Oh no!! Hubby doesn't want to go!!
Nov 14th 2003, 9:38 am
#1
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Oh no!! Hubby doesn't want to go!!
Well it seems like our plans have changed yet again.
Hubby has been having doubts since we received visa but has been going along with the idea beacuse he knew that it was something that I wanted for us and for our 9yr old son.
Anyway Wednesday night things finally came to a head and he basically told me that it will make him very unhappy if we make the move to Oz.
I told him that I will be unhappy staying in the UK and that we can't possibly throw it all away now without even giving it a try
Anyway to cut a long story short we have both compromised and decided that we will do a recce in March next year(our visas have to be validated by June04)
We will probably be able to visit for approx 6weeks and we will probably stay with our family for some of this time.
What I was wondering was
1.Is 6 weeks likely to be long enough to have a good look around?
2.Will I be able to work whilst I am there?I don't intend to do very much just the odd agency shift to sample the Oz nursing profession
3.Would our son be able to attend a school whilst we are there?
Would be grateful for anybodys thoughts on the above
Thanks
Despondent Di
Hubby has been having doubts since we received visa but has been going along with the idea beacuse he knew that it was something that I wanted for us and for our 9yr old son.
Anyway Wednesday night things finally came to a head and he basically told me that it will make him very unhappy if we make the move to Oz.
I told him that I will be unhappy staying in the UK and that we can't possibly throw it all away now without even giving it a try
Anyway to cut a long story short we have both compromised and decided that we will do a recce in March next year(our visas have to be validated by June04)
We will probably be able to visit for approx 6weeks and we will probably stay with our family for some of this time.
What I was wondering was
1.Is 6 weeks likely to be long enough to have a good look around?
2.Will I be able to work whilst I am there?I don't intend to do very much just the odd agency shift to sample the Oz nursing profession
3.Would our son be able to attend a school whilst we are there?
Would be grateful for anybodys thoughts on the above
Thanks
Despondent Di
Nov 14th 2003, 10:00 am
#2
Good to be back in UK
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Back in UK
Posts: 750
Hello Di,
Don't feel so despondent, it is probably good you can discuss this now, we continually debate things and we are here
I don't know whereabouts your heading but I would have thought with the support of family you would be able to get a good idea about the feel of places, costings, schools and jobs, in six weeks. I wouldn't have thought it was a good idea for your son to attend school, but I would have thought you could take the opportunity to look around some schools together.
You have the visa for 5 years, it creates space for you to plan, maybe this just isn't the right time, and next year things will look different.
Best of Luck
Donna
Don't feel so despondent, it is probably good you can discuss this now, we continually debate things and we are here
I don't know whereabouts your heading but I would have thought with the support of family you would be able to get a good idea about the feel of places, costings, schools and jobs, in six weeks. I wouldn't have thought it was a good idea for your son to attend school, but I would have thought you could take the opportunity to look around some schools together.
You have the visa for 5 years, it creates space for you to plan, maybe this just isn't the right time, and next year things will look different.
Best of Luck
Donna
Last edited by Jirrupin; Nov 14th 2003 at 10:02 am.
Nov 14th 2003, 10:14 am
#3
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 378
Thanks Donna
Like you say we have up until 2008 to decide and at the moment things are pretty good for us here
Hubby has recently gone into partnership selling used cars and he is doing very well.
He has researched Australias second hand car market as best he can (using the internet) and it isn't going to be an easy task establishing a similar business in Oz
Another reason is our son is very happy at his present school and academically he has come on leaps and bounds over the past couple of years.
He is line to go to an excellent secondary school which if we leave the UK now he will probably lose this opportunity.
When we visit next year we will stay with our family in Kinross,Perth.
I am hoping that the six weeks will help us decide whether or not it is something that we as a family want for our future together.
Diane
Like you say we have up until 2008 to decide and at the moment things are pretty good for us here
Hubby has recently gone into partnership selling used cars and he is doing very well.
