Kyli

Hi, myself & family have just gone thru an enormous change in circumstance. My husband has had 2 really great job offers and the job his doing at the mo' is finally going his way (pays well and literally 5min from home with loads of International travel.

We have been waiting to go to Aus for a while and this weekend he got a job offer (Job A) which is pretty good money, but is still £13k less than what he's on now, with only super as the perk.

The other job he has been offered is here in the uk (Job B) and is £10k more than he's on now with car, 7 days more holiday (than Job A), free phone (home & landline), a match of 10% on his pension, free family healthcare, and an end of year bonus.

The problem is this:
We have recently had a family member only 45yrs, diagnosed with advanced aggressive cancer and altho' she was given 1yr it seems now that this will be greatly reduced, maybe only till xmas. Also our residence visa expires in May and altho we have endorsed them this appears to be our last chance to go.

It would mean selling our house, cars and packing up to go, costing in total around £30k including his drop in wages. But the lifestyle would hopefully make up for this. The jobs in Brisbane, what's the housing market like? & schools? (our sons are 6 & 4). We are looking at Albany Creek.

The other thing is that we have to give a decision by next Mon to both! And our families will be devdevastated we go and because of the current situation we can't talk to them.

Has anyone got any good advice please!

hitchcock71

sorry cant help but sending you lots of karma and love[[[[[hugs]]]]


hitchcock

maverik1979

the only piece of advice i can give is this, what is the single most important factor in all of this?, take away the money, flash cars/house etc, and look at whats really important, are you actually happy here, or do you just fancy a change?, the "lifestyle" change might not add up to much if you go over there and dont make time to enjoy it (i.e. working too many hours), also consider whether or not it would be detrimental to your family relationship, and how this would affect you, but above all, you sometimes have to look at whats on the horizon, not whats at your feet

JoolsB

I really feel for you-it's a difficult situation to be in. I know how hard it is to think about what is best for yourself when someone you care for is very ill & family upset. You can be made to feel selfish (unintentionally) for moving on with your life.

You say you've been waiting to go to Aus for a while & presumably if the higher uk job offer & family illness hadn't come along you would have no issues? The fact your even asking this question indicates to me that your instincts are still veering towards Aus?

At the end of the day we all only have one life & whilst you dont want to let anyone down you still have to consider your own needs & wants. I hope that whatever decision you make it leads to a great life!

Babsw

sorry but i'm a bit confused by job A and B, is A being offered in Aus? Also how do you feel about the person with the illness? Altho I'm probably being very stupid by not understanding all of the posting i can understand you're in a very difficult situation and these things are often no win situations and some one is going to end up hurt. The only thing i can suggest is doing a for/against list and looking at it all from that way or really considering how much material things matter to you in the big scheme of things.
With regard to the relative who is ill, if you decided to move ,altho' it will be expensive could one of you return temporarily nearer to the end for a few weeks or something on that line?
What ever you decide it looks as though you are in for a bit of a rough ride and i can only send you all my good wishes and hope it all works out for you. Take care, Babs.
ps, sometimes solutions occur when least expected or some decisions get taken out of your hands altogether.

Bobcat

It's a tough one to call Kyli. You have our sympathy and our very best wishes.

My 42 year old sister-in-law was sent down to Perth from Port Hedland last year to undergo 'routine' medical tests. She was diagnosed with bone cancer; given a couple of months to live........ and sent home from the hospital to stay with us at Carramar.

They delivered a hospital bed to our place; hooked up oxygen cylinders...... and our whole lives changed............. possibly forever! My wife packed in her job so she could nurse her stricken sister; and the other sister packed in her job too to come over from America to help out.

My ten year old twin nephews came down from Hedland to be with their mum; as did her husband. We managed to get the boys in the local primary school at Carramar so that helped a lot. Every day for the next 6 months we had a constant stream of well-wishers, medical people, church people, and relatives visit us more or less non-stop.

Eventually my sister-in-law went downhill rapidly and was transferred to Joondalup Hospital; where she lost a very brave battle in the end but not without putting up one Hell of a fight .......... she didn't go easily. There was no hesitation on our part....... the whole extended family put everything else on the back-burner to work as a team in order to provide quality of life to someone dear who didn't have too long to go. We learned that having money means absolutely nothing.

