IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW
Jul 1st 2008, 11:35 am
#31
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Canberra
Posts: 8,377
Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW
If I knew when we came that I would end up stuck here - probably would still have come but would have been damned sure that I made active decisions about where would be best for us at all stages rather than just drifting along to beyond the point of no return.
Others have given you really good points about how to get through the situation you are now experiencing but the bottom line is that your head has to be in the place where you want to get through and make changes. OTOH There is absolutely nothing wrong with recognizing that this place is not for you and deciding to go home. It's not a sin to go home because you know that it will be better for you.
Good luck which ever way you decide to go.
Others have given you really good points about how to get through the situation you are now experiencing but the bottom line is that your head has to be in the place where you want to get through and make changes. OTOH There is absolutely nothing wrong with recognizing that this place is not for you and deciding to go home. It's not a sin to go home because you know that it will be better for you.
Good luck which ever way you decide to go.
Jul 1st 2008, 1:08 pm
#32
happy to be here!
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: Ellenbrook, WA
Posts: 2,732
Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW
hi nightnurse,thanks for that ,its really hard when you have little ones to look after especially if there are people that meet down there on a thursday and dont have little ones that day ,when is the next meet do you know if there are any other mums that go their with kids,would love to meet up let me know when you can kerrie
I wasn't going to go this Thursday but if you go, so will I. I'll pm you my mobile and you can phone me when you get to the car park at Hillary's and I'll wait for you and we can go in together.
When my sister moved to northern Queensland 23 years ago she didn't know a single sole except her husband. He's a bit of a workaholic, so she spent a lot of time alone. They lived in a very small town so there wasn't really much for her to do other than wallow in her lonliness. Finally after about 3 months she decided that it was either do something or she would have to leave her husband and go back. One morning she put on her makeup, did her hair and went door knocking. She introduced herself to everyone in her street by saying "I'm Kathy, just moved here and don't know anyone." Within days she had met the woman who is still her best friend years later.
Moral of the story is that sometimes you have to swallow your pride and put yourself out there.
For the most part the people here have already got lives and friends, so they aren't going to go looking to be your friend. Go to the meets in Hillary's and Mindarie. Go to the King's Park meet on the 20th (although it's actually going to be at Hillary's this time 'cause it's winter). Send a PM to some of the other people in your city and ask if they'll meet you for coffee/lunch/BBQ, etc. I know it's hard, but it's just what you have to do. You may just get lucky and meet someone you really click with.
Forgot to answer the original question...If I knew then what I know now, yes, I still would have emigrated. I would have even done it the same way complete with the interstate move.
Moral of the story is that sometimes you have to swallow your pride and put yourself out there.
For the most part the people here have already got lives and friends, so they aren't going to go looking to be your friend. Go to the meets in Hillary's and Mindarie. Go to the King's Park meet on the 20th (although it's actually going to be at Hillary's this time 'cause it's winter). Send a PM to some of the other people in your city and ask if they'll meet you for coffee/lunch/BBQ, etc. I know it's hard, but it's just what you have to do. You may just get lucky and meet someone you really click with.
Forgot to answer the original question...If I knew then what I know now, yes, I still would have emigrated. I would have even done it the same way complete with the interstate move.
Most of us at Hillary's are really good friends but I like to think that there is always room for more
And to answer the OP - damm right I'd do it again
Jul 1st 2008, 11:22 pm
#33
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 176
Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW
She joined all sorts of mother and child groups, said at first no one rushed up to say hello when she walked in, but then why should they, she perservered and slowly built up a nice circle of friends, its hard if you are not a very forward person, it makes it even harder having to do it with twins, because you need eyes in the back of your head and my daughters experience is she usually doesnt get much chance to chat to the other mums cos she is so busy running around after the twins.
If you could perhaps try to get out on the days they are in childcare, try to meet up with some other expats on those days, you would at least feel you have had your adult conversation. It wont make all the other feelings go away but it might help. I think you deserve a bit of "me time"
I really hope it works out for you
take care, Dizzy
Jul 2nd 2008, 12:46 am
#35
BE Enthusiast
Joined: May 2005
Location: In a house very close to the beach
Posts: 984
Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW
Don't be
This place is ace, my family and I love the place and the people.
In answer to the original question "if you knew............" well I would have come straight to Australia instead of going to NZ for 3 years first, beautiful Country but we as a family could not make ends meet, however some people can and do!
