Missing daughters UK wedding
 

Hi all,

My eldest daughter is getting married in the UK and we cant afford to attend.

Has anyone else missed an important family gathering and if so, did you do anything that helped from this end?

Just looking for ideas to soften the sadness.

Re: Missing daughters UK wedding
 

I missed my son's wedding and the births of his 2 children. He emailed photos as soon as he could.

Re: Missing daughters UK wedding
 

I don't think anything could soften that for me. Hope you get through it OK.

Re: Missing daughters UK wedding
 

Nope, for an important event like that I would (and did) move heaven and earth to be there, even just one of us if it was beyond capacity for the whole family. My husband missed an important event for one of our sons so I blogged the day as best I could so he could "be there" and videoed little bits where I could. I really do think he regretted having missed it in hindsight and he hasn't let himself miss any others! When we got married 40 yrs ago one of his brothers came to our wedding and though his parents could have come, but chose not to, his mother harboured a great deal of resentment for many years - we arranged copious pictures and an old audio tape of the ceremony for them.

If you really, really can't afford it, you just have to suck it up I'm afraid. Perks of being a migrant! So sorry though!

Re: Missing daughters UK wedding
 

The husband missed various important family (his) events simply because he couldn't get time off from work, we were living within 20 miles of all the family during those years. Migrants don't have a monopoly on stuff like that.

Can one of the wedding party set up a web cam and Skype the ceremony?

Re: Missing daughters UK wedding
 

Someone is going through a similar dilemma in another group I'm in. Some of the suggestions to them were (and I quote):

1) "We made a DVD and sent it for them to watch the morning of the wedding, do their details in the sand etc. They loved it. I spent hours researching traditional Australian/Aboriginal gifts for weddings and love etc and sent a little gift box of things. It all helped me feel better more than anything else"

2) "We contacted the DJ & hotel to arrange for us to do a LIVE Skype call after the speeches. We also printed up a life-size cardboard cutout of our family and had it delivered to the bride n groom and YES they put us in the wedding photos!!"

3) "We filmed our own 2 min video of us in the pool drinking cocktails and said our own little speech to toast the bride n groom. It was the perfect way to make up for not being at a family wedding"

4) "Send a Great Card and a Gift Delivered from somewhere special online.. Harrods, Harvey Nicholls etc."

Hope some of those ideas help. The cost to the UK is quite substantial and hopefully your daughter understands that. :thumbup:

Re: Missing daughters UK wedding
 

I missed saying goodbye to my mother and then attending her funeral due to financial constraints, a fact which I have always regretted. I made sure I saw my father before he died 10 years later.

Re: Missing daughters UK wedding
 

Small thing but you can send fabulous personalised cards using Moonpig - cheaper than buying and sending from Oz and some of cards are really great, allowing lots of editing, insertion of photos etc. We do it for all the cards we need to send home now

Re: Missing daughters UK wedding
 

Oh gosh, I really would do all you can to get there. You mention "we" so is there an opportunity for just you to go alone.

When I first moved to Bermuda, I missed my parents 40th wedding anniversary. It was just a dinner, parents and children, but I had just arrived in Bermuda and honestly didn't think I could get the time off (my boss was a total bar steward, the main reason I hated my time in Bermuda but that is another story).

So yes I missed it and eight months later my mother died so it was the 40th and last anniversary they had. Still regret it 8 years later.

I don't mean to make you feel worse or sadder, but I know that regret and I would move heaven and earth to avoid it again.

Re: Missing daughters UK wedding
 

Some new ideas to add to ones I had already thought of, so thanks all.

DML - I use moonpig a lot, moonpig is great for sending cards in the UK.
Jillibee - Thanks for those suggestions. Love the cardboard cut out idea.

Re: Missing daughters UK wedding
 

I paid for my mum & step-dad to come here and babysit our kids so hubby and I could go away for our 20th wedding anniversary. While they were here my Nan died :-( Mum knew it was going to be virtually impossible to get us back earlier (and incredibly expensive) because we were on a cruise, so had to wait it out until we arrived home a few days later. Then she had to endure the long flight home knowing she had funeral arrangements to make. A funeral which we couldn't make, having just spent so much money on this holiday and their flights. I don't just feel bad for myself, I feel worse for my poor Mum who was stuck in a terrible situation.

A few years later my sister finally got engaged. Considering her two sisters both live in Australia, I thought she would have a long engagement and give everyone plenty of notice, but no she set a date for just 6 weeks ahead! My sister (who lives here) was already visiting the UK when it was announced, so she wasn't keen on such a quick turnaround (not to mention the cost). My house was right in the middle of renovations and the week she picked for the wedding was when our extension was due to be knocked through to the house, a crucial part of the building work which I intended to oversee (not to mention security reasons with temporary boarding up in places). So both of us sisters didn't go. I didn't feel entirely happy about that but she put us in a difficult position. As it happens, my husband was on business in the UK that week, so he attended. I have been invited to two other family weddings since but I've said no, purely because it wouldn't be a good look - attending cousins' weddings but not your own sister's - and I wouldn't want to cause a family rift over it.

I'm really sorry you can't make your daughter's wedding, can't she hold off until you can save up more? :-(

Re: Missing daughters UK wedding
 

I recently attended my grandson's First Holy Communion via the internet. Can your daughter hook up the ceremony so that you can watch it online?

Re: Missing daughters UK wedding
 

That is really hard going, feel for the original poster.

One thing we decided to do before coming here was have an emergency travel back to the UK fund, a 'break in case of emergency' type account.

This is kept separate from all others and is not touched and is added to so that eventually we hope to build up a credit where there will be enough to not only cover the trip back but have another ready to go.

Re: Missing daughters UK wedding
 

We had one of those. Worked fine until life, illness and double redundancy got in the way and food and bills became more important than possible emergency flights.

Re: Missing daughters UK wedding
 

Fair point taken.

Hope we never have to give that money up, that really would be last resort stuff :fingerscrossed: