Joke!!!!!
Dec 7th 2005, 8:24 pm
#1
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Joke!!!!!
What did the fish say after it swam in to a wall.
oh dam
oh dam
Dec 7th 2005, 9:15 pm
#2
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Re: Joke!!!!!
Originally Posted by ukdarren22
What did the fish say after it swam in to a wall.
oh dam
oh dam
Dec 7th 2005, 9:23 pm
#3
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Posts: 13,233
Re: Joke!!!!!
What did Mrs Santa Claus say to her husband when she heard tapping on the roof?
Sounds like rain dear.
Sounds like rain dear.
Dec 7th 2005, 9:55 pm
#4
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Re: Joke!!!!!
very good 2 Blonde's walk in to a bar
you would have thought one of them would have seen it
Dec 7th 2005, 11:58 pm
#5
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Re: Joke!!!!!
First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing' ."
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl.
Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.
Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.
Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.
Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.
'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.
Then he added a mouth. Ruined the whole ****ing thing
you would have thought one of them would have seen it[/QUOTE]
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing' ."
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl.
Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.
Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.
Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.
Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.
'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.
Then he added a mouth. Ruined the whole ****ing thing
you would have thought one of them would have seen it[/QUOTE]
Dec 8th 2005, 12:12 am
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Location: Bristol, UK --> Copacabana, NSW
Posts: 186
Re: Joke!!!!!
Originally Posted by ukdarren22
First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing' ."
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl.
Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.
Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.
Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.
Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.
'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.
Then he added a mouth. Ruined the whole ****ing thing
you would have thought one of them would have seen it
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing' ."
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl.
Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.
Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.
Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.
Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.
'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.
Then he added a mouth. Ruined the whole ****ing thing
you would have thought one of them would have seen it
I'm probably going to regret saying this, but as I'm thinking it.............
My hubby quite likes the fact that his wife has a pout - mouths aren't just for talkin' you know!
That said, I do like the last word, and as I always say, "there's no such thing as nagging, it's constructive criticism!"
Dec 8th 2005, 12:16 am
#7
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Re: Joke!!!!!
I like it good come back. karma coming your way
Dec 8th 2005, 12:20 am
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Re: Joke!!!!!
Originally Posted by ukdarren22
I like it good come back. karma coming your way
Dec 8th 2005, 12:21 am
#9
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Re: Joke!!!!!
(o)(o) perfect breasts
( + )( + ) fake silicone breast
(*)(*) perky breasts
(@)(@) big nipple breasts
oo A cups
{ O }{ O } D cups
(oYo) wonder bra breasts
( ^ )( ^ ) cold breasts
(o)(O) lopsided breasts
(Q)(Q) pierced breasts
(p)(p) hanging tassels breasts
\o/\o/ Grandma's breasts
( - )( - ) flat against the shower door breasts
|o||o| android breasts
( + )( + ) fake silicone breast
(*)(*) perky breasts
(@)(@) big nipple breasts
oo A cups
{ O }{ O } D cups
(oYo) wonder bra breasts
( ^ )( ^ ) cold breasts
(o)(O) lopsided breasts
(Q)(Q) pierced breasts
(p)(p) hanging tassels breasts
\o/\o/ Grandma's breasts
( - )( - ) flat against the shower door breasts
|o||o| android breasts
Dec 8th 2005, 12:54 am
#10
Forum Regular
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Bristol, UK --> Copacabana, NSW
Posts: 186
Re: Joke!!!!!
Originally Posted by ukdarren22
(o)(o) perfect breasts
( + )( + ) fake silicone breast
(*)(*) perky breasts
(@)(@) big nipple breasts
oo A cups
{ O }{ O } D cups
(oYo) wonder bra breasts
( ^ )( ^ ) cold breasts
(o)(O) lopsided breasts
(Q)(Q) pierced breasts
(p)(p) hanging tassels breasts
\o/\o/ Grandma's breasts
( - )( - ) flat against the shower door breasts
|o||o| android breasts
( + )( + ) fake silicone breast
(*)(*) perky breasts
(@)(@) big nipple breasts
oo A cups
{ O }{ O } D cups
(oYo) wonder bra breasts
( ^ )( ^ ) cold breasts
(o)(O) lopsided breasts
(Q)(Q) pierced breasts
(p)(p) hanging tassels breasts
\o/\o/ Grandma's breasts
( - )( - ) flat against the shower door breasts
|o||o| android breasts
-O
/( )\
Chicken breasts! Not bad for a veggie eh?......
Dec 8th 2005, 1:00 am
#11
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Re: Joke!!!!!
ha ha very good!!!!!!!!!!!
very good!!!!!!!!!!!
Dec 8th 2005, 1:05 am
#12
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Re: Joke!!!!!
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
Dec 8th 2005, 1:18 am
#13
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 13,233
Re: Joke!!!!!
The father of three children wins a big cuddly toy at the fair.
He calls his kids together to ask which one should have the present.
"Who is the most obedient?" he asks.
"Who never talks back to mother?"
"Who does everything she says?"
Three small voices answer in unison.
"Okay, dad, you get the toy."
