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is it for my reasons or my kids???????

is it for my reasons or my kids???????

Old Apr 12th 2010, 5:27 am
  #1  
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Default is it for my reasons or my kids???????

We as a family have been living in Australia for 4 years now but i find myself asking questions upon me in regards am i doing this OZ life for me or is it for my kids.
The Reason i ask this is because we have just spent feb2010 in the uk staying with the wifes parents, we did the usual visiting things when we were there and yes we enjoyed the snow, but on returning to Brisbane i have found me asking myself and my wife have we given our kids 9 and 15 a better life or have we taken something away from them that they needed.
When we were in the UK our kids loved being with the parents and grand parents/ friends etc but now that we are back in OZ i find the kids saying that they enjoyed the time in the uk and miss being able to see the family.
I guess the question i keep asking myself is if we had stayed in the UK then my kids would of had time with each of our parents and had holidays/ time with them and gained live experiences with them, Back in OZ we dont have family here and find we as a family are 24/7 around each other.
We live in a nice house have beach near us good shops schools etc but does that mean anything to us if i have deprived my kids of their time with my wifes and mine parents.
We have dual citizenship passports etc but im a bit confused at this time.
Has anyone else had these feelings about their kids/gran parents etc
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Old Apr 12th 2010, 5:41 am
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Default Re: is it for my reasons or my kids???????

Originally Posted by Trevski View Post
We as a family have been living in Australia for 4 years now but i find myself asking questions upon me in regards am i doing this OZ life for me or is it for my kids.
The Reason i ask this is because we have just spent feb2010 in the uk staying with the wifes parents, we did the usual visiting things when we were there and yes we enjoyed the snow, but on returning to Brisbane i have found me asking myself and my wife have we given our kids 9 and 15 a better life or have we taken something away from them that they needed.
When we were in the UK our kids loved being with the parents and grand parents/ friends etc but now that we are back in OZ i find the kids saying that they enjoyed the time in the uk and miss being able to see the family.
I guess the question i keep asking myself is if we had stayed in the UK then my kids would of had time with each of our parents and had holidays/ time with them and gained live experiences with them, Back in OZ we dont have family here and find we as a family are 24/7 around each other.
We live in a nice house have beach near us good shops schools etc but does that mean anything to us if i have deprived my kids of their time with my wifes and mine parents.
We have dual citizenship passports etc but im a bit confused at this time.
Has anyone else had these feelings about their kids/gran parents etc
Your kids said they enjoyed their time in the UK but did they say if they prefer to live in OZ or the UK? If your kids say they like life better in OZ then they probably are better off here.
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Old Apr 12th 2010, 5:49 am
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Default Re: is it for my reasons or my kids???????

Two of mine were only toddlers when we came here. My parents came for 2 years when 3 of my boys were 1,4 & 5, then they visited a few times 'til the now 4 were in their teens. In between times they talked about them but I don't think they ever felt that they had missed out on anything. We had friends that we socialised with as well as doing things as a family. All 4 have grown into well adjusted, successful adults. I'm sorry that they did not known my husband's family. As adults, I think that they wish they had but that's as far as it goes.
The first time my OH went back he came home and admitted that he had thoughts of going back to live but looked at the children all rugged up and couldn't imagine our boys wearing all these clothes. lol
However, only you can make the decision for your family. If they are happy here, there's no problem.

Last edited by Gibbo; Apr 12th 2010 at 5:52 am.
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Old Apr 12th 2010, 5:50 am
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Default Re: is it for my reasons or my kids???????

