Sparkley

I've been reading so many people's posts about the difficulties of life in Oz - for various reasons - housing, jobs, schooling, lifestyle etc etc.

The reason I want to go there is that it's where my b/f is from. To be honest, I worry less about the career/lifestyle side of things because my focus is on us being together and I think I'll 'find a way' with the rest of it. At the same time, I'm giving up my own business to do this, not knowing what way my life will turn. I don't have rose tinted glasses nor expect it to be all roses, but I do believe I'll find a way cos I'm an optimist and a fighter and have great determination.

I just wondered - those of you who've gone there because of a relationship - do you find the transition harder/easier/the same than, for example, a couple/family who have just decided to move because of the climate/need to expand horizons/whatever?

Just interested in your points of view really.

Thanks
Sparkley

ps I'm going to Melbourne for 10 weeks two weeks from today - this will be my first visit and I plan to apply for DeFacto on return - my b/f will stay there and look for work after 1.5 years in UK.

bawi

Hi Sparkley

I can't answer your questions, but I often ask myself the same things, especially after reading this forum quite often (actually I'm addicted :-)).

I am sure some things are totally different for us (going there for love) than for others who leave for different reasons like job perspectives, wheather, don't like their home country any more....

Some might be the same, looking for jobs and things like that.

Making friends might be a bit easier for us as one half of the couple usually knows people and also one half of the family is there. Also they know all about all the paperwork stuff that needs to be done after arrival, accommodation is provided and help with jobsearch....support when things are not so easy.

For myself, I feel at home where my friends are, this is home for me, so I am sure that if I can make friends that I like to spend time with I will be fine. Plus I will be able to finally live with my boyfriend! :-)

Maybe one of the experienced 'partner migrants' can answer to these queries?

I would appreciate it.

Good luck for your trip to OZ. Im going to do the 'big move' in four weeks time, maybe then I can tell you more about it.

Bye for now
Barbara

Pollyana

Hi Sparkley and Barbara!
Don't think I quite qualify as Experienced yet, but at least I'm here.
The short answer is, Yes, its easier to go as part of relationship.
It made things a lot easier knowing that the Bloke's family are here, so I have people to call on & to ask things of. It also usually means that you have a house or at some kind of place to live - an address you can give people in the UK to reach you at - all those things mean its so much easier to settle in, as there is less to worry about.
Plus of course you have your partner there, which if you've been apart for ages makes life much happier!!!!

The only downsides I have found so far are - your new family may want to organise you a bit too much - which may limit your chance to make friends of your own; you need to take care that you don't get swallowed up but still manage to carve your own niche, if that makes sense.
Also you may be tied to living in a certain part of Oz, whereas a lot of independent migrants can choose their location - don't get me wrong, I like Brissie, and think I'll be happy here, but I don't think it would necessarily have been my own first choice.

DaisyNZ

It is VERY different, and worth asking the question. You sound like a positive person and I think personality is a huge part of whether a person makes it or not. But having lived here 11 years and met lots of people who have come over here as an English couple, I know for a fact it has been very different and much harder for me. But I came out here newly married, no kids and only 22. I didn't even know what I wanted out of life, I didn't know much about NZ, but we came out here because we weren't going anywhere in England at the time. When I got on the plane it was never 'emigration' for me, I didn't give 'forever' much thought. But trying to get hubby back to England has been really hard. As the saying goes, it's much harder to move than stay.

The difficulties as I have found them. Hubby's family constantly put England down and constantly tell me how lucky I must feel to be able to live in Godzone. If I talk about going back to England they make me feel guilty (how can you take our brother back to such an awful country when you can live here, surely he doesn't want to go.....). I always feel the different one (a huge family, 16 grandchildren - 2 of them are my children) and never know exactly the right protocol at family get togethers as far as catering and food and presents go.

