angelmouse

I traveled to Melbourne in November to look around and see whether I would like to move there or not. I was having lots of negatives thoughts about it and the best way to have a better idea of the place was to go there and see it myself.

My husband is and was keen to emigrate but I have such a good support group in the UK that was finding it difficult to say yes whole heartily. I'm a foreign myself in the UK but have settled very nicely here. So, I wasn't very keen.

After traveling to Melbourne I thought it was a good idea. I still have doubts about the weather. It’s very dry and this affects my throat and skin badly as well as my little daughter’s. Also the heat made her feel very tired. My son's lips where also badly affected and I hate the idea of living with either aircon or heating system constantly. But then I thought: 'Well, there's no perfect place to live and given the benefits, good sports, beach, good food, we could manage here. Hopefully our systems may get used to this dryness. Also, the children were so happy and enjoyed the outdoors way of life so much that hopefully everything will be worth it’

Still I needed to keep aerating my doubts with my husband. He's so keen to move that any negative comment about it will send him in a defensive mode and can finish in a heated conversation.

He always reads this forum, so what better place to talk to him in a non-emotional way than using this forum in an anonymous manner? He can be very understanding when someone else who is not me points out negative things about Melbourne.

What I didn't counted on was the fact that because he's been here for some time and he's become friends with one of the moderators (a very nice chap we met together) his friend the moderator will tell my hb that I was writing here and who I was.

Why couldn't Mr. moderator have send me an email and ask me, personally, rather than telling my husband who I was? He unwittingly has ruined my chances of having a non-emotional, non-heated conversation about any doubts I may have about Melbourne with my hb.

Why did he do this? Is it because men like to stick together and have little common sense in this respect? couldn't he imagine that I wanted to keep myself anonymous for a reason?

Now I'm risking an argument with my hb just for writing this email.

Thank you mr. Moderator.

chris and farideh

Maybe you should the same to him, he name you and shame you to your husband, you ought to name and shame him too, on here, I didnt realise that moderate have the power to pass private information to other members, even if they are friend with your husband. that's really shocking. :scared:

iPom

I'm not sure it's Mr Moderator, though I do think privacy should be respected. Playing games with your hub so he sees the 'negatives' of Melbourne is a dangerous game to play imo.
If you have things to talk about, do it face to face. A keyboard and a screen won't make up for the communication you're missing out on.

He might have done, but how sad you were setting him up in this way in the first place.

moneypenny20

Sorry you feel like this. To be honest, I have just read your first post and you don't make me feel like you want to be anonymous in any way. It doesn't really come across that you are majorly struggling with whether you want to go to Melbourne or not - more that you are trying to get your head round whether you want to be back in the 20 year old brain or where you are now with kids.

It is hard when you have children and you see how different your life is. Personally it doesn't sound as though you are ready to move but it's only something you can sort out with your hubby.

You're right, there is no privacy here - it's a world wide public forum

Pollyana

Privacy is respected by the Moderators on this site. We all work independently however, and if a poster has a problem with the actions of a particular moderator then it should be addressed with that Mod, or via Sue (Admin). I would have preferred to deal with this in private, and I'm sure the mod concerned, whoever he/she may be, would also have preferred that.

As for there being no privacy. This is a public forum, all members should understand that when they join. The fact that you, Angelmouse, say "Now I'm risking an argument with my hb just for writing this email." indicates that maybe you don't fully understand the possible ramifications of posting somewhere like this - its not an email, it doesn't have the privacy of an email, its a post on a forum, and its in the public domain.

moneypenny20

Why is it shocking I have been on here for a fair few years, gave the addy to some friends planning on moving out and they wasted no time working out who I was and telling my hubby some of the stuff I say - he knew anyway but that's irrelevant. Whatever was said by whoever was obviously not done in a viscious manner just a comment in passing.

