Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Aug 28th 2004, 10:38 am
#271
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2004
Location: Far away from canned Oz
Posts: 1,833
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Don't imagine going on an Oz summer holiday : live it.
All you need is a hairdryer, a magnifying glass, a bowl of fruit and a prawn.
1. Turn hairdryer full-on - max heat setting - and aim directly in face
2. Pull banana, pineapple etc out of fruit bowl and look at them under magnifying glass. Notice the graceful curves. Well, that's all you get from the 'Big Banana' etc . For added realism, eat a lot of junk food and empty wallet. To 'live' the following year's Oz holiday look at a prawn instead.
All you need is a hairdryer, a magnifying glass, a bowl of fruit and a prawn.
1. Turn hairdryer full-on - max heat setting - and aim directly in face
2. Pull banana, pineapple etc out of fruit bowl and look at them under magnifying glass. Notice the graceful curves. Well, that's all you get from the 'Big Banana' etc . For added realism, eat a lot of junk food and empty wallet. To 'live' the following year's Oz holiday look at a prawn instead.
Aug 28th 2004, 11:03 am
#272
Banned
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Angle vale Sth Australia
Posts: 5,353
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
And just think , i have to put up with ,this " whinging ,whining crap, every day" otherwise the anglo-suxon will ring my boss , and complain, that they were not treated with due respect, " wake up , wannabee,s " 
mm
mm
Aug 28th 2004, 11:33 am
#273
Just Joined
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 9
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Originally Posted by Pollyana
Drat! you took the words out of my mouth! what is it about UK traffic jams that makes people resurrect old threads?
Aug 28th 2004, 1:29 pm
#274
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Apr 2004
Location: UK
Posts: 374
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Fellas, save thousands whilst preparing for Australian driving culture by buying a Toyota 1800cc pickup, circa 1977, drill holes in the exhaust manifold, rip out the suspension and then rev it up all f**king night out side my f**king house while I'm trying to get to F**KING SLEEP, WHILE IT REVERBERATES ROUND MY F**KING HOUSE BECAUSE IT'S EMPTY BECAUSE F**KING PICKFORDS HAVEN'T DELIVERED MY F**KING BELONGINGS YET.........
Aug 28th 2004, 2:00 pm
#275
Just Joined
Joined: Nov 2003
Location: Sydney-Coogee Beach
Posts: 19
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
1. Get used to carrying a torch around in the evenings - its pitch dark in every street other than the "High Street"
2. Get used to wheeling around a small fridge, your tv and your favourite books - you'll have more than enough time to eat a snack and watch your favourite soap every time you reach a pedestrian crossing and push the button - it is soooooo slooooow! (in Sydney anyway)
3. Get used to 15 hour blank video tapes as thats what you'll need if you ever decide to use the tv "guide" to set your video. Nothing (!) on Aus tv ever starts on time - its always +/- 15/20 mins or whatever time the network decides to show it.
2. Get used to wheeling around a small fridge, your tv and your favourite books - you'll have more than enough time to eat a snack and watch your favourite soap every time you reach a pedestrian crossing and push the button - it is soooooo slooooow! (in Sydney anyway)
3. Get used to 15 hour blank video tapes as thats what you'll need if you ever decide to use the tv "guide" to set your video. Nothing (!) on Aus tv ever starts on time - its always +/- 15/20 mins or whatever time the network decides to show it.
Aug 28th 2004, 2:14 pm
#276
Joined: Dec 2003
Location: Hillarys, Perth
Posts: 3,973
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Originally Posted by Innyjim
Fellas, save thousands whilst preparing for Australian driving culture by buying a Toyota 1800cc pickup, circa 1977, drill holes in the exhaust manifold, rip out the suspension and then rev it up all f**king night out side my f**king house while I'm trying to get to F**KING SLEEP, WHILE IT REVERBERATES ROUND MY F**KING HOUSE BECAUSE IT'S EMPTY BECAUSE F**KING PICKFORDS HAVEN'T DELIVERED MY F**KING BELONGINGS YET.........
Back away slowly children.. don't make eye contact and we may just get outta here with all of our appendages intact.
Aug 28th 2004, 4:52 pm
#277
Banned
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 595
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Originally Posted by bondipom
If you are a welsh ex drug taking ex joy rider who like to threaten women with new arseholes do not think they you will be welcome back here.
