PWBCSA

I read a lot of posts on this site about people putting themselves through the trauma of saying goodbye to friends and family for ‘the last time’, breaking off friendships or winding down family ties before they leave the UK.

Why is this?

Although my wife and I obviously haven’t actually left the UK yet we have spent a fair of time abroad, up to and including a year at one time, and would never have dreamt of changing friendships or family relationships because of this. In fact we are currently working very hard on getting people, the ones who already know we are going, used to the idea that we will ‘only be on the other side of the World...’ i.e.- only a phone call, email or visit away.

It is likely that my wife will get homesick. The thing that keeps her going is that she will be able to pick up the phone or write an email or log onto a webcam (or even visit the UK if really necessary!) and speak to the people that she knows and loves. Why would someone plan on giving this up?

It doesn’t make sense to me.

I do understand that there is a possibility that you may not see elderly relatives again; but then that is true anyway. There is always a last time of seeing someone and, according to my father, my Nan (90 last Sunday) has been ‘going soon’ for the last 10 years!

Could someone please explain to me why a person would, apparently, put themselves in the position of extra heart-ache when they are probably having enough trouble as it is?

Cheers.

kirsty&al

It's a tough one this and there is probably no answer.

For example, when I was living in London, 250 miles from my parents, I used to see them about 2 or 3 times a year (approximately 10 days per year). Now I'm in Oz I will probably see them for a month every 2 years (approximately 15 days per year). For some reason they think they will never see me again????

Alistair

Pollyana

- when you are accustomed to having a good night out every couple of weeks with your best mate, and seeing that mate several times a week as well.
- when you know your father cannot fly anywhere for health reasons, and you cannot afford to fly to the UK to see him, and then you hear he is having tests in hospital.
- when you realise that getting letters from your growing nephews and nieces is not them same as watching them sing in a concert.
- when you hear your mates are all going for their usual Christmas night out and you can't be there.
- when your niece asks you to "pop over and see my new hamster" and you have to explain the cost.
-when your mum moves house and you can't give her a hand.
- when your best friend rings with a major family crisis and you know you should be there to hug him, but the bank balance and the job won't allow it.

= when you get a phone call at 3am saying "get here asap, you father is dying" - from the furthest end of the UK, my friend could have made it as it took his dad 20 hours after that to pass away. If he'd been in the UK he could've said goodbye. As it was he had to fly from Hobart, and was too late to say farewell.


Theres a few examples of why it is a "trauma". A few examples of why it will not be the same having just e-mail and phone calls, or even a webcam.
Your relationships HAVE to change. You are inserting a large time difference and a long flight into the equation, so change is inevitable.

Anyone who thinks that their relationships with friends and family will stay exactly the same is wearing the proverbial rose-tinted specs. Take them off and enjoy the company of your loved ones before you move.

PWBCSA

Strangely my 8-yr old neice is indeed getting a hamster for Xmas...

I appreciate that relationships are going to change. What I don't understand is why some people seem to create or encourage this change and then force it to the worst extreme possible; for both them and the other people concerned.

TraceyW

Pollyanna, you are so right...as per usual.

It's only when you get here, do you realise just how far away you really are, and that phone calls and e-mails don't take the place of cuddles and seeing somebody face to face. Anyone who thinks they do is in for a big shock.

moneypenny20

Am I missing something. What posts have you read where people are doing that. I can't remember any Some people have a hard time from friends and family who will be left behind. That's because they obviously find it hard to put into words how they are feeling about the "loss" of a loved one albeit only to the other side of the world. But I don't think you will find "the movers" doing that.

HiddenPaw

Polly is right in all that she says.

There are a lot of people that you may not see again. Maintaining long-distance friendships takes effort and in some cases, people just move on. You may argue that this won't happen with 'real' friends and family but the reality is that geographical distance can cause friendships to dwindle. It's not just about who is worth staying friends with and who isn't - some people are just not good at long-distance communication - some people don't 'do' phone calls and emails as well as they 'do' face-to-face meetings. And besides, phone calls and emails are no substitue for personal contact.

You have a life; they have a life. You make new friends; they make new friends.

Sad but real side of emigrating.

cresta57

Once you've left your circle of friends they quickly adapt to life without you, it's you who still sees them as close when in reality you've gone from their life's and they just get on with it.
"Only a visit away" well yes technically you are but again once your here and earning the aussie dollar that quickly becomes a near impossibility. At $3k per ticket the average family of 2+2 will spend 12k on just the tickets never mind spending money while there. Could the average family afford to spend 1/4 of their annual salary on a visit back home?
On a different tack if friends and relations come and visit they usually come for at least a month, do you take time out from work to do things with them as a group? I ask as by the time both sets of parents and a couple of siblings have visited your holiday time will be non existent and they could go home thinking you didn't even bother to take time off work.

madsad

All so true Cresta, my mate who moved last year is totally fed up that all the folk who he thought would keep in touch have not bothered their shirt, as you say the reality is you are moving on and you have made the choice to leave your friends and family!!

You have done it for the greater good but friends find that hard to accept, it is a mixture of jealousy & them struggling with the fact you are leaving. Me & Donna have spoke about this and we think think out of a circle of 12-14 we know, we will probably see about 4 of them again.

Sad but true, relationships that take years to build will disintegrate in 4-6 months. i wont encourage it to happen but it will.

Pollyana

It really is a way of finding out who your TRUE friends are....

mlbonner

....and if you're wearing those rose-tinted specs, then you'll end up with one hellava a shock when it happens!! Best to take them off now

Pollyana

Strangely enough I've just got off the phone to my best mate, back in the UK. He has just bumped into someone who - when I left - promised to keep in touch, would email, write, visit, etc..........I've had one short email from her in 13 months! She said to tell me that she likes reading the emails I send but just couldn't get motivated to answer, and thought I'd have loads of new mates anyway so wouldn't need my old ones! :scared: Why does she think I still email her!! I sometimes think the guys back home just have no idea.......

mlbonner

Of course they don't... how could they, they've not immigrated. I have that problem with Blokey as well

Pollyana

Daftest thing is though - she migrated to Perth when she was 11, then the family went back to the UK when she was 18........so she should have a bit of a clue what its like!!

MrsMangle

I do agree with what Pollyana has said, but for me there has been one curious benefit of moving..
my pals now seem to forget that I still talk to people back home...so I get all the gossip first! However life is getting a little complicated...trying to hard remember not to accidentally reveal pregnancies or future weddings...(oops)