He calls his kids together to ask which one should have the present.
"Who is the most obedient?" he asks.
"Who never talks back to mother?"
"Who does everything she says?"
Three small voices answer in unison.
"Okay, dad, you get the toy."
Dec 8th 2005, 1:42 am
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Re: Joke!!!!!
Originally Posted by ukdarren22
<snap>
Dec 8th 2005, 1:44 am
#15
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 13,233
Re: Joke!!!!!
Facts about Orstralia!
1. The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.
2. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.
3. Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a sausage sizzle.
4. If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a media billionaire. Or, on the other hand, he could be a wharfie.
5. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce (theoretically speaking).
6. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.
7. Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the chep pallet.
8. All our best heroes are losers.
9. The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.
10. It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.
11. A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as is the case in the U.S.A., but a fine example of Australian footwear. Therefore, a group of sheilas wearing black rubber thongs may not be as exciting as you had first hoped.
12. It is proper to refer to your best friend as "a total bastard". By contrast, your worst enemy is "a bit of a bastard".
13. Historians believe the widespread use of the word "mate" can be traced to the harsh conditions on the Australian frontier in the late 1800s, and the development of a code of mutual aid, or "mateship". Alternatively, Australians may just be really hopeless with names.
14. The wise man chooses a partner who is attractive not only to himself, but also to the mosquitoes.
15. If it can't be fixed with pantyhose and fencing wire, then it's not worth fixing.
16. The most popular and widely praised family in any street is the one that has the swimming pool.
17. It's considered better to be 'down on your luck' than 'up yourself'.
18. The phrase "we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family drinks too much.
19. If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all night drinking the host's beer. (Don't worry, he will have catered for it).
20. If there's any sort of free event, or party, within a hundred kilometres, you'd be a mug not to go.
21. The phrase "a simple picnic" is not known. You should take everything you own. If you don't need to make three trips back to the car, then you're not trying.
22. Unless of ethnic origin, you are not permitted to sit down in your front yard, or on your front verandah. Pottering about, gardening or leaning on the fence are acceptable. Just don't sit. That's what backyards are for.
23. The tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor.
24. On picnics, the esky is always too small, creating a food-versus-alcohol battle that can only ever be resolved by leaving the salad or bread rolls at home.
25. When on a country holiday, the neon sign advertising the motel's pool will always be slightly larger than the pool itself.
26. The men are tough, but the women can be tougher.
27. The chief test of personal strength is one's ability to install a beach umbrella in high winds.
28. Australians love new technology. Years after their introduction, most conversations on mobile phones are principally about the fact that the call is "being made on my mobile".
29. There comes a time in every Australian's life when he/she realises that the Aerogard is worse than the flies.
30. And, finally, don't let the tourist books fool you. No-one EVER says "cobber" to anyone ... EVER!
1. The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.
2. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.
3. Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a sausage sizzle.
4. If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a media billionaire. Or, on the other hand, he could be a wharfie.
5. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce (theoretically speaking).
6. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.
7. Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the chep pallet.
8. All our best heroes are losers.
9. The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.
10. It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.
11. A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as is the case in the U.S.A., but a fine example of Australian footwear. Therefore, a group of sheilas wearing black rubber thongs may not be as exciting as you had first hoped.
12. It is proper to refer to your best friend as "a total bastard". By contrast, your worst enemy is "a bit of a bastard".
13. Historians believe the widespread use of the word "mate" can be traced to the harsh conditions on the Australian frontier in the late 1800s, and the development of a code of mutual aid, or "mateship". Alternatively, Australians may just be really hopeless with names.
14. The wise man chooses a partner who is attractive not only to himself, but also to the mosquitoes.
15. If it can't be fixed with pantyhose and fencing wire, then it's not worth fixing.
16. The most popular and widely praised family in any street is the one that has the swimming pool.
17. It's considered better to be 'down on your luck' than 'up yourself'.
18. The phrase "we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family drinks too much.
19. If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all night drinking the host's beer. (Don't worry, he will have catered for it).
20. If there's any sort of free event, or party, within a hundred kilometres, you'd be a mug not to go.
21. The phrase "a simple picnic" is not known. You should take everything you own. If you don't need to make three trips back to the car, then you're not trying.
22. Unless of ethnic origin, you are not permitted to sit down in your front yard, or on your front verandah. Pottering about, gardening or leaning on the fence are acceptable. Just don't sit. That's what backyards are for.
23. The tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor.
24. On picnics, the esky is always too small, creating a food-versus-alcohol battle that can only ever be resolved by leaving the salad or bread rolls at home.
25. When on a country holiday, the neon sign advertising the motel's pool will always be slightly larger than the pool itself.
26. The men are tough, but the women can be tougher.
27. The chief test of personal strength is one's ability to install a beach umbrella in high winds.
28. Australians love new technology. Years after their introduction, most conversations on mobile phones are principally about the fact that the call is "being made on my mobile".
29. There comes a time in every Australian's life when he/she realises that the Aerogard is worse than the flies.
30. And, finally, don't let the tourist books fool you. No-one EVER says "cobber" to anyone ... EVER!