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Mother in law! Need advice please

Mother in law! Need advice please

Old Nov 24th 2005, 12:04 am
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Default Mother in law! Need advice please

We have been here a year and have just bought land so will be building early next year.I have told my parents all they way along what are plans were but my husband wants to wait until nearer the time the house is finished.I think this is wrong as eveyone knows expect the mother-in-law and step dad and I think if they find out they will be even more angry about it.

I think he should get it over with and tell her and face up to her reaction now he will have to do it at some point.I know he is :scared: of the reaction as she reacted very badly when we left to come here and has not had much contact with us really other than if we call her.It is always me that calls and Hubby has got to a stage where he doesn't want the earache from her when he does ring she will bascially spend the whole time moaning but she is still his mum and I think he should try and see it form her point of view as well.

I know that I really should just keep out of it but I can't help it as I think he is wrong!

What do you think?
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Old Nov 24th 2005, 12:10 am
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Default Re: Mother in law! Need advice please

You may as well tell her. It might be worse if she finds out that everyone knew except her.
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Old Nov 24th 2005, 12:38 am
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Default Re: Mother in law! Need advice please

Chuck it an e-mail/ letter and don't answer the phone.

Paul.
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Old Nov 24th 2005, 12:42 am
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Default Re: Mother in law! Need advice please

Originally Posted by diddy
Chuck it an e-mail/ letter and don't answer the phone.

Paul.
I was just speaking to hubby on the phone and he is thinking he might email her then phone her after a few days when he knows she has read it that phone call will be just great
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Old Nov 24th 2005, 12:56 am
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Default Re: Mother in law! Need advice please

Originally Posted by playbunny75
I was just speaking to hubby on the phone and he is thinking he might email her then phone her after a few days when he knows she has read it that phone call will be just great
You are adults now. just tell her like this.
Hi , how are you today.
whats the weather like [[grunt bloody awful]
emmm lovely here
guess what, we have bought a block of land, great price, and we are building a house on it. good or what.
We are sooo happy, a dream come true[ grunt grunt moan moan]
oh well just wanted to share our wonderful news, as we know you want us to be happy. Have a lovely day, love you byeeee
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Old Nov 24th 2005, 3:02 am
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Default Re: Mother in law! Need advice please

Ive just seen the weather on Sky UK, talking of snow & windchill factor etc.
Given the choice I think a house in Mount Martha would go down very well.
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Old Nov 24th 2005, 4:28 am
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Default Re: Mother in law! Need advice please

I think your hubby should stand on his own two feet & be upfront with with his mother! he's a grown man for gods sake these situations have a nasty way of backfiring & what a horible situation hubby has put you in too.

Donna.
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Old Nov 24th 2005, 4:40 am
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Default Re: Mother in law! Need advice please

Originally Posted by madsad
I think your hubby should stand on his own two feet & be upfront with with his mother! he's a grown man for gods sake these situations have a nasty way of backfiring & what a horible situation hubby has put you in too.

Donna.
I totally agree about it backfiring that is what I have been telling him if she finds out from someone else she will be mad as hell and rightly so it's much better to be up front I told my mum as soon as we knew are plans.They were not too happy at first as they seemed to think that once we bought somewhere we would never return but now they are great.

I was phoned his mum this morning and very nearly let something slip if it's not me it will be someone else.It amazes me that he can stand his own ground with everything else in life but when it comes to his mum it's like he is a different person!
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Old Nov 24th 2005, 4:49 am
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Default Re: Mother in law! Need advice please

Originally Posted by playbunny75
I totally agree about it backfiring that is what I have been telling him if she finds out from someone else she will be mad as hell and rightly so it's much better to be up front I told my mum as soon as we knew are plans.They were not too happy at first as they seemed to think that once we bought somewhere we would never return but now they are great.

I was phoned his mum this morning and very nearly let something slip if it's not me it will be someone else.It amazes me that he can stand his own ground with everything else in life but when it comes to his mum it's like he is a different person!
I quite believe that !! nearly a year down the line for us & i went from being the darling daughter in law to a witch in their books turns out im supposed to be the one to blame for making hubby not do as he's told by his mum & dad

Donna.
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Old Nov 24th 2005, 9:19 am
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Default Re: Mother in law! Need advice please

I totally agree with you that he should be upfront with his mum, but can also see it from his point of view too. My brother moved to the US over 5 years ago and my mum was nearly hospitalised with her grief. My brother was soooo worn down with the pressure of the guilt she placed on him that it took him months to tell her that he was getting married, and then longer again to say that he had bought a house. Everyone else knew of these events before mum and it was stressful trying to keep it secret. The problem was that my mum didn't hear the words,"mum, we've bought a house", she heard "mum, I'm never ever coming home again".

