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Only in Britain..................

Only in Britain..................

Old Dec 6th 2002, 11:54 am
  #1  
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Default Only in Britain..................

Something lighthearted for a change!

Subject: Only in Britain.....


Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house
faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people
walk all the way to the
back of the store to get their prescriptions, whilst
the healthy people can
buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain... do people order double
cheeseburgers, large fries and a
DIET coke.

Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open
and chain the pens to the
counters.

Only in Britain... do we leave thousands of pounds
worth of car on the
drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the
garage.

Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to
screen our calls and
then have call waiting so that we won't miss a call
from someone we didn't
want to speak to in the first place.

Only in Britain... are there disabled car parking
spaces in front of a
skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION....
3 Brits die each year testing a 9 volt battery to
see if it works on their
tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all
the pins from new
shirts.


58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives
instead of
screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 through watering their
Christmas tree while
the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing
that the Christmas
decorations on the tree were chocolate.

British hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year
after cracker pulling
accidents.

101 Brits have had broken parts of plastic toys
pulled out of the soles of
their feet since 1999.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 by trying on a
new jumper with a lit
cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A & E in the
last 2 years after
opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents
involving out of control
Scalextric cars.

AND FINALLY...

In 2000, 8 Brits cracked their skulls whilst
throwing up in the toilet.

RULE BRITANNIA!!!!
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Old Dec 6th 2002, 12:03 pm
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Default Re: Only in Britain..................

Cheers,

Made me giggle and thats all that matters !!!
 
Old Dec 6th 2002, 10:14 pm
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Default Re: Only in Britain..................

Originally posted by Shikse
Something lighthearted for a change!

Subject: Only in Britain.....



RULE BRITANNIA!!!!

Read the same joke last year only with the word Australia used in place of Britain its been all round the world twice?


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Old Dec 10th 2002, 11:33 am
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Default Re: Only in Britain..................

Originally posted by Shikse
Something lighthearted for a change!

Subject: Only in Britain.....


Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house
faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people
walk all the way to the
back of the store to get their prescriptions, whilst
the healthy people can
buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain... do people order double
cheeseburgers, large fries and a
DIET coke.

Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open
and chain the pens to the
counters.

Only in Britain... do we leave thousands of pounds
worth of car on the
drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the
garage.

Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to
screen our calls and
then have call waiting so that we won't miss a call
from someone we didn't
want to speak to in the first place.

Only in Britain... are there disabled car parking
spaces in front of a
skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION....
3 Brits die each year testing a 9 volt battery to
see if it works on their
tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all
the pins from new
shirts.


58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives
instead of
screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 through watering their
Christmas tree while
the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing
that the Christmas
decorations on the tree were chocolate.

British hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year
after cracker pulling
accidents.

101 Brits have had broken parts of plastic toys
pulled out of the soles of
their feet since 1999.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 by trying on a
new jumper with a lit
cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A & E in the
last 2 years after
opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents
involving out of control
Scalextric cars.

AND FINALLY...

In 2000, 8 Brits cracked their skulls whilst
throwing up in the toilet.

RULE BRITANNIA!!!!
ONLY IN BRITAIN, does it take 20 months plus to process a skilled independant visa for australia!
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Old Dec 17th 2002, 10:24 pm
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Talking The Brits

And we once had an Empire.How did we manage that?
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Old Dec 18th 2002, 12:00 am
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Default Re: The Brits

Originally posted by mullen
And we once had an Empire.How did we manage that?

Good point we had back bone that some on this forum have had removed.

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Old Dec 18th 2002, 7:04 am
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Default Re: The Brits

Originally posted by mullen
And we once had an Empire.How did we manage that?
We didn't have jobsworth politicians; we had ones that worked to make their own lives better. Same with councils.

Very little was controlled by the state.

We didn't have any spending on social issues.

We had masses of poor people to do the work.

We didn't have crippling taxes, even the tax burden on the poor was paid by February, whereas today it takes until the end of May, based on the number of days pay that is needed to solely pay the years tax burden.

Criminals went to prison to be punished, not to be reformed.

We didn't have mass immigration and everybody spoke English.

If you were middle class life was good, if you were rich life was exceptional.

The rich had privilege, which means private law, in other words you made your own.

If you were poor life was pretty bad! If you were lucky you lived in a shoe box in the middle of the road.