Originally Posted by Trevski View Post
We as a family have been living in Australia for 4 years now but i find myself asking questions upon me in regards am i doing this OZ life for me or is it for my kids.
The Reason i ask this is because we have just spent feb2010 in the uk staying with the wifes parents, we did the usual visiting things when we were there and yes we enjoyed the snow, but on returning to Brisbane i have found me asking myself and my wife have we given our kids 9 and 15 a better life or have we taken something away from them that they needed.
When we were in the UK our kids loved being with the parents and grand parents/ friends etc but now that we are back in OZ i find the kids saying that they enjoyed the time in the uk and miss being able to see the family.
I guess the question i keep asking myself is if we had stayed in the UK then my kids would of had time with each of our parents and had holidays/ time with them and gained live experiences with them, Back in OZ we dont have family here and find we as a family are 24/7 around each other.
We live in a nice house have beach near us good shops schools etc but does that mean anything to us if i have deprived my kids of their time with my wifes and mine parents.
We have dual citizenship passports etc but im a bit confused at this time.
Has anyone else had these feelings about their kids/gran parents etc

Yep, between 3 and 13 my youngest has seen extended family 3 times. 3 visits in 10 years, yep they have a pool, yep we have a fantastic house, yep we have a nice beach, people or pools ummm
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Old Apr 12th 2010, 5:50 am
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Default Re: is it for my reasons or my kids???????

My kids only commented on this in their adulthood. We were a 24/7 small family of 4. DH's folks are a 10 hour drive away and my folks came and went every year on holiday. Now they are adults, both my sons have independently commented to me about the isolation of our family. Both have been made aware of it because of their partners, both of whom have large families with which they engage a lot - one in UK and one here in Aus. My younger son in particular finds it has been isolating and he has a very small group of friends and an even smaller family group now that DS1 lives in UK (and DS1 has quite a healthy connection with my parents, cousins and remaining aunts and uncles - they replace the other 3 of us for him, I think).

Both my kids said that they enjoyed growing up in Australia but I do wonder what paths their lives would have taken had we stayed in UK. I am pretty sure that DS2 would have been more "normal" (he's a bit way out there and alternative at the mo) and DS1 would have probably taken a different career pathway - he has done well with career in UK but probably wouldnt have started the way he did had he lived there all his life.

I seriously doubt that they have had any magical advantage from growing up in Australia - other than a very nasty crop of freckles across DS1's back which still scare me as being melanoma territory and that is more of a disadvantage I reckon! (I skimped the sunscreen one day!)
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Old Apr 12th 2010, 5:58 am
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Default Re: is it for my reasons or my kids???????

Originally Posted by quoll View Post
My kids only commented on this in their adulthood. We were a 24/7 small family of 4. DH's folks are a 10 hour drive away and my folks came and went every year on holiday. Now they are adults, both my sons have independently commented to me about the isolation of our family. Both have been made aware of it because of their partners, both of whom have large families with which they engage a lot - one in UK and one here in Aus. My younger son in particular finds it has been isolating and he has a very small group of friends and an even smaller family group now that DS1 lives in UK (and DS1 has quite a healthy connection with my parents, cousins and remaining aunts and uncles - they replace the other 3 of us for him, I think).

Both my kids said that they enjoyed growing up in Australia but I do wonder what paths their lives would have taken had we stayed in UK. I am pretty sure that DS2 would have been more "normal" (he's a bit way out there and alternative at the mo) and DS1 would have probably taken a different career pathway - he has done well with career in UK but probably wouldnt have started the way he did had he lived there all his life.

I seriously doubt that they have had any magical advantage from growing up in Australia - other than a very nasty crop of freckles across DS1's back which still scare me as being melanoma territory and that is more of a disadvantage I reckon! (I skimped the sunscreen one day!)
my eldest girl of 15 says she does like here but at times she does get frustrated at the way some australian girls act and switch friends,my son is the one that is getting a bit fed up with our life in OZ as he does relate to when he was in the uk he was playing out with friends till eve but here in oz they dont seem to want to play out, just stay in house
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Old Apr 12th 2010, 6:25 am
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Default Re: is it for my reasons or my kids???????

Originally Posted by Trevski View Post
my eldest girl of 15 says she does like here but at times she does get frustrated at the way some australian girls act and switch friends
That's teenage girls the world over I'm afraid!
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Old Apr 12th 2010, 6:27 am
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Default Re: is it for my reasons or my kids???????

I have not got a lot of family back in the UK but I miss them and their support and my 5 year old is at the age where she would love to have her grand parents around.

We have been here for two and a half years and had my mother and father in law stay for a month.I don't think they will be able to afford to come again for a long time and my Mum hates flying.We have no spare money so we will not be going back for a visit any time soon.

My oldest two and husband don't really care so I find it quite hard at times.I do think Australians spend a lot of time with their families which is nice but I find it quite hard on Mothers Day and special holidays.

I guess you just have to work out what is best for you and your family.Not easy I know.Sue.
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Old Apr 12th 2010, 7:17 am
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Default Re: is it for my reasons or my kids???????

The thing is, if you lived back there, would you live close enough for your children to have a close connection with the extended family. A holiday is just that and you spend far more time with family than in real life if you were living, working, schooling etc. Teenage girls are teenage girls, they don't behave much differently here from there, although in my experience they are happy to be 'kids' for longer here, no so desperate to have boyfriends etc (as I say, that's just my experience).

There's no way of knowing how they would turn out if you'd never moved or if you moved back unless you do and then you'd have no way of knowing how things would have been if you'd stayed so I don't bother even going there
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Old Apr 12th 2010, 8:02 am
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Default Re: is it for my reasons or my kids???????

Originally Posted by Trevski View Post
We as a family have been living in Australia for 4 years now but i find myself asking questions upon me in regards am i doing this OZ life for me or is it for my kids.
The Reason i ask this is because we have just spent feb2010 in the uk staying with the wifes parents, we did the usual visiting things when we were there and yes we enjoyed the snow, but on returning to Brisbane i have found me asking myself and my wife have we given our kids 9 and 15 a better life or have we taken something away from them that they needed.
When we were in the UK our kids loved being with the parents and grand parents/ friends etc but now that we are back in OZ i find the kids saying that they enjoyed the time in the uk and miss being able to see the family.
I guess the question i keep asking myself is if we had stayed in the UK then my kids would of had time with each of our parents and had holidays/ time with them and gained live experiences with them, Back in OZ we dont have family here and find we as a family are 24/7 around each other.
We live in a nice house have beach near us good shops schools etc but does that mean anything to us if i have deprived my kids of their time with my wifes and mine parents.
We have dual citizenship passports etc but im a bit confused at this time.
Has anyone else had these feelings about their kids/gran parents etc
Know exactly how you feel. Where to live is so clear cut for some and confusing for others. My children like living in Australia, but miss their grandparents and talk about them a lot. We are going back for a bit to see how UK feels to us now and then talk as a family about where we want to be. It's not a criticism of Australia if being near family is more important, and think of all the experiences you have had out here if you do go back. We have also said we have to talk about the practicalities of going back i.e. schools, jobs, our home here etc. Unfortunately, it is only something you as a family can say what feels right. Good luck.
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Old Apr 13th 2010, 12:13 pm
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Default Re: is it for my reasons or my kids???????

Its a very difficult situation and one which I am facing after only being here in oz for two and a half months. We came out with the intention of having a better lifestyle for us and our two kids but in this short space of time my father has discovered he has heart problems and my mother in law was in hospital with poor health just after we left. My youngest daughter who's 6 is becomming very homesick and has now resorted to walking around with a bucket just incase she is sick. My son has hundreds of regular messages from friends on his facebook asking him to come home (he is a very popular lad) and deep down he gets upset that he isn't home with them.

While where we are in Cairns is a lovely place, my husband and I cant see ourselves growing old here and as we havent made any friends out here yet, we realise that what we had back in the uk wasn't so bad so we are thinking of heading home in October. For me its family that make life worth living not sand and sunshine. We are grateful for having an opportunity like this but I know I'm making the right decision for my family at this point in time. Good Luck with your decision... its not easy.
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