Aug 28th 2004, 6:59 pm
#278
Forum Regular
Joined: Apr 2004
Location: perth....and loving it
Posts: 254
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
spend sunday afternoon driving around your local mc donalds at four minute intervals - just to get used to the views as you drive from one side of the city to the other. just to balance things out, do two laps around hungry jacks aswell...
Aug 29th 2004, 12:47 am
#279
Home and Happy
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 93,810
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Keep a pile of pound coins by the door, and at intervals through them at people who come to see you. This will get you used to the procession of "doorknockers" who come round asking for "gold coin donations" to various charities.
Aug 29th 2004, 3:26 am
#280
huge,throbbing member
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Maaaaanjerra WA
Posts: 833
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
I aint reading 278 previous posts,so hopefully this one aint been done.
If you're ashamed that you were brought up on a council estate,and decide that you want to hide the fact by giving your kids unusual names,don't bother with monickers like "Levi;Paris;Bree/Brie;Storm;Cloud (or any weather related ones come to that)"as everyone under 23 has 'em.
Why not be really different and use Steve;Sarah;Emily;John etc,etc.
While I'm on the subject,where I was dragged up (Council ruffian by the way)Cory was a penis,not a boys name.Hence Adrian Corey was rocket hard as you can imagine.So was Dean Gay,but David Sphincter got all he deserved.
BB-my name is not Susan
p.s-just coz your wife drives a 6 year old BMW, it don't make you middle class
If you're ashamed that you were brought up on a council estate,and decide that you want to hide the fact by giving your kids unusual names,don't bother with monickers like "Levi;Paris;Bree/Brie;Storm;Cloud (or any weather related ones come to that)"as everyone under 23 has 'em.
Why not be really different and use Steve;Sarah;Emily;John etc,etc.
While I'm on the subject,where I was dragged up (Council ruffian by the way)Cory was a penis,not a boys name.Hence Adrian Corey was rocket hard as you can imagine.So was Dean Gay,but David Sphincter got all he deserved.
BB-my name is not Susan
p.s-just coz your wife drives a 6 year old BMW, it don't make you middle class
Last edited by baldbutts; Aug 29th 2004 at 3:28 am.
Aug 29th 2004, 4:09 am
#281
GO PUMAS!!
Joined: Aug 2004
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 17
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Originally Posted by baldbutts
While I'm on the subject,where I was dragged up (Council ruffian by the way)Cory was a penis,not a boys name.Hence Adrian Corey was rocket hard as you can imagine.So was Dean Gay,but David Sphincter got all he deserved.
BB-my name is not Susan
p.s-just coz your wife drives a 6 year old BMW, it don't make you middle class
BB-my name is not Susan
p.s-just coz your wife drives a 6 year old BMW, it don't make you middle class
Rgds. Mrs.Cory Maritinez
Sep 2nd 2004, 10:38 pm
#282
Account Closed
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 29,154
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Has no-one got any more 'top tips' - really enjoyed this thread
Go snorkelling near Sellafield to see an amazing array of brightly coloured fish - glowing green cod and neon blue bass etc
Buy presents for family, eat roast turkey, and pull crackers in the middle of summer with the heat turned right up in your house.
Get used to Mr Howard losing the election.
Get used to any hostile reception to the English by spending a long weekend in North Wales
Go snorkelling near Sellafield to see an amazing array of brightly coloured fish - glowing green cod and neon blue bass etc
Buy presents for family, eat roast turkey, and pull crackers in the middle of summer with the heat turned right up in your house.
Get used to Mr Howard losing the election.
Get used to any hostile reception to the English by spending a long weekend in North Wales
Sep 2nd 2004, 11:02 pm
#283
Bitter and twisted
Joined: Dec 2003
Location: Upmarket
Posts: 17,503
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Originally Posted by carolinegorka
Get used to Mr Howard losing the election.
G
Sep 4th 2004, 1:48 am
#284
huge,throbbing member
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Maaaaanjerra WA
Posts: 833
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
Tradesmen,get used to the "Lucky Country's ways by doing the following :
-While still in the U.K,go to your relevant industrial board,and insist they make you take an exam,despite your decades of experience.Make sure they promise to take their time,and let them know that you'd be grateful if they could issue you with a restricted ticket of some sort so that prospective employers can laugh at you when you ask for a job in the meantime.