He has researched Australias second hand car market as best he can (using the internet) and it isn't going to be an easy task establishing a similar business in Oz
Another reason is our son is very happy at his present school and academically he has come on leaps and bounds over the past couple of years.
He is line to go to an excellent secondary school which if we leave the UK now he will probably lose this opportunity.
When we visit next year we will stay with our family in Kinross,Perth.
I am hoping that the six weeks will help us decide whether or not it is something that we as a family want for our future together.
Diane
Originally posted by Jirrupin
Hello Di,
Don't feel so despondent, it is probably good you can discuss this now, we continually debate things and we are here
I don't know whereabouts your heading but I would have thought with the support of family you would be able to get a good idea about the feel of places, costings, schools and jobs, in six weeks. I wouldn't have thought it was a good idea for your son to attend school, but I would have thought you could take the opportunity to look around some schools together.
You have the visa for 5 years, it creates space for you to plan, maybe this just isn't the right time, and next year things will look different.
Best of Luck
Donna
Hello Di,
Don't feel so despondent, it is probably good you can discuss this now, we continually debate things and we are here
I don't know whereabouts your heading but I would have thought with the support of family you would be able to get a good idea about the feel of places, costings, schools and jobs, in six weeks. I wouldn't have thought it was a good idea for your son to attend school, but I would have thought you could take the opportunity to look around some schools together.
You have the visa for 5 years, it creates space for you to plan, maybe this just isn't the right time, and next year things will look different.
Best of Luck
Donna
Nov 14th 2003, 10:30 am
#4
Gone Senile Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Location: Sydney
Posts: 3,014
I am not in Perth but can add it would be worth spending the six weeks, for nothing else than you had a good look and validated.
Husband was a printer, could not get a job in that trade when we came to Sydney 18 months ago and is now selling new cars and enjoying it most of the time - apart from working weekends!
You can work in that time - as soon as you arrive get a TFN and away you go, especially nursing you can possible set something up before you come. Again only from Sydney knowledge but schools should welcome you in terms of visit and possibly showing you around and possibly letting your son attend a couple of sessions. If you told them you are here permanetly - reagardless of having tickets home he could attend class no worries. This might limite you at looking at different schools. So suggest the visiting idea might be better. Gives you a good idea about the school and its interest in welcoming you for the future. My son was in a very good school - year 7 when we left the UK. One we had moved house to ensure we were in the right catchment area to get him into. So I understand your reluctance to possible lose a place. All I can say is my son is very happy here and working hard - he is a child I think would do his best in any school but we choose one for his needs (has streamed extra classes etc) you can ask the school about these when you visit.
I look back now and know I came to Aus with the majority of desire on my husbands side but I wanted to back him. It can be very hard on a relationship and I gave him shit for a long while! Make sure it is something you both can take to and a long visit sounds like a great way to start. Good luck and enjoy.
Husband was a printer, could not get a job in that trade when we came to Sydney 18 months ago and is now selling new cars and enjoying it most of the time - apart from working weekends!
You can work in that time - as soon as you arrive get a TFN and away you go, especially nursing you can possible set something up before you come. Again only from Sydney knowledge but schools should welcome you in terms of visit and possibly showing you around and possibly letting your son attend a couple of sessions. If you told them you are here permanetly - reagardless of having tickets home he could attend class no worries. This might limite you at looking at different schools. So suggest the visiting idea might be better. Gives you a good idea about the school and its interest in welcoming you for the future. My son was in a very good school - year 7 when we left the UK. One we had moved house to ensure we were in the right catchment area to get him into. So I understand your reluctance to possible lose a place. All I can say is my son is very happy here and working hard - he is a child I think would do his best in any school but we choose one for his needs (has streamed extra classes etc) you can ask the school about these when you visit.