I've envied my English friends for being able to pack up and go home, both of them excited to be going back to family and friends. For us, reality is that one of us will always be 'away'. One of us will always not feel quite 'at home'. And that's for the rest of our lives. A big undertaking.

I have never regretted coming here but it hasn't all been easy. I've spent alot of hubby's hard earned money on going back to see family when we could have been having holidays together in Fiji or other pacific Islands. I regret that now, but needed it at the time. I will probably go back to England having never done those things coz all our bloody money has been spent going back. Now that I can do without the trips home, I have 2 kids, don't work, and have no money for Fiji!! There are so many implications to you being from different countries, alot of it you will only find out once you move, but it doesn't mean it's all bad. I certainly don't wish to have spent the last 11 years sitting in a terraced house in the middle of Nottingham somewhere instead of the adventures we've had out here. So you have to weigh it up.

But the answer is a definite yes, it is different and often it makes you feel alone. And by the way, it depends on what kind of guy you are with, mine doesn't have a big network of friends and I still find it hard work meeting people who I'm going to get on well with.

But I think for me the biggy is the 'spending thousands of dollars on trips that only one of you really wants to do', as opposed to couples who both want to go back for holidays so it's a joint venture. There's no doubt about it, it's hard!! Sorry.

Pollyana

Daisy you have such good points there - they do put the UK down, and say "aren't you glad you've come here," and stuff like that. Its odd, cos I will moan about stuff like UK customer service, but I tend to think I'm allowed to cos I have nearly 40 years of experience! On the other hand when The Bloke says he can't say why anyone in their right mind would live in the UK, I get very defensive!
I do feel the outsider at times - when they discuss stuff like mattress protectors or picnic rugs for birthday presents, or making tray cloths, and I'm thinking ARGHH!!! I'm not an OAP yet! But its the Aussie lifestyle, so I shut up and accept it.
As for the trips back to the UK, I've already accepted that I will almost certainly be going alone. I might get the Bloke to come if theres a special reason - like a wedding or something, but I'm quite prepared to do it alone - shame, but at least I'll know I can get back over there and moan about Oz, without him being annoyed!!!
Like you, my Bloke has a very small circle of friends, and I will be the one making the effort to meet people and be dragging him out to go places. However, I think he does appreciate the feeling of "alone-ness", thats one reason why he hasn't moaned about me getting the computer and email set up so fast.

Jirrupin

hello Sparkley,

I don't know how long you have known your boyfriend, but I think many relationships are tested by migration, I think you also have more chance of success if you are positive but would there be anyway you could maintain your business links if you wanted a safety net.

I guess you 10 weeks in melbourne will answer lots of questions for you. I wish you well.

Sparkley

This is all really useful and interesting feedback.

I feel like this too Barbara - would love to hear how you get on - please keep me posted!

It's interesting how much emphasis each of you put on the people - family and friends. I must admit I feel at a bit of an advantage there too (will confirm when I get back ) as my b/f has a huge circle of family and friends who are all very excited about meeting me! Also, my brother and his wife emigrated there 6 months ago (complete coincidence) so I will have their support (tho not sure how long they'll stay). I also have a friend who used to work over here that I've arranged to meet up with and a very close friend who I met my b/f through who has been here for 4 years and will return to Melbourne for good a month after I arrive.

Daisy, I guess I hadn't really thought of the trips home in that way - we've talked about how we'll try to combine trips here with visits to Europe etc. That's as far as we've got - def worth considering though. My b/f could travel with his work (sports pro) so we may end up doing a fair bit of that anyway.

Polly, WTF????? LMAO is this for real??

Jirrupin - we've been together for a year and two days to be precise! We've already had a lot of v testing times but we're sure we want to be together. I'm glad that I have other contacts there besides him so that I'm not completely dependent - that's important for me. I hope to continue some of my work - freelance writing - which I can do from anywhere really. Just have to see how clients feel about it.

