wholeworldwindow

OK - well - I came to Oz to get a better life.....like most of you probably!
I worked 7 jobs in Uk - one in particular that was part of my big career push! (a dream job!). Summer last year my mind packed in and I came close to a break down. The idea of emigration was that hubby stopped being Mum and took on a full time "money earner" while I persued my "dream Job" - enabling me not to have to be money earner and fulfill my career. It moved too fast for me when I got here. With-in 3 months of being here, I had more responsibility than I was able to deal with in my "Dream Job". I have now taken a huge bullet and decided to give up on the career I wanted. I have a 4 and 7 year old. They need me! This weekend I was working all night and as I slept during the day I was awakened by my 4 year old crying under the bed, asking why I had left him alone! (although I was in the same room - I had fallen asleep!) Wake up call or what! Have cancelled all work. Confidence gutted went to my job that night and I fell apart - couldn't do it at all! Big responsibility job and I "bricked it"! But ....post guttedness...decided career has to be on hold! Kids come 1st!

To John Howard who has decided that single Mums will have their benifit cut if they dont work......F*** You mate! You are so far from reality it is scary! I explained to my 7 year old tonight that I had made that choice to give up my career and only do 1 p/t job that fits around the children and not vice versa! His exact words to me were " Funny Mum - when the worst thing happens you always know just what to do!" I had tears in my eyes as I explained that I don't always get things right and there are no instructions with children! To which he replied - "but I trust you and you always make the right choices in the end. I am a lucky child to have you as a mum!" I am so amazed! He's only just turned 7! Honestly they were the exact words from his mouth! Life choices - bizarre! I feel better now...I have made the right choice! Here's to trying Motherhood...for real this time!
Mum is such an underestimated word! x x x Humbled, Colette x x x

logan

Good for you doll! I respect all the Mum's (and Dad's) I know. I don't know if I've got what it takes, but hopefully one day I'll find out. PMing you!

Professional Princess

This post is one of the best I have read in a long time.

I dont have children but believe if I should ever change my mind which is doubtful as Im 38 :scared: , I would look after them.

Most women have to work but I think for any government to make it difficult for a woman to stay at home and rear her family, is totally wrong.

Its all very well for John Howard to threaten to cut benefits if a woman wants to be a stay at home mum, but I bet you he will be the first to blame the parents when the child goes off the rails and say its down to 'inadequate parenting'.

To the original poster, you havent made a sacrafice in terms of your career, you have made the right choice, which is to bring your family up to the best of your ability.

Everything happens for a reason and the time to rekindle your working life will happen at the right time.

To women that cant afford to be a full time mum, dont feel guilty because if anyone should feel guilty, its the government that make todays women feel inadequate for wanting to do the most natural thing in the world - be a good mother.

And after all, raising tomorrows generation, well you cant put a salary on that can you?

Ian12

Totally agree - those of us who lived with Thatcher remember that swing to the right too well. When we as a family enquired about tax benefits etc for our two adopted boys (adopted in the UK as Australia considers same sex couples unfit to adopt children) every was going well. The kids were the right age to qualify, both have special needs, all of us are either Oz citizens or P.R.
-so the boxes were getting ticked. De facto? Yes that box ticked too - only to be told that as my partner of 15 years and I were both males, we and are two adopted children were no recognised as a family therefore we did not qualify. Thank you John Howard. Makes us feel very proud to be in the country of the "fair go".

rossfive5

I know all about the guilt of working and missing out on important events in the first 10 years of my daughters life. Now I have 2 more little daughters and I am at home with them, I dont feel guilty but sometimes it gets so mind numbingly boring, that I wish away years of my kids life until they are at school and I can have some ME time. Then I feel bad not making the most their young years. Can't win. I wish you the best. I'm sure your kids will appreciate you being there for them.
Mrs R

Professional Princess

Isnt it funny that in the eyes of some people you can only be a good parent if you are of different sexes?

When in fact, you read about so called 'normal heterosexual couples' and I use that term loosely, are often the ones in the news with legals cases concerning child neglect and abuse.

In my opinion, as long as two parents love and look after a child properly, that and that alone is what constitutes a good parent, no matter what the sex.