I look back now and know I came to Aus with the majority of desire on my husbands side but I wanted to back him. It can be very hard on a relationship and I gave him shit for a long while! Make sure it is something you both can take to and a long visit sounds like a great way to start. Good luck and enjoy.
Nov 14th 2003, 10:33 am
#5
Good to be back in UK
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Back in UK
Posts: 750
Originally posted by dibrucewillis
Thanks Donna
Like you say we have up until 2008 to decide and at the moment things are pretty good for us here
Hubby has recently gone into partnership selling used cars and he is doing very well.
He has researched Australias second hand car market as best he can (using the internet) and it isn't going to be an easy task establishing a similar business in Oz
Another reason is our son is very happy at his present school and academically he has come on leaps and bounds over the past couple of years.
He is line to go to an excellent secondary school which if we leave the UK now he will probably lose this opportunity.
When we visit next year we will stay with our family in Kinross,Perth.
I am hoping that the six weeks will help us decide whether or not it is something that we as a family want for our future together.
Diane
Thanks Donna
Like you say we have up until 2008 to decide and at the moment things are pretty good for us here
Hubby has recently gone into partnership selling used cars and he is doing very well.
He has researched Australias second hand car market as best he can (using the internet) and it isn't going to be an easy task establishing a similar business in Oz
Another reason is our son is very happy at his present school and academically he has come on leaps and bounds over the past couple of years.
He is line to go to an excellent secondary school which if we leave the UK now he will probably lose this opportunity.
When we visit next year we will stay with our family in Kinross,Perth.
I am hoping that the six weeks will help us decide whether or not it is something that we as a family want for our future together.
Diane
There are usually vacancies advertised here for salesman. I thought your hubby was a welder?
I would have thought it would be very difficult to establish a business in the used car market, in Perth.
Kinross, is near to Joondalup, I am not too familiar with the used car market in this relatively new town, but Renth lives near there are may be able to offer more information.
If you want me to look anything up at this end I am glad to do it.
Throughout this process my hubby and I agreed that if either of us were unhppy in OZ we would return to UK, our marriage is more important than what country we live in. I have no idea if things wil work out for us here but the process has given us the freedom to think outside the box, to live outside the box and now we have so many options available to us we go around in circles wondering what to do next.
Most, if not all posters on this forum would say our dream lives would be beaches, big house, no financial worries and sunshine.
But if we had to write down what was most important to us we would probably say the health and happiness of those we love.
You sound as though you have a wonderful life with exciting opportunities available to you. How many years will it be before your husbands business does well and you can become a lady of leisure
Last edited by Jirrupin; Nov 14th 2003 at 10:41 am.
Nov 14th 2003, 10:40 am
#6
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Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Townsville
Posts: 2,106
Its a difficult one, but somthing thats possibly worth thinking about is a quote from our old friend Pommie Bastard.
"People matter, not places".
I don't want you to take from my saying that, that you should'nt move to aus, i am just saying that it is vital that you both are in agreement as to what to do. There is no point in going to aus if it screws up your sons education, and creates unbearable amounts of tension in your marriage. However, if your hubby enjoys the fact finding mission, and you can find a decent school for your boy, the move could be very successful.
All i am saying....is that you both need to want to give it a go. My advice is to wait until you get back from the 6 weeks down under, and then re-evaluate the issue. Treat the 6 weeks as part holiday (you need to relax and enjoy the place, or neither of you will find the experience useful), and part looking for potential work, places to live, schools etc.
Good luck
"People matter, not places".
I don't want you to take from my saying that, that you should'nt move to aus, i am just saying that it is vital that you both are in agreement as to what to do. There is no point in going to aus if it screws up your sons education, and creates unbearable amounts of tension in your marriage. However, if your hubby enjoys the fact finding mission, and you can find a decent school for your boy, the move could be very successful.
