Making Friends?
Mar 30th 2012, 4:43 pm
#1
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 112
Making Friends?
Been reading a few threads and just perhaps over analyzing today, that's never good is it?
I found the meet ups section but I was looking for a general making friends section and there doesn't appear to be one?
I was just curious to find out how you all got on making friends in Australia when you arrived? Did it happen naturally? Or did you struggle to find people that weren't more than hi, how are ya? in passing.
I realize that today I think I may have done too much thinking and need to grab my camera tomorrow get out and distract myself
I found the meet ups section but I was looking for a general making friends section and there doesn't appear to be one?
I was just curious to find out how you all got on making friends in Australia when you arrived? Did it happen naturally? Or did you struggle to find people that weren't more than hi, how are ya? in passing.
I realize that today I think I may have done too much thinking and need to grab my camera tomorrow get out and distract myself
Mar 30th 2012, 6:56 pm
#2
Waiting to be a grown-up
Joined: May 2010
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 4,695
Re: Making Friends?
Been reading a few threads and just perhaps over analyzing today, that's never good is it?
I found the meet ups section but I was looking for a general making friends section and there doesn't appear to be one?
I was just curious to find out how you all got on making friends in Australia when you arrived? Did it happen naturally? Or did you struggle to find people that weren't more than hi, how are ya? in passing.
I realize that today I think I may have done too much thinking and need to grab my camera tomorrow get out and distract myself
I found the meet ups section but I was looking for a general making friends section and there doesn't appear to be one?
I was just curious to find out how you all got on making friends in Australia when you arrived? Did it happen naturally? Or did you struggle to find people that weren't more than hi, how are ya? in passing.
I realize that today I think I may have done too much thinking and need to grab my camera tomorrow get out and distract myself
Do you have kids, or dogs? They give plenty of opportunities to make new friends, but it's up to you make the move and effort if you want new friends.
Mar 30th 2012, 7:21 pm
#3
Victorian Evangelist
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Melbourne, by the beach, living the dream.
Posts: 7,704
Re: Making Friends?
Been reading a few threads and just perhaps over analyzing today, that's never good is it?
I found the meet ups section but I was looking for a general making friends section and there doesn't appear to be one?
I was just curious to find out how you all got on making friends in Australia when you arrived? Did it happen naturally? Or did you struggle to find people that weren't more than hi, how are ya? in passing.
I realize that today I think I may have done too much thinking and need to grab my camera tomorrow get out and distract myself
I found the meet ups section but I was looking for a general making friends section and there doesn't appear to be one?
I was just curious to find out how you all got on making friends in Australia when you arrived? Did it happen naturally? Or did you struggle to find people that weren't more than hi, how are ya? in passing.
I realize that today I think I may have done too much thinking and need to grab my camera tomorrow get out and distract myself
In the first instance you will probably make friends with other emigrants as you all have something in common to talk about. We have met some great friends through this site. Then as you get out and about you will get to meet some locals and build your own history with them.
The most important thing is to get out there. Unless you have extremely friendly neighbours (and we did - but not everyone does) then no-one is going to ring your bell and say "come out and play". You have to make the effort at least to start with.
BB
Mar 30th 2012, 9:26 pm
#4
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 112
Re: Making Friends?
Thanks.
I now can't even remember what thread it was, then something the kids had said to me yesterday and I think I just had a rush of panic which scared me a bit, chatted it over with my better half earlier and feel a bit better.
Of course your right I don't expect the neighbours to drag me out by my ankles forcing me to join in - though that could be an interesting way of getting to know them
Friends, and family too have been and gone and when I look back over my life I'm lucky to have a few constants in my life and changes and distance have never affected our friendship so far.
I know its completely irrational and did give myself a kick up the bum.
We both feel we have stayed in one place for our families and friends for a long time and in part we feel it's been too long the decision to stay was one we made for their sake and not our own.
The kids all have social activities and clubs that they do each week, our daughter has a dance exam on Sunday, and until we can replace those with the equivalent out there I get the feeling I may feel like a fish out of water for a time? If that makes sense.
We have really good relationships with the people who run the clubs the kids attend, and for me it's a better social even than the school run ever was, you say hi to everyone at the clubs and they all say hi back ask how everything's going etc.
I feel a little caught in the imbetween at the moment if that doesn't sound too bizarre? If we could skip all this manic arranging and giving notice to the kids clubs and activities and just get on the plane and go I'd be ok.