Today you are poor if you haven’t got a washing machine, TV, video, etc or cannot afford a bedroom for each of you offspring.
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Old Dec 18th 2002, 9:12 pm
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Angry only in Britain

Me aunty has just been told today she is to be made redundant(this morning she was told) from the factory she has served for 20years.Date of redundancy 14/2/03 saint valentines day?but then this afternoon all staff called into a meeting to vote on pay rises for next year?
4OO millionaires by end of Feb if vote goes through.
Only in Britain.
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Old Dec 18th 2002, 10:33 pm
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Default Re: only in Britain

Originally posted by mullen
Me aunty has just been told today she is to be made redundant(this morning she was told) from the factory she has served for 20years.Date of redundancy 14/2/03 saint valentines day?but then this afternoon all staff called into a meeting to vote on pay rises for next year?
4OO millionaires by end of Feb if vote goes through.
Only in Britain.

Just had a pay rise back dated to July one day after they made 20%of the staff redundant , love the caring Aussies ? never mind its christmas the time of good cheer and the sack in the land of plenty.
There is great thing here called long service leave that you get after 10 years , lost count of the people layed off 2 months or less before they are due to get it only in Australia?


Last edited by pommie bastard; Dec 19th 2002 at 3:02 am.
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Old Dec 18th 2002, 11:09 pm
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Default Re: The Brits

Originally posted by ianduggan5
We didn't have jobsworth politicians; we had ones that worked to make their own lives better. Same with councils.

Very little was controlled by the state.

We didn't have any spending on social issues.

We had masses of poor people to do the work.

We didn't have crippling taxes, even the tax burden on the poor was paid by February, whereas today it takes until the end of May, based on the number of days pay that is needed to solely pay the years tax burden.

Criminals went to prison to be punished, not to be reformed.

We didn't have mass immigration and everybody spoke English.

If you were middle class life was good, if you were rich life was exceptional.

The rich had privilege, which means private law, in other words you made your own.

If you were poor life was pretty bad! If you were lucky you lived in a shoe box in the middle of the road.

Today you are poor if you haven’t got a washing machine, TV, video, etc or cannot afford a bedroom for each of you offspring.

You been to Australia then if not by the sounds of it you know of it , never had an Empire though but just add poor wages and it sums it up.The poor get away with tax only to May now in UK lucky bastards not that good in the land of plenty.





Last edited by pommie bastard; Dec 18th 2002 at 11:12 pm.
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Old Dec 19th 2002, 2:03 am
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Default Re: only in Britain

Originally posted by mullen
Me aunty has just been told today she is to be made redundant(this morning she was told) from the factory she has served for 20years.Date of redundancy 14/2/03 saint valentines day?but then this afternoon all staff called into a meeting to vote on pay rises for next year?
4OO millionaires by end of Feb if vote goes through.
Only in Britain.
theres no jobs for the working class here either-in the 70's yes-now not-so why move?
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Old Dec 19th 2002, 2:31 am
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Default Re: The Brits

Originally posted by pommie bastard
Good point we had back bone that some on this forum have had removed.


Pommie ,
I'ts Xmas be nice lol ........
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Old Dec 19th 2002, 3:00 am
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Default Re: The Brits

Originally posted by jeannie
Pommie ,
I'ts Xmas be nice lol ........
Sorry lived far too long with Aussies could be I have let my standards slip , Merry Xmas to you good lady.

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Old Dec 19th 2002, 12:12 pm
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Angry Re: only in Britain

Originally posted by Twofingersalute
theres no jobs for the working class here either-in the 70's yes-now not-so why move?
At least in OZ you know all the politician are crook,in UK they have to get caught in Madams dungeon before joe bloggs finds out.
Being working class in UK has to be great training for Oz.In the the UK now the word union only raises it head in geography lessons"so kids who can tell me what country changed its name from the Soviet Union?)
Power to the people!!!!!!!!!!!

Last edited by mullen; Dec 19th 2002 at 6:09 pm.
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Old Dec 19th 2002, 11:27 pm
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Default Re: only in Britain

Originally posted by mullen
At least in OZ you know all the politician are crook,in UK they have to get caught in Madams dungeon before joe bloggs finds out.
Being working class in UK has to be great training for Oz.In the the UK now the word union only raises it head in geography lessons"so kids who can tell me what country changed its name from the Soviet Union?)
Power to the people!!!!!!!!!!!
Dream on pollies here get caught and face up and never ever resign talk to the good people who voted them like they are crap under their feet , ten times worse than UK no honour at all, and a pension pay out most Brit pollies could only dream of paid by us tax monkeys.
Wait until you get offered a lovely Australian work place agreement , comes down to you agree to do more for less money, workers rights sod that you have none here at all thats the agreement.





Last edited by pommie bastard; Dec 19th 2002 at 11:30 pm.
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