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My wife wants to go home....

My wife wants to go home....

Old Aug 8th 2013, 1:22 am
  #31  
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Default Re: My wife wants to go home....

Originally Posted by eddie007
makes perf look like a city
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Old Aug 8th 2013, 1:23 am
  #32  
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Default Re: My wife wants to go home....

I feel the same way as your wife, I came to Canada because dh wanted to and I really thought I'd love it - but I don't, I got very depressed after almost a year and told him I wanted to go back home!

he's my bezzy and wants us both to be happy so we fly back in October......
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Old Aug 8th 2013, 2:48 am
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Default Re: My wife wants to go home....

Hi luvmeboys (feel's odd writing such a term!), was it the place you didn't like, or did you just miss home and/or people?
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Old Aug 8th 2013, 4:08 am
  #34  
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Default Re: My wife wants to go home....

I can sympathize with your wife. I am not a fan and would very happily go home. But, my wife loves Oz. She was not born in the UK and moved there as a teenager and never got used to it. Also, coming from a hot climate she struggled with the UK weather. So we stay and I go on line and have the odd rant about Oz in order let off the frustration.

For me, it is compounded by the fact I could go back and keep my job and the company would pick up the relocation costs - they love the idea of me being based in the UK as my flight to work from Oz costs nearly $10k. From the UK it would be less than $6k.
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Old Aug 8th 2013, 5:54 am
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Default Re: My wife wants to go home....

Originally Posted by verystormy
I can sympathize with your wife. I am not a fan and would very happily go home. But, my wife loves Oz. She was not born in the UK and moved there as a teenager and never got used to it. Also, coming from a hot climate she struggled with the UK weather. So we stay and I go on line and have the odd rant about Oz in order let off the frustration.

For me, it is compounded by the fact I could go back and keep my job and the company would pick up the relocation costs - they love the idea of me being based in the UK as my flight to work from Oz costs nearly $10k. From the UK it would be less than $6k.
Where do you work? As in geographically not the company?
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Old Aug 8th 2013, 10:20 am
  #36  
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Default Re: My wife wants to go home....

Originally Posted by luvmeboys
I feel the same way as your wife, I came to Canada because dh wanted to and I really thought I'd love it - but I don't, I got very depressed after almost a year and told him I wanted to go back home!

he's my bezzy and wants us both to be happy so we fly back in October......
I really hope you both find happiness, relationships really do have to be about compromises at times. My OH is also my best friend so I would also do the same if he was unhappy and visa versa ( I hope lol) Good luck
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Old Aug 8th 2013, 10:22 am
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Default Re: My wife wants to go home....

Originally Posted by eddie007
Mistake made at the beginning.... Setting a time limit on the whole thing....

Gives you a count down..... Only another 730 sleeps till we go home... It's the wrong mindset .... Unless you get lucky and she falls in love with Australia...

Personally I am happy where my husband is happy... But when I was depressed in 2012 it was very different.

Don't know what to suggest, apart from wait till you get back after Christmas to make a final decision.
Sometimes thats a bit like "were keeping the house.....just in case"
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Old Aug 8th 2013, 10:36 am
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Default Re: My wife wants to go home....

Originally Posted by LeeWillo
There's no-one English here in Whyalla to meet up with! Ha just kidding I know what you mean. She does go on a facebook group - Poms in Perth I think it is from when we were in Perth. She's gaining a good group of friends so she's not particularly lonely. She's busy everyday meeting people and going to the gym where it seems to be more of a social event these days. As I said in a previous post, she is tough and very go getting. So she isn't just complaining for the sake of it she will be feeling it.
It must be hard as she does not like Aus yet does not want to return to the UK, it sounds like she does not know what she really wants ( thats hard enough to cope with)if I were you I would stick with your visa just in case she changes her mind about Aus. Have you sat down and had a really indepth talk about where your both actually heading in life? you have a child now to think of as well, if you both are crossing out the UK where do you want to live? have you ever been to these other Countries you have mentioned or are you just looking at anywhere other than Aus/UK if so you should really do your homework as best you can, ie can you migrate to these other countries? what lifestyle for your family if relatives are important and will help you settle better can they visit easily enough? mentioning snow etc is great but you really have to think about the long months of very cold weather after living in hot weather as long as you have it might be even harder to settle in such an environment so you will have to be sure as you can its what you both want...Migrating is stressful enough without the headache of costs and the worry of children. Good luck
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Old Aug 8th 2013, 3:22 pm
  #39  
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Default Re: My wife wants to go home....

