Sandy.l

We've also been through this.

There's only my Mum around as my Dad died in 96. My husbands parents have both passed away, so there's nothing holding him here apart from two sisters and nieces/nephews etc that we rarely see. One sister has already said she will come out and see us and we have offered to help with airfares for both.

My Mum 'can't talk about it', my sister 'will never accept it' even though I hardly see her as she lives in Cardiff and I live near Durham, my Mum lives in York. My big brother died aged 27 nearly 14 years ago and I think my Mum sees it as losing another child. One died, one lives 200 miles away, the other will be on the other side of the world.

It's a difficult situation for me but, since my brother and my dad died, I've had the opinion that you're only here for a short while so you've got to live life to the full. I won't be held back by guilt, I do feel it but I won't give in to it.

Of course we will miss them all, but if we don't do it now we will miss out as we are both 38 and don't want to lose another 5 points! I also don't want to sit around waiting for my Mum to die so I can live my life. That sounds awful but if I stay because of my Mum that's what I'll be doing. She's healthy, got all her marbles, and has a lot of life to live yet (I hope). She will also have lots of opportunities opened up to her when we do go.

My sister and her husband can afford to visit us, they have no kids and both have good jobs. They've never been to Aus/NZ but they are prepared to follow the Rugby team over there, so why not me??? Also Bro-in-Law dives and will love to go to the Barrier reef.

Grrrr

sandy

sarbear

Hi Julie,

I just told my parents last weekend, and I am so pleased I did, telling them sooner rather than later.

They have been fab throughout my life, through all the ups and downs, so I felt it was only fair to tell them as soon as I had decided.

They relief was amazing!!

My mum was'nt surprized, she had been expecting it for ages and my dad was quiet, but after a couple days we chatted again and they are really supportive.

They know it is something I have to do.

So don't worry Julie you aren't alone.

Hope it goes well

Sarbear

wizzywozza

I hated telling my parents and that was 14 years ago. I still feel guilty about taking 2 of their granchildren away from them.

13 years in Australia and my dad still asks me each and every time I phone him 'when are you coming home?'. It breaks my heart.

jeannie

I'M no spring chicken any more either.... I really dont understand Parents wanting there kids not to go out and do there own thing no matter were it is i would be thrilled for them. Would I have my own crying times of cause but thats what diginal camera's and telephones are for.... I wish these kids all the best...... wish I was 20 years younger........

Grayling

Totally agree Jeannie
What ever we did with our lives was for our chidren and ourselves.
We let them go just as our parents let us go.
I think mine kicked me out in the end

Our boys have made a success of it so far and I would not dream of trying to control them even if I think I know best sometimes.

We all learn by our own mistakes.

To all those having problems with their parents : do what you think is right for your children and yourselves.
You will only come to resent your parents if you don't.
I understand it must be heartbreaking to upset them but you will be heartbroken anyway if you don't follow your own instincts.

Would you do it to your own children in a few years time?

Good luck

G

Waltzin_Matilda

Its great when you have the support of your family and friends as many people seem to have here. It is no surprise to our families that we intend to immigrate to Oz as we have ranted on and on about it from the day we landed after our year there. 4 years later we are applying to go, but part of me still thinks that when we actually say we have (hopefully) been accepted there will be a reaction one way or the other. Its so tough when parents and friends are negative about your big dream, people try all the emotional blackmail, but they must realise you have probably tormented yourself already about leaving everyone. I know I have. Best of luck to everyone in this situation. Hugs Matilda xx

nanci

It is so good to read some positive feedback from parent's themselves. We have had a very bumpy couple of weeks since we told our parents, and still have a few more storms to ride out, I suspect, but through it all I have told myself that if it were my children that I would want the best for them.

As my sister in law pointed out today it is only because they love us so much, but I can't help feeling that part of it is that they also rely on us so much.

I dread the day we fly out, but know in my heart of hearts that what we are doing is best for us all.

Waltzin_Matilda

Hi nanci, just wanted to say I agree with you on the dreading the day we fly out part. We were only going for a year and we had both sets of parents and my best mate there, it was fine until we said we should head off to the plane.....then suddenly everyone started crying!!! It was awful. Im all for going to the airport on our own when we emmigrate after that experience.

nanci

We have already taken the decision to go alone to the airport, if and when the time comes. We really don't feel strong enough to cope with all the emotions that will be flying around. Also it is hard enough with the children, without putting them through more turmoil than is necessary.

My only wish is that our parent's would understand our decision was not taken lightly, and we are trying to do what we feel is best for our family unit.

I can dream I suppose!!!

