TraceyandPeter

Hi Everyone,
Does anybody out there have kids from a previous relationship? Well, I'm sure there's a few, my question is this. Have you taken your kids on holiday without your ex being notified? I mean , your kids live with you and have you needed to get their permission? My husbands ex, who has no relationship with her girls (they live with us) has been told by the courts that she can put a restraining order on my husband from taking them out of the country. We are emigrating but we want to take the youngest with us for a holiday for three months. Can she stop us taking her on holiday even? The oldest is 18 in 6 months so we are not too worried about her.
Anybody in or has been in this situation? We have taken them on holiday before when they lived with her, so she knew about it.
Any advice will be really appreciated.
Thanks
Tracey.

judeyoga

My husband has kids (although they are now grown up) from his first marriage. They lived with their mum for most of the time and she took them off occasionally without telling us. Although it was never really a problem. Their divorce was amicable (superficially - for the kids anyway) so maybe this was why. It sounds like your husbands ex is scared that she wont want to come back - although it might be hard for you all is there any way that you could talk to her about your hopes and plans?

Hope it works out for you.

TraceyandPeter

Thanks for your support.
Yes, if we were dealing with a reasonable person. Honestly, I'm not being bitter but this woman can not be talked to. She is drunk before midday, she's violent and social services have been involved because she has beaten my youngest stepdaughter. When she had our phone number she would ring up and scream abuse at both me and her daughter
My husbands ex's mother looks after the youngest full time although we want her with us she stay every week,she is very close to her nan and loves living there. The Ex's mum does not and cannot speak to her own daughter because of the type of person she is. We have a great relationship with her and she fully supports us in our efforts for Australia.
His ex is only doing this to spite us, not for the good of her children. Eveybody is upset. What can we do? I'm tempted to take them with us on an ETA for three months, she doesn't need to know. She never contacts them, how would she know?
Tracey

boom_meringue

Tracey,

how did the court appearance go? you said she turned up sober, did the judge take her side?

sending positive vibes

Steve

TraceyandPeter

Hi Steve,

Yes she was sober but unfortunately even though she has no relationsip with the girls the law is on her side. The Circuit judge was really sympathetic to our cause and had his ex sussed for what she was doing. She informed his ex of all her rights and apparently she can put a restraining order on Pete ever taking the girls out of the country. Well, her face lit up at this. Peter said he was withdrawing the claim for custody but the judge doesn't want him too. We have another hearing on 19th May. We are going to withdraw our claim. We don't want to spend money on the courts Steve. Laura will be 18 in 6 months. It's Stephanie we are worried about now. She's 14 and we were hoping to take her for a holiday for 3 months when we go. We had to tell her yesterday that her mum will probably do this. She's really upset. Surely we can take her on holiday with us can't we? What about the fathers rights? If we take her on holiday how is her mum to know? She never contacts her to see how she is? Really don't know what to think....
Tracey
P.S Have karma'd you, it's not worth anything yet but it's the thought that counts eh?

TraceyandPeter

Thanks for the Karma, have sent you some for your kindness.

boom_meringue

It's a tough one this. If the mother DOES get a restraining order and DOES find out that you have taken her for 3 months then it could well cause immeasurable problems for the future. Laura is obviously not a problem, she can make up her own mind but unfortunately you are going to have to tread carefully with Steph. I know you want to take her away and I cannot see any reason why you should not be able to legally - so long as she does not get the restraining order.

Why does the judge not want you to carry on trying for custody? perhaps the judge realises that she is going to f**k up before long playing right into your hands.

I know you want the best for the girls and the mother sounds a complete waster but think if it was the other way round and the mother was remarried and trying to take the girls to the US so that Pete would never see them. It's a tough one and I hope you manage to get the judge onside, the current situation sounds crap for everyone

Steve

moneypenny20

If the judge is on to what she is up to and doesn't want your husband to withdraw his claim, it sounds like you are on quite strong ground. If the youngest is 14, I am sure the judge is more interested in what she wants rather than her mother and father. And if the ex's mother is on your side and looks after the child now, it seems "fairly" straightforward to me but what do I know. Good luck.

TraceyandPeter

Yes Steve you're right. It is tough and Peter would fight her if she was taking them away and he was never to see them again. We're not trying to do that here. She doesn't see them anyway but having had problems with family myself in the past I know full well that these situations can change with time. We both really would like the girls to have a relationship with their mum and have fully encouraged it in the past. But the violence is too much. We are not taking Laura away forever. We want to give her the opportunity of making the choice to live there for herself. She may get to Oz when she's eighteen and decide to travel round the world. This we would support. She may decide to return to the UK. We would support that also. Although we would try and convince her to stay for citizenship at least so she's got the option to return no hassle at a later date.
Stephanie is not and never has been emigrating with us. She doesn't want to leave her nan. We would love to have her full time but don't want to pressure her. We were only ever taking her for a holiday when we emigrated and then we were going to fly her over at christmas, from then on once a year. If her mum gets a restraining order we're buggered. We can't risk getting into trouble. This will be the worst case scenario for us. This would mean Steph couldn't see us or her little brother and sister until she's eighteen. Unless we were to fly home. Disaster.
The best case scenario is, as far as I can see, to withdraw the custody claim for Laura. In this case her mum will think she has won and the dust will settle. She may not then go for a restraining order. If that is the case, we'll just take the girls with us for a 3 month holiday. She need never know.
We just have to wait now and hope she hasn't had a kneejerk reaction to yesterday and gone straight for the order.
Fingers crossed and thanks for your advice, its really appreciated.
Tracey

TraceyandPeter

You would think wouldn't you Moneypen20? But the law is an ass.....thanks for your best wishes...
Tracey

andrew63

Tracey
Good luck to you!
My ex did that to me but the restraining order did allow for holidays of up to two weeks.
If the ex in your situation is anything like mine, dropping the custody batte per se won't change a thing. Once they find out they CAN get a restraining order, they do it!
Probably not want you want to hear but after my inital trips to Australia and my then my wifes, we bought the kids over for a week - not long I know. Long enough to show the kids some great things and long enough to show the Courts that you are a) Obedient of the law, b) acting in the childs best interest by showing them Australia as much as you are legally allowed to.

So, I would assume the ex WILL do the restraining order anyway. All you can do is change your 3 month trip to a 2 week one with your 14 yr old. Maybe come again for 2 months with Peter later or earlier. Probably earlier to suss out the top notch places to show your daughter

My thoughts and opinion.

Andrew

TraceyandPeter

Thanks Andrew, its good to hear from you. If we can have them for two weeks then I'll take it. At least that way they can come out with us when we go and be a part of the whole process. I think you're right about the restraining order. We're just waiting for notification in the post now. We're still going ahead with our plans to emigrate in August, if we stayed and fought her, she'd win by keeping us here longer.
Tracey

sue and mick

Hi

I have got 2 children from a pervious marriage and when the divorce was being sorted out I wanted to take the kids to Portugal for a weeks holiday my ex tried to stop me, my solicitor informed me that I can take the kids out of the country for up to 1 month anything longer and I could be charged with abduction, hope this helps. ex wives/husbands are a real pain and will always be a thorn in your side, we are not informing my ex until we pass the tra then wait for the s*** to hit the fan.

sue and mick

TraceyandPeter

Thanks for your advice. I think it may be worthwhile getting some advice from a solicitor just to make sure we are not breaking the law. Good luck with your's...
Tracey

JAJ

With respect, have you not hired a solicitor already?

It's something you ought to do immediately if not. Choose a good one that deals in family law.

An online forum is the last place you should be asking about the intricacies of the Children Act and associated legislation.

Jeremy