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IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW

IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW

Old Jul 1st 2008, 5:59 am
  #16  
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Default Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW

Originally Posted by Nu-Shooz View Post
You have to try harder. I have met loads of friends by putting myself out. I even ended up on Northernbirds doorstep
It is hard i know....i don't normally meet up with strangers, but when you have no option you have to do it. It gets easier after the first time.
Just do it, see how you feel.
Yeah but you aint been back again
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Old Jul 1st 2008, 6:00 am
  #17  
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Default Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW

Originally Posted by Nu-Shooz View Post
You have to try harder. I have met loads of friends by putting myself out. I even ended up on Northernbirds doorstep
It is hard i know....i don't normally meet up with strangers, but when you have no option you have to do it. It gets easier after the first time.
Just do it, see how you feel.

Dear Lord, its a wonder you aren't buried in the cellar with all the others!

Good advice.

Kericare, as hard as it is when you may be depressed, the only way out of this takes real work and some guts to put yourself out there when you are feeling your lowest. Should tomorrow result in the doctor recommending medication, you will find an interesting thread currently running on Mbbtuk on the subject.
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Old Jul 1st 2008, 6:01 am
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Default Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW

thanks carole will have a look
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Old Jul 1st 2008, 6:01 am
  #19  
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Default Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW

Originally Posted by northernbird View Post
Yeah but you aint been back again
LOL....wasn't sure when to come to be honest. I have no car at the mo, P is using it as some nice person bumped his van I'm house bound...so i thought i'd waste time on here
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Old Jul 1st 2008, 7:40 am
  #20  
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Default Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW

Originally Posted by busterboy View Post
Okay Missy, I having been where you are about a year ago am going to take you in hand.... (In case you don't think I know, I will give you a short summation - loneliness, desperation, grief, anger, home sickness and people sickness, general state of being overwhelmed, fear, disappointment, to name but a few).

Here are my top tips for making it through the next year:
  • Get to a local meet
  • Force yourself to accept any and all invites
  • Involve yourself in your children's activities if possible
  • Buy one of those 'things to do at the weekend' books and go some places
  • If you can work, do! It will get you out, make some money and form some relationships for you.
  • Write emails to your friends that are reflective of how you are feeling - those that write back qualify as good friends
  • Meet some expats but only ones that can see the wood from the trees - ie positive influences or people with a realistic take on their circumstances and not the doomsayers (although it helps to share your woes, concentrating on them will make everything seem bleaker
  • Try to have regular and meaningful discussions with your partner on why you are here.
  • Set small timeframes i.e. 6, 12, 18, 24 months.
  • Visitors can help - but so do other things to look forward to. Others in this situation begin studying, volunteering, getting fit, planning a holiday etc.
  • Cut out excess TV watching, smoking, drinking and/or eating - they will just make you more unhappy
  • If you need to, go see a doctor or counsellor. It has been said that emigrating leaves no place for problems to hide.
  • Get out there. Get a babysitter. Go on a date.
  • Garden


*Don't spend all of your time in Mbttuk. I love lots of the posters in Mbbtuk but it is too soon for you to be in there so often.

* Do keep posting, there is a lot of support to be found here.

Best of luck to you.
Great advice and aligned with my own personal (survival) strategy
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Old Jul 1st 2008, 8:06 am
  #21  
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Default Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW

Originally Posted by busterboy View Post
Okay Missy, I having been where you are about a year ago am going to take you in hand.... (In case you don't think I know, I will give you a short summation - loneliness, desperation, grief, anger, home sickness and people sickness, general state of being overwhelmed, fear, disappointment, to name but a few).