Pants

Well saw this thread adn thouight I would add my experiences on it too.
I came out to OZ 2 years ago with a 5month old daughter having left my mum (no dad he died when I was 13), 2 sisters, nieces, nephews, some very dear buddies and other family members. I married an Aussie so it was alwasy on the cards and I could not have wished for a better response from all of them.My mum was and has been fantastic she has always wanted what is best for us and believes that you must follow your heart wherever it may lead you.
Prior to my leaving I wrote all my dear friends and sisters a letter each telling them how much they mean to me etc and posted them the night before I went. I was in tears on and off for days/weeks prior to my leaving as kept thinking about taking my daughter away from al the people who love her and would like to get to know her, but still it did not change our decision to come here . The departure day of course was the worse. Get plenty of tissues ok and dark glasses.

Now here I am in OZ doing it the other way..yep now I am going home this year with hubby and daughter. For me it has not worked out due to a few reasons but mainly becasue I miss my family and mates. I personally need my family support and I plan to have another baby as soon as possible so will welcome some help now and again. This time around we have had to tell the in-laws and all hell has broken out. My father-in-law is not speaking to either of us and its really very unpleasant. I am of course being held responsible because I am the pom even though my hubby was the one who suggested it. I have been called names(luckily not to my face but in the background of phonecalls) and am now being faced with the "it will make my health suffer" and "it is his only son" remarks. Nice huh !!! and there will be more to come. Sadly the true colours are now being shown and it just makes me sure that we are doing the right thing at present.

So be proud and happy that most of you have the wonderful parents who realise they do not OWN your children and for those who are finding it hard hopefully they will come round but just do what is right for YOU. One life..live it

Good luck to all of you heading out this way. May it work out for all of you. !! Yes do what is best for your family unit.

DianeOZ

I was talking to the parents of some people at a BBQ at the weekend, they were over here on holiday for 6 months to see their new grandchild They were so pleased and proud of their daughter & husband and relieved that they had settled well and are happy. They have seen for themselves what a wonderful place Australia is (even if it is in holiday mode) and are going home safe in the knowledge that her daughter is happier here than anywhere.

I think we will always feel guilty but by making a go of it here should make your parents proud and happy.

My hubbys grandpa goes around telling everyone his grandson has a pool and he thinks it's wonderful!! (cringe cringe)

TOB

Hi Jules,

We are in the same predicatment as you in that we have the only grandchildren. We told our family on Saturday, most were sad but pretty positive but my mother in law and sister are devastated. I can only explain the feeling being like someone has died, when it's supposed to be a happy time for us. My husband and I have just felt so sick since thelling them and are affraid to mention the subject through fear of creating more tension.

I think maybe we made a mistake by not telling anyone that we were going until we had our meds requested. No one even had a clue as we had never discussed going with any of our family so it has come as a complete chock to them. We just felt that if we had been rejected then we would have put them through months of worry for nothing. I really don't know what the best thing to do is!

Jules it is absolutely normal to feel how you do, I know I certainly feel guilty and wonder are we really doing the right thing! Lets hope it gets easier as the months go on. We are planning to leave in November, how about you?

Good luck.

Bix da Boss

Good morning!
Just read your posting, what a fantastic attitude! Wish my Mum could feel this way as she is making it really hard for us to be comfortable about the move, trouble is I have always been there for her and she cant come to terms with the fact that I might not be in a few months time. One of her first reactions was - "Thats it if you go thats the end of us, dont want you to phone me, write to me, Will never visit, that will be the end of our relationship" so, so selfish after all the support I've given her all my life so far!!

I know if our children need to move to another country when they are older I would back them up fully, you should not hold on the your children for ever!

The emotions we have already gone thru making this decision has totally passed her by. Because I've have nearly always put her first even over my own family at times,(shld have been stronger I suppose and said NO) it has made me more determined to go for it if poss, I need something for myself with my family before its too late! How can you let an opportunity like this go, how many people are lucky enough to get the chance in the first place? We would never forgive ourselves if we didn't do it and we really don't what to live the rest of our lives with a feeling of regret!!

It is really hard.
I agree with a few other people, we would definately go to the airport alone!!

Gill

S Oldfield

Reading these postings really brings home the reality of it all.
The whole subject is not mentioned in our house.
I told my parents six months ago and they were not really happy about it.
My younger sister is a single parent of twin boys living on benefit. I help her enormously both emotionally (she is also on anti depressants) and financially. When I told my parents of our plans all she was concerned about was how my sister is going to cope without me. I was really cross at first, but now have that `sickly` feeling in the pit of my stomach each time I think of her.

Bloody horrible situation

Bix da Boss

Hi
It is a hard, soul searching experience to try and put yourself first for a change - I know this 'sickly' stomach feeling so well, guilt trips - well thats another story!!
There is now easy answer, but you have to think and hope your sisters life will also change at some point, you know her well, could this make her stronger, less relient on you?
My sister has also gone thru various 'bad' experiences and I was always supporting her and well as my parents, and I know in my heart, it would have been almost impossible to think of myself back then, but now, how I wish we had the nerve, courage to have made this decision years ago when we and our children were younger.

You have to try and do what is best for you and keep positive

Really wish you the best of luck.