During that horrible six month spell; although racked with pain I never once heard my sister-in-law complain about anything......... she had been dealt the short straw but just accepted it as that........ and took everything in her stride. That sad experience during my sister-in-law's tragic ordeal was a real eye-opener for all of us. We took a three month overseas break to help us get over our loss; that helped to a degree but I don't think we'll ever get over it completely........ I know my wife won't....... but we'll try. We certainly don't whinge as much about little things that annoy us nowadays.

In your circumstances; I don't know how close your family member is? My wife and her sister were very close! Materialistic things can be replaced........ family can't unfortunately.

Re coming over here.......... I don't think your hubby's salary should be the deciding factor. It could well be he has to start lower down the rungs here paywise............ it's not hard to climb the ladder here if you are prepared to give it a go. A recent trip to the UK convinced me we made the right decision to stick it out over here when things weren't going too well for us job wise. I'm glad our three boys grew up here and not in the UK.

As with everything else......... it's what you make of it.......... and if you are prepared to muck in and give it a go down under .......... I believe there are more opportunities to get on over here than in the UK. Obviously; not everyone will agree with that...... but each to his own.

Best of luck in whatever you decide?

sloane46

Hi Kyli
I think you need to look at a few factors i.e how close a relationship you have with the family member (though you shouldn't stay because you feel guilty). What were your original reasons for going i.e to give your kids a better life or just a change of scenery. If like me your reason is your kids would job B enable you to give them the better life you crave or is it the Aussie lifestyle that you believe will give you a better family life. Do you want to leave Britain because you don't like the area you live in?if so maybe this pay rise for job B will give you the opportunity to up sticks and move to a different area that you would be happier living in. For me and OH going to Australia has been a dream as I was born there (parents left when I was 3) and we have always wanted to go and I hope it will give my children a better life with us spending more time doing things as a family and giving them and us a chance to experience a different way of life. I don't hate England and I love my house, we don't earn that much so really the above reasons are our only motivation plus if we don't go now I believe we never will and I will spend my life wondering what if? I recently had a similar dilemma to you in that a close family member had suspected cancer and I can understand the turmoil you feel, luckily I don't have to make that call yet as after an operation things now seem ok though we are still waiting on results to give the all clear. I believe that sometimes you have to put yourselves and your kids above others no matter how hard that may be....you only get one life! Is it possible to apply for another visa later and wait? I know it is expensive but a lot cheaper than making a mistake This would give you chance to try out Job B and be there for you family member, you could always apply for other Aus jobs at a later date and maybe it will be more money/better perks you never know. Whatever you decide I wish you and your family all the best.

Kyli

Hi, thanks to all who have taken the time and effort to reply to me, the relative in question is close to my husband as they practically grew up together, she lives in the USA at the mo' but it looks likely she may return home here. Altho I feel desperately for her, she has 3 kids 13, 10 & 5 & a husband, so it's horrible all round.

Everyone has given me food-for-thought, and your comments are really helpful and encouraging as are all the well wishes - Thanks.

I will keep watching this space & let you all know what we finally decide, as I would like my husband to see your messages too. He's away on business at the min.

Iwannabethere

Hi Kyli

I really feel for you as your situation is very close to my heart. We lost my 42 year old BIL at Christmas following a very brave battle against a very rare form of multiple myeloma. We made the decision to apply for our visa while he was still with us and he and his wife were the only people who knew we were applying. His philosophy was that we could not put our lives on hold because his was ending. As I say, he lost his battle at Christmas and we got our visa in June this year. His parents were fantastic when my hubby told them. They haven't said as much but they seem to be taking the approach that life is too short not to follow your dreams (and this from the people that I was too scared to be with when they were told in case of the 'how could you do this to us?' lines).

Your husband will always love this person and her family but, being pragmatic here, you both need to do what's right for you and yours. If that is staying put then great. If that is going to Oz, also great.

If I could give you a hug I would as I know what your shoes feel like right now.

mike-Ju

Can I ask you to read though your e-mail again.

Youve answered yourself.

Youve listed far more reasons to stay than to go.

I lost an uncle to cancer 3 years next week, he had a huge tumor in his stomach and basically he starved to death over the space of a year, horrific way to go, but he never complained and he was joking till the end, I could never have left my family at that time to cope with the grief by themselves.

At the end of the day, youv'e got to do what you think is right for your family, search deep down, you already know the answer.