sasbear

Thats great news - I wish the best for your future relationship to go from stregth to strength

Carrianne

thank you

mattandjulia

It's a true saying You'll never miss your mother until she has gone.

My mum allways used to say this to me when I was little and now having lost my mum 8 weeks ago I can honestly say............


Mum I miss and love you dearly

I never told her this before she died. Wish I had of now but we were never that close.

Julia.

kaz101

I miss both my parents.

They have just gone back to the UK after being out here for a month. My husband was dreading it since my Mum and I love each but we are too alike to get on well when we are living together. However I just let her be herself and we had all had a great time. My husband was working so he only went out with us at weekends. A month wasn't long enough and now I seem to miss my parents more than ever.

They did mention about moving out here but we'll see how they feel in a few months. If they still feel the same way then we'll start to think about doing something about it.

I tell both my parents that I love them but all it seems to do is make them cry at the moment

Karen.

cranni

My mum and dad came two weeks ago, they go back in March.
I dont know if it is a good thing, as it really sets me back when they have gone.
Lets just enjoy it.
Denise

TiddlyPom

I can't enjoy mine.

She's got a borderline personality disorder and is obsessed by religion and god.
She went through my personal papers in my room whilst she was here, and involved herself in my personal business, emailed my private life to all her friends and family, asking them to 'pray' for me.
She's never wrong, she's never to blame for anything. She's never the one responsible.
She tells total strangers something totally inappropriate about me, knowing that they'll repeat back to me some time down the track and she'll have scored a point. They'll say something 'Oh, I know I shouldn't say this, but your mother really feels like she's treading on your toes by being here...' ... They don't realise they're being set up. She's so manipulative. She puts thoughts into people's heads by what she says and they think it's arrived there all by their own thinking.
Little embers which fan the flames of bigger fires.
I just smile and nod.
She tried to talk to my OH whilst she was here, encouraging him to give up his time with the kids and leave it for me. I'm lazy you see... not just a slow starter in the morning because of a medical condition. Then she lied to cover her tracks.

She's got deep psychological problems she's never tackled and never will, blaming the fact that I can't cope with it as my problem and she 'just can't understand what the problem is'...
To other people she puts on a front of niceness and generosity. They're shocked when I tell them what she's really like.

It's impossible to live with. It's very sad too.
She'll never change. She doesn't truly know how to love or like herself, and can't transfer that to anyone else.
Her idea of love is all about control and knowlege. She's never been a mother to me.

She was here for 3 months and it was hellish on and off. I spent a lot of time smiling and nodding. It's the only way to cope with it.

Not everyone gets on with their mother. If you do, you're very lucky and you should appreciate that whilst you can.

I've often thought that it will be a relief when she finally goes from this earth. For her, as well as my sister and I.

rabsody

Gosh that all sounds really awful. Must have really f-ed your childhood up. When they come and stay with you, it does tend to bring it all back. Sounds like you are definitely better off the other side of the world from your mum.

Carrianne

Big hugs from me Tiddlypom x

TiddlyPom

It didn't **** up my childhood but I learnt from a very early stage that she wasn't a capable person and that I couldn't rely on her for much... I think I was about 4 or 5. It probably explains why I'm such an independent person now. She fed us and hugged us, but her other actions of manipulation and control didn't make the other stuff mean much over time. She was constantly sending mixed messages.

I'm ok with it now I think. i try to feel sorry for her and just cope with the issues she brings when I'm with her. I don't always succeed but there we go.

It's made me a better mother though.

moneypenny20

She's my mother without the religion, thank god You have coped with yours far better than I would with mine though although I have no intention of putting it to the test. Mine has always said "you'll miss me when I'm gone" To which my reply, generally unspoken, has been "let's give it a go shall we?"

It's not to say I've always felt this way but definitely since I was about 24 I have come to realise exactly what's she's like. Before that I always thought she was a good mother - what else did I have to compare to? I never noticed the manipulation, the negativity, the putdowns. Now I do and I refuse to play the game. I don't want to know. I'll phone her, and have long chats but the second she mentions something to do with family or my home, my ears close.

It's made me a better mother too so I guess if I was being kindhearted, she's done me a favour.

TiddlyPom

Yes, our mother's came out of the same mould, Pen.

When you say you don't get on with your mother, then people who do have a really hard time dealing with that. I've really been judged for it by people who have no idea.

A friend here, whilst my parents were around actually said she didn't really believe me because she'd met my mother and just simply couldn't believe it.
Our friendship had a serious boundary drawn in it!

It's horrendously difficult.. society judges you... your mother's meant to be loved regardless... but it's not always possible.

northernbird

I feel the same and its 12 years since my mum died. I know other peoples mothers aren't perfect but I sure as hell wish I still had mine around.

kaz101

And it's meant to be the other way around too - you are 'meant' to get your mother's unconditional love.

I do appreciate my parents and I also understand what you are saying since my Mother in Law is like that. She's so manipulative it would almost be comical if my husband wasn't involved. When I first heard about my (then future) MIL I couldn't believe she was that bad but I have learnt from various sources that she is. She disowned my husband a few years ago, and he seems happier for that. My parents love him dearly and it took him a while to get used to that since he hadn't had much love in his life. And yes he is very independent too

Karen

cranni

You know what , I understand more than you think.
12,000 miles is not far enough for hubbys mother.
You could be wrting about the same person.
She does not know where we are, and best it stays that way.
Be happy and make the most you have with your own family, that is what counts the most.
Denisex

Nu-Shooz

My mum said she would come in Jan...then she said April, now she's not bothering at all..

Yes i miss her, hate the MIL:curse: