mlbonner

Prepare for a rant!!!


This morning I logged on to check my emails; got an email from my best friends mum, my immediate thought was 'sh't somethings happened to her', when I opened it I realised she'd written it because she was off work and staying with her parents. Her husband it appears is a cheating bar-steward, its a long story and there is much more to it than I feel should be put on a forum like this. The bottom line is though I feel awful, I'd quite happily kill him at this moment, I cant believe a man who just three months ago was crying at their wedding he was so happy (they've been together 10 years) would do this to her and I am 'stuck' here completely helpless. She is getting a divorce and putting her house on the market & all I want to do is be there to help her

I am so mad (at him) and so sad (for her) right now. I knew things like this would happen, I just didnt expect it less than a week after I left

steandleigh

What bad news I'm sure your friend will appreciate letters/calls and email evn though you can't be right there to support her.

Why doesn't she join you for a few weeks break when she's dealt with it all and let that cheating pig pay for it!

Best wishes,

mlbonner

Thats what I told her - they were meant to be going away next month, get the money for that holiday and come and stay with me

bob and ginnie

In the old days, people quoted directly from the Bible . . . "You reap what you sow."
The modern day saying is "What goes around, comes around."
. . . . . same thing, in the long run.
In time, the hubby will find himself in old age with no-one beside him and feeling lonely, because of his "indiscretions" throughout his life.
Your job is to learn from all this.

joh117

I know how you feel it happened to my mate 1 month in to our trip over here. It has been difficult to speak to her (getting hold of her) and only last week did I get a long conversation with her as she has moved out. She is now so much happier than when I left the UK though and I wished I was there for her through the shit and also now she is through the other side loving life again.

It works both ways cos when I am down my mates wish they were here to help me out. Its times like this you realise how far away we really are!!

Just buy plenty of phone cards and you will still be able to be there for her.


Jo

Peter

That's a great idea and one I'm sure she'd appreciate. So long as she doesn't see it as escaping a problem though.

Ceri

I'd keep out of it if I were you... and just listen.. offer no personal advice, back no sides. Have you heard his side? You will never know the true situation of anybody.. you are an outsider... only they know themselves their relationship and how they feel , and what they choose to tell others... no matter how well you think you know someone, even if it's your own close kin and blood and not a friend

Relationships are odd things you know.

I've learnt that through countless situations .. even with my own brother and wife ( won't go into it)
My hubby's mum split up with hubbys father about 7 years ago now.. I take no sides, I will not get involved with other peoples personal relationships - it can back fire! ( although personally I think my mum-in-law is right cow sometimes, and my dad in law has had a really rough deal from her - although I don't say it to either her or him) .. but hubby on the other hand didn't speak to his mum for years, it was left to me to write to her.. and all the usual things signing his name first on cards.. even though I'm not over fond of her.. . I thought he should not cut his mum off ( you only have one mum) It's none of my business.. and no matter how much you think you know someone - you don't. It took him 7 years to start talking to his mum again on the phone.

Taking sides can back fire on you.. just listen.. don't advise her.If she gets back together with her husband again.. and you have said all these terrible things... it can backfire on you.

Don't judge, don't take sides.. but certainly listen to her , offer a shoulder to cry on.. but do not get involved with taking sides.

cheers

mlbonner

I wasn't going to get involved, I was just upset that I am so far away and cross that it happened just days after I left

Usually I would absolutely agree with not taking sides (my boyfriend hardly talks to his sister after she took his Ex's side when they split up ) and I have no intention of bad-mouthing him to her, but the degree to which he has wronged her has left me with no doubt at all - I wont get into the details on here, as I dont feel it is the right place.

Have been out and bought a phonecard & after getting a couple of texts from her I'm going to be calling her in a few days to be that shoulder

bridiej

That saying is always true and always brought me some comfort when people treated me badly in the past.

mlbonner

Dont know, it probably wont happen - but shes taken a couple of weeks off work anyway, so its an option for her I guess.

When you going to get here anyway

mlbonner

Jo - I've been out and bought a phonecard, nice big one for possible 'hours' of chat

Bob & Ginnie - couldn't agree with you more, though in this case I think justice is already being served.

JayDeee

One word for him which I wont use on here.

No excuse for cheating, if you're not happy in a relationship and think you need to go elsewhere then you leave your current partner 1st.

Michelle not a good start for you, talking about being put in a situation when you realize how hard t is being so far away straight away don't know what i'd do in that situation, not really a lot you can do.

Hope your friend can move on with her life and that everything else over there is goin good for you

Take care
Kala

mlbonner

Noooooooooope, not the best start. Still, what doesnt kill ya makes ya stronger I'm more worried about her than me anyway.

ANA123

Michelle,
Thats horrid for you and your mate, you should be allowed a honeymoon period before that realisation of how far away you are hits home. The phonecards are great though, I call someone in the uk most days and they still last for weeks, as they're so cheap you dont worry about chatting for hours (a call to one of my friends earlier tonight cost less than a dollar for just under an hour) I hope a good chat makes you both realise that the distance doesnt mean you arent there for her,
Michaela x

bundy

It's a horrible feeling, isn't it? One of my closest friends is in Australia and has been for the last 3 years, 2 of which have been absolute hell for her for a variety of reasons. There have been times when she has phoned and not said a word, just sobbed for half an hour. And there have been many occasions when I have seriously considered heading for Heathrow and hopping on the next plane.

But just because it's not possible to be there doesn't mean that you can't help. Speaking to someone who isn't actually present can be better than speaking to someone who is there, involved in the situation. A good friend will know that you are thinking of them all the time, regardless of where you are. Better a good absent friend than a useless present one.

What would you do if you were with her now? Talk things through, probably. So arm yourself with a good phonecard and keep talking. I find the hardest thing is not being able to give my friend a hug when she's crying. So I send her virtual hugs, little presents that let her know I'm thinking of her. It may not seem like much, but I think it's better than nothing.