LeeWillo

....and a day doesn't go by without her telling me about it. Is anyone else in a similar situation? How do you deal with it?

PS. I don't!

old.sparkles

Sorry to hear that Lee - can't help as it's only me and young spark but we're in Adelaide if you wanted to chat

chris955

Im not sure what anyonecan say in this situation, it is always a risk when you move some somewhere that one half of the couple wont want to stay. My wife never wanted to stay in Australia but did for close to 20 years. The worst thing you can do is try to ignore it and think she will get over it. No easy answers Im afraid.

Amazulu

Book her a ticket?

LeeWillo

I know there's no easy answers. To be fair she never wanted to come, she did for me. I agreed to give it 2 years then if she wanted to come home we would which I still think is fair enough. It's been 18 months, and we are in Whyalla which I don't particularly like either, but for a number of reasons I prefer it to home. Aside from that, it gets pretty depressing going home each day to be told she doesn't like it!
I guess I will get it again tonight due to the text I received a couple of hours ago 'I HATE IT HERE'. I asked her to define here, 'AUSTRALIA'!! I was hoping it would just say Whyalla!

Pollyana

Have a read of some of the threads in the UK forum, a lot of people posting in there have one partner settled and the other unhappy.

http://britishexpats.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=61

teza

You mention in the Immi forum that you have a new born, which certainly doesn't help when homesick, perhaps she thinks shed have more family and friends supporting with new born?

Beoz

Yes .... every second day. ... I dangle a carrot ..... get the passport in, then we will go.

alipally

No easy answer, but I suspect that your location has quite a bit to do with it...

Maybe ask for a compromise... move interstate or just nearer to town and a bigger expat community to support her.

Not working and being at home all day will also add to the feelings of isolation and that combined with the time difference and not being able to pick up the phone and speak to friends back home all compound the problem.

I'm not saying that a move to ADL will solve your problems, it may be that she is just too homesick and will never really be happy here, but it is possible to make it more bearable than I suspect it is at the moment.

Good luck with it.

LeeWillo

Ha I just have actually, for Christmas, unfortunately I've been tagged along into going. I don't know why but I have no desire for going back just yet!

I will have a look thanks.

Yes you are right there. Although it isn't the support, we do quite well together but she has a huge feeling of guilt that we have taken the kids away from her parents who are very good with them. I say them, they haven't met the new one yet.

I think a move would definitely help, it's just not that easy with work. I have said that after christmas I'll tell them they need to relocate us or I'll look for work elsewhere. I'm sure they will accommodate us if they can, it is just a big if. Construction and mining isn't so great at the moment.
It was better in Perth but she still felt the guilt and was getting a bit bored. I think she just felt so isolated with nothing else really around like we had in the UK.

Thanks for your comments guys, I think it is more a rant for me for getting fed up of hearing it!! Hopefully it will pass, if not I have to keep my word, go home after two years. There isn't just me to think about after all!

asher

maybe a sit down and really discuss it, often you get the constant grief when wives feel men aren't really paying attention, ie you know she hates it so can she stop going on!
talk about the life you want for the children, the lack of opportunities in the UK

but mainly let her pour it all out to you, for women just talking about it can make them feel better then you can discuss all the options

Bermudashorts

She gave it a go for you, I think you should fall on your sword and take her home. Another six months isn't going to make a difference.

stuartsummers1980

Difficult one as sounds like as others have mentioned, you're not living the Aus experience, you're living the Whyalla experience.

If my wife raises these kind of murmurs I as someone else said, mention the passport thing, & remind her that a) our daughter once i get round to it will have an Aus passport by right of birth so we need to have equal rights as her just in case when she's older she moves here & we'd want to know we could come back & live if necessary b) if we go back & think oh crud what have we done, it's simpler to come back or c) we can go back to the UK but still potentially retire here.

That said not everyone is 2 years in to a 176 like us so if you can't play the passport card I would focus on the negatives of being in the UK, keep an eye on the news, as morbid as it sounds, murders, all the horrible crime that goes on, keep referencing it. Tell her what horrendous crime you heard happened in your old haunts. The winter, my wife was like bambi on ice, where we are there's never icy pavements, I constantly remind her of being pregnant over a UK winter & how dangerous that could have been had we been there for it. Get in to any trouble in the UK? Some vermin tried unsuccessfully to mug me & my mate on his stag do in Birmingham. I often remind her of that. Plus the usual cliches revolving around children & the outdoor style of growing up here, better weather = debatably less of an Xbox upbringing.

There's my angle for you & yes some of the above is a bit sensationalistic, but needs must....

teza

Unfortunately when someone has promised 2 yrs if not settled by then, then the homesick OH (with a new born to boost and looking for family to see mile stones never mind wanting to be near family), moving the goal post by another 3 yrs is not an option (2 yrs more b4 you qualify for citizenship, application, waiting for ceremony etc can add nearly a year to that 2 yrs). I'm sorry, I have loved Oz from day one but if my OH doubled or more a goal post like that no matter where we were, if i was unhappy, I'd leave.... Just my personal opinion. She's given it nearly the two years, adding to that time isn't going to help, interstate move or capital move will only serve purpose to OP as he wants to stay, she may not want to uproot and start over, her heart may be at settling back instead.

old.sparkles

I think OP is on 457 as well