lynniep

Quick bit of background – hubby and I married 5 and a half years ago, and moved to a Sydney suburb a few months later. The deal was that I decide during that time (on sabbatical from job over here) whether I wanted to stay or not because I never really wanted to leave UK in the first place. Lived there 15 months, both working full time. Hubby loves it and wanted to stay. I liked it, but never really settled – missed my dad and my friends a lot, but made a massive list of pros and cons of both and were it not for the family and friends aspect I think I would have stayed. I did enjoy the lifestyle even hthough I’m not a beach/sea person!! Hubby not sociable so family/friends aspect doesn’t affect him at all even though his mum and sister/nieces live here.

Decision was made for me when I found out I was pregnant. I really wanted the support of my family and wanted to go home. So I left and hubby reluctantly followed 3 months later. Ever since he has been pining to go back. He reads the Oz papers ever day online. He is doggedly determined to hate it here and wont make friends. My eldest is now 3 and a half and his brother is 8 months. Hubby wants to go back whilst we’re still young enough to resettle.
I don’t have the same pull of family I had before (the main reason was my dad whom I lost in April, but thank god we came back and he got to meet his two grandsons before he died) although I’m still fond of my step mum and mother in law. The friends I had when I left last time are still there, but we’ve all moved on and had families and I cant see them very often because of distance. I have a new set of ‘mum’ friends whom I’d be sad to leave, but I started again here - I can do the same somewhere else.

But I do love the town I live in. I find there’s always lots to do with the kids, the parks are great, there are lots of surestart activites and places to take them like soft play, farms etc etc. They are both at nursery now as I start back to work part time at the end of the month. Eldest is partially funded as he’s now 3. He will start school next September. Basically I find that I’m never lonely and never feel like I’m stuck with two littlies and no life, and there’s lots for them to do.

My experience of Sydney was obviously through the eyes of someone with no real responsibilies. I have no idea of childrens facilities, nurseries, school etc. All I did was go to the pub and the gym! I have no idea whether its feasible to work part time (I test software and I know theres plenty of that type of work about so probably would be)

Hubby keeps saying ‘its not about us, its about them and whats best for them’ Well, I partially agree, but this is my life too. I’m nearly 36 and I was settling nicely, but I think we could make a go of it, as long as I don’t end up friendless with two small children. I’m pretty sociable if the facilities are there to help, so I guess that’s what I’m asking. For the experiences of people who have done it with small children. We would probably move back to the Sydney region.

Pomster

a slightly different perspective here...

we lived in Melbourne for 10 years til last week and had our 3.5 year old out there.

We returned to UK last week for work (reluctantly) and I can honestly say I am really missing the child friendliness of Melbourne.
Parks and play equipment dotted around everywhere, we had a nice circle of mum type friends, restuarants are child friendly, we received 50pct of child care costs back (for all earners with no restrictions on PR or citizens as far as I am aware). Our child care was fab, and the city was fairly easy to use with kids.
Lots of family priced tickets, lots of family friendly events.

This is just my experience of Melb and can't comment on Sydney, but I guess the mediterranean settlers in Aus have helped the child friendliness of most cities.

However if you do get lots of family help in UK, think long and hard about losing that.

quoll

There is nothing magical about Australia for kids - they can have equally good childhoods, young adulthoods and eventually adulthoods in any other first world country - as is the UK.

Having kids here, you will have to be very self sufficient and self contained. There are things to do, of course there are, but nothing which makes it necessarily "better for the kids". Different for the kids, certainly but the jury is out on whether it is better or not.

One thing both my boys have said to me, independently, about growing up here was how isolated we are as a family - both of them have partners with huge extended family around them. Both of them found that their friendships were quite transient but Canberra is a very transient place anyway.

He needs to own it for what it is - his itch for adventure. If you want to give up your life where you are happy then that is up to you but if, down the track, you should decide that you dont like it here with kids, then chances are you will have to stay anyway because you cant get a kid out of Australia if one parent (be they a total dead loss or a brilliant parent) says no.

Buzzy--Bee

I agree with everything in this post especially the last sentence. We never had any family help in the UK so wasn't an issue for us but if someone gets for instance free babysitting every Friday evening and Sunday lunch at Mum's every week I really don't think emigration will work very well for them.

BB

lynniep

thanks for your responses. Actually we dont have any family near us here either, so we get no help from them and wont lose anything in that sense. I know the grandmas would be heartbroken if they couldnt see the boys at all, but I cant let myself take that into account. The boys are never going to be missing out vastly on the extended family scenario - I only have my stepmum and stepsister now, hubby his mum and sister and her kids (and its only really me that makes the effort with them - he's not that bothered)
The point about being stuck here if hubby and I split is a valid one. Not that I'm planning on it, but I have thought about it. I realise that this is it - not just us two backpacking it like last time, this time we have the whole shebang - we need to sell up and start again and not ping pong the kids around.

greenpea

Hi,

We moved to Sydney 4 months ago with our 2 year old. So far I have very mixed feelings about it (but then I also recognise that I am in the classic "homesickness" period, and so might not be totally balanced in how I am feeling at the moment, so take what I say with that in mind!)

In terms of child friendliness, I really can't complain so far about what we have found - there are loads of activities about, and lots and lots of play parks and other things for kiddies to do. James is having a fantastic time, and would be enjoying it even more if I could drive and take him to places like the beach a bit more easily. There are so many different things to do in the city itself as well for children, that finding time to do them all is hard work. On the downside, a lot of the activities we go to are very expensive, and so that limits how many of them we can afford to do. Equally, going to things in the city regularly soon adds up. However, the fact that we can be out in the garden year round without freezing is fantastic - we were out there for ages this morning, with just t-shirts and light jumpers on, and it's still winter!

