itxrd

Wow. Normally I would think its crazy people move all this way and don't give it a chance but you sound like someone with a brain who just hasn't got a choice. I suppose you gave it a go and maybe looking back that was the mistake. No one wants tears though. All the best on the move back man. I am sure you'll get settled back in no time

shar07

Hi Mark, obviously am gutted for you, I know Tracey and believe me I have tried to get her to stay lol, she is very down and really wants to go back. I hope she changes her mind but just wanted to wish you both all the best and I hope she will stay in touch with the friends she has made here xx

tiger222

We have similar stories, Jen Jen. We were gone long enough for people to get on with their lives without us. One of our neighbor has taken a bad opinion of us....

Just like you, we went and came back and now realise that we won't be missing much here by going back. We'll go back to the Central Coast - north of Sydney where it's more reasonable to live.

What's your timeline Jen Jen?

rinkerdink

I feel for you i really do,

I'm lucky that the Mrs isn't that close to her family but when I read about these posts I struggle to understand how the (normaly the wife) homesick person can be so short sighted and stubborn to at least not give it a bit longer.

Lets face our parents are not going to be around for ever, I know that my kids will miss the grand parents and vice versa but I think you need to think selflessy for your children and look at their longterm life and lifestyle opportunities. Heading back to be near someone who may not be here in 5 years when you look at it cold doesn't add up.

Sorry if this sounds cold and harsh but sometimes i think it does help to hear this perspective.

Good luck and I hope I don't suffer the same licencing woes when get there!

northernbird

Spoken by someone who isn't even here yet. You know what they say about walking a mile in someone elses shoes.

Pollyana

quoll

Too right! Long term life and lifestyle for your kids could well be better in UK, many millions of UK kids grow up happy, healthy functioning members of society providing they have the love, support and guidance of grounded parents and extended family. Come here for adult adventure by all means but dont dump it all on the kids who would probably far rather grow up not so isolated and with the security of aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents within hugging distance!

ozzieeagle

My kids couldnt believe the warmth of their extended family in the UK.... they've only seen them twice.... made a massive impression on them and they still keep in touch on their own basis.

We've no local family here to speak of as my wife has very little family members.

northernbird

As you both know I am very happy here and I class it as home. I can see though how people struggle if they have close families or aren't quite as adaptable as me. Personally I don't think kids suffer as such without extended families, I had a great relationship with my grandparents and aunts and uncles and as a forces family we only saw them once a year if we were lucky.

I do find it funny that the folk saying the poor lady should suck it up are the people not even here yet. Let's see how they do in the longer term.

moneypenny20

The thing is that many people, not just women, suddenly find that the family 'back home' are more important at a particular time in their life than the perceived lifestyle they experience in Australia or any other country they decide to move to.

Some on here have lived in various countries for years but then find they need the family and go back. There's nothing short sighted or stubborn about it, it's just how it is. You get the one life and it has twists and turns - none of which are mistakes, they are part of the learning curve and if that means that at some point you change direction for whatever reason you go with it.

rinkerdink

Thanks Moneypenny,

I was just giving it a different perspective, lots of people make sacrifices at various times in their lives and if you really need to have walked a mile in somebody elses shoes before commenting on a situation then RIP forums.

Soemtimes people need to take their heads out of the sand (or perhaps somewhere else) wipe their mouths and get on with it, I have a walked a mile in these particular shoes and know that feeling sorry for yourself and not givng soemthing your best shot is the only sure way to gaurantee failure. If it doesn't work hey ho accept it learn from it and move on, life isn't always black and white.

The greatest shame with this situation in my opinion is that the OP's (in his own words) OH hasn't given it a chance despite seemingly supporting it from the outset.

Again if you have to have "walked a mile in the shoes" before commenting i'll just leave, be sure to turn out the lights when you go too

northernbird

I think that calling someone stubborn is a little harsh. How do you know how your family will cope when they get here. How do you know how you will cope. I was very excited to be coming but still struggled to start off with. Living overseas isn't easy and some people never settle despite being totally up for the move in the first place. Obviously I wasn't suggesting you couldn't have an opinion merely pointing out your comments were coming from a place that you couldn't understand because you haven't been there.

Andrews2oz

Hi all again and keep the support coming; now that we have made the decision to return I can’t say that things are easier.

Firstly; we now find that we are trying to get our Secret Harbour rental rented out at what our agent describes as “not the best time of year to be looking to rent a beach suburb house”

I have told my OH that I will not leave until a new tenant has been signed up for this place; reason being, I’d be forever worried that we would get a knock on the door in the uk from bailiffs - acting on behalf of the owner - due to damage done to the property whilst it was vacant. I would also need to deposit the full rental amount into the agents trust account and he would then continue to pay our rent until it has been re-leased (almost $15k)…. And before you all say “just walk away” we are (and always have been) totally honest people and it is not in our nature to do things not by the book… besides; the agent has our address of our uk home!

Secondly; me and my youngest still want to stay, I know we’re going to have to “bite the bullitt” soon enough but is it so wrong to want to try and stay as long as possible? In fact if our girls didn’t have to be back for school exams or if I didn’t have to get back soon to ensure my old job is still available; then I would probably say to the family that we are going to try to last till nearer the end of the rental agreement (both here and in the uk). Tracey keeps telling me how her friends (Found as a result of BE) are also keen to return to the uk but will stay for at least 12 months… something I cannot do unfortunately.

My TRA certificate finally came through.. Whoopee… shame I didn’t get it quick enough for me to actually reap the rewards of it!

As a family we’re still having good weekends; it’s just the week days that are killing us, Tracey because she is not only staring at 4 walls but she‘s getting colder doing it!!! . Our eldest daughter also hates her school and wants to leave.

I think our biggest worry though is; for Tracey, she is scared that I’ll resent her for going back and as much as I say “that won’t happen” I also worry that one day I’ll be sitting in heavy traffic trying to get home from work and think “why on earth did I come back”!!
I have told Tracey that I do not mind going back - during my upbringing I was always being moved from one place to another so another trip doesn’t worry me - but I do worry that the timing isn’t right, we gave up our lovely animals to try this adventure out, I feel we owe it to them to give it longer.

Scary times are still ahead of us I feel!!!

rinkerdink

Again feel for you mate, as an occaisonal commuter driver into London (and former daily one) I thinkthis is when it will smash itself home and you are right to be thinknig about it. People may say there is traffic everywhere but London weighting is paid for a reason - and not so we can all dine out at fine restaurants. Wasting 2-3 hours daily punching the steering wheel and listening to morons on the radio is a total waste of life (and this timescale is if you are lucky for many).

Keep your chin up who knows things do often change very quickly

Georgina H

To the orginal poster, I'm really sorry things haven't worked out for you and I do feel for you.

No matter how you feel about the UK before you move over (and you do become very disillusioned with the place when you are waiting for that visa) and how much you think you won't miss it, nothing can prepare you for leaving your entire life behind. It is very, very hard. The feeling of homesickness when it flares up is very powerful and all consuming, some people can get through it, others can't. Emigrating isn't for everyone.

Having been in Perth for over 2 years I tend to think that everyone should give it that long, but, when you feel that low, 2 years might aswell be a life sentance. If you and your family could manage to stay a while longer, there is a strong chance that you would eventually feel differently, but there is no guarantee and it could also drive you apart.

I had a major wobble about 3 months in, we had been loving it but my husband's brother died suddenly and we had to go back to the UK for the funeral, when we returned 2 weeks later the weather had turned and I felt very bleak and down and at one point I even told my husband that I wanted to go home. But, I got through it and even though I have little feelings of homesickness here and there, I now haven't felt that way for over a year.

We went back to the UK last August for a month and I was fine upon my return, my parents were over for 5 weeks over easter and I was fine when they left. I miss them but I now feel that home is where your heart is and now my heart is here.

What I'm trying to say is that it does take time, you have to establish yourself, make friends, find jobs, see all the seasons go by and live!

I wish you luck in whatever you and your family end up doing and I hope the decision you make will be the right one for you.