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Moving to Australia, but leaving behind my son

Moving to Australia, but leaving behind my son

Old Oct 8th 2021, 12:04 am
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Default Re: Moving to Australia, but leaving behind my son

Originally Posted by Brisbannite View Post
Family comes first, do what you can to keep your family together and certainly do not underestimate your wife's feelings on this issue.

May I recommend that you do some more research into the relative salaries between the two countries. Bear in mind job satisfaction and career progression opportunities should be big factors in your son's decision making process and not salary alone.
Thanks.
My son and myself have done as much research into top salaries for solicitors in both countries. Based on that, we are almost certain that the salaries in the Australia for a newly qualified solicitor in top firms are as less as 50% of UK/ US salaries. Of course, exceptions are always there but I am talking about prevailing trend. He also says that his career progression is likely to be much better in London, given that London is hub of finantial markets and corporate world globally. (He is pursuiing corporate law)
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Old Oct 8th 2021, 12:06 am
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Default Re: Moving to Australia, but leaving behind my son

Originally Posted by spouse of scouse View Post
From the perspective of an outsider looking in, it's not tricky at all. Your wife hates the idea of leaving her oldest son. She loves her life in Britain. You're already worried that "this single step of moving might ruin my stable and secure family life and career forever, and could have serious implications for the whole family". The only thing in favour of the move seems to be that it's something you wish to do.

Boiling it all down, is it in yours and your family's best interests to leave what sounds like a good life in the UK for a life in Australia that, by your own words, might ruin your family life and career forever?
Thanks dear forum member.
I appreciate your comments.
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Old Oct 8th 2021, 12:10 am
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Default Re: Moving to Australia, but leaving behind my son

Originally Posted by brits1 View Post
​​​​​​And will your older son be able to migrate if you do decide to go? What does your youngest child think of the move? and also his education may be a bit tricky to "sort out" in Australia ...when I have been asked my advice on moves to Australia (something I am never keen on as I would hate to have the finger pointed at) but when pushed...I always say "it's best your all reading from the same book as it can been a very stressful time/move anyway". Good luck. Ps what visa are you heading out on?
1. yes, the older son would be able to emigrate if he wished to (I am getting family work VISA, but will get permanant residency after 3 years). My Younger one has been to Australia with me for 10 days and he absolutely loved it. He is very much in favour of moving ( he cribs about Brisih weather daily!). Yes, I agree it will be a bit tricky to sort out his education in AZ, but he is a bright boy and I plan to put him in a private school there, so hopefully will be okay.
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Old Oct 8th 2021, 12:11 am
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Default Re: Moving to Australia, but leaving behind my son

Originally Posted by quoll View Post
Aha! The piece of string question. If one of you is not on board, the general advice is not to do it.

You have no idea where your sons will eventually end up - they could be anywhere from Alaska to Zanzibar so you probably have to get used to being without them at some stage in your life. How your wife will cope with that is anybody's guess. If you are a close family with large extended family where you are, it is quite likely that she will feel isolated when she is on the other side of the world from everyone she knows and that is never good for a relationship. So bottom line is where do YOU both want to be in your later life - assume your kids will be off doing whatever they want to do with theirs.

If you really think that Australia (Not Arizona as implied by your AZ) will give you all those things you listed, then go for it. If you dont see yourselves in Australia on your own in your old age then dont do it. I speak as a parent/grandparent who has one in UK and one in Aus (but now 4 hours away) - it sucks but you get used to it.

BTW how old is your second son? If he is nearing the end of high school this may be a bad time for him to move and, depending on his age, it might actually be better to leave him in UK to finish A levels.

Just to add, we emigrated from India in 2004, so do not have extended family here. Its me, my wife and two boys (and a lovely Lab! )
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Old Oct 8th 2021, 12:15 am
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Default Re: Moving to Australia, but leaving behind my son

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/austr...t-h%C3%A9riaud

found this link that talks about comparative salaries of Lawyers in AZ, US and UK
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Old Oct 8th 2021, 12:16 am
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Default Re: Moving to Australia, but leaving behind my son

Originally Posted by rajkdabd View Post
Dear Quoll,
Thanks for your insightful comments. You are right that kids will chart their own life course and may not necessarily stay close to parents (though every parent would wish that). Although I should not base my decision on what could or could not happen in future, but this point makes me wonder if suppose my elder boy moves somewhere far away in a different country than UK, then the whole point of my giving up the Australian dream will be defeated. BTW, I myself immigrated from India in 2004, leaving my own parents and siblings behind!
My younger boy is now 15 and is in GSCE. It will be tough for him to get used to Australian system if we decide to move soon, but I guess he still will have three years in High School there before reaching to Uni. Incidently, he has been to AZ with me for 10 days and he absolutely loved it!
Thanks
X

I am fairly certain that life for me, my wife and younger boy will be better in Australia (plus the elder one will still have an option to join us in AZ, provided he would be willing to accept a much lower salary).
LOL, AZ isnt Australia, it's Arizona! A lot of Poms do call it OZ but Australians don't - Aus, perhaps, but generally Australia.

