Emma_Par

Well d date is getting closer and I can't believe the difference in people's reactions.
The inlaws and my mum have been great, sad but really supportive, and then the other side of spectrum my step mum and dad! Dad didn't talk about it for months, step mum did the Mrs Bucket 'my daughters going to Australia' bragging until reality hit then stopped talking about it to. Then last few months dad started talking about it and wanting more practical info and now to cut a very long petty situation short my step mum has twisted my dads thoughts and I have fallen out with them both, her I can deal with, but my dad said some really hurtful things told me I was selfish and bought up things that where out of my control and not even my business as it was when I was 3 when my mum and dad left. I know that my step mum has had her hand in!

I have got so much to arrange 3 children and husband (child 4 lol) to manage arrange everything and got a holiday to get ready for (bad planning on my part :-/). I don't want their help I just want them to lay off. I have decided for my own sanity to let them get on with it at the mo as I have too much to do. I only have about 4 weeks left in this country before we leave.

My step mum even pasted a message through my sister if I could change the date of my party as its my cousins daughters 7 birthday!!!! Hello.... I was lucky to get some where at such short notice!!

So frustrated right now :-((

moneypenny20

It won't really help but please be aware you're not alone. Many of us had similar attitudes. Some people are kind and say it's because the ones being snotty are very sad they're going to miss you but don't know how to deal with it. Others just face facts that some friends and rellies are obnoxious shits. Hope your dad and step mum fall into the first group and they come round soon.

In the meantime just ignore them but make sure they do know how they're hurting you and so hurting themselves more in the longterm whilst also damaging their relationship with the grandkids who are totally blameless.

Try and enjoy the last few weeks.

rasen78

What MP said.

Emma_Par

Thanks peeps
Just so bloody hard, if they turned round and said they did want me to go, I could deal with that and work through it together but when it all gets nasty it's so upsetting.
I was in such a mess on Saturday when it all happened I had to keep telling the kids I got makeup in my eyes! The older ones not silly, and she's picked up on alot of things herself, which is sad cos as you say they are hurting their relationship with their grand kids.
Looking forward to holiday although a lot of prep work to do b4 I go

eddie007

Awww... Its shite when they do this... And you'd be surprised by the number of peeps who have have VERY similar experiences... As MP said...

I wonder (with hindsight) whether they do this kind of thing because a, they are hurting really badly and want you to feel the same... ie not excited about a new life down under.... Or b, they thinks (subconsciously) its easier watching some one leave if they has some kind of false anger towards them...

There must be a sense of abandonment that "those left behind" feel...

Doesnt make it at all easy.... But then neither does the stiff upper lip at the airport, when you can see the tears in the eye and know that they are holding it together to make you feel better and that they will fall apart and sob when you are out of sight..... Nothing makes leaving easy.

Chin up chook .....

Emma_Par

The thing is my dad worked all over the world and away from my mum when she had us, so you'd think he would have some understanding.

As for airport goodbyes, we've sacked that idea. Saying goodbye day before then staying in hotel by airport night before this way I'm hoping that we'd get a lot of the emotional goodbyes done before and hopefully wake up and enjoy the start of our new adventure

eddie007

Thats incredibly sensible!

pomerz

Chin up Emma,
My Mum was in denial for 12 months but came around to the idea just 3 months before we left. Deep down they love us but just cant cope with the idea they may never see us again especially if they are in the older age bracket which is understandable....
Keep at it and deffo no airport farewells, we left on Boxing day and that was bad enough

Be Lucky and advanced best wishes for when you land in this wonderfull country

rinkerdink

I tried it too got my parents sorted then found out the MIL has already booked trains and hotel for the airport goodbye

Have agreed to say goodbye at the hotel in the morning as a compromise, but we'll see, I will be well and truly pissed off if the kids are upset when we board that plane!

ROMFT_WO2RN

Agreed, both sets of parents already seen only bil and family to see the day before but nobody at the airport.

Alfresco

That's the best way to do it.

paddyo

Yep...same here. It then also means you can concentrate when you get to the airport and get all the check in, luggage sorted etc and then relax before your long flight.

carolinephillips

Never say goodbye at the airport. The day should be about starting your new life, not about getting upset and tearful, especially with kids in tow.
I'm sorry that your father and step mother should be this way.

Perhaps stating that you are definitely going and nothing he can say will stop you, but that he is hurting his grandchildren and may risk them not wanting to see him again would be the slap in the face he needs to stop listening to S-M and wake up to the fact that it is better to part on good terms than with rancour. Not easy to judge what to do, just offering an alternative.

(((hugs)))

Emma_Par

Thanks peeps,
:-)

Snap Shot

Sorry it's all a bit crap at the moment. My mum died in 2005. We re-located to NZ in 2011. My 70 year old able bodied Dad was sorry to see my husband and I go but he was supportive, he actually said to us, do it while you are still young. My sister and her two teenage kids were soulfull about us leaving but gave us good wishes.

All I wanted to say was that we took it as good advice from these discussion forums not to have an airport goodbye. I arranged it to have a farewell breakfast as my Dad's house where we said goodbye at a family breakfast.

Then the taxi came for us by midday and we went to the airport. I realise the logistics don't work for everyone, but we were able to do it that way.

I remember going in the taxi to the airport February 2011 as the rain poured down and the lyrics, 'could have had it all' from Adele's song, 'Rolling in the deep' going round and round in my head.