Making friends
 

I have seen a few posts recently where people have mentioned it being hard to make friends and Aussies being superficial being a part of that. I just thought I would offer a genuine appraisal of how me and Sam found it in the hope it helps other people. :)

Both of us had really good old mates we saw once a year for a weekend or those we got on well with and enjoyed a regular social but were only reasonably close too. This suited us both. I am lucky that I think of Sam as my best friend. (I don't believe I am going to publish that - you will all be reaching for a sick bag!)

For me, I have found it easy to make 5-10 friends (mostly via BE one way or another) close enough to call a night out every so often and feel comfortable chatting to openly. I have also got on well enough with colleagues at work to go for a few beers after work but no more. (Probably wouldn't want to overlap work and pleasure anyway!).

Sam doesn't work but via the Thursday lunchtime meets at Hillarys has made really good friends. She meets with some of them regularly outside this too and even though it has only been a few months she is gradually building these friendships up to a very close level.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that if friends you have in the UK are good enough for a laugh and a drink but no more you will soon build up to that level once you get here. But if you had friends in the UK that took decades to build to the level where you can share intimiate secrets etc then of course that is going to take many years to recreate out here. Some people seem surprised by that. At least you should be able to find expats who you can strike up a conversation with as you have something in common.

Also remember that you won't have a history or even common memories nor be able to discuss that AFL final of 1998 etc. So making Aussie friends is harder. Aussies don't like negativity so avoid talking about how much better the UK was (obvious you would think).

Our daughter (8) has struggled more than we thought too. She did 4 weeks before school hols and got on well but they re-jigged the classes this year and she lost most of the friends she made. We moved house and moved her school and she is much happier now and going round to a friends house (Aussie!) tommorow for a play for the first time. While kids adapt easier than us - they still go through it a bit for a while. So don't neglect them.

So there you have it - another one of Worzel's - open and honest appraisals of Aussie life. I haven't done one for a while. I think I need a few :beer: now and a lie down.

Re: Making friends
 

No disrespect but you have made friends with expats it seems from your post. A far different breed from local aussies. Correct me if I am wrong in this assumption.

Re: Making friends
 

Hi

Thought your post was very honest and true. It does take time to make new friends. I had a few very good friends in oz and some of them i am still in contact with others i am not. Its taken 7 years to get close friends here in the uk and really their is only probably 2 that i would call very close friends and now we are heading to oz at the end of the year.

Anyway great post.

Tracey

Re: Making friends
 

I didn't get that at all, kiwi. Some expats, maybe, but I got the impression Worzel was talking about Australians.

I have never had a problem making friends in Australia. I find Aussies to be warm and open hearted sorts of people. I have an added bonus in that my hub is an Aussie so I have had introductions to all his friends too.

At the end of the day, people are going to react to the person you are. If you give off negative suspicious vibes, you're not going to be attractive.

If you're bright, happy and easy going, you'll make friends. It's simply the way of human nature.

Re: Making friends
 

I did say it is harder to make friends with Aussies (they have established social networks so aren't looking to make friends as hard as we are), so yes we have mostly, made friends with poms. :)

After just 5 months I would prefer to focus on the fact that we have made plenty of friends - people we can share our experiences with, help us settle etc. While I would like to make Aussie friends in due course I don't see that as a trophy. :) I even get on well with a couple of South Africans and a Kiwi :p

Re: Making friends
 

It's the quality of the people you mix with that counts in the end and i am glad to hear you have made friends, regardless of their nationality :)

Re: Making friends
 

We have found nearly everybody we have met to be kind and helpful. As soon as we have asked for help or people have realised we have just moved here they have fallen over themselves to help out.

I think that the thing is that you have to make friends - you have to put effort in to it. I have met several people - one in particular through expats - who have really helped me settled down. I meet people at work etc. and I can honestly say they have been great. For me though, if I am honest, at the moment I miss my UK mates - I knew I would - and as you say it depends on you and the relationships you had in the UK. Most of our really great mates have invested in broadband and webcams and make sure we stay in touch. However you still get nights like tonight when you just miss being able to see them and chat etc.

Oh well take the good with the bad hey!

Mrs Ee (missing home the UK today!)

Re: Making friends
 

[QUOTE=iPom]I didn't get that at all, kiwi. Some expats, maybe, but I got the impression Worzel was talking about Australians.

Read on: they r expat brits, sth africans and a kiwi

Re: Making friends
 

The east coast is definitely diff to perth but that said others who have gone to east coast have also ahd problems developing a social network that was meaningful to them. I am not alone in my sentiments.

