One of the long timers - but !
Apr 12th 2004, 4:39 am
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One of the long timers - but !
The husbands family are over to visit, first time in two years, we went back last easter to get our 457 converted to PR and they are over this easter.
I thought it would all be over once we got here and they saw how settled and happy we are!!!
Bugggggger that, the sister in law and I, just had the conversation from hell, hubby gone to bed, and she asked me when I was going to stop pushing and let him come home!
I am so hurt, my husband got us our ticket to Aus, on his skills, I got us in early on a work transfer 457 because we needed it because of medical, daughters deafness, and because of my work tranfer they think we got to Aus.
My husband is the nicest guy you could meet, how do I tell him I am getting this shit from his sister and the rest of his family. He thinks they are all so lovely and is so proud to be showing them around where we live. I really need him to tell his family that this is where he wants to be, but he thinks by showing them they will know!
I have cried so much tonight (now), because of the hurtful things said (just to me of course), not in front of my hubby. And it will not do any good telling my husband cause he thinks his family are brilliant. So my anger and my tears are in this message on expats (yes possibly verrrry sad).
Thnaks for listening
sandxx
I thought it would all be over once we got here and they saw how settled and happy we are!!!
Bugggggger that, the sister in law and I, just had the conversation from hell, hubby gone to bed, and she asked me when I was going to stop pushing and let him come home!
I am so hurt, my husband got us our ticket to Aus, on his skills, I got us in early on a work transfer 457 because we needed it because of medical, daughters deafness, and because of my work tranfer they think we got to Aus.
My husband is the nicest guy you could meet, how do I tell him I am getting this shit from his sister and the rest of his family. He thinks they are all so lovely and is so proud to be showing them around where we live. I really need him to tell his family that this is where he wants to be, but he thinks by showing them they will know!
I have cried so much tonight (now), because of the hurtful things said (just to me of course), not in front of my hubby. And it will not do any good telling my husband cause he thinks his family are brilliant. So my anger and my tears are in this message on expats (yes possibly verrrry sad).
Thnaks for listening
sandxx
Apr 12th 2004, 4:55 am
#2
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Re: One of the long timers - but !
Originally posted by Sandra
The husbands family are over to visit, first time in two years, we went back last easter to get our 457 converted to PR and they are over this easter.
I thought it would all be over once we got here and they saw how settled and happy we are!!!
Bugggggger that, the sister in law and I, just had the conversation from hell, hubby gone to bed, and she asked me when I was going to stop pushing and let him come home!
I am so hurt, my husband got us our ticket to Aus, on his skills, I got us in early on a work transfer 457 because we needed it because of medical, daughters deafness, and because of my work tranfer they think we got to Aus.
My husband is the nicest guy you could meet, how do I tell him I am getting this shit from his sister and the rest of his family. He thinks they are all so lovely and is so proud to be showing them around where we live. I really need him to tell his family that this is where he wants to be, but he thinks by showing them they will know!
I have cried so much tonight (now), because of the hurtful things said (just to me of course), not in front of my hubby. And it will not do any good telling my husband cause he thinks his family are brilliant. So my anger and my tears are in this message on expats (yes possibly verrrry sad).
Thnaks for listening
sandxx
The husbands family are over to visit, first time in two years, we went back last easter to get our 457 converted to PR and they are over this easter.
I thought it would all be over once we got here and they saw how settled and happy we are!!!
Bugggggger that, the sister in law and I, just had the conversation from hell, hubby gone to bed, and she asked me when I was going to stop pushing and let him come home!
I am so hurt, my husband got us our ticket to Aus, on his skills, I got us in early on a work transfer 457 because we needed it because of medical, daughters deafness, and because of my work tranfer they think we got to Aus.
My husband is the nicest guy you could meet, how do I tell him I am getting this shit from his sister and the rest of his family. He thinks they are all so lovely and is so proud to be showing them around where we live. I really need him to tell his family that this is where he wants to be, but he thinks by showing them they will know!
I have cried so much tonight (now), because of the hurtful things said (just to me of course), not in front of my hubby. And it will not do any good telling my husband cause he thinks his family are brilliant. So my anger and my tears are in this message on expats (yes possibly verrrry sad).
Thnaks for listening
sandxx
First things first.
Dry those tears and take a deep breath...........you're not gonna let that lovely SIL
upset you. She's jealous and your not going to let anyone [least of all this lovely person
] bother you. Two can play this game. Dry those tears. You've got the upper hand cos it's you who's happy with her brother in Oz
You are a tough cookie [you've got to be to get through the migration malarky]. A few unkind words from SIL are the least of your problem. Ignore her.