Originally Posted by LeeWillo
Where do you work? As in geographically not the company?
I am a geologist. I work in Tanzania. Live in Perth. Currently work a 5 weeks on 3 week off roster.
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Old Aug 9th 2013, 3:50 am
  #40  
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Default Re: My wife wants to go home....

Originally Posted by LeeWillo
She's a tough cookie and she won't let it go easily I know that, which makes me even more determined to stick with the original two year promise as much as I don't want to go home. We have financial reasons here for staying 2 years anyway so won't be shorter than that (obligation to pay relocation costs back to employer if leave before then). Plus I want to give it 2 years just to maintain a bit of longetivity of employment history on my cv. When recruiting I always wonder about people who only tend to hold a job for only a year to 18 months or so. I think either they get bored easily or get found out. That could just me being cynical though.
Lee I feel for you completely, this has been my life for the last 12 months My wife has been in exactly the same place as yours is now, slowly but surely my wife is making a lot of friends and she is starting to settle a little. She still says that she hates it but more on a weekly basis than a daily basis

Also have you had a read of booklet 9 on the immi website? Link for you:-

http://www.immi.gov.au/allforms/booklets/books9.pdf

Page 18 states:-

Obligation not to recover certain costs from a primary sponsored person or secondary sponsored person.

The sponsor must not recover, or seek to recover, all or part of the costs (including migration agent costs)
from the primary or secondary sponsored person:
• that relate specifi cally to the recruitment of the primary sponsored person, or
• associated with becoming or being an approved sponsor or former approved sponsor.

Also there is a clause it states that the company have a legal right to pay for your travel costs to return home if you put it into writing that you want to leave. My company have the same clause in my contract to pay back the money it cost them but the government sees it slightly differently.

Don't show your wife this post or you'll be on the next plane home

Hope this helps

Cheers

John
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Old Aug 9th 2013, 2:50 pm
  #41  
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Default Re: My wife wants to go home....

Originally Posted by LeeWillo
....and a day doesn't go by without her telling me about it. Is anyone else in a similar situation? How do you deal with it?

PS. I don't!
I really feel for your wife as I was in that in that situation when we emigrated. I had no family or friends here, didn't want to move to Australia and only did so for my husband because he was so miserable in the UK.

It didn't help that I had to come over on my own with our two-month-old son as OH was already working here and it was the flight from hell. Darling son vomited an hour into the flight and again about 5 hours later.

I didn't take a change of clothing me so arrived in Sydney stinking of sick, very emotional, exhausted and our son wouldn't stop crying when we got to customs.

To make matters worse I had to figure out how to get two suitcases - one weighing 40 kilos and the other 20 kilos, a push chair and a back pack through to arrivals while holding a baby. Nobody offered to help. I had to ask a customs officer for help.

I seriously thought about taking the next plane home. I remember thinking I was making the biggest mistake of my like.

I was so miserable for those first months - stuck at home with a baby and no family or friends for support. I took every opportunity to let my husband know how much I hated living here and what I hated about Australia. It was a nightmare for him. I lost count of the number of times I said (or screamed) "I hate it here. I want to go home".

I went back to the UK for 5 weeks with our son, just seven months after emigrating, and really, really did not want to come back. I loved being back with my family and friends. I hadn't felt that happy for months.

My OH was so terrified I wasn't coming back he phoned me twice a day of the entire 5 weeks I was there.

That was TEN years ago and I am still here so there is hope for your wife. Tell her to hang in there.