Re: Making friends
 

[QUOTE=kiwichild]
Yeah, I read.


All I said was that I didn't get that from her post.

Who does it matter who Worzel makes friends with, as long as they're friends? :confused:

Re: Making friends
 

Can't say I can see why it's important to know the nationality of the person you are becoming friends with. Surely it's irrelevant and if you then spend time dissecting the reason why you are friends with X Y or Z, you are wasting time.

My best mates in the UK (still are, just don't meet for coffee anymore :rolleyes: ) I have know for years. There is no way I can replicate that in four months or even two years. Also aware I might never replicate that, I consider brilliant friends to be a bit like your husband or wife - they might be the only "one" out there for you.

Re: Making friends
 

You've also got to remember peeps have got to know each other through here before the leave, and then perhaps meet once they get to their chosen destination, a relationship has already been founded. e.g Wendy know everything about everybody :D

I thought that was a lovely promising post, the only saddness i feel is it is from perth, where we are no longer going :D

Re: Making friends
 

Cheeky mare :D

Re: Making friends
 

Good point. Trouble was everyone we met at UK meets ended up on the other side of the country (I could take that personally!).

Re: Making friends
 

Plenty of other places in oz margaret and with luck you might find them enjoyable. Highly recommed tasmania from my research.

Re: Making friends
 

[QUOTE=iPom]Point taken

Re: Making friends
 

Worzel am i right in thinking that you put your daughter in school and then moved her to another? how did that go down? i am worried sick that if i make the wrong choice i will have to move them again. is it so bad??

Re: Making friends
 

OOOOOhhhhhhhhh noooooooooo, think carefully when answereing her :D

Re: Making friends
 

:p :p

Re: Making friends
 

Yeah we did. As she hadn't settled that well we decided to move her to within walking distance of our new home rather than face a 15 min drive each way. It is only bad for a couple of weeks - kids adapt easily. But those two weeks can be a bit of a worry. She is really happy at her new school just 2 weeks in.

Re: Making friends
 

phew, Rooksie, its ok, look :D

Re: Making friends
 

God, you crazy screwed up woman. Stop pushing your neurosis on your children :D

Re: Making friends
 

It's worse if they're in the wrong school for their entire schooling, don't you think? Kids adjust so quickly. Do what's best for the long run.
I think we all face that uncertainty - my kids are dropping a year and I hope we've made the right decision, but if we haven't we'll have to move them;

Re: Making friends
 

Re: Making friends
 

Oh very grown up :p You're obviously not arguing though :D

Re: Making friends
 

im in no position to argue mate :o besides, my brain seems to have taken an earlier flight :o

Re: Making friends
 

Worzel, you and Sam could make friends anywhere. :)

Excellent post.

Re: Making friends
 

Totally agree. It is an honest and good post. Just what's needed.

Re: Making friends
 

Hi Worzel,

glad to hear from you again. I found your post very reassuring, as what you described is pretty much how it imagined it happening for us.

Look forward to seeing you again "on the other side of the world" :D next year.

Gina

Re: Making friends
 

Good post!

D'uh - you'd think it was obvious wouldn't you :rolleyes: . I've lived in Australia for the first 22 years of my life and UK for the last 10 years of my life. I like both countries but Australia is home and wins on our current standards of what we want to do with our life.

What I've found amazing are these posters who post about Australians being thick/insular/shallow/cliquey etc. Do people honestly think that Australia is the only place in the world where this is true of *some* of the people who live there? Do people honestly the wonder why some posters get "defensive" when told that they, their friends and family (as Australians) are thick and stupid?

It stands to reason - as you've said - that if it's taken you years to develop friends beyond the superficial level, then it's going to take the same amount of time to do so when you move countries. I also think that the later in life you try and develop deep friendships, the more difficult it is to do, Childhood friendships seem to have a different quality to ones we make as adults (in my own expereince anyway).

I have some generalisations I could make about English people but they don't apply to so many of the people I know here in England that I would never tar them with the same brush. None of the people I met in my first two years of living in the UK are people I am in touch with now,and yes, they were superficial frienships but hey,they were the first people I came across when i got here! It was only when i settled into a "proper house" and got a "proper job" that I found friendships that have lasted a good long while. I have some wonderful English friends, none of whom, are thick or stupid (although one of them is deeply, deeply unfashionale :cool: ) but I can tell you I've met a fair few ignorant, insular, stupid, unfashionable and moronic people in both Australia AND the UK (sadly they seem to be populating the entire world at a rapid rate... :p ).

edited to add - (being postive as well!) that I've also met a lot of wise, intelligent, well-travelled, friendly people who I could listen to for hours, whose opinions I value, in both countries who come from all over the world.

