jayr

Well, it was the top thread of 2004 so let's have another shot. Tips may be serious or otherwise, though funny would be preferred, not sure I can get through any more bread price comparison threads, haven't you people heard of www.greengrocer.com, jeez... Sorry I digress, here's a starter for ten...

Prepare for your life of lounging in the pool by going to Sainsbury's and asking if they've got any 3ft long foam noodles.

Pop into JD Sports and ask where you can find mens black rubber thongs for the beach.

Practice being an expat by getting all excited when you see a box of Paxo and offering to pay four times its actual price.

Remember not to put milk on your cheerios.

HUP

Throw out all of your marmite and only try shopping for it at HMV. Then bemoan your lot that you can't buy it anymore

sharkbait

You could also practice ending every sentence you utter with "eh?". If you are going to Queensland, alternate it with "but" eg. "its good here but".

Nice Guy

Climb onto your neighbour's roof and dangle a fish on a bit of string in front of his windows. He'll think his house is underwater.

Buy a television set exactly like your neighbours. Then annoy them by standing outside their window and changing their channel using your identical remote control.

Cheer loudly at 8.00pm each Saturday to fool the neighbours into thinking you have won the Lottery.

Girls. Next time you feel like throwing a ball over-arm, don't, because you can't and it just looks silly. Just throw it girlie under-arm style, and no-one will laugh at you, or get hurt.

Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.


I thankyou

MrsDagboy

OK, I was ROFL at those 2

cyclemark

Practice petrol station etiquette by calling the petrol pump a bowser.

When visiting your local petrol station by car to buy a newspaper or some milk, park your car by the bowser. Wait anywhere between 5-10 minutes, then get out of your car and buy your newspaper/milk. At no stage consider buying any petrol or wonder why a large queue of cars has formed behind you. Also, if it's early morning it's acceptable to wear your dressing gown.

Girls - on a working day when putting on your high-powered business suit remember that it's not necessary to put your shoes on until you arrive at the office. It's ok to travel to work barefoot. If you must wear footwear, wear a pair of large white sneakers and pretend the 5 minute walk from car/bus/train is part of your keep fit regime.

Begin worshipping all TV newsreaders. Remember they are the equivalent of royalty in Oz.

If you're in Perth and want to watch the cricket from one of the 'Eastern' states, whatever you do, don't switch the radio commentary on. The radio is live - tv coverage is often two or three hours behind.

anya4oz

But surely the average Brit would think that you can only get those from Anne Summers (or the sort of dubious web sites your company's web filtering sofware blocks) :scared:

Anya.

Pollyana

A friend at work tells me her husband's workmates have invited him to an afternoon of "BBQ and a thong-throwing competition" this week........

SydneyStace

A woman at my work ends everything with "but". Why DO they do that? Is it short for something??

mlbonner

no, its long for ? or . I think

mlbonner

Start calling flip-flops thongs, and thongs g-strings. ie: middle of UK shoe-shop "Mr Smith, let me try on that thong you've got in your hands"

Don't be shy about having your umbrella up on a hot sunny day

Get used to brands like Heinz & Cadburys, tasting different by adding salt/sugar/grass to them now.

At your local deli, ask for a half kilo of sangers. Walk past the 100 types of cheese on display and only buy block or grated cheese.

At 6pm shut all your curtains and put your lights on. Go to bed at 8pm, make sure you have poured water all over your sheets (as this is how you'll wake up in the morning). Then turn a fan on over you, this way you can also wake up with a bad neck. Get up at 5am, cut the lawn, do the washing, go for a powerwalk, clean the house. Then sit in the bath (to emulate the pool) for the rest of the day.

Leave your curtains shut all day, so the furniture doesn't fade.

Go through Amber lights at traffic lights, it might cause an accident in the UK, but in OZ they have a much longer time on them.

Roll in some nettles - just like a day at the beach (jellyfish) or in the bush (ants)

sharkbait

Or, next time you go to the beach, round up 500 other people, all smothered in sunscreen and herd them into the water with firm instructions to stand in an area no more than 10 meters wide....this will be great practice for "swimming" between the flags once you get here......dont worry about renewing your own sunscreen, there's heaps in the 'water'...

sharkbait

Oh. and when driving....overtake in whichever lane you like !

desperate2go

My aussie ex said it replaces though

Scossie

When driving on freeway’s, adjust your speed near slip roads to ensure that any drivers attempting to join cannot do so, and are required to come to a halt.This rule also applies when someone in front of you indicates that they want to come into your lane. Slam your foot down, and don’t let them in. Thus ensuring that you arrive at you intended destination 0.0025 of a second earlier.


Young drivers. Waste all your petrol at the traffic lights, by installing an exhaust pipe the width of an oil drum, to your 20 year old Ute. The art of petrol wasting will then kick in naturally to your right foot.