Joining a mothers and toddlers group to make new friends, going back to work when my son was two, joining the P & C at his primary school and going back to the UK every couple of years to see family and friends are some of the things that have made a big difference to my life here.
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Old Aug 9th 2013, 10:21 pm
  #42  
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Default Re: My wife wants to go home....

Originally Posted by LeeWillo
Hi luvmeboys (feel's odd writing such a term!), was it the place you didn't like, or did you just miss home and/or people?
Hi, we had done a couple of visits before we made our move over so it was not a culture shock. We both work so I met lots of people too.
I just feel that some things missing! It's not the "right" place for me...
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Old Aug 14th 2013, 2:43 am
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Default Re: My wife wants to go home....

Originally Posted by John Mc
Also have you had a read of booklet 9 on the immi website? Link for you:-

http://www.immi.gov.au/allforms/booklets/books9.pdf

Page 18 states:-

Obligation not to recover certain costs from a primary sponsored person or secondary sponsored person.

The sponsor must not recover, or seek to recover, all or part of the costs (including migration agent costs)
from the primary or secondary sponsored person:
• that relate specifi cally to the recruitment of the primary sponsored person, or
• associated with becoming or being an approved sponsor or former approved sponsor.

Also there is a clause it states that the company have a legal right to pay for your travel costs to return home if you put it into writing that you want to leave. My company have the same clause in my contract to pay back the money it cost them but the government sees it slightly differently.

Don't show your wife this post or you'll be on the next plane home

Hope this helps

Cheers

John
That's great info thanks I didn't know that although I was under the impression that they are obliged to pay for us to go home under the 457 visa should the time come. I think I will end up using that at some point!
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Old Aug 14th 2013, 2:45 am
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Default Re: My wife wants to go home....

Originally Posted by luvmeboys
Hi, we had done a couple of visits before we made our move over so it was not a culture shock. We both work so I met lots of people too.
I just feel that some things missing! It's not the "right" place for me...
How are you finding Canada, that is another option for us we are looking at? Well I say option, I have applied for a couple of jobs to see what if anything comes back. In Alberta they are based, they must be undergoing some infrastructure development there.
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Old Aug 14th 2013, 1:21 pm
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Default Re: My wife wants to go home....

Originally Posted by kips
I really feel for your wife as I was in that in that situation when we emigrated. I had no family or friends here, didn't want to move to Australia and only did so for my husband because he was so miserable in the UK.

It didn't help that I had to come over on my own with our two-month-old son as OH was already working here and it was the flight from hell. Darling son vomited an hour into the flight and again about 5 hours later.

I didn't take a change of clothing me so arrived in Sydney stinking of sick, very emotional, exhausted and our son wouldn't stop crying when we got to customs.

To make matters worse I had to figure out how to get two suitcases - one weighing 40 kilos and the other 20 kilos, a push chair and a back pack through to arrivals while holding a baby. Nobody offered to help. I had to ask a customs officer for help.

I seriously thought about taking the next plane home. I remember thinking I was making the biggest mistake of my like.

I was so miserable for those first months - stuck at home with a baby and no family or friends for support. I took every opportunity to let my husband know how much I hated living here and what I hated about Australia. It was a nightmare for him. I lost count of the number of times I said (or screamed) "I hate it here. I want to go home".

I went back to the UK for 5 weeks with our son, just seven months after emigrating, and really, really did not want to come back. I loved being back with my family and friends. I hadn't felt that happy for months.

My OH was so terrified I wasn't coming back he phoned me twice a day of the entire 5 weeks I was there.

That was TEN years ago and I am still here so there is hope for your wife. Tell her to hang in there.

Joining a mothers and toddlers group to make new friends, going back to work when my son was two, joining the P & C at his primary school and going back to the UK every couple of years to see family and friends are some of the things that have made a big difference to my life here.
Making a good life for yourself after such a rotten start and feeling the pull of home so strongly took guts kips. I take my hat off to you.
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