arlene

i think we made the huge mistake of buying him a scooter for his 16th, now we are having to fund petrol oil etc, already had 3 accidents, heart in my mouth when i see him whizz round corners, thinks its clever to ride in a t-shirt, however he did wash my car last week, cheaper to have taken it to a valetting service!!


arlene

steve-n-jo

is thank god she hasn't had a baby like i stupidly did at her age,


Rach

If you hadn't been stupid, you wouldn't have her. You might never have split with her dad, met Mark and had Chanelle.

She'll find her way & make you proud.

Jo

hamiltonnz

Im in a similar boat. Ive got 7 kids, eldest is 18 and living away from home. My youngest is 3. wer'e going to Oz hopefully around March next year and my 16 1/2 year old son says he wont leave his girlfriend. Hes still at school,hasnt got any work lined up, hasnt got his drivers license, never lived away from home. We wont force him to come though. itll end up in a big fight if we tried. His attitude is bad enough now. maybe his girlfriend will come over to Oz but then its fights with her parents. Graham

sky

I think thats why my son wants to stay in the UK really.. because of the girlfriend.
I cant force him to come to NZ and leave her though because I met his dad,my hubby when I was 16 yrs and we are still together. So I cant really say "Oh your too young, you'll get over her"

cam the man

Reading these posts I am now really looking forward to my girls (3 and 5 and one on the way) getting to about thirteen - not.
Help, what have we done!

arlene

trust me its not all bad, just sounding off really, but i think parents seem to forget what it was like to be 16, especially me, if my mum knew everything that i got up to at that age then her hair would have gone greyier

ry is a fantastic kid most of the time but that is the problem, i still see him as a kid, he is 6 foot 2 and has his own mind and points of view of things and all i can see is the snotty nosed kid whose nappies i changed and who i rocked to sleep

letting go is the hardest part i believe of parenting


arlene

jandjuk

I'm quite surprised that people can even entertain the idea of 16/17/18 year olds happily uprooting themselves to travel halfway around the world.

Sure if they want to come, then that's great, but they're old enough to decide if they want to come or not. Put yourself in there shoes - they're in a no win situation - go with you and leave their friends and boy/girlfriends behind, stay behind and lose their parents and younger siblings. A teenager tormented by this decision would undertake all manner of attention seeking & disruptive behaviour. Their education and future is probably the last thing on their minds....

but then I'm not a parent, and I imagine I might think quite differently if I was!

arlene

yeah as a parent you are dammed if you do and dammed if you dont, trust me parents are very quick to judge other parents for example how could you think of leaving them behind was what i got initially when ry was reluctant to come

nosuchluck

Jo you are so sweet! thanks that makes me feel heaps better, Becci hasn't lived with me since she was 13, i've gone through, probably still am, going through the guilt of that, but she lives with her dad, is and has always been very head strong and independant. I have begged her to come to OZ, even today i asked her again but she says her life is here in Poole! she'll be 19 in December and is an adult (not that she acts like one most of the time). I have asked her how she feels about me going and she says 'i have to at least try it' (thats on a good day, when she's not saying i'm dumping her yet again!') i hope that when we've settled she'll come out for a holiday and may think about emigrating in her own right. Whatever, there is mobiles, email, telephones, pen & paper and no matter what, no matter where she knows i love her with all my heart, even if sometimes she has to dig deep down to realise it!
thanks again Jo
rach

arlene

no matter what, no matter where she knows i love her with all my heart, even if sometimes she has to dig deep down to realise it!
thanks again Jo
rach [/QUOTE]


oh rach i want to cry for you, ry has lived between me and his dad for the past 6 years, sometimes more with me and sometimes more with his dad, has the beelezbub of a stepmother always trying to judge me (no kids of her own) but have to live with the guilt of her going to parents evenings when i cant make it, even having the nerve to introduce herself to teachers as rys mum, ry is still enthusiastic about going but i have my doubts, he is still so changeable, leaving your kids behind is gut wrenching and i really feel for you part of you will always be here with her, like i said before the hardest part is letting go


arlene

nosuchluck

oh rach i want to cry for you, ry has lived between me and his dad for the past 6 years, sometimes more with me and sometimes more with his dad, has the beelezbub of a stepmother always trying to judge me (no kids of her own) but have to live with the guilt of her going to parents evenings when i cant make it, even having the nerve to introduce herself to teachers as rys mum, ry is still enthusiastic about going but i have my doubts, he is still so changeable, leaving your kids behind is gut wrenching and i really feel for you part of you will always be here with her, like i said before the hardest part is letting go


arlene [/QUOTE]

Hi Arlene
thanks for your words, nice to know that i am not alone! Becci has seen and heard so much in her life, so sad as she is still my baby! Her dad is, always has been an ***hole, his long term girlfriend is not much better! i so wish she would consider coming with us but she's an adult and i cant' force her, i just hope and pray that one day she will change her mind!
I hope that Ry makes the right decision and goes out with you, there's nothing left for them here, especially for my bec who has no aspirations, dreams very sad, i can see her making just the same mistakes i did
take care
regards
rach

debsy

Hi Arlene
thanks for your words, nice to know that i am not alone! Becci has seen and heard so much in her life, so sad as she is still my baby! Her dad is, always has been an ***hole, his long term girlfriend is not much better! i so wish she would consider coming with us but she's an adult and i cant' force her, i just hope and pray that one day she will change her mind!
I hope that Ry makes the right decision and goes out with you, there's nothing left for them here, especially for my bec who has no aspirations, dreams very sad, i can see her making just the same mistakes i did
take care
regards
rach
[/QUOTE]
Oh Rach, don't say that - you must not look at them as mistakes - just as experiences in the walk of life.

Debs

nosuchluck

Oh Rach, don't say that - you must not look at them as mistakes - just as experiences in the walk of life.

Debs [/QUOTE]


Hi Debs
thanks for that! just feeling sorry for myself today! no news from TRA (still) and Becci came round today out of the blue, just feel all emotional!
glad i've joined the forum knowing that its not just me with problems and experiences
thanks again
rach

debsy

Don't be blue Rach. It took us ages. We started our application in 2001 and we only just got the visa last week. When you do get "it" you will then worry about something else. I am away from my family in the UK and I still worry about moving to Aus and how difficult it will be having a 24 hour plane ride instead of a 4 hour one that I have now.

At least you can eat Tesco's doughnuts whenever you want - have one and think of me whilst you are eating it!!!

Debs

arlene

Oh Rach, don't say that - you must not look at them as mistakes - just as experiences in the walk of life.

Debs [/QUOTE]


agree, no one makes mistakes just bad judgements, our children never stop being children to us, why do we all want to stop our kids making the same errors of judgement as we did, if i had it all again i would do exactly the same (maybe not marry rys dad though!!) but i can understand now where my parents are coming from


just a short note, ry went to live with my dad a few months ago as he was sick of both me and his dad getting on his case, my dad gave him free rein to do what ever he wanted (worried me sick) only had a few ground rules (ie, let him know if he was coming home for the night, no smoking in the bedroom and no girls allowed) they got along famously, no arguments, no issues just mates, got me very jealous, on visiting him and maybe nagging him a bit my dad said listen to what u are saying to him, it was very controlling, can understand why he feels like he does, cant stop myself though, will it ever end