Your younger son, depending on when he turns 16 will need to be in Australia in the January of the year that he turns 16 before 30 April, in order to do years 11 and 12 (if his birthday is after April 30 then that means you do have until Jan 2023 to make the entry without disadvantage otherwise if he turns 16 before 30 April he would need to be there by Jan 2022). Be aware that he is unlikely to get into Oxbridge (if this is still an aspiration) with just an Australian year 12 qualification unless he maybe does the IB as well - the ATAR doesnt travel as well as A levels do in the reverse direction. Also, if he does aspire to Oxbridge, he would be up for international student fees not having lived there for 3 years prior to undertaking his degree. Of course there are Australian Universities but none have quite the Oxbridge cachet.

Is your wife also an immigrant or does she have her extended family in UK? I know from my daughter in law that extended family is fundamental to Indian families and the chance of her ever moving back to Australia with my son and grandson are between zero and none - because of the closeness of extended family. If your wife has already done the emigration thing before and has no family around then she may cope with it better.

Going somewhere for 10 days isnt living there - everyone loves a holiday. Living here is quite another thing altogether and if you were looking at top level private schooling for your son it could be hard to get a foot in the door at that late stage.

Bottom line question - whose dream is it? If both of you are not 110% behind it, it could well turn out to be a nightmare.

Your older son may not have the opportunity to join you later on if they miss the boat now - if he is dependent on you then you can include him in your visa and he would have to validate but an older kid who doesnt move immediately can be in a trickier position.
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Old Oct 8th 2021, 2:28 am
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Default Re: Moving to Australia, but leaving behind my son

Sounds as though I am one of the only posters who has left children behind in another country.
My husband had to move from UK to Brunei to work, we left a daughter 13, 19 and 21 year old sons in England. To be honest the 2 boys coped fine, but our daughter struggled. One son had finished university and the other was still there and he joined us as did our daughter for their holidays, This was 28 years ago, our daughter became a very independent person who has lived in Mexico and Kenya. Our oldest stayed in England and the other 2 joined us in Australia when we retired here 18 years ago. Was it ideal? no but circumstances dictated the move. We have managed to stay strong as a family.
Would we have done it in hindsight I can’t answer that, there was no choice, but our life has worked out well so no point having regrets, my husband and I had both moved lots and we were together making the decision, but I would be lying if I said it was easy at times, and this was pre covid when we could fly back easily.
I wish you well with your decision
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Old Oct 10th 2021, 12:08 am
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Default Re: Moving to Australia, but leaving behind my son

Originally Posted by quoll View Post
LOL, AZ isnt Australia, it's Arizona! A lot of Poms do call it OZ but Australians don't - Aus, perhaps, but generally Australia.

Your younger son, depending on when he turns 16 will need to be in Australia in the January of the year that he turns 16 before 30 April, in order to do years 11 and 12 (if his birthday is after April 30 then that means you do have until Jan 2023 to make the entry without disadvantage otherwise if he turns 16 before 30 April he would need to be there by Jan 2022). Be aware that he is unlikely to get into Oxbridge (if this is still an aspiration) with just an Australian year 12 qualification unless he maybe does the IB as well - the ATAR doesnt travel as well as A levels do in the reverse direction. Also, if he does aspire to Oxbridge, he would be up for international student fees not having lived there for 3 years prior to undertaking his degree. Of course there are Australian Universities but none have quite the Oxbridge cachet. <snip>
There are schools in Australia that offer the International Baccalaureate, its not all about ATAR when it comes to international university entry.

@rajkdabd why settle on Oxbridge (other than snob value) when there are colleges in the USA that are just (if not more) prestigious? MIT, Standford, Harvard, Yale etc. Maybe you need to broaden your ambitions for your offspring?

There's no way I'd interrupt the schooling the education of one child, leave behind another, and risk my marriage on a whim. Especially in the middle of a pandemic.

But whatever.
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Old Oct 10th 2021, 10:29 am
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Default Re: Moving to Australia, but leaving behind my son

Originally Posted by tomar View Post
Sounds as though I am one of the only posters who has left children behind in another country.
My husband had to move from UK to Brunei to work, we left a daughter 13, 19 and 21 year old sons in England. To be honest the 2 boys coped fine, but our daughter struggled. One son had finished university and the other was still there and he joined us as did our daughter for their holidays, This was 28 years ago, our daughter became a very independent person who has lived in Mexico and Kenya. Our oldest stayed in England and the other 2 joined us in Australia when we retired here 18 years ago. Was it ideal? no but circumstances dictated the move. We have managed to stay strong as a family.
Would we have done it in hindsight I can’t answer that, there was no choice, but our life has worked out well so no point having regrets, my husband and I had both moved lots and we were together making the decision, but I would be lying if I said it was easy at times, and this was pre covid when we could fly back easily.
I wish you well with your decision

xxx
Hi
Thanks for you kind advice.
- If we decide to move, I would definitely want my younger son to do uni from Australia- a decent one of course. Incidently, he turns 16 in Aug next years, and my plan would be to move him in Jan 2022. I think he will enter in year 10 at that point in Aus. Incididently, he wants to do medicine. I am not sure how hard it will be for him to do medicine in Australia with three years in school still from 2022 onwards. In my experience, it is not that hard for a boy of his capabilities to enter a decent medical school in the UK. Any thoughts?
- Re my wife, no she does not have anyone from extended family living here in the UK. Same as me.

