noofie

Anyone else feel the same? I feel like the whole visa thing has just taken over our lives since we visited last year.
I have a job offer and have now (this week) applied for our PR visa and paid nearly £1000 for the privilege and have now really decided I am being swept along somewhere where I don't want to go.
OH won't even discuss it and says that he is fed up with me changing my mind and that he is going to go anyway (will need to get his brother to sponsor him though). It's really tearing us apart. Yes there are things wrong with the UK but as I keep saying to him I am sure Oz has its problems too. We also have three kids caught up in this tooing and froing aged 17, 14 and 12. The younger two are fine about it and can't wait to go its just me and the 17 year old who really don't want to.
I keep reading on here that if your marriage isn't strong to start with then the move will just make it worse and to be honest we row constantly now.
Oh what to do..........................???????

Hutch

Fact is, it does place a huge strain on a marriage. Many people move here without knowing a soul and thus have to rely totally on the family unit until friendships can be made. Everyone is taken out of their comfort zone in grand style and forced to learn everything from scratch.

The fact that Aussies speak (a form of) English and drive on the left is kind of irrelevant because everything else changes. Many people identify the little things as being the biggest cause of alienation. My missus for instance hated going to the supermarket here, because everything was laid out differently and she didn't have a clue which brands were good and which were bad. Sounds funny to talk about something so run-of-the-mill as that, but as I say - it's often the little things that cause the most upset.

The other problem is that there will of course be problems during the settling in period. There may be employment issues, you might rent a house in an area you come to dislike, you may have problems making friends and miss the old network you had in the UK, your kids might hate their new schools and pine for their old friends in the UK - worse still, one of you might take to it like a duck to water and the other might not.

Are these problems insurmountable? No, most of us on here are testament to that fact. Is it an easy process? Absolutely not. Will it test an already shakey marriage? Hell yes. Is it still worth, despite all the above? In mine and my family's opinion - definitely yes.

quoll

Hutch is right, the shock of the different culture can be quite profound and it ranks right up there in the marriage stressor stakes.

With teenagers I think you probably have the hardest move as many threads on this board will tell you and it may be that you have to make a choice to let unwilling teens flex their wings and begin to make their own life decisions - isnt easy but they are going to do that at some stage anyway.

Basically all comes down to personal opinion and mine - forgive me for saying it - is that it doesnt work for me but as I am married to an Aussie for whom it all works very well then I am stuck here. One of my kids says this is the best place in the world to be and he now lives in the bush with his family being self sufficient. The other kid went for a gap year to UK 5 years ago and hasnt come back and is committed to a career path which will see him there for another 5 years at least and though he retains his Aus citizenship I wouldnt be surprised if he only ever comes back for holidays - only complaint he has is that they cant do coffee properly over there!

I would say that if this is an opportunity not to be missed then dont miss it but if you are making the move to escape from something or you are bored then dont do it.

PaddyHaHa

This might seem quite flippant but - I'm an IT professional ( lotus Notes Developer) and my OH is a Plumber and it seems that as soon as we get some money together (and we earn about £80K between us) that some thing happens to take our savings - boiler blows up - head gasket goes on car - etc - well it might be better to be poor and warm with little traffic on roads as poor and cold and continously congested!!

Fleaflyfloflum

I have never ever said this to anyone on here before as i truly believe it is not my place to make judgements on other peoples dreams... BUT... if you already have marriage problems I strongly suggest you work through them BEFORE you leave. To follow someone to the other side of the world when you are already at loggerheads and you also have doubts about it in the first place, in my opinion it could well be disasterous for you.

Even in a rock solid marriage it is a testing time. In a rocky one it is likely to be the death of it.

If he is adamant he is going with or without you what does that say about your marriage?? I sure as hell would not follow someone with that attitude to my feelings to the otherside of the world, but at the end of the day it is your call.

rabsody

I think you have answered your own question.

But then you must have wanted to go at some stage. Is it just cold feet? Because that is completely normal. You are bound to row a lot, it's a highly stressful process.

Think back to why you wanted to go in the first place. If those same reasons for going aren't there, and you don't have a compelling desire, then don't go. Alternatively you could compromise and agree to go on a trial basis of say two years with a view to you all coming back if either of you decides it's not for you.

rabsody

Oh dear, where are you going to LOL?!!!

bcworld

Huh? Where is this place?? Certainly aint Brisbane.

quoll

Well, Delegate might be the answer. Only trouble with places like that is the roads arent sealed and when there is traffic everything gets covered with dust. LOL

PaddyHaHa

I guess the whole thing comes down to whether you're up for the challenge and whether your relationship is up for the challenge. Because whether you like it or not there is going to be a period that you are wholely dependent on your immediate family, with absolutely no input from anyone else.

For me - I can't wait - we argue loads - but I'm sure we're up for it!!

rabsody

Come on Paddy, don't keep us in suspense, we're all dying to know where you're coming to in Aus!!!

PaddyHaHa

We're going to Adelaide and there's certainly less traffic than down south (UK) - but there's alot more to Oz than that - holding breath and counting down!!

rabsody

Ah I've only been once, on a 3 day winery trip (Chapel Hill) so didn't get to see the city, but the wineries/scenery were certainly beautiful! Good luck on your adventures, you sound very excited

Sorry OP for going off topic.

PaddyHaHa

All my family ( OH and Daughter) - we're a small unit! - are so up for Oz that it may end up as anywhere - but initial plan is Adelaide - as I have £10 pom relly's there. If, when we get there, OH can't find work as plumber we'll try some where else! Life is an adventure and it's not a dress rehersal. I'm determined not to go with regrets!!

wanderingwombat

I spent a lifetime there one afternoon........

WW