All i am saying....is that you both need to want to give it a go. My advice is to wait until you get back from the 6 weeks down under, and then re-evaluate the issue. Treat the 6 weeks as part holiday (you need to relax and enjoy the place, or neither of you will find the experience useful), and part looking for potential work, places to live, schools etc.
Good luck
Nov 14th 2003, 10:42 am
#7
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Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Townsville
Posts: 2,106
I should have added, that although 6 weeks is far from experincing living in a country, it is certainly enough to give you a flavour, of what you can expect. In my opinion.....
Nov 14th 2003, 11:17 am
#8
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Joined: Jan 2003
Location: Wurtulla, Sunshine Coast. Crikey Terri, That's a BIG ONE!
Posts: 179
Re: Oh no!! Hubby doesn't want to go!!
Di
I think 6 weeks is not really long enough to decide whether you want to live here, but it will give you a feel of the place. I have been here about that long and I'm not sure yet. It was prmarily my wife's idea to come and I have always had my doubts.
A lot of people will tell you that if your husband is unsure then he shouldn't go. WRONG! that's all the more reason why he SHOULD go. The most important thing at this stage is to keep your options open. If you can persuade him to come for a year, I think you have to be working, paying bills, dealing with all the day to day cr*p before you can really decide. 6 weeks is more a holiday. What's one year out of your life? Good luck
Andy
<i>should</i>
I think 6 weeks is not really long enough to decide whether you want to live here, but it will give you a feel of the place. I have been here about that long and I'm not sure yet. It was prmarily my wife's idea to come and I have always had my doubts.
A lot of people will tell you that if your husband is unsure then he shouldn't go. WRONG! that's all the more reason why he SHOULD go. The most important thing at this stage is to keep your options open. If you can persuade him to come for a year, I think you have to be working, paying bills, dealing with all the day to day cr*p before you can really decide. 6 weeks is more a holiday. What's one year out of your life? Good luck
Andy
[i]Originally posted by dibrucewillis
Well it seems like our plans have changed yet again.
Hubby has been having doubts since we received visa but has been going along with the idea beacuse he knew that it was something that I wanted for us and for our 9yr old son.
Anyway Wednesday night things finally came to a head and he basically told me that it will make him very unhappy if we make the move to Oz.
I told him that I will be unhappy staying in the UK and that we can't possibly throw it all away now without even giving it a try
Anyway to cut a long story short we have both compromised and decided that we will do a recce in March next year(our visas have to be validated by June04)
We will probably be able to visit for approx 6weeks and we will probably stay with our family for some of this time.
What I was wondering was
1.Is 6 weeks likely to be long enough to have a good look around?
2.Will I be able to work whilst I am there?I don't intend to do very much just the odd agency shift to sample the Oz nursing profession
3.Would our son be able to attend a school whilst we are there?
Would be grateful for anybodys thoughts on the above
Thanks
Despondent Di
Well it seems like our plans have changed yet again.
Hubby has been having doubts since we received visa but has been going along with the idea beacuse he knew that it was something that I wanted for us and for our 9yr old son.
Anyway Wednesday night things finally came to a head and he basically told me that it will make him very unhappy if we make the move to Oz.
I told him that I will be unhappy staying in the UK and that we can't possibly throw it all away now without even giving it a try
Anyway to cut a long story short we have both compromised and decided that we will do a recce in March next year(our visas have to be validated by June04)
We will probably be able to visit for approx 6weeks and we will probably stay with our family for some of this time.
What I was wondering was
1.Is 6 weeks likely to be long enough to have a good look around?
2.Will I be able to work whilst I am there?I don't intend to do very much just the odd agency shift to sample the Oz nursing profession
3.Would our son be able to attend a school whilst we are there?
Would be grateful for anybodys thoughts on the above
Thanks
Despondent Di
Nov 14th 2003, 11:19 am
#9
A Male Member
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Townsville
Posts: 2,106
Re: Oh no!! Hubby doesn't want to go!!
