suffolk nuts

we have been here two months now and i havent been happy from day one my daughter also dislikes school so she is not happy here and wants to go home as she was doing very good at the school she left oh doesnt want to return to uk as he says we havent given it long enough i miss my family and friends terribly its not the same talking to them on the net i wish i never had moved to oz any advice greatfully recieved its all causing arguments at the moment

goingozwards2007

How long do you give it before making a decision?, how long is a piece of string?

If it is making you seriously unhappy, then you need to decide how long you can put up with it before it breaks you. Have you agreed a date to sit down and rediscuss this?, maybe another 4 weeks, or 2 months...

Some people on here say that the time you have been here would not be long enough to make a decision, but we are leaving in 3 weeks, having been here for 8. To be fair the decision has been made for us by another source so we have to go home, but if we loved it as much as we thought we would, we would have fought and fought to stay.

My OH has seriously taken to the lifestyle and wants to stay, but has said that he cannot live with me being unhappy, and we agreed before we left the UK that if one of us was not happy we would go back.

So we are heading back, homeless but not penniless, and with many memories and photos!. We are also making the most of the 3 weeks left and are making touristy visits which we hadn't done because we thought we would do it over time.

Goodluck with whatever you decide, but dont stay unhappy for too long. You wont be the first, or the last to decide that Australia is not for you.

Amazulu

Tell your daughter she's staying and to grow up and deal with it. End of.

gedge

i'm sorry to hear you're finding it hard to settle
one thing you must know is that many others go through the same feelings especially early on when everything is so unfamiliar and the novelty has worn off
for many it does get better, try to occupy yourself and make friends (easier said than done i know) maybe through your daughter's friends?

could you persuade some family or friends to come visit you in a few months time? it'll be something to look forward to and maybe by then you'll have a better feel for where you are... be it good or bad, i reckon you need to give it time

speaking from experience, we decided to give it a couple of years to see how we got on
eventually it has come to the point 4 years later that we are going to return for similar reasons to those you gave
we lived and enjoyed life here until such point as the balance changed

don't beat yourself up about how you're feeling, it's not for everyone but you'd never know until you gave it a go
try and take some pressure off the situation however you can, and talk with your OH about a compromise... give it a trial period and then see how you both feel, it should be a joint decision with you both fully aware of each other's feelings and what it would mean to you both if you stayed or returned to the UK

i hope you find something positive to focus on
best of luck from the OH of another suffolk nut

chris and farideh

I've been very lucky that I never felt home sickness & trust me what I have to put up with here, would have made so many people to just pack up & leave.
My eldest son hated school here at first, but I always told him its up to him to try to make a change and make new friends, as most kids have already form a friendship, for older kids the move is always very difficult.
I do think 2 months is very short time, but sometimes people give it 2 years & still hate it so it's only you can decided which is more important to you, stay here longer and try to go out & make new friends, or just go back home to what you have had & known.
Its only you who can make that choice, my experience or other people experiences are always different its not easy solutions.
Try to be more positive on daily basis don’t look at things in negative way, look at it as bad illness, cause when you are sick, you kill yourself to get better, you start taking vitamins doing exercise, you don’t just give up do you?
Immigrating is one of the hardest thing you will ever do in your life IMHO, so try to do things that make happy, I find smiling is great barrier breaker when I'm out I’m always smiling, you find other people smile back, they don’t even have to know you, start little by little & things soon will pick up.
Try not to argue with your OH, that's very negative way & that also makes your daughter feel more like she really doesn’t want to be here.
Its not so bad here, its not UK, its different, sometimes very challenging but you didn’t move 12000 miles to be in little Britain.
I really hope things do get better for you & your daughter, & if you really find its just not working, its not the end of the world, at least you can always say you've tried it but it wasn’t for you or your family & that’s on its own is achievement most people wont try.


F x

loppy

Hi, I just wanted to say i really feel for you. I kind of know how you feel, been there felt that. My husband and i moved to Spain a good few years ago when our daughter was 2 1/2yrs. We stayed for just over two years. I wanted to move back for personal reasons, my husband and daughter loved it and wanted to stay. No big arguments really my husband respected my reasons and started to get bored with the place, so not too difficult.

I just think maybe things were not as great as you expected, maybe you had a large, good group of friends here and home sickness has hit you like a brick. I imagine your other half is working, so hes got a life!! As for your daughter, how old is she? She has probably picked up on what is being said between you and hubby and that is not going to be making her feel any better. She might be worried about you not being happy???