I still don't understand that if the OP wanted her hubby to see it so they could discuss it, why she is now upset because he knows about it - I am missing something but not sure what it is

iPom

If you want to remain anon on a forum and you share an email addy with your hub, get a hotmail or yahoo email address for registering. They're free.

chris and farideh

what is shocking that Mod pass her details to her hubby, that's shocking.
its not for Mod to make that decision, its up to her to tell her OH. friend or no friend.

esperanza

I can see that someone might 'pose' on here to talk about issues that might be difficult to deal with face-to-face - it makes it a lot less personal and emotional.
I would agree with those who have said it would be better to face up to the difficulties and deal with it 'properly' - however, it is surely not up to a moderator to disclose anyone's identity to anyone else?
I am very aware that anyone who knows me could work out who I am by looking through what I have posted - which is why I make a point of not posting anything that I would not say in a 'real' situation too.
But someone working out a poster's true identity is not the same as a moderator passing that information on deliberately to a family member. Perhaps in future if a moderator knows they are in a difficult situation like this they should seek advice from a fellow moderator or ask them to temporarily take care of the situation?

Bix

Unless there was a lot of fabrication in that post to conceal identity.

In which case what does anyone believe ?

The first post ?
The second post ?
Bits of each ?

Mmmmmm........doesn't ring true.......contradictions galore.

moneypenny20

No offence but we don't know that. We know what she told us - no more no less

chris and farideh

none taken,

Pollyana

As the person is question has not yet had a chance to see this thread, it should be borne in mind that none of us know exactly what was said. It would appear that this poster and her husband were actually talking to the other person concerned - therefore it was quite possibly a chance remark.
I can assure you that no moderator would intentionally abuse anyone's right to privacy.

As the OP has only made one post before today, it is difficult to see where her husband has been made aware of any feelings she preferred to keep hidden. She could easily have let the mods know that she wanted a different name, to preserve her privacy, and we could have sorted the whole thing quietly.

Esperanza has commented that Mods can discuss difficult situations with each other to resolve a situation - believe me we do that almost daily!

In the interests of fairness, I think this thread should be closed until the person concerned, and Sue, have had a chance to read this. I would do the same if it was any other poster, not just because we are talking about a Mod. If Sue wishes to reopen it later then thats fair enough, but in the meantime we are judging someone with only half the facts.

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Edited to add: It appears that the lady and her husband were sent pms, on the day she registered, to check that they were genuine posters, as they were posting from the same "address". This is something we all do when a new poster appears on an established address, and is one way (as I'm sure that you know) that we attempt to keep the forum free of trolls and multiple posters. At that time the lady had just registered, and made one fairly normal kind of post about Melbourne.
She therefore had the opportunity to respond to that moderator, or indeed to any of us, letting us know that she wanted to change her name, and that she did not want her husband to know she was posting. To be honest, I feel that any desire for complete anonymity on her part vanished when she made that first post - too many personal details.
I'm sorry, Angelmouse, but I'm sure your husband would have realised it was you anyway.

If you wish to discuss it any further, or if you wish to have a new username, please contact either myself or Sue by pm.

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For everyone to note - we do have a list of posters who are validly posting from the same computer - family members, that kind of thing. A while back Sue and Paul did ask that anyone in this category should let us know the usernames concerned - it makes our lives easier, and saves us trying to work out if someone is a troll just because they are using the same computer as their other half! If you think you and your family members aren't on that list, please let us know.

Sue

Pollyana has correctly stated the procedure regarding multiple accounts. Our policy regarding this it quite clearly stated in our site rules.

In the past, (I'm sure a few of you will remember this), we've had people joining with multiple usernames in order to cause trouble. To deter this from happening again we do not allow a member to have multiple usernames. If we discover this happening we contact the members in question to ask if there is a legitimate reason like other household members who have joined.

If the OP had taken the trouble to read our site rules before posting, this could have been avoided. As per rule 13 "If you have a legitimate reason to create a second username then you should contact the administrators."

And just to confirm, we protect our members privacy and NEVER pass on personal information like email addresses, IP's etc.