NikiL

Would just like any guidance from parents who have moved their kids to Oz with a biological parent and family staying in UK.

My stepson (10) will be moving with us, and he will be leaving his mother, 3 half siblings, and one full sibling behind. While he is very keen on moving at the moment, he doesn't really have that good a concept of what it actually means (he thought flights were about £20 return and that he could pop back for a couple of days every few months a few weeks ago).

I am sure that within about 3-4 months he'll be totally into to Aussie lifestyle - he's already a very outdoors oriented kid - but would really appreciate any guidance from anyone who has taken a kid over as to how to help them settle in. At the moment we're thinking about stuff to gather over the next few months as a reminder of here, but if there is anything that you think "I wish I had/hadn't done" or would change given the opportunity it would be really appreciated.

We're already gearing up for webcams and Skype, but all suggestions gratefully accepted!
Cheers
Niki

Phoenix

I'd just like to say...Good Luck.

I hope you have had some pm's froms this post - I could see that it's one thats very difficult to answer and each case would be so different for the individuals involved.

I can't be of more help , sorry - each kid is so different. My own daughter ( 10) loves her stepdad but loves her bio dad equally. He doesn't have skype or messenger so they don't get to talk that often. In our case I think it would help. She's extremely happy here - but still misses her real Dad and on occasions gets upset about that. As a mother I find that hard to deal with as I can't help that situation at all, other than to try my best to keep relationships open with her real Dad.

If only life was easy eh ?

nigelb

Hi Niki

do you have the mothers consent to emigrate or do you have a court order?

Sarah

Sandra

Do not have the current situation with my immediate family (me, hubby and 2 kids) but did live in another country to my dad while he was in Canada and Saudi with his new family.

So my advice - make sure he knows he can talk, nothing is too stupid for him to ask, promise yourself nothing will get your eyes rolling, I picked up all the adult thoughts about me asking when can I see dad, they all knew it was only going to be once a year or more but no one told me.

I was a kid - but honesty is the best policy, you will deal with a grief period and accept it as that. Keep explaining you cannot pop back, keep the same consistent information.

Make it very easy for your child to write/contact privately the other parent and do not get defensive when they critise you for being far from them. The other parent may say things like I did not want you to be away it is not my fault. Leaves you being the big bad one - do not react negatively. Say yes we decided to come here and have a change or it the best we can do.

Lots and lots of people think kids at 9 or so should be shielded - and I agree from lots and lots of things - but this is his family, be truthful even if it hurts you and let him grow to respect your honesty.

Also he will get information that will lead him to believe it would be a better life on the other side. Just the way kids brains filter stuff especially in short conversations (we all tend to tell the good news). Teach him to ask his family about day to day, eg what was school like, what chores do you do? Do not force this ....but you know the type of thing, make sure he gets the information that they are not doing fun stuff all the time.

Also think about contact times......not before bedtime when we can all brood, but try and ensure they are sometimes just before he is doing something - school football or a trip, so he can tell his good news. Balance the contact time until you find some general time it suits you all.

Also he is young,and there will be times you are blamed for his lack of interest to have contact. Do not react and force your child to make the phone call, email etc. Explain nicely to the other side that a positive letter might be good so they can express carefully that all they want to do is chat not question! A younger child can have that letter to reread and mull over and reread and get the message in their own time.

Think about writing your own letter, or a set of easy steps, to explain they can contact when they want or when suits your family circumstances.

Kids do not take it all at first, and when something like changing lives to the extent that may be happening to you it will take time.

Sorry I have gone on a bit........I hope it is great for you and you all enjoy your move.

Sandra

NikiL

Thanks to you all - its enormously appreciated.

We are looking to get the stat dec done in the next fortnight for permission to emigrate - his mother has stated she has no issue with us going, and to be honest she seems quite keen for us to go. (Lots of issues that I won't bore you to death with )

We have been honest with him about frequency of visits back to the UK (that was how we found out he thought he could pop back every couple of months) and we've explained to him how we'll set up webcams & Skype & he seems ok with that. It when the reality hits I'm worried about, and we're fully expecting to be blamed! I'm a stepmum, it goes with the territory

He's a grass is greener kid already, so its very handy to be forewarned that this this is highly likely to be magnified!

Many thanks again
Niki

kpeters84

Came over with a 3 year old boy in May.

My advice - for what it worth! - is to focus all your attention on the Stat Dec. Get it secured. I also filled in all the paperwork in the UK so I made sure I had everything I needed and booked the medical, then on my second day here lodged the paperwork! His visa only took few weeks to come through (I am already perm res).

Other than the things you have already done, I made sure we had a printed photo album of his dad/family/grandparents/cousins etc that we keep in his bedroom and he likes to look through from time to time. Other stuff was to purchase same Thomas Tank stickers we had in his bedroom in UK and together we put them up in his new room - all in an effort to help him settle. Then you are into the usual things you do with kids when moving house. We make games out of what we say in Oz and what grandma says in England e.g. slippery dip/slide, vegemite/marmite etc and this has helped him adjust - something you might want to think about to avoid any hassles in him starting a new school when his accent is going to stand out.

Try to arrange regular times to Skype if you can due to the time diff you will have to do v. early in morns or before his bed if those in UK are at home during day.

Good luck.

JAJ

Make sure a certified copy of mother's passport ID page is included with the Stat Dec, otherwise DIAC may think it is fake.

If mother doesn't have a passport (some people don't) then the Stat Dec should attest to that and include some other forms of ID, eg copy of driving licence.

NikiL

We're pretty sure she doesn't have a passport, and don't know as yet if she has a driving licence (she didn't 6 years ago but that may have changed). Would a birth certificate be sufficient evidence of ID?

kpeters84

Be careful taking advice here. The Stat Dec is very specific in what it requires/accepts and that should be your source of bona fida info. My advice would be to contact DIMA direct if you have any queries.

Any form of ID will require formal certification from solicitor which as i was trying to say, is easier done in the UK than from over here! My experience was also that the person (i.e. boys mother herself) will need to go to the solicitor in person to do this. This was the hard part for me, getting the boys father motivated enough to go to a solicitor.

kpeters84

Well she sounds delightful. glad she's not my mother!

Good luck with it. you will all love it.

NikiL

Was thinking about of the 3 of us going swimming with dolphins within a couple of days of arriving. Thought process was it gives him a really positive initial impression and its something we do as a family. Ok in July/August it might be a little chilly, but thats what wetsuits are for

kpeters84

Good idea. We were fortunate to stop at Hong Kong Disneyland en route (fabulous!) as there was no hurry as shipping took 12 weeks. And then when I had all the boring formal things to do in Sydney to submit paperwork etc, I made sure we did the Aqarium, Wildlife world etc.

This was for the same objective as you as to create a positive an initial experience as possible. Subsequently we also drove down to Canberra and went skiing and now he is obssessed with going back to Canberra!