Let's have (another) Top Tips Thread
Jan 21st 2005, 8:08 am
#46
Proudly Deplorable
Joined: May 2003
Location: Alloha snack bar
Posts: 24,246
Re: Let's have (another) Top Tips Thread
Originally Posted by bondipom
Anyway I am off to the garry glitter.
Jan 21st 2005, 10:07 am
#47
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Let's have (another) Top Tips Thread
Originally Posted by Nice Guy
X-Files fans. Create the effect of being abducted by aliens by drinking two bottles of vodka. You'll invariably wake up in a strange place the following morning, having had your memory mysteriously 'erased'.
Minor skin grafts can be performed on pigs by covering any cuts and grazes with thin strips of bacon.
Save money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing plate. eg Mr. KVL 741Y,
Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.
Avoid jet lag by simply taking an earlier flight, thus arriving fully refreshed and on time.
Pass yourself off as Welsh by putting coal dust behind your fingernails and talking gibberish all the time, stopping occasionally to sing loudly, or set fire to someone else's house.
Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.
Save time when crossing a one-way street by only looking in the direction of oncoming traffic.
I thankyou
Minor skin grafts can be performed on pigs by covering any cuts and grazes with thin strips of bacon.
Save money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing plate. eg Mr. KVL 741Y,
Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.
Avoid jet lag by simply taking an earlier flight, thus arriving fully refreshed and on time.
Pass yourself off as Welsh by putting coal dust behind your fingernails and talking gibberish all the time, stopping occasionally to sing loudly, or set fire to someone else's house.
Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.
Save time when crossing a one-way street by only looking in the direction of oncoming traffic.
I thankyou
To quote another two I remember:
Stop your neighbours from visiting by drilling holes in your skirting boards and sprinkling raisins on the floor. They will be convinced you have a rodent infestation and stay away.
Stop your budgie from flying out of it's cage, when cleaning it, by nailing it's feet to the perch (sick)
I know this was supposed to be a top tips thread on living in Oz, but I couln't resist. I loved Viz!
Jill
Jan 21st 2005, 10:30 am
#48
Proudly Deplorable
Joined: May 2003
Location: Alloha snack bar
Posts: 24,246
Re: Let's have (another) Top Tips Thread
Originally Posted by Go Banana's !!
I loved Viz!
Back to Oz:
Start watching AFL & rugby league on Sky, so you can get used to watching crap sports.
Jan 21st 2005, 12:19 pm
#49
Dismembered Bat
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 851
Re: Let's have (another) Top Tips Thread
Originally Posted by SydneyStace
In preparation for coming to Aus, all women have to take up Crochet and needlework as a hobby and take a great interest in tupperware parties. Is there a great obsession with coming old before your time as well as looking old? To look old before your time just sit out in the sun to get the "leathered look"!! (you have to put effort in as it could take a while) :scared:
Jan 21st 2005, 12:19 pm
#50
Dismembered Bat
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 851
Re: Let's have (another) Top Tips Thread
Originally Posted by MrsDagboy
if you asked me for sangers I would give you sandwiches! Bangers & snags I knew, but not sangers.
Jan 21st 2005, 1:08 pm
#51
Rushwood, Thornlands, QLD
Joined: Feb 2003
Location: Thornlands,Bayside, Qld
Posts: 1,864
Re: Let's have (another) Top Tips Thread
Originally Posted by jayr
Or better:
"Hello I'm looking for Nads hair removal. Can you help?"
"Hello I'm looking for Nads hair removal. Can you help?"
boomie
x
Jan 21st 2005, 1:12 pm
#52
Rushwood, Thornlands, QLD
Joined: Feb 2003
Location: Thornlands,Bayside, Qld
Posts: 1,864
Re: Let's have (another) Top Tips Thread
Originally Posted by bondipom
Not sure where rhyming slang originated but there is some commonality to cockney rhyming slang. Apple and pears is a classic example. Anyway I am off to the garry glitter.
hope ya enjoyed ya Ertha kitt!
xx
Jan 21st 2005, 1:19 pm
#53
Rocket Scientist
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: Dreamland AKA Brisbane which is a different country to the UK
Posts: 6,911
Re: Let's have (another) Top Tips Thread
Originally Posted by ProofReader
Agreed, MrsD ... or even snorkers, snarks and snoggages (for sausages)!
. Hold on - I thought snorkers were something completely different :scared:
Last edited by MrsDagboy; Jan 21st 2005 at 1:24 pm.
Jan 21st 2005, 1:54 pm
#54
Scottish Aussie ©
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: Belmont, Perth, WA
Posts: 2,009
Re: Let's have (another) Top Tips Thread
Sneaky bugger Dagboy!
Stealing my old signature! Haven't had that one for a long time, but it's still very good.
