jayr

You are basically in mourning and in shock about what you've done and what lies ahead. We first arrived just over two years ago, shortly before Christmas. Being lonely on the other side of the world knowing no-one was not a lot of fun, there were lots of tears from my wife. I think she would have jumped on a plane at the drop of a hat and said as much on many occasions.

In some regards it's good that you are already at this stage. For some, the honeymoon period can last for a few months then they get hit by the feelings that you experience now which can be even more unsettling.

The 2.5 years you have put in so far counts for little, it is only now that your journey is beginning and you will find it harder than you expected. Don't, however, make a decision to leave based on your emotiaonal feelings. You need to give it time to make rational decisions instead. Six months for many is something of a milestone- you begin slowly to know people and how things work and feel less like a lost child. Once a year has passed it is even easier, though you still feel a bit of an alien. Two years on and you feel quite settled.

The immediate hurdle to get over is the high frequency events. You need to master things like taking public transport, what food to buy in Woolies, how much things cost, how to use EFTPOS, what Flybuys are etc. etc. - all the confusing and irritiating interactions of daily life. This should take only a few weeks or so and at least then you will begin to become familiar with dailylife.

Quinkana

Face and lean into the wind or be blown away.

sunchaser

Hi Pockygoes,

PM coming your way.

Sunchaser
xxx

scoobydoo

You are feeling exactly the same as I did when we first arrived here. I cried every night thinking about the mistake I thought we had made.
We have now been here nearly 11 months and I have found that it has been a roller coaster of emotions being here...but the good days do start to come more frequently, it takes time and you have to stick with it if you can.
I would have got on a plane many times but we said we would give it a year before making any definite decisions.

Unfortunatly I still don't feel that this is the place for me and my bad feelings have not gone...but I would not have changed any of it. If we had gone home in those first weeks we would have been forever wondering if we had ever settled. At least now we have spent time here and our decision to go or stay will be based on a better understanding of how we feel about Australia.

We have a 7 year old and although he has missed a lot at UK school he is resiliant and has had a great experience living in a different country. His confidence has improved and we don't think it has done him any harm even though he may have a bit of catching up to do when we go back.

Make sure you have someone you can whinge to regulary, here or in the UK! Do not bottle up feelings or pretend everything is great when it isn't as that will do you more harm than good. (speaking as someone whos been there and done that! )

Best wishes to you and try to see it as an adventure that you can learn from.

anya4oz

Pockygoes,

Feel free to whinge to us lot for as much as you like - that's what we're here for

FWIW, I've lived in loads of different countries in my time, both as a kid & a grownie. You would think I'd be used to it by now! But, regular as clockwork, (and about as welcome as a bad dose of PMT!), I spend the first couple of weeks thinking 'OMG, what HAVE I done, I just wanna turn the clock back to the 'old life'.

Fortunately, now I know I'm going to feel like that, & grit my teeth for the required amount of time. I'm sure you are just jet-lagged, stressed and emotionally overwhelmed - after all, you've worked so hard on this for so long. Can I suggest that you give it a bit more time, just chill out a little & see how you feel say after a month or two?

Best of luck - and remember that almost everyone feels like this (it's a bit like the first day at boarding school! :scared: )

Anya.

MarkMyWords

And of course the great irony is that there is no old life to go back to. Even if one does turn round and go "back", it's not really going back, it's emigrating again! You've tasted life here and you can't help but see life in the UK in a different way. Well, so I suppose; I've never been in that position.

hevs

I agree wholeheartedly as i know people that this has happened to. My Auntie and uncle (both poms moved out when they were teenagers, met here) decided they were homesick in their early 40's, sold up, packed up and stayed in the UK for 6 whole months. They said nothing was the same and they regret the waste of money.

However Pocky i'm sure you know in your heart of hearts that 6 days is not enough time to get a feel for the place. We seemed to turn a corner once the 1st set of rellies went home. We were happy to see them but realised we'd come a long way and changed a lot in a year!!

Good luck with whatever you decide

cresta57

Hi
Not sure if you remember us but we met at a Birmingham meet middle of 2003. We had got our visa's and were waiting to finalise on the house etc. before we left. If I remember correctly you were coming out with your family to validate your visa's.
Anyway to the point I'm sorry that your feeling so blue, I to have had days when I think I want to go home in fact on occasions I've actually packed my case and gone to the train station. Probably luckily the trains from here don't run too regularly so I've not managed to get on one yet!
We came out with a two year plan, to try and make the best of it for 2 years and if we didn't like it then we would get our citizenship and go back to blighty. This way we could come and go as we pleased and possibly settle here in our twilight years without having to go through the b*llsh^t again. Sean's parents are on a 4 year retirement visa, and my parents are left in the UK. Their coming out to visit this Christmas and that can't come round fast enough, besides I was told before I left the Uk that I couldn't go home until they had visited
Don't think that this is how it will be forever, you never know what is around the corner.

I hope this makes sense and I don't sound like a demented idiot. Keep your chin up and no matter what you decide you can hold your head up high, because you've lived the dream!!!!!!!