Looking at the suggestions from forum members and my other well wishers, I am now considering moving just by myself for the time being to test the waters. My family can then visit Australia and see things for themselves, and if they are also on board (specially my wife), then may be they can decide to move as well later. Otherwise I can just move back. What do you suggest?
thanks

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Old Oct 10th 2021, 10:35 am
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Default Re: Moving to Australia, but leaving behind my son

Originally Posted by Brisbannite View Post
There are schools in Australia that offer the International Baccalaureate, its not all about ATAR when it comes to international university entry.

@rajkdabd why settle on Oxbridge (other than snob value) when there are colleges in the USA that are just (if not more) prestigious? MIT, Standford, Harvard, Yale etc. Maybe you need to broaden your ambitions for your offspring?

There's no way I'd interrupt the schooling the education of one child, leave behind another, and risk my marriage on a whim. Especially in the middle of a pandemic.

But whatever.
xxx
Thanks Brisbannite,
I appreciate your comments. As I mentioned in my other response, in view of the risks involved as stated by you, I am considering attempting a middle path--- i e move just by myself for the time being and see how it goes there. i know this is also not an easy option and would still mean a lot of disruption in our lives and challenges, but at least it will allow me to test the waters and take a well informed decision. Any thoughts?
Anyone who have attempted the same, and if so, what has been the experience life?
x
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Old Oct 13th 2021, 9:24 am
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Default Re: Moving to Australia, but leaving behind my son

Originally Posted by rajkdabd View Post
1. yes, the older son would be able to emigrate if he wished to (I am getting family work VISA, but will get permanant residency after 3 years). My Younger one has been to Australia with me for 10 days and he absolutely loved it. He is very much in favour of moving ( he cribs about Brisih weather daily!). Yes, I agree it will be a bit tricky to sort out his education in AZ, but he is a bright boy and I plan to put him in a private school there, so hopefully will be okay.
I am not sure what the family visa entails nowadays but a friend of mine migrated on a work family visa and left their eldest in the UK to finish his studying he then took a year working around Europe but when he came to want to join the family in Australia the family was told he was too old for the family visa and would have to apply independently himself (if my memory serves me rightly which is not often lol) he was 21 at that time, now I may have the visa mixed up but maybe look into that for your oldest if not sure also the family had to pay for education, medical etc until they could apply for permanent residency. I agree with some of the posters that 10days is fab and most places look fab but nothing in comparison to actually living there, a member of my family has travelled , lived and worked oversea and left the children in the children in their home countries, they are all grown up and great adults but in their own words and my family members words…they are close but equally they can go a long time before they need to visit and see each other as my family relative gets okd
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Old Oct 13th 2021, 9:32 am
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Default Re: Moving to Australia, but leaving behind my son

Originally Posted by brits1 View Post
I am not sure what the family visa entails nowadays but a friend of mine migrated on a work family visa and left their eldest in the UK to finish his studying he then took a year working around Europe but when he came to want to join the family in Australia the family was told he was too old for the family visa and would have to apply independently himself (if my memory serves me rightly which is not often lol) he was 21 at that time, now I may have the visa mixed up but maybe look into that for your oldest if not sure also the family had to pay for education, medical etc until they could apply for permanent residency. I agree with some of the posters that 10days is fab and most places look fab but nothing in comparison to actually living there, a member of my family has travelled , lived and worked oversea and left the children in the children in their home countries, they are all grown up and great adults but in their own words and my family members words…they are close but equally they can go a long time before they need to visit and see each other as my family relative gets okd

Thanks for your kind advice. will double check into VISA side of things, but as of now, they are giving family dependent Visa for my elder son while he is still in full time education.
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Old Oct 14th 2021, 8:14 pm
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Default Re: Moving to Australia, but leaving behind my son

Originally Posted by rajkdabd View Post
xxx
Thanks Brisbannite,
I appreciate your comments. As I mentioned in my other response, in view of the risks involved as stated by you, I am considering attempting a middle path--- i e move just by myself for the time being and see how it goes there. i know this is also not an easy option and would still mean a lot of disruption in our lives and challenges, but at least it will allow me to test the waters and take a well informed decision. Any thoughts?
Anyone who have attempted the same, and if so, what has been the experience life?
x
As you say, that's a difficult decision and one that's made harder with the restrictions on travel that we all find ourselves under at present, don't underestimate the tyranny of distance when it comes to being split from your family. Even FIFO workers within Australia have to contend with the mental health effects of that and they're only a few hours away from home.

Testing the waters is always a wise move to make, you'd test drive a car or have a house surveyed before buying them, so 'test driving' a country is always an eminently sensible thing to do. Everyone should try before they buy.

Last edited by Brisbannite; Oct 14th 2021 at 8:17 pm.
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