You just make sure everyone has a lovely time and when SIL returns to UK then perhaps you and hubby sit down and talk this through [even show him this thread so he can see how hurt you are].
At the end of the day .....SIL is going back to UK whilst you, hubby etc will have a better life in Oz......hence her bitterness.
You will probably NEVER change her view. She has already made her mind up by the sounds of it. Maybe when you & hubby have chatted...he should send her an email/letter explaining he is happy to live in Oz .....and that it's a JOINT decision and you are BOTH happy thank you very much
So.....no more tears girlfriend....play this down...... and treat her with the contempt she deserves
Phoenixuk2oz
Apr 12th 2004, 5:03 am
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Re: One of the long timers - but !
sandra, sorry to hear how upset this has made you.
i had an odd conversation with my sister just before we came out (sept 2003) i'd always kept her up to date with our plans and application details for spouse visa for my other half - alan, and she never really said anything either way, supporting or begging us to stay. she had just remarried and has a busy life, i felt we'd lost our sisterly closeness about a year or so before. the night before we left it was tears and things were said which i never knew. i'd tried hard to be completely open all the way through the planning stages, obviously she'd bottled it all up. anyway, it was very emotional. since we've been here though, its always me who phones her, sometimes she even says she's watching a certain programme, rushing me off the line! feel sad our relationship has changed, but so glad al and i have made the move, our lives have changed beyond belief, from birmingham and working in a callcentre to country town working as a seamstress in the dry cleaners!
i would tell my husband what was said, you will work it out.
all the best
karen
i had an odd conversation with my sister just before we came out (sept 2003) i'd always kept her up to date with our plans and application details for spouse visa for my other half - alan, and she never really said anything either way, supporting or begging us to stay. she had just remarried and has a busy life, i felt we'd lost our sisterly closeness about a year or so before. the night before we left it was tears and things were said which i never knew. i'd tried hard to be completely open all the way through the planning stages, obviously she'd bottled it all up. anyway, it was very emotional. since we've been here though, its always me who phones her, sometimes she even says she's watching a certain programme, rushing me off the line! feel sad our relationship has changed, but so glad al and i have made the move, our lives have changed beyond belief, from birmingham and working in a callcentre to country town working as a seamstress in the dry cleaners!
i would tell my husband what was said, you will work it out.
all the best
karen
Last edited by karenvirginia; Apr 12th 2004 at 5:05 am.
Apr 12th 2004, 5:03 am
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Re: One of the long timers - but !
Originally posted by Phoenixuk2oz
Hi Sandra
First things first.
Dry those tears and take a deep breath...........you're not gonna let that lovely SIL upset you. She's jealous and your not going to let anyone [least of all this lovely person ] bother you. Two can play this game. Dry those tears. You've got the upper hand cos it's you who's happy with her brother in Oz
You are a tough cookie [you've got to be to get through the migration malarky]. A few unkind words from SIL are the least of your problem. Ignore her.
You just make sure everyone has a lovely time and when SIL returns to UK then perhaps you and hubby sit down and talk this through [even show him this thread so he can see how hurt you are].
At the end of the day .....SIL is going back to UK whilst you, hubby etc will have a better life in Oz......hence her bitterness.
You will probably NEVER change her view. She has already made her mind up by the sounds of it. Maybe when you & hubby have chatted...he should send her an email/letter explaining he is happy to live in Oz .....and that it's a JOINT decision and you are BOTH happy thank you very much
So.....no more tears girlfriend....play this down...... and treat her with the contempt she deserves
Phoenixuk2oz
Hi Sandra
First things first.
Dry those tears and take a deep breath...........you're not gonna let that lovely SIL
upset you. She's jealous and your not going to let anyone [least of all this lovely person ] bother you. Two can play this game. Dry those tears. You've got the upper hand cos it's you who's happy with her brother in Oz You are a tough cookie [you've got to be to get through the migration malarky]. A few unkind words from SIL are the least of your problem. Ignore her.
You just make sure everyone has a lovely time and when SIL returns to UK then perhaps you and hubby sit down and talk this through [even show him this thread so he can see how hurt you are].
At the end of the day .....SIL is going back to UK whilst you, hubby etc will have a better life in Oz......hence her bitterness.
You will probably NEVER change her view. She has already made her mind up by the sounds of it. Maybe when you & hubby have chatted...he should send her an email/letter explaining he is happy to live in Oz .....and that it's a JOINT decision and you are BOTH happy thank you very much
So.....no more tears girlfriend....play this down...... and treat her with the contempt she deserves
Phoenixuk2oz
cheers
Apr 12th 2004, 5:11 am
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Re: One of the long timers - but !
