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Leaving kids behind

Leaving kids behind

Old May 24th 2006, 6:45 pm
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Default Leaving kids behind

Hi,

my husband and I are looking for some advice and insight. We are thinking of applying for the SIR visa. As my husband will be 40 in March and this will mean losing another 5 points we don't have much time to make the decision!!

The problem is leaving his two boys behind. They will be 15 and 16 this year and their mum won't let us take them with us, understandably. We would have to leave them behind. They visit us twice a week at the moment and my husband speaks to them most days. Has anyone else had this problem? Did you go ahead with the application anyway? If you are already in Australia how are you coping with your kids back in the UK?

The four of us went to Oz in December and we all loved it. There would be the funds there for us to pay for the boys to take a long holiday here come the summer holidays but I'm not sure this would be enough for my husband to base his decision, which, ultimately would be his.

We understand that this is a very open question and would depend very much on the individuals involved but we was wondering how others handled this situation.

We look forward to any replies.

Thanks,

Yvonne & Paul
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Old May 24th 2006, 6:54 pm
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Default Re: Leaving kids behind

Originally Posted by YvonnePaul
Hi,

my husband and I are looking for some advice and insight. We are thinking of applying for the SIR visa. As my husband will be 40 in March and this will mean losing another 5 points we don't have much time to make the decision!!

The problem is leaving his two boys behind. They will be 15 and 16 this year and their mum won't let us take them with us, understandably. We would have to leave them behind. They visit us twice a week at the moment and my husband speaks to them most days. Has anyone else had this problem? Did you go ahead with the application anyway? If you are already in Australia how are you coping with your kids back in the UK?

The four of us went to Oz in December and we all loved it. There would be the funds there for us to pay for the boys to take a long holiday here come the summer holidays but I'm not sure this would be enough for my husband to base his decision, which, ultimately would be his.

We understand that this is a very open question and would depend very much on the individuals involved but we was wondering how others handled this situation.

We look forward to any replies.

Thanks,

Yvonne & Paul

Hi

We're not there yet so don't know how we will cope, but I am leaving one son behind. Although he is 18, so a little older. i imagine it's not going to be easy, but like you say we will be having him over for long holidays as often as possible.

I think you have to think about you and your hubby as the kids will grow up and go their own way eventually, just like my boy is. Without trying to sound awful, they will still have their Mum here, so it's not like you are abandoning them.

Also you are giving them an opportunity to live in a new country when they reach an age where they can chose for themselves.

Good luck with your decision, I know it's not an easy one
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Old May 24th 2006, 6:57 pm
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Default Re: Leaving kids behind

Originally Posted by YvonnePaul
Hi,

my husband and I are looking for some advice and insight. We are thinking of applying for the SIR visa. As my husband will be 40 in March and this will mean losing another 5 points we don't have much time to make the decision!!

The problem is leaving his two boys behind. They will be 15 and 16 this year and their mum won't let us take them with us, understandably. We would have to leave them behind. They visit us twice a week at the moment and my husband speaks to them most days. Has anyone else had this problem? Did you go ahead with the application anyway? If you are already in Australia how are you coping with your kids back in the UK?

The four of us went to Oz in December and we all loved it. There would be the funds there for us to pay for the boys to take a long holiday here come the summer holidays but I'm not sure this would be enough for my husband to base his decision, which, ultimately would be his.

We understand that this is a very open question and would depend very much on the individuals involved but we was wondering how others handled this situation.

We look forward to any replies.

Thanks,

Yvonne & Paul
Hi Y&P... we are leaving our 18year old behind, which is one of the hardest things known... but we have already got back up plans if he changes his mind when he is older and there are visa options for him..all except last remaining relative due to my ex(his dad) still living in the UK.

Your children are not that far off 18 when they can make their own decisions and also make plans to move over if they so wish. I would go over as you may need to sponsor them further down the line..that way you will have the time under your belt for them.Set up the path so to speak.

The communication nowadays is excellent - we arent limited to telephone and letter anymore - but daily text messages, msn and video links do compensate somewhat.

Our app is going in in a couple of weeks - but he is being kept involved all the way.. we are looking for a rental property for him at the moment to make sure that he is safe and very capable before we go.. giving us a little peace of mind.

I hope you make the decision that is best for you all and I hope some of this has helped you a little. Good Luck.
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Old May 24th 2006, 7:00 pm
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Default Re: Leaving kids behind

Originally Posted by YvonnePaul
Hi,

my husband and I are looking for some advice and insight. We are thinking of applying for the SIR visa. As my husband will be 40 in March and this will mean losing another 5 points we don't have much time to make the decision!!

The problem is leaving his two boys behind. They will be 15 and 16 this year and their mum won't let us take them with us, understandably. We would have to leave them behind. They visit us twice a week at the moment and my husband speaks to them most days. Has anyone else had this problem? Did you go ahead with the application anyway? If you are already in Australia how are you coping with your kids back in the UK?

The four of us went to Oz in December and we all loved it. There would be the funds there for us to pay for the boys to take a long holiday here come the summer holidays but I'm not sure this would be enough for my husband to base his decision, which, ultimately would be his.

