martin36-1

We have been accepted at the TRA stage and our visa applications have been lodged 2 weeks ago. We have 3 daughters, 18, 14 and 10 who were all keen to go until the last couple of weeks when my oldest daughter has been saying that she doesn't want to emigrate with us. There is no way we could leave her behind and I understand her worries, i.e. education, jobs, losing contact with her friends and obviously the biggest obstacle of all.....her boyfriend. They have been going out for about 4 months and he is a lovely lad who treats her really well but it has left us in the awkward position of trying to persuade her to come with us. As i said before, we would never go without her as she is too young and naive to be left on her own but I really dont know what to do for the best. By the time we go, it may well have all changed and she is really keen again.
Has anyone else been in the same situation, and are there any children her age who would maybe drop her a line and give her all the positive sides to going.
Any advice would be very much appreciated,

many thanks

Martin and family

thebears

By the time the Visa is sorted will be another couple of weeks/months by which time the relationship could be either parted or growing stronger.

If it is getting stronger than can't he be invited over for a holiday post say 3 months of you settling in? That way she gets to look forward to seeing him again and it could be a test of their relationship??

I gather he is over 18 and therefore able to make a decision himself about potential emigration?

martin36-1

i may well suggest that, it sounds like a good idea and may well cheer her up a bit as you said.
Many thanks for your advice, its much appreciated.

CathnPaul

Yep...one million percent been in your shoes... about 18months ago. we were all ready to send in the main app and our eldest son decided to announce he couldnt face going to uni anymore and that he didnt want to emigrate with us...as you have done we said we cant leave him, but quite a few people said for us to let him stand on his own 2 feet. He is 18 after all.

Well an 18month on update...he is now 19 and has his own house, working full-time and is loving life...we have been around (thankfully) to teach him how to budget and deal with people to get things done. Plus he is planning on getting himself a mortgage and has said he would like to emigrate in about 5years when he has some money under his belt to be independant in oz!!

It will be a killer when we eventually go, but I know now he has his support networks in place and I have seen him deal with setting up a new home. He is fine.

Try to encourage her to go all the way through the app etc...then at least validate as she will have 5 years then to make her decision. I know exactly what you are going through and all I can say is it does work out. Please go ahead with the app.

Good Luck.

lightr0d2o

I also understand your situation and wish you well with it all.
We have been here for 4 months now and both of our girls came with us one 15 and one 19. the only thing different was no relationship with a steady boy friend, but the same issues of missing friends and every thing they had known in there lives.
Both now have settled in and have a great circle of friends and both agree that they have more freedom here and more things to do. In fact when we put the question to our 19 year old about moving back to the UK she said "you can but I aint".
Our youngest would still want to go back though.
Both the girls as we do, talk to our friends back in the UK by all sorts of media and lots of them are itching to come and see us here.
As a family though we seem to be happier here and spending more quality time as the saying goes.
I hope it all works out for you and that a deal is done to suit you all.

All the best Cockney ROB.....

Wendy

We were in the same position as Cath, our 18 year old didn't want to come. He also didn't want to be included on our visa as he is doing quite a long Uni course and wouldn't have been able to move over before the visa expired anyway.

He is now 19 and attending Uni in Hull. He works part time to pay his rent. I am so proud of him for standing on his own two feet and I feel that he has grown as a person for doing so.

I would suggest to her either, she gets her b/friend to come out on a Working Holiday Visa, he'd get 12 months here and they could then see where things are with their relationship, or the other option is that she validates her visa and then returns to the UK for a certain amount of time to see how she get along. She's then got 5 years to make a final decision. When she has to fend for herself for a while, she'll either flourish like my lad has or she'll be on the next plane out to you

Kimmy67

Hi Martin and family,
We emigrated Sept 06 to Perth, all 3 kids on visa, 18 boy, 19 girl, 22 girl.

Son is still in a relationship that started up whilst we were waiting for visa and it became serious fast as it was his first love so to speak. She is a wonderful Chinese only child and has very protective parents, who only saw my son as a mate (he was kept secret) and the future of their daughter as more important and rightly so. She is training to be a doctor and next year will go to London to Uni, making this, although heart ripping, easier I guess as they ultimately knew they would be spending time apart in their future. They are still madly in love, and communicate through media. Their plan I guess is to get a few years of hard education under their belts and then join forces in which ever country. He has his low days, he is trying to save to go back for the summer this year, but he realises it is only for 2 years until he has his citizenship and you know how fast a year goes by. Despite this, he has no problems with Australia and loves the place, he has just started TAFE (college) it was hard for the youngest to start with as they are not socially outgoing but they knew as soon as they started TAFE they would make friends with the same interests, they realised that it was an oppurtunity not to be missed and that not everyone is lucky enough to have the chance that they have had and they realise that they will make great friends here just as they did in the uk and this is just a stratch in time, compared to the lives they have ahead of them.

Our eldest, didn't want to come out yet....She wanted it to be her choice -when she was ready - when she said she didn't want to come out, my attitude was to not go through with it too, but then my OH said, that is a hell of a guilt trip to put on her shoulders, the fact that everyone would miss out because she didn't want to go. Regrets would no doubt pop up in the future and then blame. So we just asked her to validate and then she could choose herself.
She was still living at home with a crappy job, but she felt her job and mates were more important. She initially moved in with my mom, but then moved above the pub that she managed.
So we went ahead and did it.... she soon realised that she missed us all, mates were not all that they were cracked up to be especially when SHE needed something, weather was crap (and she likes the cold and snowboarding !!) and work was just work.
She is coming over in 15 days and I can't wait, after a couple of weeks she is going to go to Sydney to meet her friends that are on working visa's and I know she will stay.... it is a great place to travel and she loves to explore.

So do it for you, if you are a strong enough family you will cope. She will realise or she may stay there and build a life, but get her to validate so that she has options. 18 is not young over here, there are not many at home they are usually renting with mates, they are far more responsible and work much younger. Allowing her to make her own decisions will provide clarity.

Sorry its yarn, there comes a time when you have to let go.....and yes it is hard, but if you have given them good strong values, morals and life lessons they will still make mistakes, but life is all about learning and you will get to say "I told you so" ....

Kim and Martin and co.

Kimmy67

P.S - I am 39 and I was also scared of emigrating LOL.

cranni

Yep, had the same problem, my daughter was 17, and would not even go for the medicals, so i took a risk and we left without her with the 3 younger ones
Hubby new i could not stay if she did not follow. 6 Months later she came over on a student visa, the awkward little buggar cost me a fortune.
18 month on she is settled,has lots f friends, and loves it here.
Good luck to you, i know it was just the worst time of my life leaving my older kids and got really depressed.
Denise

Lord Pom Percy

She should marry the boyfriend then he can immigrate with you.

Nomore

We made a compromise with our daughter...if she didn't like it after 12 months she could go back to the UK...she is going back. Her choice..if she is going to be happier in UK then i am all for her to go back, can't cling onto them forever. Their happiness is more important.

sasbear

Yep - me too. I made a promise to son (17 at the time) to try it and give it a go. He didn't settle, went back, then boomeranged back to Oz - but now looks like he will be leaving again for good soon.

He will find his happiness - but it is upsetting for me and the family.

Torn feelings go with the territory I guess - anyone have a plaster?

My advice would be to encourage child to try it - at least they have the chance to follow later.

Good luck

cranni

You are very brave then. I can not live 12000 miles away from them, I find it really hard. We all had to want this, or we go back.
Im not happy here without my kids.
But thats me,
Denise

Nomore

We won't be far behind her

Rob Morton-Jone

Ask your children to take a look at our web site...............it may show them that they are making the right decision moving