Originally posted by Sandra
thanks..I cannot say much more but this response was it...many many thanks
cheers
thanks..I cannot say much more but this response was it...many many thanks
cheers
Told ya you were strong
Phoenixuk2oz
Last edited by Phoenixuk2oz; Apr 12th 2004 at 5:36 am.
Apr 12th 2004, 5:14 am
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Re: One of the long timers - but !
Originally posted by karenvirginia
sandra, sorry to hear how upset this has made you.
i had an odd conversation with my sister just before we came out (sept 2003) i'd always kept her up to date with our plans and application details for spouse visa for my other half - alan, and she never really said anything either way, supporting or begging us to stay. she had just remarried and has a busy life, i felt we'd lost our sisterly closeness about a year or so before. the night before we left it was tears and things were said which i never knew. i'd tried hard to be completely open all the way through the planning stages, obviously she'd bottled it all up. anyway, it was very emotional. since we've been here though, its always me who phones her, sometimes she even says she's watching a certain programme, rushing me off the line! feel sad our relationship has changed, but so glad al and i have made the move, our lives have changed beyond belief, from birmingham and working in a callcentre to country town working as a seamstress in the dry cleaners!
i would tell my husband what was said, you will work it out.
all the best
karen
sandra, sorry to hear how upset this has made you.
i had an odd conversation with my sister just before we came out (sept 2003) i'd always kept her up to date with our plans and application details for spouse visa for my other half - alan, and she never really said anything either way, supporting or begging us to stay. she had just remarried and has a busy life, i felt we'd lost our sisterly closeness about a year or so before. the night before we left it was tears and things were said which i never knew. i'd tried hard to be completely open all the way through the planning stages, obviously she'd bottled it all up. anyway, it was very emotional. since we've been here though, its always me who phones her, sometimes she even says she's watching a certain programme, rushing me off the line! feel sad our relationship has changed, but so glad al and i have made the move, our lives have changed beyond belief, from birmingham and working in a callcentre to country town working as a seamstress in the dry cleaners!
i would tell my husband what was said, you will work it out.
all the best
karen
I do in some small part of me want to hurt them back, but I am bigger than that, and I spoke on this site to put it down in words to let it out.
And the nice people help, thanks Karen
Apr 12th 2004, 5:34 am
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anyway sandra, you and i ought to try and get some sleep!
we are in the middle of moving house, renovating, lots to do, my mind is racing! i slept for about three hours then woke and could'nt go back to the land of nod!
keep smiling!
karen
we are in the middle of moving house, renovating, lots to do, my mind is racing! i slept for about three hours then woke and could'nt go back to the land of nod!
keep smiling!
karen
Apr 12th 2004, 5:41 am
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Re: One of the long timers - but !
Originally posted by Sandra
Karen- my sister never spoke to me for 8 months once I moved here, never anwered the phone or chatted, we sorted that, she admitted I hurt her moving away.....she is coming here this Christmas, at least we talk now, her admitting how hurt she was, me admitting the biggest thing I did was leaving her. My husband was in on these feelings - his sister is a different matter of course!!!
I do in some small part of me want to hurt them back, but I am bigger than that, and I spoke on this site to put it down in words to let it out.
And the nice people help, thanks Karen
Karen- my sister never spoke to me for 8 months once I moved here, never anwered the phone or chatted, we sorted that, she admitted I hurt her moving away.....she is coming here this Christmas, at least we talk now, her admitting how hurt she was, me admitting the biggest thing I did was leaving her. My husband was in on these feelings - his sister is a different matter of course!!!
I do in some small part of me want to hurt them back, but I am bigger than that, and I spoke on this site to put it down in words to let it out.
And the nice people help, thanks Karen
Hope things sort themselves out for you Sandra.
Must be something to do with SIL. Everyone goes on about MIL, but SIL can be just as bad. Usually they are around the same age as yourself, so understanding their ways is a little more difficult, as they don't have the generation gap as an excuse.
My SIL was annoying for very different reasons and far less hurtful, just bloody irratating. She thought our move to Oz was just a 'phase' and still cannot get her head round it. She says there is more to life than having no morgage and I'm tired of going through all the reasons every time I see her. This is the SIL who has never had a morgage in her life, as she has just divorced from her millionaire husband and has had a house thrown into the deal !! I'm not bitter, just a touch angry that she has no comprehension of our world, so trivialises our life.
