PADDAD

Loneliness, this has got to be another downside to emmigrating. Yes I do have a job and I have met two other people but bugger me I feel so lonely. Mind you, hubby's in Perth at the moment and I've been left behind with the kids. It's really crap not having your friends and family around you and I wonder if at the age of 37 I have left it too late to start again and coming to Australia was a huge mistake! Don't get me wrong, I think Australia is great but I miss familiarity and people I know well.

I miss my friends and family so much and I can feel myself slipping into some sort of pathetic state. I know I'm going to regret writing this afteral I have just polished off a couple of glasses of wine so I'm bound to feel a bit crap and sorry for myself but truth be told, I've been feeling like this for some time. It's lousy to feel this lonely and isolated especially when you've finally got everything you've dreamed of i.e. house, sunshine etc. It just goes to show that people you know are really important. It takes years to cultivate good friendships so I expect it'll be some time before the loneliness dispels.

bawi

hi diana

sorry to hear your situation. make sure you let someone know that you are feeling lonely. from experience i know that if you carry on showing a brave facade it will kill you inside. let a person you trust know, tell them you would like to maybe meet more. preferably not someone at work as that can backfire. have you got a chance to meet more people through the kids? would it be possible to do some course, like sports, music, crafts...? i am sure you know all these possibilities of meeting people, but when one feels the way you might feel now, that does not help.
just want to say i know what you feel, don't give up, slowly things will develop, i am pretty sure (have gone through a situation like that after a move). just make sure you use any chance to talk to people, go for a drink with them, even if they are not your 'first choice' sometimes we judge people wrong...

well, i am not really in a position to give you advice. just some suggestions.

am thinking of you...chin up!

barbara

debsy

sorry to hear about that. It is really sad. Cant you give Polly or Mrs D a ring I am sure they would love a chat.

This is one of the downsides of emigrating, you have to stick with it. When I first moved overseas I had no friends and could not even speak their language, so things were very tough for me, I used to get very upset. Now I am settled, have lots of friends and have learnt to speak their language fluently. All these things take time. In a couple of years time you will wonder what it was all about.

Take care
Debs

HiddenPaw

Hi Diana

I think a lot of people go throught the same emotions. I know I did - and it came in waves. It doesn't matter if you have a job, colleagues, even new Aussie friends - they just don't replace the strong friendships that you have formed over years back at home. It's difficult if you can't have your usual girly chats with someone who understands, or who knows that you just need to get things off your chest from time to time; it's difficult if you can't just turn up at your family's house and crash on the sofa without speaking to anyone, as we all sometimes want to do!

I don't think it's too late at 37 - I would imagine all age groups have hurdles to overcome. It's just a case of giving it time to form the strong bonds that you had at home. I know after 18 months of being here I don't have anyone I would want to go and dump my moans on over and above my best friend in the UK - even tho I do have people I can phone up for a drink, or meet for a shop. Wonderful as they are, they aren't my best friends as yet.

Just make sure you keep up regular contact with people - an evening class or gym class if you have the time is a great way to meet people with similar interests to you. Is there somewhere you can meet other mums?

Hope the wine cheers you up (not down)! Sending you a hug from Melbourne
HP

tinaj

I hope things get better for you. As someone said Pollyana and Mrs D are around Brisbane and are great people to get to know I am sure! Give them a pm and they would probably be happy to take you out and cheer you up.

theguitardoctor

We know exactly how you feel, and have even said "the place is not enough to compensate for the absence fo friends and family). We haven't had the chance to make friends at present as neither of us ios working, so it's bloody hard at present as we've had loads of setbacks which have very nearly sent us back to the UK post haste. We are still stciking it just for the moment despite several posts to the contrary last week (really bad week) as we know that we'll get back and realise why we left in the first place....

I would take the advcie of others and try a club or some social event to meet new people. Have a BBq and invite neighbours...anything really.

Goood luck with it, Rich

Jirrupin

I personally think age and circumstances will effect your perception on moving. I don't necessarily think you are ever too old to migrate but we may have been willing to make more compromises ten years ago than we are now.

Diana, hopefully you will feel better when Patrick returns from Perth. Has he had much luck with his job interviews? We haven't really felt lonely, we have of course, missed family, friends and the familiarity of 'home'. But apart from our lack of success in gaining employment, BOREDOM has been the worst thing for us.

You are allowed to feel crap and sorry for yourself, I am sure that many of us go through similar feelings at some point during the settling in process.

Enjoy your wine, you may well have polished off the bottle by now, and I hope your feeling better soon.

hutchy

Hi Diana , i have just sent u a pm...Jan Hutchyx

dmf

Diana, have sent you an e-mail.

Dawn

Badge

gaining employment, BOREDOM has been the worst thing for us.

Why are people bored?! Get out of the house and do something!

1) you can do at home the same as in UK. If not more, the size of the homes, sun deck means that you can enjoy the home. Aussies do more socialising in the home..