When you find gainful employment,offer to work for half of what they offer you with no benefits or perks.
Then,if you need other tradies to do a spot of "reno" work for you,pay them double what they quote,and ask them to arrive at least 2 weeks after they say they will.Just like the robbin' carpet layers do here. "Well it is a skilled job "they'll say."Yeah,right" you'll mutter out a little too loudly,so they then add another week and $250 dollars.
BB-PB in disguise ?
-While still in the U.K,go to your relevant industrial board,and insist they make you take an exam,despite your decades of experience.Make sure they promise to take their time,and let them know that you'd be grateful if they could issue you with a restricted ticket of some sort so that prospective employers can laugh at you when you ask for a job in the meantime.
When you find gainful employment,offer to work for half of what they offer you with no benefits or perks.
Then,if you need other tradies to do a spot of "reno" work for you,pay them double what they quote,and ask them to arrive at least 2 weeks after they say they will.Just like the robbin' carpet layers do here. "Well it is a skilled job "they'll say."Yeah,right" you'll mutter out a little too loudly,so they then add another week and $250 dollars.
BB-PB in disguise ?
Sep 4th 2004, 11:58 pm
#285
Forum Regular
Joined: Aug 2004
Location: Kelowna, BC
Posts: 116
Re: Let's have a ''Top Tips'' thread..
I have moved to canada but this is hilarious! So many of the things that apply to Australia are true about Canada - who'd have thought! My husband is working up North for a couple of weeks and I am bored so cut and pasted all the best one/most relevant to canada and emailed them to him and my Brit friends in Vancouver.
My husband rang to say that he was reading them in the Internet room of the hotel he is staying in and couldn't stop laughing out loud. We were thinking about posting them up on the Brits2vancouver site but some people get a bit offended about this sort of thing...probably wont stop my husband though...
thanks again for the laugh - much needed!
By the way the reason I am lurking here is that we were really torn between moving to Canada, australia and NZ and spent months agonizing over the decision. So I find it interesting to hear what you guys have to say on the matter.
thanks again.
My husband rang to say that he was reading them in the Internet room of the hotel he is staying in and couldn't stop laughing out loud. We were thinking about posting them up on the Brits2vancouver site but some people get a bit offended about this sort of thing...probably wont stop my husband though...
thanks again for the laugh - much needed!By the way the reason I am lurking here is that we were really torn between moving to Canada, australia and NZ and spent months agonizing over the decision. So I find it interesting to hear what you guys have to say on the matter.
thanks again.
Originally Posted by Badge
to celebrate my belated Change of User name...
They don't have to be long, or short. Hopefully insightful , too, not just a list of ''to dos'' about ABNs, TFNs, BSBs and RWCs..
I just wrote this on a another thread. Anyone got any ones they know about. Something more original..
My top tip: (not amazingly good)
I know we are all different but time and time again people complain about suburbia in Australia and how it affected them in a bad way. (I say that you get housing estates in the UK off the side of market towns as well so can't quite see that its just an Aussie thing and often the streets are narrower).
It got me thinking : if you are really scared of ending up in suburbia and scared of losing culture - top tip:
By buying on a bushplot - forget the beach - you can really get that lifestyle some of you are coming for. That's what we have done - sure it may be harder work but we have no regrets. Some of the new suburbs near us are fairly souless - and I would hate living there. I can't wait to work in my own yard. I have never owned a blade of grass, much least 1 acre.
BM
They don't have to be long, or short. Hopefully insightful , too, not just a list of ''to dos'' about ABNs, TFNs, BSBs and RWCs..
I just wrote this on a another thread. Anyone got any ones they know about. Something more original..
My top tip: (not amazingly good)
I know we are all different but time and time again people complain about suburbia in Australia and how it affected them in a bad way. (I say that you get housing estates in the UK off the side of market towns as well so can't quite see that its just an Aussie thing and often the streets are narrower).
It got me thinking : if you are really scared of ending up in suburbia and scared of losing culture - top tip:
By buying on a bushplot - forget the beach - you can really get that lifestyle some of you are coming for. That's what we have done - sure it may be harder work but we have no regrets. Some of the new suburbs near us are fairly souless - and I would hate living there. I can't wait to work in my own yard. I have never owned a blade of grass, much least 1 acre.
BM