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moving abroad is a marriage test!!!

moving abroad is a marriage test!!!

Old Feb 6th 2008, 3:42 am
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Default moving abroad is a marriage test!!!

I never knew how much of a strain moving here to Oz would put on my marriage!!! Thank goodness after nearly 2 years, we've tested each other to the limit and have become stronger as a couple. I wouldn't say it's at the "violin stage" but at least it keeps us on our toes!
Anyone else go through this, or was/is it plain sailing?
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Old Feb 6th 2008, 3:46 am
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Default Re: moving abroad is a marriage test!!!

Originally Posted by talbot View Post
I never knew how much of a strain moving here to Oz would put on my marriage!!! Thank goodness after nearly 2 years, we've tested each other to the limit and have become stronger as a couple. I wouldn't say it's at the "violin stage" but at least it keeps us on our toes!
Anyone else go through this, or was/is it plain sailing?
Defo not plain sailing and i agree...it does put alot of marriages to the test.

I will have to admit i left my OH last year, but he came back and got me. Now we are stronger, but i now understand why so many friends of our's have nearly/have split up through emigrating.
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Old Feb 6th 2008, 3:52 am
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Default Re: moving abroad is a marriage test!!!

Originally Posted by Nu-Shooz View Post
Defo not plain sailing and i agree...it does put alot of marriages to the test.

I will have to admit i left my OH last year, but he came back and got me. Now we are stronger, but i now understand why so many friends of our's have nearly/have split up through emigrating.
God, your OH really did pass the test if he went all the way back to fetch you!! Congrats., Happy Days!
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Old Feb 6th 2008, 9:00 am
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Default Re: moving abroad is a marriage test!!!

Originally Posted by Nu-Shooz View Post
Defo not plain sailing and i agree...it does put alot of marriages to the test.

I will have to admit i left my OH last year, but he came back and got me. Now we are stronger, but i now understand why so many friends of our's have nearly/have split up through emigrating.
Must of been the million pound legacy in your nan's will that did it!!! (only joking of course!!)
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Old Feb 6th 2008, 9:10 am
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Default Re: moving abroad is a marriage test!!!

Originally Posted by talbot View Post
I never knew how much of a strain moving here to Oz would put on my marriage!!! Thank goodness after nearly 2 years, we've tested each other to the limit and have become stronger as a couple. I wouldn't say it's at the "violin stage" but at least it keeps us on our toes!
Anyone else go through this, or was/is it plain sailing?
I am seriously anticipating this affecting us when we go out in April. I am very solitary at times, legacy of my time in the Navy and being singularly focussed, and my wife is completely understanding of this and I am really trying to work out a solution so that when we get there she can gel with new friends/fellow mothers etc.
She is very outgoing and a beautiful and lively woman so I expect she will be fine, but, at present she works as a Home Child Care worker and I can see how it affects her with the lack of adult company during the day. My preference is for her to return to office based work to make her own social circle rather than be home based alone in a new country with no immediate support network that neighbours and family you know can provide. I will be working daily and out of the home from 7 till 7 and with a new job, albeit in comfortable work environment, I would feel better knowing that she is ok.
My positive expectation is that it will bring us a lot closer than we are even now and our son, who is 3, will benefit greatly from that. She is of course tremendously excited by the move and I hope that the realisation will match the anticipation and we can go on to have a fantastic life, all 3 of us.
But.......at the back of my mind........there is a niggly concern!
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Old Feb 6th 2008, 9:34 am
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Default Re: moving abroad is a marriage test!!!

It is the getting ready / anticipation thats our problem. The wife had the first tears this morning about the thought of goodbyes. She is dreading the farewell party her family are throwing for us. When i said that we didnt have to go along with having it, she blew up, saying am i saying she shouldnt say goodbye to her family. I have a feeling its gonna be a long 3 months and what ever i say will be wrong
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Old Feb 6th 2008, 9:40 am
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Default Re: moving abroad is a marriage test!!!

Hi

We have argued constantly for the past few weeks but im sure once all the stress of migrating are over we will be fine. Its a very hard time for us all and im sure there are many of us in the same boat.

Stress who needs it.

Suexx
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Old Feb 6th 2008, 9:45 am
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Default Re: moving abroad is a marriage test!!!

F%$k yeah!

If there is a microscopic chink in your marriage then emigrating will blast it's way through! If your relationship isn't ROCK solid then you are (IMO) risking accelerating the end of it.

