chippy

My missess is feeling a bit low at the moment because we are leaving our eldest daughter (and her baby daughter) behind. We are definately going to Brisbane springtime next year, having just got our visa's.

The reality of this has kicked in, and although my enthuasim is like a runaway train the wife is being held back by her mixed feelings.

We even could'nt go to the most recent Essex 'meet', because she did'nt want to dampen anybodys enthuasim. Anybody else been in this situation?

SteveBannister

Chippy, the Essex meet was exactly for this purpose, to bounce around worries, fears and ideas. There are plenty of people who go, a lot of which are leaving family behind. One of the reasons I started it was because my wife was leaving family behind. Come to the next one (Oct 3rd) and ask around. What with Internet, webcams and somewhere for her to stay when she comes to visit, there are options.

Steve.

NickT

Hi Chippy
Know how your wife feels, I'm having to leave my married daughter behind and finding it very difficult. But she has her own life to lead and although we are close she lives on the other side of the country so I dont see her very often.

All we can do is make the most of the time left before I go - Sept, and ensure they are able to visit. After all a couple of weeks a year would be great. I am setting up our video conferencing systems before I go out, we already vid-conf with friends in Oz so know it works.

The worst part is the build up to the flight day, and I'm really trying not to think about the airport. But once all the goodbyes have been said and I'm on the plane I've got 24 hours to calm down.

Then it's down to work building a life, building a house and getting things ready for their visits. On top of all that my wife is not coming out to Oz til next July, keeping her UK job till I get sorted and building up the savings.

Think about the positive side of it all, what a wonderful place for your children and grandchildren to visit, think what they will be able to tell their friends.

Good luck

Nick

Graham & Kath

Hi to you all

Would we be able to come to the Essex meeting on 3 October. we're in Gillingham Kent. We're not going out til next year sometime to Perth but would we be able to intrude.

We also feel the same way, only cos my parents are getting on in years and wont come to us and also the chances of seeing Grahams parents again are nil as they live in South Africa, so know how everyone feels about leaving close family you wanna go but the guilt hits home every now and again. Would like to make some new friends before we're off and/or generally have a chat if thats ok with everyone??

P.S. Are kids allowed.

Thanks alot

Graham and Kath:

SteveBannister

That's fine, the more the merrier. I'll put you on my list and send you the details later.

pommie bastard

I left my Son while he was half way through his degree course at Uni , then tried to get him out 2 years later and then it took another 2 years before we got the okay by which time he was settled in the UK.
My advice if you care for it is bring her or do not come because your wife will never really settle with her children not near to her.

pommie bastard

I can understand why you smell rotten now , the smell of I am charge stinks , just the kind of people I would steer clear of.

SteveBannister

Oh, get a life will you? The meets are every two months and they more or less organise themselves. All I do is tell people where the pub is, or they could ask anyone else who's been before. I would put the address on the website, but we don't want twats like you turning up, who's first instinct is to mock everything. Are you going to have a pop at the person who 'organises' the Birmingham meets, or any of the others? The guy has a problem and there are people who come along who are going through the same thing. Seems bloody obvious to me to suggest that they get together. You've put your two penny worth in, now let someone else. Please, promise me that you'll steer clear of me. It would save ME the bother. When you were leaving family behind, I'm sure you or your wife spoke to somebody about it. So get off your high horse, your omnipotence. Even in your advise you still manage to try and talk people out of going. Perhaps your next advise would be to hide uder the bed all day, just in case.

whisky

Chippys wife,

I too am going through the same situation, and I have been up and down like a yoyo. Even said that I wasn't going at one stage.

My daughter is married with a little girl, and is due her second baby on the 12th Sept.

I know that if it was my daughter instead of us, she would go without a second thought.

I am leaving her with money for flights, and keeping my fingers crossed that when they visit, they will also fall in love with Oz and want to come.
If they don't, then that is something I will have to accept.

We can't live for others, we have to live for ourselves.

I know it won't be easy, but I really want to give it a go in Oz.

My job is dealing with the public, and the amount of peoplethat have told me to go and not give it up (like they had)for the kids sake, as they have always regretted it.

I am definately giving it a go. (Though I have doubts about leaving them all the time).

Whisky

pommie bastard

You cannot run your own life and want a gang of the clueless around you to make you feel important , bugger off make a life on your own if you have the balls.

SteveBannister

Wow, you're just making loads of friends today aren't you. In one stupid sweeping comment, you've just alienated and rubbished everybody who might actually want to discuss what is possibly the biggest move of thier life. I can't help but think that maybe if you'd have tried it, you might not have failed and be coming back home. All you do all day is 'cut-and-paste' the same media crap that you accuse others of. Don't worry, I'm sure there will be a lottery handout for a failed refugee like yourself, somewhere.

When you arrive back in the UK, what's going to set off the metal detectors first? The lead in your arse or the shit in your brains?

deddog

Kettle!

carolerussell

Hi Chippys' wife. We fly out in 3 weeks time to perth. My sons of 17 and 11 are coming but my eldest son of 19 is in the army so he obviously can't. He doesn't mind us going as he has his own life to lead and he is very independant for a lad so young, in fact him and tom the 17 year old son are in tenerife now for a week together. I am very sad to leave my son, I wanted him to come over for a month on October - all paid for but he said he isn't bothered, he would rather spend the time with his mates, at 19 who can blame him. I hope he comes next year, I have looked into him moving out there with the army and it can be done but he wants to remain here at present. I have to respect his wishes as he is mine. Only you can make up your own mind, I know I will cope - but we are not all the same. Go out there and see how you get on if it is unbearable you can always come back - at least you will have tried. Good luck

Jolyn

Whisky,

You're being very brave and I'm sure it will work out.

One of my friend's parents moved to Oz years ago. He stayed behind to go to uni. Over the years all his siblings moved out there. He stayed here but visits them regularly. Everyone is amicable and it seems like they see each other as often as many families do who live in the same country.

If you stayed here then odds on your daughter would up and leave in a few years' time for a better life with two kids and you'd be stuck trying to get a visa again!

Best wishes from us.

whisky

jolyn,

Thanks for the kind words.
I have mulled it over many times, as you can imagine, and realise that if I stayed, I would be missing a fantastic opportunity, and to be honest, the years are running away from up and coming opportunities. We are both in our mid forties, and the fifties aren't all that far away.
My daughter lives 10 miles away at the moment, and we hardly see her now.
I haven't seen her for over a week (after I went to see her) and she popped in for 5 minutes for a quick coffee on her way to friends for the day.
She has some good friends (of which I am very grateful, as I would feel even more guilty).
I am sure that if she needed me, she would soon let me know, and I wouldn't hesitate to be on the next available plane.
I know my daughter very well, as most Mothers do, and I know that she will love Australia, it would just be her hubby.
What I don't want to do, though it is very tempting, is to start persuading him to come and live without it being his own decision, as I don't want to be classed the 'evil Mother in law', who made him move out to Oz, should things not be right for them.
I will try and play it very calmly when they visit, but will make sure they have the time of their lives.

If they decide it isn't for them, then its emails, telephone, and holidays.

When I speak to people, there are thousands of families that do the same, and although it would be nice if the rest of the family wanted the same as you, we all have to accept that our children are grown up and have lives of their own.

Whisky