Debbie

Badge

Sometimes I wish I could know what all these feelings are like. I feel I have been on the move since I was 14, or 17, and NOW I feel I am at home.

A few days is too short, so is 6 months. Give it 2 years. Then things and events will have come round a couple of times...and you'll be a dual citizen too, which is not a bad thing to have, I reckon.

badge

bridiej

Yes, that's true!! The first day back after the holidays was always hard but as soon as your friends turn up you forget all about the upset.

I guess friends is what you really need, to try and help you settled! take up the offer of the coffee morning and mingle as much as you can - it will surely help!

pockygoes

OMG - I am astounded by the support & kind words on here from people I don't know & others that I feel I know through looking at this forum for the last 2 and 1/2 years. For that - I can't thank you all enough - also for the support I have had here locally (and you all know who you are) - but still I feel the same.

I miss family & friends more than I ever realised I would & the familiarity like many of you have said. I feel shitty & OKish on the same day but never happy that we are here. I feel that I should - what is there not to like about it here - but I can only see the down side at the moment. I have started to doubt my own judgement on anything. I hope that if we find the area that suits us & the house - that we will feel better. But then I think that after a few days I will feel just the same again.

I know that we should give it longer - but am so worried about the effect that it may have on us financially. I know that this should not be the over-riding factor - but we have worked so hard for what we have got - I shudder to think that we have to take a backward step! Money is not everything but it is another one of the pulls to step back into our life in the UK (hubbie has been offered his old job back) and carry on as before & just come here for holidays!!

Don't know - we are off for the weekend to see some friends of friends in the north of the city & may focus more - whatever happens I know I can have a whinge on here and people listen & give us words of wisdom - and for that - thanks.

Pockygoes

mlbonner

Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time of things; despite having been here for a year previously, I didnt feel really at "home" when I came back, until I had a job and a bit of routine (boring I know! ) Even now I have bad hours (not days) and sometimes I don't think those will ever go. A piece of news from home, a familar song on the radio... you know the sort of thing.
Difference is now, I'm really creating my own support group of friends here as well. I've got gym friends, running friends, expat friends, work friends, friends of friends who are now friends.... the list goes on! These people have/are making it a lot easier for me to be here on and on-going basis, it did take time though and as everyone is different, its hard to say how much time it will take.
Try and give it your best shot, I'm sure you will. You've worked so hard to get here, at least try to relax and make the best of the time you do spend here.

xx

Professional Princess

Hi there.

Its very easy to slip back into your old comfort zone and totally forget why you wanted to move to Australia in the first place.

We do tend to have selective memories of our old life.

The fact that you have researched if your hubby can go back to his old job, is a classic example of the panick you feel whenever you make a life-changing decision.

I know when I moved from Devon to London to start my vet nurse training, I hated London, Devon was fantastic, my old job was 'the best' and I could have had it back if I had wanted to.

My memory made me forget the crap wages, the boredom from my job and the bad bits.

Now, I wouldnt go back to Devon if you paid me, but it took a hell of a long time.

Yes, I can see why you are worried about finances and how your money will go down the longer you are there, but if you want to give Australia a go, then you musnt think about your finances vanishing.

Put 'your all' into making it work.

Homesickness can go on for months and whilst its the worst feeling in the world, it does get better.

With regards to jet lag, I was in Australia for 6 weeks and it took 10 days for me to feel half human really.

You need to be kinder to yourself. Dont think about moving to another house yet, allow yourself time to acclimatise to your new culture - because it is a completely different culture.

And if I tell you when I left for work this morning, it was cloudy, traffic stacked up back to back, ugly grey houses closely built, ashen grey looking commuters, living to work not working to live, rushing into work.

We will be lucky if we see the sun for more than a couple of months this year, and Im scared to leave my house in case im burgled.

Yes, everywhere has its bad points, but you have the chance to build a wonderful new life for you and your family.

Take one day at a time, be kind to yourself and take up the offers of the decent people of this site, that want to make contact with you.

And, in a few months time, when you're sitting in your garden sipping a cold beer, watching your family happy, healthy and settled, you will see that everything has come together for you.

And you will always have a constant source of friendship on this site.

You will be fine, I promise.

(but spare a thought for me when I clean my face and my skin is black from pollution. )

debsy

Dear Pocky
Just wanted to say that I understand how you feel. When I first arrived I could have just got on the next plane and gone back - I felt like I was drowning. One of the worst things was when I went shopping one day and I thought nobody even knows me or who I am - where as I was used to seeing people I knew when I went shopping etc.

As time goes on, these feelings have subsided, but they still return from time to time - Christmas and New year were very hard.

However, now things are becoming easier and I do like it here.

Pocky, you need to start thinking about the future - I am sure that the Pole Dancing Girls and Warren will get you sorted out
Good luck with what ever you decide.

Regards
Debs

Go Banana's !!

What an excellent post !!!!!

Karma coming your way...........

A facial, a pedicure, a head massage and a G'nT works wonders for me!!

Jill