My relationship with my wife is rock solid, but even then emigration, as the OP said, has pushed it right to the limit, and back again.

It certainly is one of the hardest things we've come up against, as a couple, and in all honesty, when it's been bad it's been very unpleasant.

For us, the bottom line is always that we want to be together, so with that in mind, we should always be able to iron out any issues.....

I would advise anyone who deep down might be thinking that moving "to the sun", or whatever, will make everything alright, to ask themselves some difficult questions and save a lot of time, money and bother
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Old Feb 6th 2008, 9:56 am
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Default Re: moving abroad is a marriage test!!!

that's why i've never understood these people who emigrate to save a failing relationship...
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Old Feb 6th 2008, 10:03 am
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Default Re: moving abroad is a marriage test!!!

Yep, it is a marriage test...we have been arguing a fair bit recently. Little things, petty things that wind us up, but it is 100% down to the stress of going, the unknown, the house here, jobs out there, houses out there...on and on! :curse:

Had the mother of all arguments Sunday morning, we were telling inlaws the leaving date later on in the day. It began after he opened the curtains dowstairs in the kitchen. Something so, so small and there we were at 7am battling it out at the top of our voices. Hope the neighbours didn't get woken.

Can laugh now...
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Old Feb 6th 2008, 10:03 am
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Default Re: moving abroad is a marriage test!!!

Originally Posted by paddyo View Post
I am seriously anticipating this affecting us when we go out in April. I am very solitary at times, legacy of my time in the Navy and being singularly focussed, and my wife is completely understanding of this and I am really trying to work out a solution so that when we get there she can gel with new friends/fellow mothers etc.
She is very outgoing and a beautiful and lively woman so I expect she will be fine, but, at present she works as a Home Child Care worker and I can see how it affects her with the lack of adult company during the day. My preference is for her to return to office based work to make her own social circle rather than be home based alone in a new country with no immediate support network that neighbours and family you know can provide. I will be working daily and out of the home from 7 till 7 and with a new job, albeit in comfortable work environment, I would feel better knowing that she is ok.
My positive expectation is that it will bring us a lot closer than we are even now and our son, who is 3, will benefit greatly from that. She is of course tremendously excited by the move and I hope that the realisation will match the anticipation and we can go on to have a fantastic life, all 3 of us.
But.......at the back of my mind........there is a niggly concern!
My OH is a bit like you, but UNLIKE YOU, isn't the type to go online and talk of his feelings..... would rather go online and talk technical stuff like old car engines than anything personal.

When you come over here, your wife will at first not have an adult to talk to during the day and you will have to be the "OH", "best friend", "local gossip", everyone she's used to talking to daily in the UK!

I'm like your wife - friendly, talkative and "may I add Beautiful!", and when we arrived 2 yrs. ago, I had NOBODY to talk to as I didn't have a job. When the OH came home from a hard day at work I expected soooo much more from him than back home.
He couldn't deliver, I blamed him because it's HIS country, he was frustrated and blah blah blah!!!

The best thing your wife can do upon arriving is get a job, then you won't have to talk so much when you get home!!

It IS worth it though.....you tend to address problems you used to overlook before and make them right!
Good luck XX
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Old Feb 6th 2008, 10:20 am
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Default Re: moving abroad is a marriage test!!!

Originally Posted by bridie View Post
that's why i've never understood these people who emigrate to save a failing relationship...
Yeah, you cannot escape any troubles, no matter where you roam!
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Old Feb 6th 2008, 10:24 am
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Default Re: moving abroad is a marriage test!!!

Originally Posted by bridie View Post
that's why i've never understood these people who emigrate to save a failing relationship...
I don't know of anyone who emigrated to save a failing relationship!! i know of relationships failing 'because' they emigrated.
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Old Feb 6th 2008, 10:25 am
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Default Re: moving abroad is a marriage test!!!

Originally Posted by talbot View Post
I never knew how much of a strain moving here to Oz would put on my marriage!!! Thank goodness after nearly 2 years, we've tested each other to the limit and have become stronger as a couple. I wouldn't say it's at the "violin stage" but at least it keeps us on our toes!
Anyone else go through this, or was/is it plain sailing?

Nope...this sums us up completely!
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Old Feb 6th 2008, 10:37 am
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Default Re: moving abroad is a marriage test!!!

A test that mine didn't survive. But then it probably wouldn't have long term anyway.
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