We understand that this is a very open question and would depend very much on the individuals involved but we was wondering how others handled this situation.

We look forward to any replies.

Thanks,

Yvonne & Paul



Dearest Y & P,


Dont' look at it as leaving them behind..............................

Think of it that you are opening a new door for a brighter future for them.

Dave and Kath
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Old May 24th 2006, 7:09 pm
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Default Re: Leaving kids behind

Originally Posted by daveandkathh
Dearest Y & P,


Dont' look at it as leaving them behind..............................

Think of it that you are opening a new door for a brighter future for them.

Dave and Kath
Exactly what I was trying to say but didnt quite manage to encapsulate it in a couple of lines!! thats what we are doing with our son...setting up the pathway just in case.
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Old May 24th 2006, 7:43 pm
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Default Re: Leaving kids behind

Originally Posted by YvonnePaul
Hi,

my husband and I are looking for some advice and insight. We are thinking of applying for the SIR visa. As my husband will be 40 in March and this will mean losing another 5 points we don't have much time to make the decision!!

The problem is leaving his two boys behind. They will be 15 and 16 this year and their mum won't let us take them with us, understandably. We would have to leave them behind. They visit us twice a week at the moment and my husband speaks to them most days. Has anyone else had this problem? Did you go ahead with the application anyway? If you are already in Australia how are you coping with your kids back in the UK?

The four of us went to Oz in December and we all loved it. There would be the funds there for us to pay for the boys to take a long holiday here come the summer holidays but I'm not sure this would be enough for my husband to base his decision, which, ultimately would be his.

We understand that this is a very open question and would depend very much on the individuals involved but we was wondering how others handled this situation.

We look forward to any replies.

Thanks,

Yvonne & Paul
Hi i hope to be going to the GC in November with my better half and 3 kids
6 , 4 , 2 , . i will be leaving behind 2 more kids aged 12 twins boy and girl from a previous marriage . i have been living very close to them for the past 10 years and see them all the time . we are moving to oz mainly for the children so they have a better standard of life . The way i see it is if i go now my youngest 3 will have a better start in life and i can start preparing to bring the twins over when they leave school if not before. I stayed close for the last ten years so that i could always be there for them but now i have to look to the future . If i stay where i am i will not be in a position to offer them anymore than they already have, by going now i will be able to offer them a future where they can live with me and i can continue to help and support them as they get older . The plan is to bring them out for there summer hols each year and keep in touch using the internet and view cams . it will be very hard for me i am sure but the only thing that helps is i know i can offer them more in oz than i can in the UK.

the way i see it is if i stay i have nothing to offer them in the future and i will be depriving my three youngest a better life and in 6 years time they may up and go traveling themselves .

if i go they have the opportunity to come to oz before they are 18 and possibly settle there where i will be able to see more of them

i hope this helps i do understand it is very hard
regards Zak
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Old May 24th 2006, 9:31 pm
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Default Re: Leaving kids behind

I to will be leaving my son...14 yrs old...and not with his dad...but with his nan and an older brother and sister in law...(although ive still not quite given up the ghost on him being on the flight in oct.

Both his older brother and him have chatted..he desperately wants to stay here, finish school, college, uni etc..said he wants to study law!!! im trying to persuade him to become a mariane biologist..no better place that oz to do that...

however he did say something quite mature the other week..when i asked him once again (for the 1000th time about coming) that it was my dream not his..and that id spent 28 years as a mam on my own and it was time i lived my life for me ( I cried)...and his nan cooks a better sunday dinner than me anyway..

i dont know how i will feel if and when the house sells and its time for me to go....dont want to think about it...

but i do agree with an earlier post that if i get there then what an opportunity for him when he's older...for both my sons
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Old May 24th 2006, 10:40 pm
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Default Re: Leaving kids behind

Originally Posted by YvonnePaul
Hi,

my husband and I are looking for some advice and insight. We are thinking of applying for the SIR visa. As my husband will be 40 in March and this will mean losing another 5 points we don't have much time to make the decision!!

The problem is leaving his two boys behind. They will be 15 and 16 this year and their mum won't let us take them with us, understandably. We would have to leave them behind. They visit us twice a week at the moment and my husband speaks to them most days. Has anyone else had this problem? Did you go ahead with the application anyway? If you are already in Australia how are you coping with your kids back in the UK?

The four of us went to Oz in December and we all loved it. There would be the funds there for us to pay for the boys to take a long holiday here come the summer holidays but I'm not sure this would be enough for my husband to base his decision, which, ultimately would be his.

We understand that this is a very open question and would depend very much on the individuals involved but we was wondering how others handled this situation.

We look forward to any replies.