I remember you posted before Ian?

And you sound like a fantastic Dad as well.

wholeworldwindow

It's funny that I convinced myself that while I was working so hard, the kids actually had a better life. I figured that the time I spent with them was quality while I was having days off......where as when I was not working I spent all the time on the computer and phone trying to get work and totally ignored them! I realise now that this is a mind set. There is a time to make calls, a time to collect e-mails.......and most importantly.....a time to enjoy and appreciate the things you have....a time to make that collage...a time to go out with the bike or skateboard ....and a time to bake those wobbly cakes that are so fun to make but taste yucky!


To the couple re: same sex parenting - so very sad to hear that! The system all over sucks! But I guess the choice to stay for me is governed by the fact that the sun shines more than in UK = more morning where I wake up and look out the window and smile! Oz is so far behind in so many other ways!

spalen

You are obviously a hard working , considerate parent. The Howard reforms arent aimed at you they're aimed at the people who churn out football teams with no intention or consideration for how they will fund their offspring's needs. Fully intending to bludge off the state - They need a message.

All that Tax you paid in your job - you dont want that going to some git down the road who never works, never intends to work, and has more kids whilst we all consider carefully how to afford and pay for the things our children need.

There are two sides to every story.

BLC

Ian my dear, I would rather have had same sex parents that loved me unconditionally, encouraged me and without emotionally/physically abusing me that a man and woman who should not have even got together, let alone had kids.

Karma to you . . can you adopt a 35 year old?

Also WWW I'd karma you for your plight but I think I have just recently done, all the best though

B

wholeworldwindow

Yes, you are right...there are two sides to every story....BUT... this proposed new policy (although it does not directly effect me)...does not take in to consideration those who choose not to work for other reasons.
Do you not think that conditions and individual circumstances should play a part in this desicion?

Storini

out of the mouths of babes comes forth wisdom...

spalen

From what I understand of Costello's (not howard's) proposed reforms he has only said that they want mothers of children at school to look for work in the same way as the unemployed are required to. They havent described what the consequences will be or what reasons they'd accept for not finding work ( Lack of childcare availability for example ).

Its tremendously hard to sort this one out, and thats why I dont ever want to be in a ministers job - I think parents should be able to look after their children themselves but at some point they should also start to take responsibility and work. Maybe when the children are 10? 14?. Ive put my career on a slower curve whilst my kids are young and earn less money as a result, but I think when they're 14 they wont mind me being away on business so much and I'll pick it up again.

It's a right bugger indeed, but power to you for making the decision you made. Overall though I'd not support costello if he was going to arbitrarily cut benefits if a parent refused to work if that work was outside the school day hours. If its inside the school day hours then they should work if its available because we all have to !. ;-)

wholeworldwindow

Interesting....does anyone remember the proposed age of the children this will effect?...I seem to remember it being an unreasonably low age and not just shool children. I could not swear to this....but it sticks in my mind that it was. I totaly agree that we all have to do our bit. Things should not just be handed out on a plate. Life is just not like that. However, I would be interested in finding out if they have any schemes proposed to help Mothers that have been out of the work force find suitable employment or if they will be forced to "clean toilets" and the likes! This policy, when 1st reported, sounded like a "no leeway" policy! Any one any facts out there to enlighten us with?

JackTheLad

Its probably not the most popular opinion, and certainly not a dig at WWW. But the reforms coming in are to stop the scroungers living off welfare payments.

What the government are saying is when a mothers children are school age, all the other tax payers have no obligation to pay them to sit at home and watch Oprah and Trisha while we all work.

I think any genuine hard working parent would support it.

I still think back to the UK where girls I knew from school used to boast to me they had their own council flat cos they got preggers and then the government were legally obliged to supply them with a flat, and income support etc...

I always thoguht, its my tax paying for their life of leisure...

Theres nothing wrong with saying mothers (or indeed fathers) with kids of school age should seek jobs that fit around their childrens schooling times. Obviously it needs employers to be more flexible too, so I hope the government is bringing in some incentives for employers to allow part-time work, or tele-commuting.

A dogs life

Apologies, the previous post was by me ADL , but I didn't realise Mrs JTL had logged in on the PC

Cheers,