I'm not having second thoughts about the move just a rather bizarre flood of emotions which I'd much rather bury to make my life much easier.
Got quite angry with myself earlier for letting my emotions get so wound up, the last thing I want to do is unsettle the kids because they will suddenly think things aren't ok if mummy suddenly loses the plot and starts bawling like a fool.
So I will go and look for the remote control to fast forward and give my emotions a severe talking to whilst I do
I now can't even remember what thread it was, then something the kids had said to me yesterday and I think I just had a rush of panic which scared me a bit, chatted it over with my better half earlier and feel a bit better.
Of course your right I don't expect the neighbours to drag me out by my ankles forcing me to join in - though that could be an interesting way of getting to know them
Friends, and family too have been and gone and when I look back over my life I'm lucky to have a few constants in my life and changes and distance have never affected our friendship so far.
I know its completely irrational and did give myself a kick up the bum.
We both feel we have stayed in one place for our families and friends for a long time and in part we feel it's been too long the decision to stay was one we made for their sake and not our own.
The kids all have social activities and clubs that they do each week, our daughter has a dance exam on Sunday, and until we can replace those with the equivalent out there I get the feeling I may feel like a fish out of water for a time? If that makes sense.
We have really good relationships with the people who run the clubs the kids attend, and for me it's a better social even than the school run ever was, you say hi to everyone at the clubs and they all say hi back ask how everything's going etc.
I feel a little caught in the imbetween at the moment if that doesn't sound too bizarre? If we could skip all this manic arranging and giving notice to the kids clubs and activities and just get on the plane and go I'd be ok.
I'm not having second thoughts about the move just a rather bizarre flood of emotions which I'd much rather bury to make my life much easier.
Got quite angry with myself earlier for letting my emotions get so wound up, the last thing I want to do is unsettle the kids because they will suddenly think things aren't ok if mummy suddenly loses the plot and starts bawling like a fool.
So I will go and look for the remote control to fast forward and give my emotions a severe talking to whilst I do
Mar 30th 2012, 9:53 pm
#5
Waiting to be a grown-up
Joined: May 2010
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 4,695
Re: Making Friends?
Thanks.
I now can't even remember what thread it was, then something the kids had said to me yesterday and I think I just had a rush of panic which scared me a bit, chatted it over with my better half earlier and feel a bit better.
Of course your right I don't expect the neighbours to drag me out by my ankles forcing me to join in - though that could be an interesting way of getting to know them
Friends, and family too have been and gone and when I look back over my life I'm lucky to have a few constants in my life and changes and distance have never affected our friendship so far.
I know its completely irrational and did give myself a kick up the bum.
We both feel we have stayed in one place for our families and friends for a long time and in part we feel it's been too long the decision to stay was one we made for their sake and not our own.
The kids all have social activities and clubs that they do each week, our daughter has a dance exam on Sunday, and until we can replace those with the equivalent out there I get the feeling I may feel like a fish out of water for a time? If that makes sense.
We have really good relationships with the people who run the clubs the kids attend, and for me it's a better social even than the school run ever was, you say hi to everyone at the clubs and they all say hi back ask how everything's going etc.
I feel a little caught in the imbetween at the moment if that doesn't sound too bizarre? If we could skip all this manic arranging and giving notice to the kids clubs and activities and just get on the plane and go I'd be ok.
I'm not having second thoughts about the move just a rather bizarre flood of emotions which I'd much rather bury to make my life much easier.
Got quite angry with myself earlier for letting my emotions get so wound up, the last thing I want to do is unsettle the kids because they will suddenly think things aren't ok if mummy suddenly loses the plot and starts bawling like a fool.
So I will go and look for the remote control to fast forward and give my emotions a severe talking to whilst I do
I now can't even remember what thread it was, then something the kids had said to me yesterday and I think I just had a rush of panic which scared me a bit, chatted it over with my better half earlier and feel a bit better.
Of course your right I don't expect the neighbours to drag me out by my ankles forcing me to join in - though that could be an interesting way of getting to know them
Friends, and family too have been and gone and when I look back over my life I'm lucky to have a few constants in my life and changes and distance have never affected our friendship so far.
I know its completely irrational and did give myself a kick up the bum.
We both feel we have stayed in one place for our families and friends for a long time and in part we feel it's been too long the decision to stay was one we made for their sake and not our own.
