teza

Then you are looking at really long haul, unfortunately especially the situ with new born has to be considered. As those who know my past history, knows how bad undiagnosed PN depression can go wrong, in my case agoraphobia ( took years to over come). Unlike OPs wife, I love Oz so didn't have that added to it. Not saying she has PND but could trigger it easy in such situation and then looking at whole new ball game! As said before, us women need to vent, but goal posts moved by years... Ouch...

Pollyana

OP, do you think your wife would benefit from joining BE and talking to - maybe meeting up with - other people who have also felt or feel unsettled?

quoll

Yup! It doesn't sound like things are going to change.

Perhaps turn the Christmas visit into a one way trip - or tell her that she and the kids can and you'll return to tidy things up then return with her. Once she has a flight booked and the date in her diary she will probably be less depressed.

scot47

Compromise. She goes back. You stay where you are.

eddie007

Mistake made at the beginning.... Setting a time limit on the whole thing....

Gives you a count down..... Only another 730 sleeps till we go home... It's the wrong mindset .... Unless you get lucky and she falls in love with Australia...

Personally I am happy where my husband is happy... But when I was depressed in 2012 it was very different.

Don't know what to suggest, apart from wait till you get back after Christmas to make a final decision.

Bermudashorts

I was unhappy in Bermuda as some on here might know, many nights were spent in tears and it was an awful feeling. At least I was fortunate to have a husband who was not going to watch me unhappy and I know he would have come back with me at any time, I never asked though.

Finally, after 18 months he said, we are going home, but we decided to make it two years to avoid contract problems ... and you are right Quoll, the last six months were not so bad then..

I don't think there is anything wrong with having a two year deal on something, we have a four year deal on Australia, but you do have to honour it. A bigger mistake, is moving overseas when one partner is not really up for it in the first place. It is ok and normal that one might be keener than the other, but you do have to both be up for it.

scrubbedexpat098

I couldn't stand by and watch my wife descend like this, i'd lock her in a cupboard or go down the pub

Seriously, she tried it cos she loves ya, take her home cos you love her. Your biggest challenge will be not rubbing her nose in it if UK life turns to shit. proper marriage tester, very best of luck

LeeWillo

That's my biggest fear! I don't want to be tempted to say 'If we were still in Australia....' or 'it was better in Australia...'.

Yes we're on a 457. I've stopped my progression of PR through work as I can't see us staying, and it would be a bonus to take my super with me!

On a positive, she doesn't actually want to go home so we are looking at the US or Canada. I could happily swap the surf for the ski slopes I guess.

Also in regards to PND, I was worried about that as she was a bit down about it before the baby but the kids seem to bring out the happiest in her and she always as a smile on her face when she is cooing over them!

She's a tough cookie and she won't let it go easily I know that, which makes me even more determined to stick with the original two year promise as much as I don't want to go home. We have financial reasons here for staying 2 years anyway so won't be shorter than that (obligation to pay relocation costs back to employer if leave before then). Plus I want to give it 2 years just to maintain a bit of longetivity of employment history on my cv. When recruiting I always wonder about people who only tend to hold a job for only a year to 18 months or so. I think either they get bored easily or get found out. That could just me being cynical though.

commonwealth

When I worked in Bermuda all I was thinking of was the next long weekend so I could go shopping in NYC. The island is beautiful but it's more boring than Newcastle!

LeeWillo

There's no-one English here in Whyalla to meet up with! Ha just kidding I know what you mean. She does go on a facebook group - Poms in Perth I think it is from when we were in Perth. She's gaining a good group of friends so she's not particularly lonely. She's busy everyday meeting people and going to the gym where it seems to be more of a social event these days. As I said in a previous post, she is tough and very go getting. So she isn't just complaining for the sake of it she will be feeling it.

carolinephillips

Being a bit of a devil's advocate now, while I sympathise with your wife, I don't think she is exactly being fair texting you and/or moaning like that every day - she has put a great deal of stress on you. She has the wrong mind set to have even given it a chance, and will badger you and be negative until you give in. I could understand if it was just the desire to go back to her homebase, but you say you are going to still be expats, so she still won't have the friends/family that you had in the UK. What will you do if she hates it in your new country? You will end up hopping from place to place at cost to you and stress on your family and children.

You really do need to deal with it, or this situation will go on and on....How you deal with it I am not sure, but having a very frank heart-to-heart may help. She needs to know how you feel- it can't all just be one sided.

bcworld

I think there's being an expat and then there's living in somewhere like Whyalla! If I was ambivalent about the whole thing, but gave it a go thinking I'd be living in, say, Perth...that's one thing...but I'd hazard a guess that Whyalla is pretty much no ones cup of tea! I wouldn't second guess how she might react to living somewhere else based on a reaction to living in Whyalla.

eddie007

Not knowing where Whyalla is I googled it and The only hit I got was "Where the fluck is THAT?"

old.sparkles

About 4 hours north of Adelaide

eddie007

makes perf look like a city