2) Get out of the house!! Go to the local park - its free in both the UK and Aussie. Mr and Mrs B live in a run down area of london which i hate but we love walking to the river which is always great.

Getting out of the house may of course cost money in the UK. Museums, restuarants. I'd rather take my kids to the natural museum of flora and fauna in my backyard than to some brick museum when they can get the info in more detail on the internet with no gift shop.

Badge

Jirrupin

My dear Badgers,

Do you think people don't get bored in OZ?

We walk out by the river each day, we walk up at Kings Park, we have travelled up North we have travelled around the South West Coast, yes the spring flowers and natural landscapes we have seen have been fabulous but three months on, and walking most days may be a pleasant way to pass some time but isn't really stimulating. I love to read and enjoy having time to do that but again the novelty can wear off when it might be all you have to do to fill up huge chunks of time.

Don't misinterpret my comments and assume we sit here all day waiting for something to happen, but in general life is dull and boring!! at least at the moment. If it picks up I'll let you know

We haven't bought a house so its not like we can potter around doing things to it. We have a balcony not a garden. Not a lot of fauna in the carpark of our block and most of the grass is beginning to die off as it warms up.

I am not blaming Oz for our boredom just stating that boredom has been a factor for us. And I wish to share that information which is why some of you find my posts a 'bore'.

Badge

My reply highlighted that you do the SAME things in Aussie as the UK, only UK is less expensive. You can get bored ANYWHERE. As I type it is grey and cold. I have the choice of the river walk, or supermarket walk, or go to local centre to a dirty concrete mall, just as in Australia.

Same as in England, I would say!

I don't think your posts are boring at all. They are very helpful!

Must admit, it is very easy to assume that people seem to be blaming Australia for their boredom, especially the people in Perth, as we've heard so much negativity about it!

I even loved shopping in Australia - the drive there - seeing the grass, trees etc..a year on still loved it!

Love to have a balcony! I've never lived in a house in England EVER. Can't wait to start like that in Aussie.

Jirrupin

Well I am probably one of the most vocal posters with negative things to say about Perth. I can't say what I was really expecting because I was fairly open minded (I think). When I read posts now of the excitement and expectation of those still waiting to migrate, I think that was me.

I am so glad we didn't sell everything up and move to Perth. I am also grateful for the posts of PB because now I am living here I can see just what he was saying.

We keep wondering if Perth is so different from other areas of Australia. There are positive posters from WA and as we have visited almost every town we know what they are like, not to live in but we can identify with the 'type' of place it is. I think on the last count we have travelled about 4000 miles. I remember reading about families moving to Ellenbrook, I asked why they had chose to live there but no-one replied, so we drove over and took a walk about. I would not want to live in Ellenbrook, some may well be happy with living there but it isn't for us. Similarly we have visited places deep in the South West and knew they were too rural, too small, too barren for us. We have seen other places that were idyllic but trying to afford housing and work there are near impossible. Also we have visted some areas that we thought were really nice and then Aussies we know have said 'you don't want to live there' and went on to list the problems that the areas has.

Today we drove more into the Hills area of Perth, some spots have fantastic views that stretch for miles. I am not saying that there are not beautiful places to live in Perth/WA, but we can't afford to live there. Most of the beaches are deserted and probably unusable. We have only found the odd beach used other than to walk the dog.

When we read positive posts about Adelaide/Brisbane etc, we wonder is it different? Can it be that another state would be better for us to achieve what it is we are looking for? But then we listen to all the posters good and bad and we think life is the same everywhere.

At the end of the day (as it is here) we are lucky enough to have the opportunity to travel and experience living in a different country, we have been able to have enough money to live without working for the past few months and we are financially secure back in the UK. So we don't have anything to complain about.

However, I think our observations and experience and opinions of Perth and WA can contribute to the tapestry of the life of this forum.

LondonNurse

Jirrupin, just out of interest, are you and your partner retired?

What did you used to work as in the U.K?

podgypossum

I can totally relate to the feelings of lonliness, isolation and despair. I think it is a normal part of the emmigration process. My first year in New Zealand was full of guilt for leaving UK. I was desperately lonely, some days i never spoke a soul apart from hubby when he came home from work. I shed many tears and wished i hadnt come. Then...as time moved on, things got easier and my grieving lighter.

I think you do go through a strange kind of grieving process...afterall, you have left behind EVERYTHING that has been familiar for a totally different way of life. You know nothing and no one in your new home. But it does get better, and i can safely say that after 2yrs and now starting out in yet another new country, it really doesnt worry me anymore...i'm over it. I hope you manage to do the same. Maybe taking some time out to look at yourself, and maybe reassess who you are and what you want...you certainly have plenty of time on your hands to do this. I have decided to totally changed my world this time, starting with my podginess..LOL .... its all coming OFF!!!!!!!!!...that is my focus for spending my first few months in Adelaide.