Originally posted by Andy_Hanrahan
What's one year out of your life? Good luck
Andy
<i>should</i>
What's one year out of your life? Good luck
Andy
<i>should</i>
I do agree in some ways....
However, a year out of the life of a kid who is just starting secondry school is probably quite an important one?
I could be wrong, i don't have kids. I am asking not telling
Nov 14th 2003, 11:28 am
#10
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Posts: 378
Originally posted by Jirrupin
But if we had to write down what was most important to us we would probably say the health and happiness of those we love.
But if we had to write down what was most important to us we would probably say the health and happiness of those we love.
Tension has been mounting over the past couple of months and it has certainly put a strain on our relationship
All I want is for us to be happy and like I say at the moment life is treating us well.
Hubby gave up his welding job about 6 weeks ago(something he has wanted to do for a long while)
He is now happy as Larry selling cheap little runarounds and making a reasonable profit.
If anybody would like to check out his very basic website I have managed to set up for him please let me know
I leave my nursing job in 4 weeks and he has told me that if I want to become a lady of leisure that I will be able to .
That isn't something I wish to do just yet
I intend to work on the nurse bank and for a nursing agency,the beauty of this being that I get to pick & choose what shifts i want to work and when I want to work.
Thanks for your advice Donna
I already feel as though a great weight has been lifted and I feel more positive about the future.
I am now getting excited making plans for our six week trip.
Nov 14th 2003, 11:33 am
#11
Good to be back in UK
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Back in UK
Posts: 750
Re: Oh no!! Hubby doesn't want to go!!
Originally posted by Andy_Hanrahan
Di
I think 6 weeks is not really long enough to decide whether you want to live here, but it will give you a feel of the place. I have been here about that long and I'm not sure yet. It was prmarily my wife's idea to come and I have always had my doubts.
A lot of people will tell you that if your husband is unsure then he shouldn't go. WRONG! that's all the more reason why he SHOULD go. The most important thing at this stage is to keep your options open. If you can persuade him to come for a year, I think you have to be working, paying bills, dealing with all the day to day cr*p before you can really decide. 6 weeks is more a holiday. What's one year out of your life? Good luck
Andy
<i>should</i>
Di
I think 6 weeks is not really long enough to decide whether you want to live here, but it will give you a feel of the place. I have been here about that long and I'm not sure yet. It was prmarily my wife's idea to come and I have always had my doubts.
A lot of people will tell you that if your husband is unsure then he shouldn't go. WRONG! that's all the more reason why he SHOULD go. The most important thing at this stage is to keep your options open. If you can persuade him to come for a year, I think you have to be working, paying bills, dealing with all the day to day cr*p before you can really decide. 6 weeks is more a holiday. What's one year out of your life? Good luck
Andy
<i>should</i>
I also agree with Pete's comments about schooling,it sounds as though it is such a critical time for them. Often we all charge out here soon after the visa's arrived because we have waited sooo long, but they could be in a very different and much stronger position a year or two from now.
Nov 14th 2003, 11:35 am
#12
Crocodile Member
Joined: Jan 2003
Location: Wurtulla, Sunshine Coast. Crikey Terri, That's a BIG ONE!
Posts: 179
Re: Oh no!! Hubby doesn't want to go!!
Good point Pete, but on balance I stand by what said. If there's one thing that makes you feel like Cruella DeVille on speed, it's ripping your kids away from their friends and making them start all over again. But my daughter has astonished me and made me realise how resilient and adaptable kids can be. Ufortunately, after a certain age there will never be a good time to do it.
Andy
Andy
Originally posted by PeteY
Andy,
I do agree in some ways....
However, a year out of the life of a kid who is just starting secondry school is probably quite an important one?
I could be wrong, i don't have kids. I am asking not telling
Andy,
I do agree in some ways....
However, a year out of the life of a kid who is just starting secondry school is probably quite an important one?