I'm sure if you sit your husband down, when they are gone and explain that you don't want to hurt him, but you need to tell him what she said, he'll support you. Sounds like a decent chap. Mine is and even his sister gets up his nose sometimes too !!
Take care
Jill
Apr 12th 2004, 5:49 am
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Dear Sandra
Sorry to hear about the inlaws. I have the same problem myself. My MIL is not a very nice person and she has been very nasty to me in the past. She has said awful things to me when my husband has not been there but he does not believe that she would say such things and thinks I am exaggerating.
We thought that she would kick off about us going to Oz but one of my mates told her that I did not want to go but her son did - so now she thinks it is a great idea Had she thought I wanted to go there would have been hell to pay.
Basically you just have to take no notice at the end of the day they will be thousands of miles away - if you tell him it could cause upset whilst they are there. Just grit your teeth and bear it - which is what I am doing at the moment cos the dragon has come to stay - I am not allowed to ask for how long though
Good luck Sandra.
Sorry to hear about the inlaws. I have the same problem myself. My MIL is not a very nice person and she has been very nasty to me in the past. She has said awful things to me when my husband has not been there but he does not believe that she would say such things and thinks I am exaggerating.
We thought that she would kick off about us going to Oz but one of my mates told her that I did not want to go but her son did - so now she thinks it is a great idea
Had she thought I wanted to go there would have been hell to pay.Basically you just have to take no notice at the end of the day they will be thousands of miles away - if you tell him it could cause upset whilst they are there. Just grit your teeth and bear it - which is what I am doing at the moment cos the dragon has come to stay - I am not allowed to ask for how long though
Good luck Sandra.
Apr 12th 2004, 5:53 am
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Re: One of the long timers - but !
It amazes me how spiteful and selfish people can be when it comes to family migrating. People don't realise what a huge step this is and how important it is you get the support you need from family and friends. People assume because it's been yours/husbands decision that it is plain sailing for you and they can say anything they like when they just don't realise the amount of emotion and pressure involved.
Try your hardest not to let it get to you - they're just venting anger at what they thinks an easy target (better to upset you than your husband). But you definitely should talk to your husband and explain to him how they have made you feel. It's not fair and he needs to tell them so - it will ruin everybodies holiday when it should be an enjoyable time for all.
Best of luck.
Try your hardest not to let it get to you - they're just venting anger at what they thinks an easy target (better to upset you than your husband). But you definitely should talk to your husband and explain to him how they have made you feel. It's not fair and he needs to tell them so - it will ruin everybodies holiday when it should be an enjoyable time for all.
Best of luck.
Apr 12th 2004, 6:45 am
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Hi sandra,
first of all - DO NOT let these people upset you and DO NOT let them see that they have upset you.
Your life is for you and your husband, and chances are that they have come over and seen what a great life you both have and are jealous that they don't have the same.
Whether your husband demonstrates or not how great things are for you both, he will never demonstrate enough 'cos in their heads, they want him back in the uk and that's that.
If it was me, i'd do exactly the opposite of what they want and piss them off as much as i possibly could.
They will be gone in a week or two and you and your hub will still be there, living the life you want to live and without them ringing in your ears.
You can never please everyone, so don't even bother trying.
Good luck and best wishes, Leigh. x
first of all - DO NOT let these people upset you and DO NOT let them see that they have upset you.
Your life is for you and your husband, and chances are that they have come over and seen what a great life you both have and are jealous that they don't have the same.
Whether your husband demonstrates or not how great things are for you both, he will never demonstrate enough 'cos in their heads, they want him back in the uk and that's that.
If it was me, i'd do exactly the opposite of what they want and piss them off as much as i possibly could.
They will be gone in a week or two and you and your hub will still be there, living the life you want to live and without them ringing in your ears.
You can never please everyone, so don't even bother trying.
Good luck and best wishes, Leigh. x
Apr 12th 2004, 10:22 am
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Cheer up Sandra, rellies can be hell, reckon we all suffer at times.
My OZ MIL was the one from hell, in the middle of our wedding video she leans across and in a very loud voice says "Did your Pom relatives come to your last wedding dear?"
Bloody old cow
My OZ MIL was the one from hell, in the middle of our wedding video she leans across and in a very loud voice says "Did your Pom relatives come to your last wedding dear?"
Bloody old cow
Apr 12th 2004, 10:50 am
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Sandra
How I feel for you right now! Sounds like lots of us on here have had probs of one kind or another with rellies. My brother never forgave me for coming to live here 34 yrs ago although I never knew of that until 7 years ago after our mum passed away. After she died he disowned me. Hurt, of course I was but have not been able to phone or write to him again, as he moved. Any bad feeling I harber for him will not hurt him only upset myself. Try to let it go Sandra else it will eat you up.