The kids all have social activities and clubs that they do each week, our daughter has a dance exam on Sunday, and until we can replace those with the equivalent out there I get the feeling I may feel like a fish out of water for a time? If that makes sense.
We have really good relationships with the people who run the clubs the kids attend, and for me it's a better social even than the school run ever was, you say hi to everyone at the clubs and they all say hi back ask how everything's going etc.
I feel a little caught in the imbetween at the moment if that doesn't sound too bizarre? If we could skip all this manic arranging and giving notice to the kids clubs and activities and just get on the plane and go I'd be ok.
I'm not having second thoughts about the move just a rather bizarre flood of emotions which I'd much rather bury to make my life much easier.
Got quite angry with myself earlier for letting my emotions get so wound up, the last thing I want to do is unsettle the kids because they will suddenly think things aren't ok if mummy suddenly loses the plot and starts bawling like a fool.
So I will go and look for the remote control to fast forward and give my emotions a severe talking to whilst I do
It is perfectly natural to have these moments. And don't hide them from the kids either. Discuss things with them, explain why you have these feelings, and ask them to talk about their feelings too. I am quite a cold fish
, but I have been having a few moments. I would be more worried if I didn't have a wobble or two.
The boy is not looking forward to going because he is forming some great friendships, and we have spoken to him about this and explained how he can keep in touch with email/Skype etc and how he will soon make new friends at school and with the clubs he will hopefully join. The lass doesn't care so long as thee is a pool with a table in it
In the last couple of years, we have made some wonderful friends, who we met through school, and we will miss them all. And yes, I am dreading saying goodbye to everyone. But, I am looking at the positive. We are looking forward to so many things, not least having a husband and father who will (hopefully) be home, not working away all the time.
Acknowledge the sad/bad, concentrate on the positive/good.
Mar 30th 2012, 10:14 pm
#6
Banned
Joined: Jan 2011
Location: The REAL Utopia.
Posts: 9,910
Re: Making Friends?
Making friends here is no different here than it is anywhere else, Australians are as friendly as Brits and once you get to meet a few you will start to strike up friendships.
Mar 30th 2012, 10:21 pm
#7
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 112
Re: Making Friends?
Please don't bury your emotions. It is far better to acknowledge them and find a way of coping with them, then ignoring them.
It is perfectly natural to have these moments. And don't hide them from the kids either. Discuss things with them, explain why you have these feelings, and ask them to talk about their feelings too. I am quite a cold fish, but I have been having a few moments. I would be more worried if I didn't have a wobble or two.
The boy is not looking forward to going because he is forming some great friendships, and we have spoken to him about this and explained how he can keep in touch with email/Skype etc and how he will soon make new friends at school and with the clubs he will hopefully join. The lass doesn't care so long as thee is a pool with a table in it
In the last couple of years, we have made some wonderful friends, who we met through school, and we will miss them all. And yes, I am dreading saying goodbye to everyone. But, I am looking at the positive. We are looking forward to so many things, not least having a husband and father who will (hopefully) be home, not working away all the time.
Acknowledge the sad/bad, concentrate on the positive/good.
It is perfectly natural to have these moments. And don't hide them from the kids either. Discuss things with them, explain why you have these feelings, and ask them to talk about their feelings too. I am quite a cold fish
, but I have been having a few moments. I would be more worried if I didn't have a wobble or two.The boy is not looking forward to going because he is forming some great friendships, and we have spoken to him about this and explained how he can keep in touch with email/Skype etc and how he will soon make new friends at school and with the clubs he will hopefully join. The lass doesn't care so long as thee is a pool with a table in it
In the last couple of years, we have made some wonderful friends, who we met through school, and we will miss them all. And yes, I am dreading saying goodbye to everyone. But, I am looking at the positive. We are looking forward to so many things, not least having a husband and father who will (hopefully) be home, not working away all the time.
Acknowledge the sad/bad, concentrate on the positive/good.
I don't cry very often so when I do - the kids really do panic which I don't like to see. We talk to them all thetime about it and they are all happy to go. An often ask us questions.
I think it was the directness from on of our kids whose had a really had time at school and been bullied a lot, he has a few minor learning issues but is a very normal loving boy who just wants some good friends and to enjoy life.
I think I just had put making friends to one side as a natural process but the fact he's worried that no one will like him unsettled me, he seemed quite happy after our chat but think he left his fear with me - that's my job for sure I just have to find a way of getting past them myself.