Michelle

Re: Making friends
 

I've worried about not making any friends when we move but I'm sure things will be fine. The kids will make new friends at school and hubby will make friends from work, its just me that will find it lonely. But I intend to join a gym and do lots of classes etc so I can get fit whilst trying to find friends :D

The OP is right, if you make an effort to get on with people then surely you can't go far wrong. ;)

I've moved about a lot in UK and have not got any friends that I've known for more than 3 or 4 years and we don't currently live anywhere near our families so it shouldn't be difficult for us to up and leave - can't bloody wait! :D

I think we will all definately be OK, Australia is such a friendly place. We met lots of nice people on our reccie and that was only 2 weeks! Have still kept in touch with some as well :)

Cheri x

Re: Making friends
 

Best of luck with you and your family's planned future out here. :)

Re: Making friends
 

This is the sanest post I've read on this forum for days.
You are, of course, 100% correct.

Anyone who can label the population of an entire country as 'unfriendly' or 'superficial' or 'shallow' or whatever - only demonstrates their own lack of maturity.

Re: Making friends
 

We construct English in such a way that it can at times appear to be ambiguous. If someone labels aussies or kiwis or poms etc etc it can generally be assumed that:

1. they are talking from their own personal experience

2. and making an assessment based on the interactions they have had from people from that group.

No one in their right mind would come out and state that an entire nation is such and such. Some polls or questions are framed in such a way that an answer can appear to be a generalisation.

Re: Making friends
 

I think some people forget how hard it is to make friends as you grow older and leave behind your golden opportunities in the past to build a social network - school, university, first job etc - when you were with other people who had no friends or significant partners to fall back on and so wanted to make an effort too to make friends.

I've found it hard to make friends over here because my (Australian) work colleagues have established social networks and didn't want to socialise with other work colleagues - they saw enough of them during the day/week! I have found they don't want to go out for drinks with work colleagues, preferring instead to go home and hit the beach or relax with their families.

And work is my main avenue for meeting new (Australian) people and making friends. Me and the other half have tried joining evening classes, going to the pub for trivia nights, latching on to people who show even the vaguest desire to spend more time with us (we're probably starting to look desperate now!). But still, it comes to a weekend and we usually don't have people to socialise with in the evenings like we used to back in England.

We'll keep trying - we plan to get a dog (everyone has dogs round here, bound to make friends at puppy training classes) and hopefully have children soon so that will open new avenues for us. OH finds it particularly hard, as he always found it easy to make friends back in England due to a set of fortunate circumstances over the years.

Re: Making friends
 

Can only wish you luck with it but if you want to meet and make friends I'd consider crossing the tasman to NZ. Kiwis are a lot more friendlier (different culture)

Re: Making friends
 

I think a lot of this perception stems from the media here.

I've been lucky and so far (in 2 and a half years) have only met Australians who are intelligent, well travelled and welcoming (Obviously there are people here who are the opposite, like I said, I've been lucky!). But if you watch Australian current affairs programs or read the Courier Mail (Brisbane newspaper), they are all aimed at the lowest common denominator.

It would be nice if the media recognised that there are more intelligent people out there than stupid ones, but its probably cheaper to produce things aimed at the stupid.

Jane :)

Re: Making friends
 

From your many posts I assume you have lived in Australia and availed yourself of the Australian education system and yet your posts seem to be anti- Australian. Ofcourse this is only my opinion. The post I have quoted, again my opinion, implies that all nationalities on this board have no concept of the English language ie they do not understand that the written word can be interpreted in different ways. It is very difficult to read our own posts in an objective way, thus making it difficult for us to understand why we might appear to to be portraying ourselves as being superior to others. Just my thoughts.

Re: Making friends
 

Thanks for your post. No I am not anti-australian. if I was I wouldn't live in this country. I actually do have Australian citizenship by naturalisation.

I simply post according to my own experiences or understanding. I do not mean to imply that I understand English any better than anyone else. My point is that people tend to neglect to do the mental arithmetic (because we do become lazy at using our brains at times [which often leads to misunderstandings in conversations]) and assume that what others say is a sweeping generalisation, when often that was not the context in which a poster meant their words to be understood.