Don't be worried and don't come with the attitude of "if is does not work we can always go back" as IT WILL WORK
Ian
Jul 2nd 2008, 1:02 am
#36
Lets Rock !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 599
Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW
The only regret i have is that we did'nt come sooner...
Jul 2nd 2008, 1:15 am
#37
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 2,474
Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW
I'm a y happy expat BUT where we live the majority are unhappy expats.
In the years we've been here I've watched countless people come, complain, get depressed, become bitter and tunnel sighted and get to their last straw very quickly.
One such person is here now and is constantly telling me of not seeing anybody, lying in bed all day, huby working 6 days a week, totally depressed etc etc.
One problem is she is totally unable to live with her own company and spend time on her own - it just drives her depression deeper, so I yanked her off to the local school, got her volunteering book reading 3 times a week. This one little thing has spurred her on hugely. She has a focus, she interacts with people, they may not be friends but she's having adult conversations with new people.
I get her to focus on the positive or funny side of things - yes, you may be out of water for 24 hours (a common occurence) but get down the beach outside your door and have a skinny dip at night for your bath! turn something she was furious and upset about into something daring!
4 months is not enough time I would say, you're in the classic timeframe of homesickness and emigration depression. It takes time, you HAVE to focus on positives if only to keep you sane.
and re read Busterboys post lots - I think that should be made a sticky for all those having wobbles
In the years we've been here I've watched countless people come, complain, get depressed, become bitter and tunnel sighted and get to their last straw very quickly.
One such person is here now and is constantly telling me of not seeing anybody, lying in bed all day, huby working 6 days a week, totally depressed etc etc.
One problem is she is totally unable to live with her own company and spend time on her own - it just drives her depression deeper, so I yanked her off to the local school, got her volunteering book reading 3 times a week. This one little thing has spurred her on hugely. She has a focus, she interacts with people, they may not be friends but she's having adult conversations with new people.
I get her to focus on the positive or funny side of things - yes, you may be out of water for 24 hours (a common occurence) but get down the beach outside your door and have a skinny dip at night for your bath! turn something she was furious and upset about into something daring!
4 months is not enough time I would say, you're in the classic timeframe of homesickness and emigration depression. It takes time, you HAVE to focus on positives if only to keep you sane.
and re read Busterboys post lots - I think that should be made a sticky for all those having wobbles
Jul 2nd 2008, 1:19 am
#38
Account Closed
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 1,043
Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW
I would have still come. I don't regret it and after 2 years here I will probably return to the UK/Europe.
Australia is different things to different people. I wouldn't want to be here long term and have no desire to become an Australia. But that doesn't mean that other people won't love it.
People often talk about "lifestyle". If you want beaches, sunshine and hot weather then Australia will be great for you. However, Australia doesn't give me the kind of "lifestyle" I am looking for.
Australia is different things to different people. I wouldn't want to be here long term and have no desire to become an Australia. But that doesn't mean that other people won't love it.
People often talk about "lifestyle". If you want beaches, sunshine and hot weather then Australia will be great for you. However, Australia doesn't give me the kind of "lifestyle" I am looking for.
Jul 2nd 2008, 5:15 am
#39
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Apr 2007
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posts: 3,521
Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW
Put it this way, you will never know if you don't try. It suits some and not others but you won't know whether it suits you until you're here really.
Despite my predicament (i.e. wanting to go back and can't) I still don't regret coming. I wouldn't have listened to anyone who told me otherwise anyway!
Plus I do think it's been a great place to bring up children (my kids are lucky in that my ex husband is Australian so they at least have half their extended family here).
I know it's all very Daily Mail-esque but I think I'd be far more worried about my kids on a day to day level if we lived in UK, especially as they are approaching teen years.
I didn't come to run away from UK (though maybe my family who ironically now are the reason I want to return
); I'd always wanted to live abroad ever since I was little. I feel I have 'done' Australia now but I'd love to experience living in another country if I had the opportunity.
Despite my predicament (i.e. wanting to go back and can't) I still don't regret coming. I wouldn't have listened to anyone who told me otherwise anyway!
Plus I do think it's been a great place to bring up children (my kids are lucky in that my ex husband is Australian so they at least have half their extended family here). I know it's all very Daily Mail-esque but I think I'd be far more worried about my kids on a day to day level if we lived in UK, especially as they are approaching teen years.
I didn't come to run away from UK (though maybe my family who ironically now are the reason I want to return
); I'd always wanted to live abroad ever since I was little. I feel I have 'done' Australia now but I'd love to experience living in another country if I had the opportunity.
