Florida_03

NEWSWIRE:CHEM:RECENT


A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science.

The new element has been tentatively named "Governmentium ".

Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons,giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.

However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass".

You will know it when you see it.

Wilf

There are no protons in the nucleus. That would make it lack positivity, like me, yes?

See, even an old man can spot these things.

jayr

Governmentium is know to react with democratium, but this only occurs once every three years, for the rest of the time governmentium is inert. Occasionally ministerium may detach itself, most usually as a result of a free libido. In a case well known to the Autralian Chemistry Society, but little known elsewhere, governorgeneralium has been observed to replace governmentium. This has only been observed once and recent evidence suggest that primeministerium will replace governorgeneralium but only under extreme pressure as notably primeministerium normally operates in a vacuum.

Florida_03

Yes, ideally under optimal entropy the morons would exhibit Initiator Decomposition (ID) and become Free Radicals (FR). Although possible in theory, the excessively strong bonds of Underwork and Overpay (BLUDGE) are impossible to break in practice. This results in the Cage Effect in Solid Polymers (CESP), more commonly known as the Career Public Servant (CEP).

Wilf

You will be offending our resident vampire Kiwipaul when he goes for his daily drink.

Florida_03

I keep my Allium Sativum close...

Wilf

... but your marjoram closer still?

Florida_03

You cook? With real ingredients? It seems the latest intakes are addicted to Quorn and have forgotten how to cook a meal.

Wilf

Well not really but I like to dabble at a lot of things - spices are the life of variety, as they nearly say.

I cook scrambled eggs, fried eggs, and poached eggs (or did, before I used the poaching pan for painting - now I do not like the taste it gives off). That is pretty much it, I am afraid. Still, I like eggs, so it does us, you know. Mrs Wilf likes to cook and I like to eat so we are a perfect match. My son and daughter both cook though, so I look forward to Christmas when they often cook for us. Must admit, though, I prefer a N hemisphere Chrsitmas. You?

Florida_03

If I did not cook the first 6 years of marriage would have resulted in starvation or bankruptcy. I was taught by my 'ol ma, but funnily enough when I told her I wanted to cook for my career, she would not have it. I suffered years of schooling to satisfy their aspirations of me, and I hope I have given them a certain sense of happiness.

My wife has now learnt enough to keep us adequately feed and watered. We prefer simple food and your eggs sound perfectly adequate.

As for a Northern Christmas, we have not experienced one. I have friends in Pennsylvania who we may spend this year's Christmas day with. I look forward to it.

Wilf

Now you have given me an idea. These yanks cannot tell the difference between cockneys and ozzies and you know how successful that jamie oliver is with his cooking tours, so why not play up being a cockney to the yanks and be his competition? Other than that, You can be the ozzie version eh?

I knew a chef once - seriously, he was a chap who used to be in charge of sauces at the london savoy hotel (a very senior job in cooking, as you may know, to be in charge of the sauces) and he told me that he could hardly make ends meet, so though it is his claim to fame and he did, genuinely, cook for many famous stars and aristocracy, as well as the simply rich, he could not stay in the job and ended up, funnily enough, in woodcarving, at which he was terrifically talented by nature. Those were the days when you could make a living in woodcarving in London - lovely job that.