I could be wrong, i don't have kids. I am asking not telling
Nov 14th 2003, 11:40 am
#13
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Thread Starter
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 378
Originally posted by PeteY
Its a difficult one, but somthing thats possibly worth thinking about is a quote from our old friend Pommie Bastard.
"People matter, not places".
I don't want you to take from my saying that, that you should'nt move to aus, i am just saying that it is vital that you both are in agreement as to what to do. There is no point in going to aus if it screws up your sons education, and creates unbearable amounts of tension in your marriage. However, if your hubby enjoys the fact finding mission, and you can find a decent school for your boy, the move could be very successful.
All i am saying....is that you both need to want to give it a go. My advice is to wait until you get back from the 6 weeks down under, and then re-evaluate the issue. Treat the 6 weeks as part holiday (you need to relax and enjoy the place, or neither of you will find the experience useful), and part looking for potential work, places to live, schools etc.
Good luck
Its a difficult one, but somthing thats possibly worth thinking about is a quote from our old friend Pommie Bastard.
"People matter, not places".
I don't want you to take from my saying that, that you should'nt move to aus, i am just saying that it is vital that you both are in agreement as to what to do. There is no point in going to aus if it screws up your sons education, and creates unbearable amounts of tension in your marriage. However, if your hubby enjoys the fact finding mission, and you can find a decent school for your boy, the move could be very successful.
All i am saying....is that you both need to want to give it a go. My advice is to wait until you get back from the 6 weeks down under, and then re-evaluate the issue. Treat the 6 weeks as part holiday (you need to relax and enjoy the place, or neither of you will find the experience useful), and part looking for potential work, places to live, schools etc.
Good luck
My marriage and family happiness is my prime concern
My husband is happy doing what he is doing
My son is happy at school,attending his various clubs and organisations ie jujitsu,church lads brigade, swimming,football
and having his many friends around for tea and for sleepovers
Me... well I am not happy at work at the moment but I won't be there for much longer. So there is light at the end of the tunnel for me as well
Diane
Nov 14th 2003, 11:43 am
#14
Good to be back in UK
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Back in UK
Posts: 750
Originally posted by dibrucewillis
Thanks Donna
Like you say we have up until 2008 to decide and at the moment things are pretty good for us here
Hubby has recently gone into partnership selling used cars and he is doing very well.
He has researched Australias second hand car market as best he can (using the internet) and it isn't going to be an easy task establishing a similar business in Oz
Another reason is our son is very happy at his present school and academically he has come on leaps and bounds over the past couple of years.
He is line to go to an excellent secondary school which if we leave the UK now he will probably lose this opportunity.
When we visit next year we will stay with our family in Kinross,Perth.
I am hoping that the six weeks will help us decide whether or not it is something that we as a family want for our future together.
Diane
Thanks Donna
Like you say we have up until 2008 to decide and at the moment things are pretty good for us here
Hubby has recently gone into partnership selling used cars and he is doing very well.
He has researched Australias second hand car market as best he can (using the internet) and it isn't going to be an easy task establishing a similar business in Oz
Another reason is our son is very happy at his present school and academically he has come on leaps and bounds over the past couple of years.
He is line to go to an excellent secondary school which if we leave the UK now he will probably lose this opportunity.
When we visit next year we will stay with our family in Kinross,Perth.
I am hoping that the six weeks will help us decide whether or not it is something that we as a family want for our future together.
Diane
Nov 14th 2003, 11:47 am
#15
A Male Member
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Townsville
Posts: 2,106
Originally posted by Jirrupin
The great thing is you have more time to put even more money on one side, and when you do visit and you do think there are opportunities for you here you can control when it is the best time for yourselves and your son, also when the exchange rate may be more in your favour.
The great thing is you have more time to put even more money on one side, and when you do visit and you do think there are opportunities for you here you can control when it is the best time for yourselves and your son, also when the exchange rate may be more in your favour.
So Dianne, where are you headed on your fact finding mission then?