Important Help for those Looking for a Job Downunder
 

Given the arguments recently, I thought I’d try and provide some important advice to help those moving downunder. There’s been a lot of questions on here recently about looking for jobs and going to interviews. To help, the following is a list of interview questions and answers you should NEVER use. If you’ve got more then please add them on.

Remember you should NOT use any of the following:

1. Q. Hello, how are you?

A. Well, except for the rash in my pants.
B. Are you gonna give me the f**king job or what?
C. Just get me a coffee.

2. Q. When did you qualify as a Brain Surgeon/ Rocket Scientist/ whatever?
A. Qualified?!?!
B. In one of my previous lives. I was also a Nun in medieval Italy once you know.
C. In prison.


3. Q. What are your weaknesses?
A. Hairy men.
B. I sometimes steal.
C. I’ve been diagnosed as a Psychopath.

Unless of course you turn these into positives, for example:

A. Hairy men, so you and me are gonna get on like a house on fire.
B. I sometimes steal, but I’ve never been caught.
C. I’ve been diagnosed as a Psychopath, but it takes one to know one.

4. What attracted you to this company?
A. The receptionist.
B. Company? Isn’t this centrelink.
C. You’re the only person stupid enough to give me an interview.

5. Why did you want to move to Australia?
A. The sunshine and good loving. Want some?
B. I’m not allowed to live in England anymore.
C. Rolf Harris.


6. Where do you see yourself in a year’s time?
A. In bed with your wife.
B. In bed with you.
C. In bed with sickness benefit.

7. Who are/is your greatest influences?
A. The Wiggles (Unless you’re applying to be a children’s entertainer)
B. Satan (Unless you’re applying to be a sacrificial lamb preparer or an Estate Agent)
C. The Village People. (Unless you’re applying to join a camp male dance troupe).
D. Dale Winton.

8. What made you want to become a Rocket Scientist/ Brain surgeon/ Plumber?

A. The voices in my head.
B. The money. How much you offering?

9. Why should I choose you instead of any of the other applicants?
A. Because I’ll kill you if you don’t.
B. I met the others in the corridor and they’re gonna be off sick for a while.
C. Drop your pants and find out. (However, this may be of use if you’re really desperate).

Re: Important Help for those Looking for a Job Downunder
 

Things not to say to the interviewer -

1. Poooo! Was that you?
2. Milk, 2 sugars please - and make it snappy.
3. My Dad used to have a tie like that.
4. (if female interviewer) Nice tits love!
5. Can we get this over with quickly? The pub opens in 10 minutes.

Cheers

Buzzy