Kangaroo in my neighbours back yard
Aug 21st 2002, 5:43 pm
#1
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Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Maaaaanjerra WA
Posts: 833
Kangaroo in my neighbours back yard
I tried to post this a couple of weeks ago,but had a few 
Now we seem to be lightening up a bit I'll try again
I ran round my neighbours house this arvo to warn him of a kangaroo on his lawn.
Imagine how embaressed i felt when he told me it was his greyhound taking a crap!
Now we seem to be lightening up a bit I'll try again
I ran round my neighbours house this arvo to warn him of a kangaroo on his lawn.
Imagine how embaressed i felt when he told me it was his greyhound taking a crap!
Aug 21st 2002, 5:51 pm
#2
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Joined: Mar 2002
Location: Nr Glasgow
Posts: 514
Re: Kangaroo in my neighbours back yard
Much prefer this one cos I don't get your joke!
AUSSIES
>The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and as she bends over to
>place
>her ball a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of
>underwear.
>"Good God! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband
>demanded.
>"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford to
>buy any."
>The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For
>the sake
>of decency here's 50 pounds, go and buy yourself some underwear."
>Next the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee.
>Her skirt blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.
>"Bejesus woman. You've no knickers - why not?"
>She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me."
>He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency
>here's 20 pounds,go and buy yourself some underwear!"
>Lastly, the Australian's wife bends over. The wind also takes her
>skirt over
>her head to reveal that she too is naked under it.
>"Hoot, Sheila! Why d'ye have no knickers?"
>She too explains, "You don't give me enough housekeeping money to
>be able to afford any."
>The Oz reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of
>decency here's a comb. Tidy yourself up a bit!"
Love Shona xx
>
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AUSSIES
>The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and as she bends over to
>place
>her ball a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of
>underwear.
>"Good God! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband
>demanded.
>"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford to
>buy any."
>The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For
>the sake
>of decency here's 50 pounds, go and buy yourself some underwear."
>Next the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee.
>Her skirt blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.
>"Bejesus woman. You've no knickers - why not?"
>She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me."
>He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency
>here's 20 pounds,go and buy yourself some underwear!"
>Lastly, the Australian's wife bends over. The wind also takes her
>skirt over
>her head to reveal that she too is naked under it.
>"Hoot, Sheila! Why d'ye have no knickers?"
>She too explains, "You don't give me enough housekeeping money to
>be able to afford any."
>The Oz reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of
>decency here's a comb. Tidy yourself up a bit!"
Love Shona xx
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Aug 21st 2002, 5:57 pm
#3
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jun 2002
Location: Flagstaff Hill Adelaide ex Manchester
Posts: 305
Re: Kangaroo in my neighbours back yard
[QUOTE]Originally posted by micky:
Much prefer this one cos I don't get your joke!
AUSSIES
>The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and as she bends over to
>place
>her ball a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of
>underwear.
>"Good God! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband
>demanded.
>"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford to
>buy any."
>The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For
>the sake
>of decency here's 50 pounds, go and buy yourself some underwear."
>Next the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee.
>Her skirt blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.
>"Bejesus woman. You've no knickers - why not?"
>She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me."
>He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency
>here's 20 pounds,go and buy yourself some underwear!"
>Lastly, the Australian's wife bends over. The wind also takes her
>skirt over
>her head to reveal that she too is naked under it.
>"Hoot, Sheila! Why d'ye have no knickers?"
>She too explains, "You don't give me enough housekeeping money to
>be able to afford any."
>The Oz reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of
>decency here's a comb. Tidy yourself up a bit!"
Love Shona xx
Keep em flowing stops all the boredom
Paul
Much prefer this one cos I don't get your joke!
AUSSIES
>The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and as she bends over to
>place
>her ball a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of
>underwear.
>"Good God! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband
>demanded.
>"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford to
>buy any."
>The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For
>the sake
>of decency here's 50 pounds, go and buy yourself some underwear."
>Next the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee.
>Her skirt blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.
>"Bejesus woman. You've no knickers - why not?"