Thanks again everyone for giving me some more food for thought (as if my brain's not busting already )

Sparkley

bawi

I'm glad that I have other contacts there besides him so that I'm not completely dependent - that's important for me.
Sparkley [/QUOTE]

Hi Sparkley

I will try and keep posting on this forum for other people like us.

What you mention about being dependent is also one of my main concerns. I thought I might take TAFE evening classes to be able to do something on my own and maybe make friends myself as well, as all the other people will firstly be 'his old friends', then mine. Some of them I spoke on the phone, some I have met before.

Maybe I might join a sport's club, I do not know whether the system is similar like here (lots of clubs here, for all kind of things). Although my body is ruined from 10 years Volleyball in the highest league, I might maybe train the little ones, or something like this.

Daisy,
I appreciate your input very much, I think I can see what you mean. I am not from the UK and his family have never been overseas, so I don't think this will apply for me. But he has been here for almost a year and is very sure that he could never live here. Also, and this is quite funny, as I speak Swiss German I have a little accent that sounds like German accent to them (it is a fair bit 'softer' though and some people can't even tell what accent it is and try guessing all kinds). Some of his family kept thinking I was German and because they are a bit older they can remember the war and kept telling 'your country has done this and that.....I had to keep telling them that although we speak a dialect of German, we are a totally different country. :-) and anyway that was long time ago.

Back to the topic: Are there any other experienced 'partner migrants' willing to share their story? It would be appreciated.

See ya :-)

Barbara

Pollyana

Yep Sparkley, all genuine! And I got invited to a party to buy Cleaning Cloths as well - very expensive ones apparently! Unfortunately I have a subsequent engagement!! :scared:

Sparkley

Oh Pollyanna that is so UNREAL - how bizarre! (no offence to anyone that's really into that kinda stuff! ) Blimey

Barbara, whereabouts in Oz are you moving to?

Pollyana

Hi Sparkley,
Wasn't sure that it was serious to start with, as I was expecting Tupperware invites but hadn't heard of the Cleaning Cloth thing! I'm sure its some people's "thing" but not quite me, I'm afraid! Now sitting by the sea yesterday with Mrs Dagboy and the two mini-Dagboys, that was more like it!
Made me think about this thread too - its nice to be making friends and seeing people that aren't family. Don't get me wrong, The Bloke's family are great, very friendly and welcoming, but there is always the thought that I'm not "one of them". Just like back in the UK I always had friends who were completely separate from family life, I think the same is necessary here.
Also gives you a wider perspective of Aussie life - the Dagboys home and life is totally different from the family, and so it sort of helps me to realise that I'm part of the wider community as well as part of a family unit - thats difficult to explain, hope it makes sense?

footie chick

Cleaning cloth parties!!!

OMG :scared:

You realise Pollyana that you will have to invent a new sort of party. I imagine there are only so many cloths.

footie chick

Alos think it is good to have an extended family/friend circle makes things easier

MrsDagboy

Ahhhhh the Enjo cleaning demonstration! Makes me laugh that they actually describe that stuff as a "party" LOL. When I saw you say you had been invited to a party I thought "Geeez, she sure makes friends easily, invited to a fair dinkum party after only 1 day!" .

As for our life & house being different to the blokes, yeah, well thats because our house is a mess LOL .

Sparkley & co, Dagboy would be the one to post his experiences here, I will see if I can get him to do it when he has a free min .

Pollyana

I did like the smirk on your face Mrs D when I mentioned the Enjo party....! Ann Summers ones are more my style - maybe one day they'll hit Oz, that'd wake a few people up!
As for the house, believe me the Bloke's place is very like yours - single guy living in this unit for 6 years........I'll leave it to your imagingation! Lots of work for me before MIL gets here at Xmas! The rest of the family tho....his brother's place is completely different.......both in that its modern, and that its immaculate (yuk!).

Did give me a nice boost yesterday actually - seeing different areas around the city, and just being able to relax and absorb the new atmosphere.