Thanks,

Yvonne & Paul

Just get kids along for medicals by the time it's all gone through they'll be over 16 so they can make their own choices, if they love it they can come with you Mum can't stop them. If they have medicals they can follow your Hubby out as his dependants without any major problems.
But if they say they won't leave their Mum then it's up to your hubby to decide what he feels most comfortable with
Good luck with it all
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Old May 25th 2006, 10:07 am
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Default Re: Leaving kids behind

Hi

I am leaving behind two sons, 18 and 17, they have decided they dont want to come, they have a year left on their visas in which time we are hoping they will change their minds, as has been said previously we could give up on our dream only to have them move away anyway. It is heart breaking but we are like others going to hope for long holidays together and we feel that we are still offering them a choice, but it is a very tough decision to go without them. Good Luck.
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Old May 25th 2006, 12:09 pm
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Default Re: Leaving kids behind

Originally Posted by WendyC
Hi

We're not there yet so don't know how we will cope, but I am leaving one son behind. Although he is 18, so a little older. i imagine it's not going to be easy, but like you say we will be having him over for long holidays as often as possible.

I think you have to think about you and your hubby as the kids will grow up and go their own way eventually, just like my boy is. Without trying to sound awful, they will still have their Mum here, so it's not like you are abandoning them.

Also you are giving them an opportunity to live in a new country when they reach an age where they can chose for themselves.

Good luck with your decision, I know it's not an easy one
see yvonne i told you Wendy would be able to advice and help. well done Wendy.good luck Yvonne
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Old May 25th 2006, 1:07 pm
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Default Re: Leaving kids behind

Originally Posted by daveandkathh
Dearest Y & P,


Dont' look at it as leaving them behind..............................

Think of it that you are opening a new door for a brighter future for them.

Dave and Kath

DITTO

I left a 15 year old daughter behind as she decided it was not for her.

It really killed me and I spent 9 months beating myself up crying over it. I was devastated but my son had really settled here in Perth.

9 months later after a 4 week holiday my daughter wanted to come over again for a holiday, it was agreed that we would book a one way ticket to see how things went.

That was 8 months ago and now she has a job, friends, money and a great life style compared to the one she had.

My daughter loves it here and has often said she would never return to UK as it has nothing to offer her now.

I myself dont miss it at all but it did take me a while to adjust.

Hope all works out for you

Hugs

Mags
xx
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Old May 26th 2006, 7:55 am
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Default Re: Leaving kids behind

[QUOTE=maggy]DITTO

This really gives me hope, thank you, its just what I am hoping will happen with my sons, its so hard and I keep beating myself up over it too, thinking what a terrible parent I am. I am so pleased that things worked out for you and that your daughter is happy.
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Old May 26th 2006, 8:10 am
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Default Re: Leaving kids behind

I think a few of us on here have left children behind for various reasons, but there is always the hope that they will follow. Fortunatley for me one of my daughters has decided, after a few holidays here, that she is definitely going to make the move once she has finished her A levels. The eldest one still won't make the final decision but is still saying that she will come at some point and I can't wait for the day when we are all here together.
I think leaving them behind was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
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Old May 26th 2006, 8:49 am
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Smile Re: Leaving kids behind

Has anybody asked what the 2 boys want to do? Would they rather stay in the UK? Or come to Australia? Or are they just being railroaded into staying in the UK by their mother?

Jamie

PS. I know you are probably thinking "who does he think he is, he's only a kid himself!". When I moved here I really didn't want to come, but after being here 7 months and starting work, I'm lovin' it! Although I left a lot of good mates, and half my family, in the UK, it is a far better and more satisfying life here. Make sure the boys know the pros and cons of living both in the UK and in Australia, and see what they say...
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Old May 26th 2006, 1:49 pm
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Default Re: Leaving kids behind

Originally Posted by YvonnePaul
Hi,

my husband and I are looking for some advice and insight. We are thinking of applying for the SIR visa. As my husband will be 40 in March and this will mean losing another 5 points we don't have much time to make the decision!!

The problem is leaving his two boys behind. They will be 15 and 16 this year and their mum won't let us take them with us, understandably. We would have to leave them behind. They visit us twice a week at the moment and my husband speaks to them most days. Has anyone else had this problem? Did you go ahead with the application anyway? If you are already in Australia how are you coping with your kids back in the UK?

The four of us went to Oz in December and we all loved it. There would be the funds there for us to pay for the boys to take a long holiday here come the summer holidays but I'm not sure this would be enough for my husband to base his decision, which, ultimately would be his.

We understand that this is a very open question and would depend very much on the individuals involved but we was wondering how others handled this situation.

We look forward to any replies.

Thanks,

Yvonne & Paul

Hi Yvonne and Paul

We are in exactly the same position as you except my husband's son is younger, hence we are not going over just yet. I know he is really torn and would love his son to come too, but we don't want to put him in the position of choosing what to do until he is older. We plan on having him out regularly (assuming he wants to come). These issues are tough, there is no easy answer and lots of opportunity for emotional grief from other parties. You need to do what you feel is right for you - and the decision to go or not needs to be a joint one.
We are taking my stepson out for a holiday before we tell him our plans to see how he gets on with the place - and we hope it will give him more opportunities when he is older.
A colleague of mine, who is from Oz came over to the UK for a few years when his two kids were 16 and 13. He is now back in Oz and says that although he missed them, and they came over every year, nothing stops you from being their dad. They liked having somewhere exotic(!) to go for hols.

Good luck
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