>She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me."
>He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency
>here's 20 pounds,go and buy yourself some underwear!"
>Lastly, the Australian's wife bends over. The wind also takes her
>skirt over
>her head to reveal that she too is naked under it.
>"Hoot, Sheila! Why d'ye have no knickers?"
>She too explains, "You don't give me enough housekeeping money to
>be able to afford any."
>The Oz reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of
>decency here's a comb. Tidy yourself up a bit!"
Love Shona xx
Keep em flowing stops all the boredom
Paul
Aug 21st 2002, 6:08 pm
#4
huge,throbbing member
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Maaaaanjerra WA
Posts: 833
Re: Kangaroo in my neighbours back yard
An ocker (that's a aussie slob Shona!)goes to the doc complaining of having a yellow old boy (& i don't mean his dad)
The doctor is baffled and says "hey mate that's defo not jaundice,i reckon you must work with some pretty strong chemicals"
"No doc "says the guy "I'm on the dole"
"what dja do all day then?"asks doc
"well" he says "I just eat Quavers and watch pornos"
:
The doctor is baffled and says "hey mate that's defo not jaundice,i reckon you must work with some pretty strong chemicals"
"No doc "says the guy "I'm on the dole"
"what dja do all day then?"asks doc
"well" he says "I just eat Quavers and watch pornos"
:
Aug 21st 2002, 6:10 pm
#5
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Joined: May 2002
Location: London
Posts: 603
Re: Kangaroo in my neighbours back yard
My sis and I peed ourselves with this one,.. and yes we are wearing undies... anyone got a spare £100!??!??! (£50 each for new ones)
Yvonne
24 days til we leave, 26 til we arrive. WATCH OUT MELBOURNE
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Snickers:
Yvonne
24 days til we leave, 26 til we arrive. WATCH OUT MELBOURNE
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Snickers:
Originally posted by micky:
Much prefer this one cos I don't get your joke!
AUSSIES
>The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and as she bends over to
>place
>her ball a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of
>underwear.
>"Good God! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband
>demanded.
>"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford to
>buy any."
>The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For
>the sake
>of decency here's 50 pounds, go and buy yourself some underwear."
>Next the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee.
>Her skirt blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.
>"Bejesus woman. You've no knickers - why not?"
>She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me."
>He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency
>here's 20 pounds,go and buy yourself some underwear!"
>Lastly, the Australian's wife bends over. The wind also takes her
>skirt over
>her head to reveal that she too is naked under it.
>"Hoot, Sheila! Why d'ye have no knickers?"
>She too explains, "You don't give me enough housekeeping money to
>be able to afford any."
>The Oz reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of
>decency here's a comb. Tidy yourself up a bit!"
Love Shona xx
Keep em flowing stops all the boredom
Paul
Much prefer this one cos I don't get your joke!
AUSSIES
>The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and as she bends over to
>place
>her ball a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of
>underwear.
>"Good God! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband
>demanded.
>"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford to
>buy any."
>The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For
>the sake
>of decency here's 50 pounds, go and buy yourself some underwear."
>Next the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee.
>Her skirt blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.
>"Bejesus woman. You've no knickers - why not?"
>She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me."
>He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency
>here's 20 pounds,go and buy yourself some underwear!"
>Lastly, the Australian's wife bends over. The wind also takes her
>skirt over
>her head to reveal that she too is naked under it.
>"Hoot, Sheila! Why d'ye have no knickers?"
>She too explains, "You don't give me enough housekeeping money to
>be able to afford any."
>The Oz reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of
>decency here's a comb. Tidy yourself up a bit!"
Love Shona xx
Keep em flowing stops all the boredom
Paul
Aug 21st 2002, 6:14 pm
#6
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2002
Location: Nr Glasgow
Posts: 514
Re: Kangaroo in my neighbours back yard
>A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around,
>then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As
>she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart
>escapes her.
>
>Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if
>anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales
>person doesn't pop up right now.
>
>As she turns back, there standing next to her, is a salesman.
