scratchey

hi
has anyone had to leave children behind? we have our visa but i struggleing with leaving my 2 eldest children behind even though they bare 21 and 17. they still live with their mum but i see them regularly. so, if anyone else has been through this could you enlighten me on how you coped with this. did you go and have to return etc?

cheers scratchey

Wendy

Hello,

There are a few of us that have had to make this choice and can fully empathise with you over the agonising decision.

I left my 18 year old back there - there's not a day goes by that I don't miss or think about him, but it was his decision to stay and I had two other kids to look out for.

It has been a good move for my two youngest, but I am still hoping that my son comes to live here - which he promises he is after Uni I'm not sure what I'll do if he doesn't, I'm just praying he will

nigelb

I have left my 20 yr daughter to who i am extremely close, the initial loss was extreme but she has been very mature about it and has taken measures to keep in touch and we have her first visit planned for dec when she turns 21. it is hard no short cuts to get over it and everyday you wish they were here to share it all with you but they have to decide for themselves but whereever you are will always mean a home for your children and as long as they know that you will be ok

good luck

Sarah

scratchey

sarah and wendy. does it get any easier as time goes on?

Wandathecat

I would like to offer pearls of wisdom but we are in the same boat but my partners 2 girls are only 11 & 10.

We have them most weekends and a lot over the hols, my partner talks to them most days so god knows how he is going to cope.

We have agreed that long term its for the best as it will open up the world to them and hard as it is now they will hopefully be grateful we are there when they come over.

We are going in Nov and then they come out for Xmas with the grand parents to hopefully build some roots for themselves.

Cx

moneypenny20

That would truly break my heart. Hope your OH copes ok It's one thing to leave older kids who are starting out on their own independent lives but to leave little ones The best of luck to both of you.

Tiggeroo

I am very new to this, only registered this morning. We received our Visas in January and still cannot sell our house. I am having to leave my 21 yr old son (at Uni in London) and my 18 yr old daughter renting a room in lovely house and no permanant job yet) here. They have no other family here apart from my wonderful mother and father in law, who are my new husbands parents. It has not sunk in yet that I will probably not see them again for a long, long time. I have another daughter, from my previous marriage, who is 14 and a 20 month old son with my new husband, who happens to be 8 years younger than me. I don't think my husband understands how hard it will be for me when the time comes. I am very, very close to all of my children, the older 3 lost their Dad, my first husband, to suicide 13 years ago, which made us very tight knit. I know we are doing the right thing in going to The Gold Coast, especially for the younger two and have always wanted to go, I have family in Cairns, I just know that when it comes, it's going to break my heart. Just make sure you have some money put to one side in case you have to get back here quick for your kids for any reason, or have to fly them over to you! That's what I'm going to do. Let me know how you DO cope and I'll keep you up to date on my dilema too. Good luck!

Wandathecat

Moneypen

I can't even begin to understand how he feels about leaving the kids and I am sure it will be hard hitting when we are there but as its been said we are ensuring that we have enough money put aside for him to see them twice a year.

The plan is for them to come for the summer hols and for him to come back at Xmas/Easter to spend time with them.

You never know they may come out and want to stay......that will be an interesting debate with the ex wife!!!!

Tigeroo

Good luck with everything, and remember its only a day away, webcams are fab, phone calls are cheap and I am sure it won't be long before they come out and think......hmmm I might stay!!!

Cx

Tiggeroo

Thanks, I'm sure you're right!

daunted

I arrived in November of last year with my two youngest children aged 15 & 12. My eldest stayed behind in the UK at uni. he is coming out to validate his visa in may -staying for 3 months before going back to finish his degree in forensic science. he plans to join the police force over there and then 'hopefully' move out here before his visa runs out. It has been hard but not as hard as i thought cos i know he is very happy and settled. he has a fab girlfriend whos parents look after him like one of their own.
Having said that - whilst i have a large photo of him to my right as i type - I rarely look at it for too long

scratchey

fair play to your partner. this would be even harder than what i would have to do. i hope he copes. believe it or not us men who have kids are big softies

Wandathecat

Oh I know, especially with girls......they just have to look at him and out comes the wallet!!!

martynmartyn

i am awaiting my visa ( any day now) and i have a 6 year old, i am still with him and his mum but i am so unhappy i was asked to come out to work in aus and slowly everything is moving along and is now at the point where its going to be granted, i sit on that settee everynight wondering how the hell i am going to explain myself , i have kept it so quiet that even my mum dad familly & friends dont know, i feel sick writing this, and am sorry if i offend anyone. best wishes to all of u.

mark 'n' joe

good luck to those leaving kids no matter how old they are. Mark will be leaving his son behind who will be 14. At the moment we have him every weekend and one night in the week. He understands why we are going, we have been straight with him from the start and he says he wants to come out to us when he finishes school (we also have a 3yr old together). Theres no way his mum will let him visit in the mean time so it will be hard especially for Mark and our son who thinks the world of his big bro.

Hugs
Joex

Wendy

It does and it doesn't really. I haven't seen my lad since last July/August and I miss him like crazy but I know he'll be here to visit sometime this year, so that makes it bearable. When his visit is over it will take me a few weeks to get over it though, I'd say that's the hardest bit.

On the plus side, he has grown into such a responsible adult and is making me really proud and hopefully I will persuade him to come and live here after he has finished his degree.