Stealing my old signature! Haven't had that one for a long time, but it's still very good.
Jan 21st 2005, 2:03 pm
#55
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Let's have (another) Top Tips Thread
Given Aus is cold in winter, and the expense of carpeting....it would be prudent to do the following:
* Get a matching pair of square carpet tiles and glue to the bottom of your thongs [AKA flip flops].
Hey presto;
you have carpet in winter!!!
Simply tear off the carpet squares in summer and its cooler!!!
Please note: You can do this with various colours to mix and match with bedrooms, kitchen, bathrooms etc
* Get a matching pair of square carpet tiles and glue to the bottom of your thongs [AKA flip flops].
Hey presto;
you have carpet in winter!!!
Simply tear off the carpet squares in summer and its cooler!!!
Please note: You can do this with various colours to mix and match with bedrooms, kitchen, bathrooms etc
Jan 23rd 2005, 4:29 am
#56
huge,throbbing member
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Maaaaanjerra WA
Posts: 833
Re: Let's have (another) Top Tips Thread
If you're looking to make a fortune in Oz,why not invest in a brake light company.
Whilst on your way to the school/shopping mall/fast food industrial estate,waiting (and waiting) at traffic lights,step out of your 4x4 and see how many drivers sit with their foot on the brake.
WHY ?
Yer gonna be there for at least 5 minutes,watching the totally empty opposite lanes,which look like John Howards just announced that there's free shoes for kids in the next town.
Put your hand brake on for God's sake.
On another note,don't bother investing in an indicator light company,as they are very seldom used.The term "mirror/signal/manouvre doesn't exist in the local dialect.
Just "brake for no reason,then turn into your drive or street with total disregard to all around".
BB-OMO user and proud
Whilst on your way to the school/shopping mall/fast food industrial estate,waiting (and waiting) at traffic lights,step out of your 4x4 and see how many drivers sit with their foot on the brake.
WHY ?
Yer gonna be there for at least 5 minutes,watching the totally empty opposite lanes,which look like John Howards just announced that there's free shoes for kids in the next town.
Put your hand brake on for God's sake.
On another note,don't bother investing in an indicator light company,as they are very seldom used.The term "mirror/signal/manouvre doesn't exist in the local dialect.
Just "brake for no reason,then turn into your drive or street with total disregard to all around".
BB-OMO user and proud
Jan 23rd 2005, 12:05 pm
#57
Dismembered Bat
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 851
Re: Let's have (another) Top Tips Thread
Originally Posted by baldbutts
The term "mirror/signal/manouvre doesn't exist in the local dialect.
Jan 23rd 2005, 8:30 pm
#58
Where I want to be
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: In my own head
Posts: 3,220
Re: Let's have (another) Top Tips Thread
Going back to the OMO - thought this may amuse you all.
Wives of the Black Watch Regiment used to buy OMO washing powder, they didn't always want to use for their washing but to put on window sills. Why? Well when their husbands used to go on exercise it was to let their boyfriends know the coast was clear. OMO = Old Man Out!!
This makes me giggle every time I see a pack. Sister in law uses it and she wondered why I was giggling to myself when we were doing the shopping.
Wives of the Black Watch Regiment used to buy OMO washing powder, they didn't always want to use for their washing but to put on window sills. Why? Well when their husbands used to go on exercise it was to let their boyfriends know the coast was clear. OMO = Old Man Out!!
This makes me giggle every time I see a pack. Sister in law uses it and she wondered why I was giggling to myself when we were doing the shopping.
Jan 30th 2005, 6:08 am
#59
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,038
Let's have (another) Top Tips Thread
Oh my golly gosh.......I've got some more karma, makes a total of 3 lots!
Many thanks to Cresta57, you've made my day!
Enjoy these!
When crossing a one-way street always look in BOTH directions in case a large blue furniture removal lorry is reversing the wrong way up the road. -
Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.
Anorexics. When your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating cakes again.
A next door neighbour's car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency.
Hijackers. Avoid a long stressful siege and the risk of arrest, imprisonment or death by simply making sure you book a flight to your intended destination in the first place.
Deter goldfish from having sex by throwing a small bucket of air over any that you catch in the act.
I thankyou
Many thanks to Cresta57, you've made my day!
Enjoy these!
When crossing a one-way street always look in BOTH directions in case a large blue furniture removal lorry is reversing the wrong way up the road. -
Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.
Anorexics. When your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating cakes again.
A next door neighbour's car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency.
Hijackers. Avoid a long stressful siege and the risk of arrest, imprisonment or death by simply making sure you book a flight to your intended destination in the first place.
Deter goldfish from having sex by throwing a small bucket of air over any that you catch in the act.
I thankyou