Our thoughts on moving to spain were, we will give it a least one full year so we have lived through each season, then make the decision stay or go??

I personally cant work out how you hate it so quick, that worrys me as we are looking to move to Oz in the next year or so!! What is so bad? What is so different to how you thought it would be? Where is it you are living?

Two months surely isnt enough for you to quit?? Think back to what your deams were when you wanted to move there? What you were looking forward to? Try and make them come to life.
My advice to you would be try to have a chat with hubby and say that you will really make a big effort...(and you have to try)....to make the most of things there. Tell him you still dont like it but you will try not to let your daughter know how much you want to go home. If she knows there is a chance she may be moving back why, would she bother to make friends? Convince her that you now both have to make the effort once and for all. If you were happier, then i am sure that would rub off on her too. At weekends you must be able to go to places where there are parents with their children? Beach, Sport Centres?? Encourage her and she will help you also to make friends.
I really would suggest that you stay until at least the New Year, at least then you can look back on photos and say u you experienced Xmas Day in Oz.

I'm not sure how to send personal messages, as i would give you my email address, i know its not the same as talking to someone but it can be a good laugh.
I really do hope you try to stay postive for a few more months at least. Your husband must be struggling too. New job, unhappy wife, sad daughter new place along with other things. Im sure he will want to help make you all happy again, he is probably just frustrated that you want to go so quick.
Where ever you go its really all the same work paying bills etc etc. Most importantly it has to be about enjoying time with your family. Life is too short, live each day blah blah blah you know what i mean.
Do you really think England can offer you daughter the oppurtunites that Oz can? What about the weather, the places to visit?
At the end of the day when we move to Oz the thing i will mis the most is my fantastic and wonderful friends. But who and what is more important and who will always (god willing) be in your life and care only for you. Your husband and your daughter and they are the ones that need the old you back now.
If they are that good a friend they will visit you will come back for holidays so you can always stay in touch.
Please let me know how you get on?
Good luck and stay strong.

PS MAY I JUST SAY, THE PERSON WHO SAID FOR YOU DAUGHTER TO GROW UP AND DEAL WITH IT!!?? WHAT A HELPFUL RESPONSE. THANK GOODNESS I DONT NEED ANY ADVICE FROM THEM:curse:

quoll

I'd agree with those who say that two months probably isnt enough but, having said that, if you havent had the buzz of excitement at starting a new life in a new place then you are probably going to continue to be miserable. Your daughter, too, is probably feeding off those feelings that you have. While she has the possibility of going back then she is never going to fully commit to having a go here - to some extent, she needs to know that she has to do her best and that saying she is unhappy is not going to get the family to uproot again and go back to the familiar. Perhaps you could have a chat with someone at her school to see if the school could do a bit more to help her settle.

You could try absolutely throwing yourself into having the best possible time, going out of your way to make friends and involve yourself in community activities so that your daughter does the same and doesnt think she can take the easy option and just pack up and go home. Have a moratorium in your household for a period - and give it a good time, say 12 months - where you absolutely do not entertain the notion of going back, dont even talk about it, but throw yourself into making it work. If, after that time of really trying, things are still as bad, then discuss possibly moving back again.

Speaking from experience, there are ways of living with the sadness of not being where you want to be - count the blessings you do have, save up for regular trips home and encourage your folks to come for visits.
{{{{hugs}}}} It aint easy!!!!

snow-white

hi just wanted to say i feel for you we are a large family and have only been here 7 weeks but our eldest who i knew would be the only one not too settle wants to go back. me and my hubby have had coupe of disagreements but minor ones ie the usual needing another car money being tight struiggling here but it is only the beginnig and i never expected it to be easy.
i agree with what the others have said 8 weeks to me is too quick to go back how long did it take for you to plan and organise your life and remember how much effort you put into wanting that move to australia, you left the uk for a reason so whats going to change when you get back i would definitely hang on a while longer go to some of the meet ups they have on here thats a great way to make new friends for you and your daughter.
all the best whatever you decide
lesley

suffolk nuts

hi thankyou so much for all your positive advice it has helped to know that i am not alone in feeling home sick we will try to work through our issues and see how we get on we have are rental until the end of january so will see how we all feel after christmas its certainly not easy starting a new life in a different country and you dont know what it will be like until you try i guess we all think the grass is greener on the other side but it isnt always the case thanks guys