Scotty1

This is my first posting as we have just taken the decision to apply for residency and instructed a registered agent. We are applying under category 139 and I can have my skills assessed by Vetassess so while we are in for a long wait from what I have read it could be a lot worse (touching lots of wood while I say this)
The reason for my posting is that my husband and I are having major angst about having to leave his son from a previous marriage behind. He is still very young (7) and although we would not emigrate until he was a bit older we doubt there is a good time. There is no way his mother would let him come -which I completely understand.
Does anyone have experience of leaving a child behind? I am worried about the effect our moving will have and don't want to damage either of them. Am hoping that with modern communication, holidays and the passage of time, they can still have a relationship. At present access is not a problem and they see each other once a week.
We can't delay the application much longer as hubby is past 45 and I have only a couple of years before I hit it too. Also concerned they will change the criteria and we would loose the option forever.
Any advice welcome

madsad

Hello & welcolme!!

Its not an easy situation to be in,but you sound as if you have a good relationship with both the child & his mum & hopefully thoughout the process you can keep that going,i think you must try to keep comunication/honesty open at all times,I dont know how much a seven year old will understand or cope with the fact that his dad wont be there once a week to see him,but given time & talking things through may make a world of difference?
I am leaving my eldest daughter(16) behind but different,difficult circumstances.
I totally do not think you are doing anything wrong by putting yourselves first either,you have your lives to live too.

Best of luck to you all, i hope everything works out for the best all round x x

Donna.

worzel

Welcome to our madhouse. OMG! I am having sleepless nights thinking about leaving one or more of our cats behind. I can't imagine what is going through your minds at the moment. I can't offer any wise words except that it will all work out for the best in the end. I don't know how, it just will.

sackofspuds

Nope, I don't have any experience, though my mother and stepfather did emigrate when I was in my early twenties.

I emigrated too, independently, with my then girlfriend, for 4 years (but to Sydney rather than Adelaide, where they are) and we got citizenship but decided to return.

On our return we had kids and boy did I rage against my mother for not being there for us during this stressful time (we have no family support).

We're thinking of moving to Adelaide now and the family support will be a major - actually the major factor - behind that decision. Job wise, for example, we'll be much worse off.

I still can't quite come to terms with how my mother is willing to see her well behaved, non-bratty grandchildren for a few weeks every couple of years.

I presume your husband is absolutely certain about this course of action?

Scotty1

Thanks for the thoughts and the welcome. Will see how things progress

JAJ

It's a very personal decision, but if there's a good relationship in place, leaving behind a child that young will almost certainly have a bad effect.

Personally - I wouldn't do it.

It's different when children reach the 11-13 age group and beyond, as at that stage the prospect of spending time on holiday in Australia may compensate for the loss of weekly contact.

Maybe you should still continue with your application, as if you get visas and validate them, you've got a number of years to make the actual move (when the child is older).

You could even apply now, and reapply when just before 45 if the rules are the same, to give you a new 5 year visa. Talk through the options with your agent.

Jeremy

Scotty1

Thanks Jeremy
We would not be moving until he was at least 10 and I hadn't thought about re-applying when 45 is upon me to give us more time. If only we could take everyone with us! (well almost everyone!)

mlbonner

Hi & welcome.

The reason we're in Australia (& not the UK), is because my Aussie partner has a 9 year old daughter he didnt want to leave (he has shared custody with the mother). Having seen the bond he has with his daughter, I can't imagine any parent missing out on that. Obviously everyone is very different, and if its something you feel as a couple you can do, this is great, just seems a very difficult thing to do when theres a (seemingly) good relationship in place currently. Wish you all lots of luck, I'm sure when you do make a decision, it'll be the right one.

Jan4kids

We left my husbands son from his first marriage behind. He is nearly 11. We used to see him every other weekend and had a strained relationship with his mum. As someone previously said he is very excited about coming to see us in Australia. So far (3 months) he seems unaffected by the move and still talks to his half siblings every week,we also send photo's and write regularly.

We have 3 sets of friends/rellies who will be bringing him out over the next 3 years. We hope he will choose to live with us when he is older. It is a very tough thing to do.

Jan

Scotty1

Thanks Jan,
This is encouraging. We do not have a good relationship with the ex, and I fully anticipate getting the medical will be difficult, but she has never stopped my hubby seeing him. No idea what the reaction will be about possible move
Our thinking is that when he gets a bit older he will probably not want to spend every Sat with his dad and the prospect of hols in Oz would be positive. He is quite resiliant and so far has coped with the break up of their marriage well.
I have several cousins in Oz and I know he would fit in really well with their kids.
I know that when my parents were considering it (they decided against) I was very keen for them to go if that is what they wanted - but they live in Scotland and I was much older!
Its really hard - but there is lots of time.
Can I ask how did he take the news and did you tell him sooner or later in the process?

Susie

JAJ

You can't reapply when 45 - you'd have to apply *before* 45. But the option is there if the rules don't change, talk it over with your agent. Most experienced agents will pick up on this idea fairly quickly.

If you are being skill assessed by Vetassess or TRA then your assessment is valid indefinitely.

Note your son will still need to do a medical even if not included in the visa. Whether he'll be able to visit you in Australia will depend on his mother's viewpoint.

Also get some legal advice in the UK (from a good family law solicitor) to ensure that your moving to Australia does not give his mother a basis to go back to court and apply for a removal of your access rights on the grounds of 'abandonment'. I don't know if this would be possible, but you need to check.

Jeremy