At the time I was infuriated with my brother for not being straight with her, but he was absolutely exhausted with her emotions. It has taken her a long time, but the pressure has definitely lifted from him as she has accepted his new life. As a result I've found it incredibly difficult to discuss my Aus move with her, but I know it's better that she knows upfront (until we buy a house that is :scared: )

Show him this entire thread, get him to take a deep breath, and phone her. Keep it upbeat and change the subject quickly, this will give her time to digest it in her own time. She will realise eventually that you are living the life you want and are happy with.

Best of luck
TJ
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Old Nov 24th 2005, 9:29 am
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Default Re: Mother in law! Need advice please

Gosh - poor you
Go For it - make Her feel special - the first person to know and all that bull.
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Old Nov 24th 2005, 9:31 am
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Default Re: Mother in law! Need advice please

Originally Posted by The Johnstons
I totally agree with you that he should be upfront with his mum, but can also see it from his point of view too. My brother moved to the US over 5 years ago and my mum was nearly hospitalised with her grief. My brother was soooo worn down with the pressure of the guilt she placed on him that it took him months to tell her that he was getting married, and then longer again to say that he had bought a house. Everyone else knew of these events before mum and it was stressful trying to keep it secret. The problem was that my mum didn't hear the words,"mum, we've bought a house", she heard "mum, I'm never ever coming home again".

At the time I was infuriated with my brother for not being straight with her, but he was absolutely exhausted with her emotions. It has taken her a long time, but the pressure has definitely lifted from him as she has accepted his new life. As a result I've found it incredibly difficult to discuss my Aus move with her, but I know it's better that she knows upfront (until we buy a house that is

Show him this entire thread, get him to take a deep breath, and phone her. Keep it upbeat and change the subject quickly, this will give her time to digest it in her own time. She will realise eventually that you are living the life you want and are happy with.

Best of luck
TJ

I have just been chatting to my mum and they went for a lunch time drink with hubby's parents and Mum said that MIL had said she thought we were shelfish to go to OZ and that we should have waited until the children were 18yrs mine are 2yrs and 4yrs now so a long way off yet.I think she has no idea of how differcult it is to get into Oz in first place and that age is a big factor if you are short of points.

I can understand what you are saying about your brother feeling the strain of the guilt I think hubby feels it but is less vocal than me!I would have thought hubby's mum would have come around a bit by now but it seems to have got worst in some ways.

I am going to show hubby this thread but have also decided to back off he has to decide what to do now I have a feeling that will be not much though
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Old Nov 24th 2005, 9:40 am
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Default Re: Mother in law! Need advice please

Originally Posted by playbunny75
I have just been chatting to my mum and they went for a lunch time drink with hubby's parents and Mum said that MIL had said she thought we were shelfish to go to OZ and that we should have waited until the children were 18yrs mine are 2yrs and 4yrs now so a long way off yet.I think she has no idea of how differcult it is to get into Oz in first place and that age is a big factor if you are short of points.

I can understand what you are saying about your brother feeling the strain of the guilt I think hubby feels it but is less vocal than me!I would have thought hubby's mum would have come around a bit by now but it seems to have got worst in some ways.

I am going to show hubby this thread but have also decided to back off he has to decide what to do now I have a feeling that will be not much though
It's so hard to keep quiet isn't it ? My mum wants us to stay here until our girls are older too (they're 8 & 5) . Your MIL will accept it (sort of ) - eventually. Best of luck with everything, it sounds like you're going through a really exciting time in Aus.
Sending you luck and karma.
TJ
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Old Nov 24th 2005, 9:45 am
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Default Re: Mother in law! Need advice please

Originally Posted by The Johnstons
It's so hard to keep quiet isn't it ? My mum wants us to stay here until our girls are older too (they're 8 & 5) . Your MIL will accept it (sort of ) - eventually. Best of luck with everything, it sounds like you're going through a really exciting time in Aus.
Sending you luck and karma.
TJ
Thanks and good luck to you with your plans and hope your mum comes around as well

Happy planning
good luck
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Old Nov 24th 2005, 9:49 am
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Default Re: Mother in law! Need advice please

Nothing constructive to add really but do you know what the penalty for bigamy is?

2 mothers-in-law (or more in other religions)

OzTennis

P.S. I suggest upfront, face to face, tell her, get it over and done with.
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