Your SIL will be gone soon and when she is back home she just might realise that her brother is now his own man. After she is gone Im sure the right time will come for you and hubby to have a chat about it.
Carol in Oz
How I feel for you right now! Sounds like lots of us on here have had probs of one kind or another with rellies. My brother never forgave me for coming to live here 34 yrs ago although I never knew of that until 7 years ago after our mum passed away. After she died he disowned me. Hurt, of course I was but have not been able to phone or write to him again, as he moved. Any bad feeling I harber for him will not hurt him only upset myself. Try to let it go Sandra else it will eat you up.
Your SIL will be gone soon and when she is back home she just might realise that her brother is now his own man. After she is gone Im sure the right time will come for you and hubby to have a chat about it.
Carol in Oz
Apr 12th 2004, 11:01 am
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Originally posted by dotty
Cheer up Sandra, rellies can be hell, reckon we all suffer at times.
My OZ MIL was the one from hell, in the middle of our wedding video she leans across and in a very loud voice says "Did your Pom relatives come to your last wedding dear?"
Bloody old cow
Cheer up Sandra, rellies can be hell, reckon we all suffer at times.
My OZ MIL was the one from hell, in the middle of our wedding video she leans across and in a very loud voice says "Did your Pom relatives come to your last wedding dear?"
Bloody old cow
My FIL at our wedding did a toast at the table to "Anthony and Fiona"..thats my hubby and his sister...arghhhhhhhhhhh...not just once though twice !!!!!
Apr 12th 2004, 11:14 am
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Sandra
I am so sorry to hear you are having such a bad time from your SIL. I have SIL from hell here who has tried to interfere in our marriage right from the word go..for whatever reason. She is in training for "stepford housewife of the year " and I don't come near to it so hence the problems..plus I am a pom who does not rise each day saying "how thankful I am to be living in Australia and have a pool"..all her words not mine still thats her and I now don't speak to her at all. I think these woman need to back off ...Our hubby's are their own people with their own families now and they should respect that. Don't let it consume you Sandra...detach from it I know how hard it is honestly.
My hubby is getting lots of shit from his mother about us going back to the UK and he has now told her it has to stop. He is one of these guys who hates confrontation etc so it took him alot to even tell her that. We have endured 4 months of her going on about it..all negative etc. I have been blamed of course for all of it as if my hubby does not have a mind of his own. So him telling her to back off has helped..for the moment that is!I have cried rivers from all the nastiness I have had to deal with from my hubby's family here but not any more.!! They just aren't worth it. My SIL said things to me that never can be taken back and try as I did I just knew no matter what I did I would NEVER be right !!
So stuff em !!
Sometimes it just has to be said Sandra or else people just don't get the message. I am sure your hubby would be more upset that you are unhappy than his sister.!! You are his wife hunny. After all he has seen what it was like for you with your own hasn't he.!!This was both your choices....good luck and stay positive don't let them grind you down.!!
I am so sorry to hear you are having such a bad time from your SIL. I have SIL from hell here who has tried to interfere in our marriage right from the word go..for whatever reason. She is in training for "stepford housewife of the year " and I don't come near to it so hence the problems..plus I am a pom who does not rise each day saying "how thankful I am to be living in Australia and have a pool"..all her words not mine still thats her and I now don't speak to her at all. I think these woman need to back off ...Our hubby's are their own people with their own families now and they should respect that. Don't let it consume you Sandra...detach from it I know how hard it is honestly.
My hubby is getting lots of shit from his mother about us going back to the UK and he has now told her it has to stop. He is one of these guys who hates confrontation etc so it took him alot to even tell her that. We have endured 4 months of her going on about it..all negative etc. I have been blamed of course for all of it as if my hubby does not have a mind of his own. So him telling her to back off has helped..for the moment that is!I have cried rivers from all the nastiness I have had to deal with from my hubby's family here but not any more.!! They just aren't worth it. My SIL said things to me that never can be taken back and try as I did I just knew no matter what I did I would NEVER be right !!
So stuff em !!
Sometimes it just has to be said Sandra or else people just don't get the message. I am sure your hubby would be more upset that you are unhappy than his sister.!! You are his wife hunny. After all he has seen what it was like for you with your own hasn't he.!!This was both your choices....good luck and stay positive don't let them grind you down.!!
Last edited by Pants; Apr 12th 2004 at 11:20 am.