Quite a cruel ride at times these emotions, I'm not looking forward to it coming to a head.
Mar 31st 2012, 8:05 am
#8
Still alive
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 28,994
Re: Making Friends?
I've met a lot of people from on here at various meets. Some I've clicked with and made friends with, others who were really nice but just didn't have enough in common to make friends with, and others still who I would be happy never to cross paths with again. One of my favourite friends is someone I met at a King's Park (Perth) meetup in 2007. I actually went to the meetup so I could meet someone else I'd been chatting to on here but when I met her and her husband we just clicked. We only see each other once in a while, but she's been a very good friend to me over the years and hopefully I've been a good friend to her. We're actually meeting for lunch tomorrow, so it'll be nice to catch up.
My best friend is someone from my work. She only works 2 days a week and lives an hour from me, so I don't see her often enough either. But again, she has been a very very good friend to me and without her love and support I'm not sure I would have made it through some very dark times. We're going to Busselton with a group of workmates for the Ironman the first week in May.
I have some great neighbours and other workmates who I'm happy to call friends. My former neighbour lives about 6 blocks from us now and we see her all the time.
Of course all of these friendships developed over time and for a while it was pretty lonely until I got to know people we actually wanted to spend time with. But just like making friends back home nothing is instant.
My best friend is someone from my work. She only works 2 days a week and lives an hour from me, so I don't see her often enough either. But again, she has been a very very good friend to me and without her love and support I'm not sure I would have made it through some very dark times. We're going to Busselton with a group of workmates for the Ironman the first week in May.
I have some great neighbours and other workmates who I'm happy to call friends. My former neighbour lives about 6 blocks from us now and we see her all the time.
Of course all of these friendships developed over time and for a while it was pretty lonely until I got to know people we actually wanted to spend time with. But just like making friends back home nothing is instant.
Mar 31st 2012, 9:59 am
#9
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 112
Re: Making Friends?
Thanks for your comments.
My head has seemingly returned to its rational state again today.
For all the positives we see in our impending move to Australia perhaps its indeed fear of the unknown that raises its head now and then to unsettle us.
It is friendships much more than the relationships we've had with our families that have got us through dark times, I have a plaque that a friend bought me years ago 'friends are the family we would choose for ourselves'
A couple of friends have asked if we will have a leaving party before we go?
I'm not sure about it I have to say, in part because I don't know if I want to take on arranging anything else and to be honest our good friends are quite widespread and some I know wouldn't be able to make it anyway!
If nothing ever changed there would be no butterflies.
There is no questioning our reasons for moving, we have made our decision, I think perhaps its finding the best way to deal with these moments when it sounds like they will inevitably occur, I appreciate any feedback or advice anyone has for coping strategies for those times.
My head has seemingly returned to its rational state again today.
For all the positives we see in our impending move to Australia perhaps its indeed fear of the unknown that raises its head now and then to unsettle us.
It is friendships much more than the relationships we've had with our families that have got us through dark times, I have a plaque that a friend bought me years ago 'friends are the family we would choose for ourselves'
A couple of friends have asked if we will have a leaving party before we go?
I'm not sure about it I have to say, in part because I don't know if I want to take on arranging anything else and to be honest our good friends are quite widespread and some I know wouldn't be able to make it anyway!
If nothing ever changed there would be no butterflies.
There is no questioning our reasons for moving, we have made our decision, I think perhaps its finding the best way to deal with these moments when it sounds like they will inevitably occur, I appreciate any feedback or advice anyone has for coping strategies for those times.
Mar 31st 2012, 10:27 am
#10
Forum Regular
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 280
Re: Making Friends?
Does anyone ever go to pubs / bars on their own over here? Tempted to go somewhere for a few drinks but don't want to look weird haha.
Mar 31st 2012, 1:54 pm
#15
Gutter Gob!!
Joined: Feb 2005
Location: Perth
Posts: 13,098
Re: Making Friends?
I met my best friend by volunteering at school, her and her husband are now great friends and we were lucky enough to be made very welcome in her circle of friends. I did the same as others, went to meets, expat coffee get togethers etc but I found them hard work, friendship shouldn't be hard work so I just dropped away from all of them. I am a bit strange so found making friends hard so I just decided that friends would happen when they happen and I was right. Get involved at school, sports clubs that your kids get involved in and go to meets and coffee mornings. Only then will you know if they are right for you.