>"Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"
>
>Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this
>lovely vehicle?"
>
>He answers, "Madame, if you farted just touching it, you
>are going to shit when you hear the price."
I've got a couple more if anyone's interested!
Luv fae me, Shona x
>then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As
>she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart
>escapes her.
>
>Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if
>anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales
>person doesn't pop up right now.
>
>As she turns back, there standing next to her, is a salesman.
>"Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"
>
>Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this
>lovely vehicle?"
>
>He answers, "Madame, if you farted just touching it, you
>are going to shit when you hear the price."
I've got a couple more if anyone's interested!
Luv fae me, Shona x
Aug 21st 2002, 6:51 pm
#7
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2002
Location: ex stalybrige-now-mullaloo
Posts: 278
Re: Kangaroo & tippy.
why is an aussi lover like a wombat.
he eats roots,shoots, & leaves. & leaves your 4x.
what do you call an aussi with a sheep under 1 arm and a goat under the other.
bisexual.
aussi foreplay = brace yourself shelia. have you ever tried 5 play just curious.
if you look at this 4rum and dont post a reply your a vouyer,if you peek in the girls shower are you a browser !.
tippy tipper.
he eats roots,shoots, & leaves. & leaves your 4x.
what do you call an aussi with a sheep under 1 arm and a goat under the other.
bisexual.
aussi foreplay = brace yourself shelia. have you ever tried 5 play just curious.
if you look at this 4rum and dont post a reply your a vouyer,if you peek in the girls shower are you a browser !.
tippy tipper.
Aug 21st 2002, 8:07 pm
#8
Forum Regular
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 35
Re: Kangaroo in my neighbours back yard
Shane sees his mate Bruce carrying a sheep under each arm.
"g'day mate" says Shane "are ya shearing"?
"Nah" says Bruce "I'm gonna shag em both meself"
"g'day mate" says Shane "are ya shearing"?
"Nah" says Bruce "I'm gonna shag em both meself"
Aug 21st 2002, 8:48 pm
#9
Forum Regular
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: sunshine coast
Posts: 99
Re: Kangaroo in my neighbours back yard
Keep the jokes rolling in, I think we all need a chuckle right now.
What do you call 3 sheep tied to a lamp post???
A leisure centre.
Three aussie blokes go out for a few drinks after work and get so drunk they end up going home seperately. Next day at work they discuss the night before.
1st bloke says"I got so drunk last night I went home and blew chunks"
2nd bloke says"Thats nothing, I was so drunk I crashed the car"
3rd bloke says" Thats nothing I went home knocked over a candle, set fire to the house, lost all my belongings and now the wifes left me"
The 1st bloke says" I think you misunderstood me, chunks is my dog!!!":scared:
What do you call 3 sheep tied to a lamp post???
A leisure centre.
Three aussie blokes go out for a few drinks after work and get so drunk they end up going home seperately. Next day at work they discuss the night before.
1st bloke says"I got so drunk last night I went home and blew chunks"
2nd bloke says"Thats nothing, I was so drunk I crashed the car"
3rd bloke says" Thats nothing I went home knocked over a candle, set fire to the house, lost all my belongings and now the wifes left me"
The 1st bloke says" I think you misunderstood me, chunks is my dog!!!":scared:
Aug 21st 2002, 10:08 pm
#10
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2002
Location: ex stalybrige-now-mullaloo
Posts: 278
Re: Kangaroo in my neighbours back yard
nice 1 gilbert, can we have a lesson on how (uwe) post the sheep porno movie. does it get more ruder. not being IT i am a bit sheepish. dont say mint sauce i must be barr me to reply to this. going to bed now to count you know what.
red sky at night, sheepards huts on fire.
barrr me tipper.
red sky at night, sheepards huts on fire.
barrr me tipper.
