woodyinoz

Help the school have just asked me in. They say that my eldest is being a bully and is bossing the other kids too much. I have spoken to my girl and she says it's all lies and hates school. Two of the other girls wont let her friends play with her and as soon as she starts sticking up for herself they call her a bitch and lots of other names.
I know that she can be rather intollerant of others and she is a very strong girl but I wonder where all of this is going. How can I help as a Mum? Surely I have to beleive in her and give her some support.
What help is there in Victoria for parents and kids of school age?
She is a very bright kid and isn't being challenged in the class room. Could this be the reason. Are some kids just born bad?
Any advise would be welcome please

:-)

You don't say how old she is but I guess it will pass. I know it must be worrying but I guess it is just teenage angst.

woodyinoz

She is nearly 9.
There are lots of sites out there for kids who are being bullied but none aimed at helping a bully??? I am worried that if I just let it pass she could get worse, but what if the school is unfairly labelling her? Won't this make it worse at school for her?

Kids should come with instructions

cranni

Hi there, i had this when my son was 14, he was being bullied, then to stop this he joined the bullies and was suspended from school. Do you know i felt worse when he was named a bully.
What did i do- i took him to see the boy that was bullied, the headmaster was no help at all, so we met the parents of the boy, my son Kevin felt terrible when he saw what they had done to this poor boy. so did i, dont turn a blind eye to it , get to the bootom of it.
Kevin turned out ok, and it did not happen again.
Too many people turn a blinde eye to this problem, with drastic consequences sometimes. Denise [mum of 6]

Del Boy

Was there any sign of a problem in UK ? how long have you been in Aust?

madsad

I wouldn't read too much into it,until you get the full story/picture.
More often than not it seems to be the innocent ones that are branded a bully merely for sticking up for themselves or giving back as much as they've took from the real bully.

My daughter is also very strong willed got a letter home from her teacher a few weeks ago because of a little sh!t stirrer in the class Dani had a couple of unpleasant weeks because of this particular girl & her antics! Dani got caught retaliating (mums advice !! ) on a few occasions,resulting in the letter home,wording on how we should all play nice!
Things are ok now.

Its difficult how best to deal with the situation,maybe the best thing all round is to have a heart to heart with your daughter & try to get to the bottom of it all. Try not to think the worst?

Best of luck x

Donna.

woodyinoz

From what I understand she is not bullying one kid in particullar they recon that she is trying to gain controll of all the girls in the class. There are a few other girls who are making her feel bad and I think that they are trying to use other kids to have a popularity comp. As I said she is a strong girl so I recon that it is a power struggle. Surely its a peer thing at this age?
The teacher concerned has just been on a bullying conference! could she just be getting things out of context?

cranni

I did not realise she is only nine, the other girls could be egging her on, teachers dont always get it right, no matter how much training they have had, go into the school , watch, my 11 yr old was bullied when he started high school, teacher was useless, i stood in the playground, and threatened to stand out side the classroom, i soon put a stop to it, nip it in the bud now.
I can not tolerate bullies, they make childrens lives a misery.
I hope you can work it out, it is hard. Denise

woodyinoz

I had a heart to heart with her and she was sobbing her heart out. She is very upset at being called a bully and recons that she isn't. She has been teaching some girls a dance that she is doing in Ballet for the end of term show and I think that another girl didn't like the attention she was getting so she has been making her life hell.
It's hard as a mum to know what is the truth. I want to believe her but why is the teacher calling her a bully? She isn't intensionly making people feel bad she is just bossy!
I am now going on a trip with the class on Monday. I am also going to have more of a presence at the class. At the moment I have been with my younger girls prep and grade 2. So she has asked me to be a part in her class more. Surley a bully wouldn't want their Mum around?
We have been at the school for 2 years. Unfortunatly there are only 80 kids here so there is not much choice of friends.

Flutterscutter

Hi Woody

after reading this post, i remembered watchng a Dr Phil show about this subject only a few weeks back.

I have found this link to his website about bullying. If you scroll to the bottom of the page, his son has written a book all about bullying and how to deal with it from both the victims perspective and also the bully.

http://drphil.com/shows/show/115/

Hope its of help

RReed

Hi Woodyinoz
I think you have to take this seriously and investigate it with your daughter in a non-judgemental manner. Even if she is bullying, it does not make her a bad person.
I was a bully at nine. My behaviour towards some kids was just awful - physical and mental bullying. Luckily one of the teachers decided to find out why, rather than just label me as 'bad'. It was all happening at a time when my parents were getting divorced. It was extremely stressful and I felt totally out of control. Therefore I was exerting my control where I could. With a bit of support and understanding I stopped bullying.
Interestingly I ended up getting badly bullied myself in high school - so I have experienced both sides!
So, talk to your daughter - what else is going on in her life?
Good luck
Rachel

Rudi

We kind of have the opposite situation in our house, so I can kind of understand how you feel. My daughter is being bullied at school and I went to see the principal about it a few weeks ago. My daughter is also 9. When I named the child doing the bullying he just looked at me in disbelief.....as I knew he would. She is a smarmy little cow, and fools the teachers. Her mum and dad also help out a lot in school and they are seen, as a family, as 'pillars of the community'.

It makes me really angry that teachers don't see the real story with things sometimes. All I see is my daughter coming home from school in tears and not wanting to go in in the mornings. She is a child who has always loved, and excelled in school, but now she does not enjoy school.

The principal had promised to talk to the class about bullying in general........this was 3 weeks ago and he has not done so yet. I am really disgusted.

I hope things work out for your daughter. Things are getting better for us. My daughter has moved to a completely new set of friends in the last couple of weeks and for the first time in 2 years things do seem better. I hope it stays that way.

Good Luck

Rudi

Flutterscutter

Rudi

the weblink i posted above may be of use to you also. It has ideas on approaching the school to embrace an anti bullying campaign.

woodyinoz

Thanks for the advise. I will have a check on Dr Phill's site.
I took the bully shopping tonight and she was an angel helping with the younger ones until she went off to order a pizza and the guy said to her in an abrubt voice that they didn't have anymore. Yet again she came running back in tears. Do all kids this age become an emotional wreck. I thought that it was a PMT issue and I had a few years of grace yet. I think that she doesn't have any self confidence left.
As for personnal issues that may have caused all this the poor thing moved countries, had an aupair whilst Mum whent back to work for the first time and then her Dad left! Luckily now he is back ( early mid life crisis sorted by a new telly, motorbike and ) I have left work and we booted out the aupair as she was smacking them. Lets hope a little stabillity will sort out this issue.

Teri

Bullying is very serious. The damage can stay for years to come.

My son (9 years) also has a tendency to try be the leader by being bossy and a bit of a bully. We have made it clear that we love him and support him, but WILL NOT tolerate any type of bullying - even verbal.

We made him write a heart to heart apology to one of the boys at school for mocking him (we helped him to visualise what that boy had been feeling and how it must have hurt him) and hand the letter to the boy in front of the whole class. He has never bullied another child since, and instead often stands up for the ones that are being bullied.

You have to be stern, make a stand (don't sit on the fence - it is confusing for a child). Tell her to do the right thing - even if she is not to blame entirely - she has no control over the other girls actions - but does have control over her own actions and how she responds to all of this. And should confront it and apologise for the part she played in the issue - it will help to teach her to act instead of runaway when there are problems in her life and will also do a lot to win the teachers over and some of the girls.

Good Luck.