hlight=parents

utopia

Hi Ipom,

I just read your post from the other thread.... made for interesting reading. I can relate to how you feel honestly I can.

We hope to be in Australia by the end of the year god willing.
All my family are out over there but my husbands family are here.

They dont seem to have any emotions with regards to us going, his dad has thrown some fly away comments as too his children deserting him as he is getting older.. but other then that nothing.

They don't make any effort to see my children, their grandchildren, nor do they ask us if there is anything they can help with or do....

It has made me more adamant to do what is best for my children and my immediate family to be totally honest.

Hi Lou.....

The following might sound harsh but I am being brutally honest hope you dont take offence

When you start your own family you make a vow to yourself to be the best mother and wife you can possibly be...

My grandmother used to say 'children are only lent to you by god, to nurture and raise and to set on the right path'.

You need to put your children on the right path.. by your standards not your parents.

You are opening up a new pathway. A new life not only for your children, but perhaps your parents in years to come. When this cursed English weather perhaps might get to much for them, and they need afew months out somewhere warm and safe.

Do not deny your children, your family a better life. I am sure that is all your parents ever want for you deep down.

Time is a great healer... give them time they will soon come around, especially when they hear of how happy the kids are and when you are booking there flights to come out and see you!

Stay strong and focused... remember why you decided to embark on this journey and don't let anyone plant negative thoughts in your mind... negative thoughts are fruitless, and it will not help in you achieving your dreams and the future dreams of your immediate family!

Hope I have helped...

Kind Regards Honey xx

The Johnstons

Hi Lou
Really feel for you, my parents are exactly the same. In the end the pressure from them was so bad I was glad to get away (which is sad because we were a VERY close family). According to my mum her life is over and my dad is 'just keeping himself busy until we come home'!!!! We've been here 2 months now and it hasn't changed, although she no longer cries on the phone .

They are coming here in July and again in December, it's either going to be terrible or fantastic, it could swing violently either way.

I'm afraid I've no advice though, other than to be as open and honest with all the proceedings as possible. They probably won't want to hear it, but at least they can't accuse you of keeping them in the dark. It must be incredibly difficult for parents to 'lose' their kids in this way, but at the same time, to make your child's life miserable is unforgivable.

Best of luck for the future and stick with what you feel is right for your family.
Tracey

Princess Leia

Just wanted to second Desire's post. I think that you just have to accept their emotions as it is a bereavement for them. If they lash out just say "I'm sorry you feel that way" but don't respond in kind. Stay focussed on your goals but keep the line of communication open with them too.

They say that grief has a lifecycle - shock, anger, resignation then acceptance. I think that if you don't stoke their anger they will get through the lifecycle faster and come to acceptance.

My mother felt the same way (burst into tears at the airport) but once she got her head around it she accepted it and she visits us every year. My cousin also had the "we will never come to Australia to visit you" thread and now his parents are going to live there!

cantwait

Hear hear...
My Mum said her life would be over if we moved to OZ, and said how could we be so cruel taking her grandchildren away from them, we moved out hear 6mths ago and i can trully say its the best thing we ever did, i'm living my life for my husband and two children, it's not got any better with my parents they came out hear a couple of weeks ago and left after just 8 days they couldn't cope seeing us so happy and realized we are never going back to the UK.
It must be hard for them it really must, but we can't be punished for wanting a better and safer life for our own family.

Paula