Aug 21st 2002, 10:24 pm
#11
Forum Regular
Joined: Apr 2002
Location: glasgow scotland
Posts: 90
Re: Kangaroo in my neighbours back yard
Originally posted by tipper:
nice 1 gilbert, can we have a lesson on how (uwe) post the sheep porno movie. does it get more ruder. not being IT i am a bit sheepish. dont say mint sauce i must be barr me to reply to this. going to bed now to count you know what.
red sky at night, sheepards huts on fire.
barrr me tipper.
nice 1 gilbert, can we have a lesson on how (uwe) post the sheep porno movie. does it get more ruder. not being IT i am a bit sheepish. dont say mint sauce i must be barr me to reply to this. going to bed now to count you know what.
red sky at night, sheepards huts on fire.
barrr me tipper.
Regards Carol :PARTY:
Aug 22nd 2002, 12:58 am
#12
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Kangaroo in my neighbours back yard
After some of those "jokes" his application may well be slow tracked
"summers family" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
> the screen. You must be really talented I'm sure your application will be fast
> tracked for that!
> Regards Carol :PARTY:
> --
> Posted via http://britishexpats.com
"summers family" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
> the screen. You must be really talented I'm sure your application will be fast
> tracked for that!
> Regards Carol :PARTY:
> --
> Posted via http://britishexpats.com
Aug 22nd 2002, 6:00 am
#13
BE Enthusiast
Joined: May 2002
Location: London
Posts: 603
Re: Kangaroo in my neighbours back yard
That wee movie I 'think' you will find is an animated gif... which in turn can be attached to the message... do I get a gold medal if I get it right?
Yvonne
23 days til we leave, 25 til we arrive. WATCH OUT MELBOURNE
Yvonne
23 days til we leave, 25 til we arrive. WATCH OUT MELBOURNE
Originally posted by Robert Edwards:
After some of those "jokes" his application may well be slow tracked
"summers family" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
> the screen. You must be really talented I'm sure your application will be fast
> tracked for that!
> Regards Carol :PARTY:
> --
> Posted via http://britishexpats.com
After some of those "jokes" his application may well be slow tracked
"summers family" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
> the screen. You must be really talented I'm sure your application will be fast
> tracked for that!
> Regards Carol :PARTY:
> --
> Posted via http://britishexpats.com
Aug 22nd 2002, 12:02 pm
#14
We arrived november 2004
Joined: Aug 2002
Location: Meadows (Adelaide)
Posts: 408
Re: Kangaroo in my neighbours back yard
Sorry but I felt that I had to contribute something. Don't know where this came from originally but:
A Queenslander is drinking in a Victorian bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everyone in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Queenslander just shrugs, "That's about average in Brisbane, folks ... like I said, my boy is a typical Brisbane baby boy."
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW"! were heard. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of that typical Brisbane baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. We were going to call you; so how much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."
The bartender is puzzled, and concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born."
The father takes a slow swig from his XXXX, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bar and proudly says, "Had him circumcised."
Cheers
Perry
A Queenslander is drinking in a Victorian bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everyone in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Queenslander just shrugs, "That's about average in Brisbane, folks ... like I said, my boy is a typical Brisbane baby boy."
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW"! were heard. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of that typical Brisbane baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. We were going to call you; so how much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."
The bartender is puzzled, and concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born."
The father takes a slow swig from his XXXX, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bar and proudly says, "Had him circumcised."
Cheers
Perry
Aug 22nd 2002, 3:15 pm
#15
Forum Regular
Joined: Apr 2002
Location: Living in Sydney and having a ball
Posts: 206
Re: Kangaroo in my neighbours back yard
I say if you can't beat em.... etc
At least this thread hasn't got me reaching for my noose!!
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last:
Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine,
some good food and companionship.
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in Sydney and mine is in Melbourne.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker
Then she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!".
So I bought her an electric chair.
Remember.... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"....
I said, "Dust!"
In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
Why do men die before their wives? 'Cause they want to'
:PARTY:
At least this thread hasn't got me reaching for my noose!!
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last:
Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine,
some good food and companionship.
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in Sydney and mine is in Melbourne.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker
Then she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!".
So I bought her an electric chair.
Remember.... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"....
I said, "Dust!"
In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
Why do men die before their wives? 'Cause they want to'
:PARTY: