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Only in Britain..................
Something lighthearted for a change!
Subject: Only in Britain..... Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, whilst the healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke. Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters. Only in Britain... do we leave thousands of pounds worth of car on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage. Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen our calls and then have call waiting so that we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to speak to in the first place. Only in Britain... are there disabled car parking spaces in front of a skating rink. NOT TO MENTION.... 3 Brits die each year testing a 9 volt battery to see if it works on their tongue. 142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all the pins from new shirts. 58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers. 31 Brits have died since 1996 through watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in. 19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that the Christmas decorations on the tree were chocolate. British hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents. 101 Brits have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet since 1999. 18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 by trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth. A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A & E in the last 2 years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth. 5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars. AND FINALLY... In 2000, 8 Brits cracked their skulls whilst throwing up in the toilet. RULE BRITANNIA!!!! |
Re: Only in Britain..................
Cheers,
Made me giggle and thats all that matters !!! |
Re: Only in Britain..................
Originally posted by Shikse Something lighthearted for a change! Subject: Only in Britain..... RULE BRITANNIA!!!! Read the same joke last year only with the word Australia used in place of Britain its been all round the world twice? :D :cool: |
Re: Only in Britain..................
Originally posted by Shikse Something lighthearted for a change! Subject: Only in Britain..... Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, whilst the healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke. Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters. Only in Britain... do we leave thousands of pounds worth of car on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage. Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen our calls and then have call waiting so that we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to speak to in the first place. Only in Britain... are there disabled car parking spaces in front of a skating rink. NOT TO MENTION.... 3 Brits die each year testing a 9 volt battery to see if it works on their tongue. 142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all the pins from new shirts. 58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers. 31 Brits have died since 1996 through watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in. 19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that the Christmas decorations on the tree were chocolate. British hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents. 101 Brits have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet since 1999. 18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 by trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth. A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A & E in the last 2 years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth. 5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars. AND FINALLY... In 2000, 8 Brits cracked their skulls whilst throwing up in the toilet. RULE BRITANNIA!!!! |
The Brits
And we once had an Empire.How did we manage that?
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Re: The Brits
Originally posted by mullen And we once had an Empire.How did we manage that? Good point we had back bone that some on this forum have had removed. :D :cool: :beer: |
Re: The Brits
Originally posted by mullen And we once had an Empire.How did we manage that? Very little was controlled by the state. We didn't have any spending on social issues. We had masses of poor people to do the work. We didn't have crippling taxes, even the tax burden on the poor was paid by February, whereas today it takes until the end of May, based on the number of days pay that is needed to solely pay the years tax burden. Criminals went to prison to be punished, not to be reformed. We didn't have mass immigration and everybody spoke English. If you were middle class life was good, if you were rich life was exceptional. The rich had privilege, which means private law, in other words you made your own. If you were poor life was pretty bad! If you were lucky you lived in a shoe box in the middle of the road. Today you are poor if you haven’t got a washing machine, TV, video, etc or cannot afford a bedroom for each of you offspring. |
only in Britain
Me aunty has just been told today she is to be made redundant(this morning she was told) from the factory she has served for 20years.Date of redundancy 14/2/03 saint valentines day?but then this afternoon all staff called into a meeting to vote on pay rises for next year?
4OO millionaires by end of Feb if vote goes through. Only in Britain. |
Re: only in Britain
Originally posted by mullen Me aunty has just been told today she is to be made redundant(this morning she was told) from the factory she has served for 20years.Date of redundancy 14/2/03 saint valentines day?but then this afternoon all staff called into a meeting to vote on pay rises for next year? 4OO millionaires by end of Feb if vote goes through. Only in Britain. Just had a pay rise back dated to July one day after they made 20%of the staff redundant , love the caring Aussies ? never mind its christmas the time of good cheer and the sack in the land of plenty. There is great thing here called long service leave that you get after 10 years , lost count of the people layed off 2 months or less before they are due to get it only in Australia? :D :cool: :beer: |
Re: The Brits
Originally posted by ianduggan5 We didn't have jobsworth politicians; we had ones that worked to make their own lives better. Same with councils. Very little was controlled by the state. We didn't have any spending on social issues. We had masses of poor people to do the work. We didn't have crippling taxes, even the tax burden on the poor was paid by February, whereas today it takes until the end of May, based on the number of days pay that is needed to solely pay the years tax burden. Criminals went to prison to be punished, not to be reformed. We didn't have mass immigration and everybody spoke English. If you were middle class life was good, if you were rich life was exceptional. The rich had privilege, which means private law, in other words you made your own. If you were poor life was pretty bad! If you were lucky you lived in a shoe box in the middle of the road. Today you are poor if you haven’t got a washing machine, TV, video, etc or cannot afford a bedroom for each of you offspring. You been to Australia then if not by the sounds of it you know of it , never had an Empire though but just add poor wages and it sums it up.The poor get away with tax only to May now in UK lucky bastards not that good in the land of plenty. :D :cool: :beer: |
Re: only in Britain
Originally posted by mullen Me aunty has just been told today she is to be made redundant(this morning she was told) from the factory she has served for 20years.Date of redundancy 14/2/03 saint valentines day?but then this afternoon all staff called into a meeting to vote on pay rises for next year? 4OO millionaires by end of Feb if vote goes through. Only in Britain. |
Re: The Brits
Originally posted by pommie bastard Good point we had back bone that some on this forum have had removed. :D :cool: :beer: Pommie , I'ts Xmas be nice lol ........:p :) :) :) |
Re: The Brits
Originally posted by jeannie Pommie , I'ts Xmas be nice lol ........:p :) :) :) :D :cool: :beer: |
Re: only in Britain
Originally posted by Twofingersalute theres no jobs for the working class here either-in the 70's yes-now not-so why move? Being working class in UK has to be great training for Oz.In the the UK now the word union only raises it head in geography lessons"so kids who can tell me what country changed its name from the Soviet Union?) Power to the people!!!!!!!!!!! |
Re: only in Britain
Originally posted by mullen At least in OZ you know all the politician are crook,in UK they have to get caught in Madams dungeon before joe bloggs finds out. Being working class in UK has to be great training for Oz.In the the UK now the word union only raises it head in geography lessons"so kids who can tell me what country changed its name from the Soviet Union?) Power to the people!!!!!!!!!!! Wait until you get offered a lovely Australian work place agreement , comes down to you agree to do more for less money, workers rights sod that you have none here at all thats the agreement. :D :cool: :beer: |
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