I have found the social side far more tricky than finding things to occupy my son to be honest. Part of that is that I am quite shy, although I had plenty of Mummy friends back in the UK. I don't work, and so I am not meeting people that way. I think the problem is that the people I met back home were met when my son was a tiny baby, and we were all in the same boat a bit - new babies, stopping work etc etc. Trying to break into already established friendship groups with an older toddler is proving to be a bit more tricky. I think this would improve once he reached school age though. Mind, I don't think this is a problem that's exclusive to Aus - I think I would have found the same thing moving within the UK.

Being a distance away from family is also harder than I thought it would be - we didn't really see a huge amount of our families when in the UK - perhaps twice or 3 times a year, but we are really feeling the distance at the moment - I think it's the knowledge that they couldn't come over in an emergency that's really hitting home at the moment, and with baby number 2 due in February, I'm really aware that we have noone to look after our son while I'm in labour at the moment.

As I say, I'm homesick (and hormonal!) at the moment, which isn't helping my view, but I just thought I'd throw in a few things to think about!

Tubbs2Oz

Hello,

We moved to Sydney at the end of October last year with our boys, who were 4 & 2. I can honestly say that I have absolutely no regrets, haven't been feeling homesick at all. Admittedly I wasn't close to my family, other than my sister, and she has some special deal with Talk Talk for £2/month she can call me for free!

We live in Berowra which is an amazingly family oriented community. It's about an hour to the beaches, which we really don't mind, although I'm sure my husband would love to be on the beach every weekend. Because it's further out it makes it more affordable, we pay $480/week for 3 bed with pool, thus making part time working a possibility financially. There is a playgroup which runs every day, you just choose which day suits you best. There are quite a few pre-schools/daycare places and 4 primary schools.

I think that while the children are young is the best time to move. When we first arrived there was a heat wave, 43 degrees for a week or so, and the kids kept saying that they wanted to go back to England because it was too hot. Thankfully it didn't last long and life here is just normal life to them now.

Good luck with the decision making.

P.S. Greenpea - have you tried meeting up with any of the other Mum's on here?

lynniep

Greenpea, I am concerned that its not as easy to 'break' into groups with children that arent new babies. The friends I have here I made when our eldest was tiny, although I have met a lot of people since, none of them are 'popping round' sort of friends, more people that I will chat with when I see. So no I guess thats so different!

I can imagine what you're feeling like in the early stages of pregnancy. All I wanted when I found out I was pregnant was to be 'at home' even though I physically had no home to go back to - when I returned to the UK I had to live in a friends spare room for four months! I had that option then though, and you're right its early days for you being there - it must be overwhelming.

I also feel bad about thinking of taking the boys away from their only other relatives. Even though we rarely see them (hubbys mum maybe four times a year, my stepmum I'm not sure as I only just lost my dad so situation changed, but probably twice) Both grans will probably be around for another 20 years and realistically we wouldnt be going back to the UK for holidays ever, so it would be up to them to come over. In a way though that makes it easier, the fact that we dont have tons of rellies to worry about/miss.

Good luck with finding someone to help you look after your son when you're in labour. I'm sure you'll make some pals before then. We had a similar problem here actually - with both grandads terminally ill we couldnt rely on grans help (too far away anyway, I have short labours!) so had to rely on friends. Everyone was wonderful - even the women I didnt know that well said they'd take him in an emergency until we could find other help. In the event it was fine - we had full time nursery sorted for Joey in the first few weeks after the birth - they were great and flexible for us - and one of the girls from nursery that we trusted agreed to take him out of hours if necessary. I went into labour at 6am - Joey was dropped off at the girls house and she took him to nursery. I had Noah at 10am and hubby was able to pick up Joey after nursery no problem and bring him to meet his little bro

When do kids start school over there - is it the same as here - the September after their fourth birthday? And I'm also trying to find out about help with funding for nurseries.

quoll

No, in NSW they have to have either turned 5 or turn 5 before 31 July of the year they start Kindergarten (first year of full time school). NSW doesnt have universal free preschool provision so you would be paying for that and preschool has the same dates but for 4 year olds.

Child care can attract a rebate if you arent on a temporary visa. Full rate is around $70 a day these days.

Jon77

Hi

We are in a similar situation as we will be moving to Sydney in around 6 months time with a very active 2 (nearly 3 ) year old in tow !

We took our son over to Australia when he was just 6 months old and we really enjoyed it. I would agree with some other posters here in that Australia probably isn't any better or worse than the UK for bringing up children, each area is very much what you make of it, it can depend on where you come from in the UK as well.

Sydney has so many parks and playgrounds. There probably isn't the inside play centres that they have in the UK becuase there is so much to do outside in water parks and pools.

Our family situation is very different though. My wife is Australian and our family is split between the UK and Australia, there are Grandparents in both countries. Before we had our son were enjoyed moving around, we lived in Australia for 5 years before moving back to the UK to try out living here for a while. But the problem is I am not particularly close to my family, sad I know but is the way some familes are. I see my sisters no more then 2 or 3 times a year and then for a very short time. I thought that when we moved back my family relationships would become closer, but is just hasn't happened. I am actually closer to some of my wifes family in Australia than am my own family in the UK.

So for us it is not such a hard decision to move back. But we are a little worried about settling in with our son and joining groups / making friends as you need more than just your family, you need some social time with other people.