Here are my top tips for making it through the next year:
  • Get to a local meet
  • Force yourself to accept any and all invites
  • Involve yourself in your children's activities if possible
  • Buy one of those 'things to do at the weekend' books and go some places
  • If you can work, do! It will get you out, make some money and form some relationships for you.
  • Write emails to your friends that are reflective of how you are feeling - those that write back qualify as good friends
  • Meet some expats but only ones that can see the wood from the trees - ie positive influences or people with a realistic take on their circumstances and not the doomsayers (although it helps to share your woes, concentrating on them will make everything seem bleaker
  • Try to have regular and meaningful discussions with your partner on why you are here.
  • Set small timeframes i.e. 6, 12, 18, 24 months.
  • Visitors can help - but so do other things to look forward to. Others in this situation begin studying, volunteering, getting fit, planning a holiday etc.
  • Cut out excess TV watching, smoking, drinking and/or eating - they will just make you more unhappy
  • If you need to, go see a doctor or counsellor. It has been said that emigrating leaves no place for problems to hide.
  • Get out there. Get a babysitter. Go on a date.
  • Garden


*Don't spend all of your time in Mbttuk. I love lots of the posters in Mbbtuk but it is too soon for you to be in there so often.

* Do keep posting, there is a lot of support to be found here.

Best of luck to you.
Excellent advice

Kerry, try and get to the meets either Hillary's or Mindarie. You just might 'click' with someone
I don't go to Hillary's that often but if you'd like to meet me there or perhaps somewhere else, then give me a shout. I like to think I'm down to earth and fairly 'normal'
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Old Jul 1st 2008, 8:54 am
  #22  
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Default Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW

hi nightnurse,thanks for that ,its really hard when you have little ones to look after especially if there are people that meet down there on a thursday and dont have little ones that day ,when is the next meet do you know if there are any other mums that go their with kids,would love to meet up let me know when you can kerrie
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Old Jul 1st 2008, 9:09 am
  #23  
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Default Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW

Originally Posted by kericare View Post
how do you do it though i cant just walk up to anyone in the street lol
Not the same situation I know, but I've moved twice from one end of the UK to the other, leaving family & friends behind, due to OH's work. I've had to start afresh in new areas & known literally no-one. If it hadn't been for the kids, I would be a basket-case by now

The first time, I gave up my job to get the kids settled coz they were a lot smaller then. I don't regret it because I had no other choice, but after about a year I went back to work, only part time, but I was amazed at the difference it made to my sense of how I felt about everything - including myself. I had an income of my own, something interesting & different to tell OH about at the end of the day, adult conversation & stimulation. The boost it gave to my self-confidence was amazing & I hadn't realised how much I had missed that.

This second time, moved another 250 miles to a new area a year ago. I know I won't be working because of waiting for the visa to come through, but I'm still volunteering a couple of days a week. Having the dog this time has helped enormously - dog walkers will always stop & say "hello". Making a point of letting the kids invite friends home to play is really important, because it means that mums & dads then have to come & pick the little buggers up & then you can invite them for a cuppa while they wait......

Keep at it, I know how hard it is, but any little changes you can make will help fix the bigger picture. It's just tough making that first move

Very best of luck & keep us posted
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Old Jul 1st 2008, 9:20 am
  #24  
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Default Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW

As someone who is arriving in a couple of weeks these threads make me worried.

To the OP I would say you have only been there 4 months, you have to give it much longer. Id say a year was a good time limit or even longer.

When I spent a year in Oz about 7 years ago I felt very homesick for long periods. I was so excited on my way home had a reals sense of acheivment when I got home, that I had survived and for the most part enjoyed my time there.

Then once I was home and I had met everyone, wham, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was back in the cold and the rain doing the same stuff I had been doing every day since I left.

Not a day would go by where I didnt dream about going back, I spent most of my time in WA and NT by the way.

Now im fortunate to go back, albeight to Brisbane where ive never been, I intend to make such an effort. Ive got a couple of close friends who are unfortunately leaving to go back in September so that will be our acid test.

I know it sounds corny but do you have an outdoor hobby? I certainly didnt find there was anything culturally better about Australian cities but sweet jesus, how good is the fishing?? And not just fishing, most outdoor activities will blow aanything we have away from the UK.

I would make the most of the "outdoors" in Oz and the rest might follow!

Cheers

Jamie
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Old Jul 1st 2008, 9:24 am
  #25  
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Default Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW

Originally Posted by kericare View Post
hi nightnurse,thanks for that ,its really hard when you have little ones to look after especially if there are people that meet down there on a thursday and dont have little ones that day ,when is the next meet do you know if there are any other mums that go their with kids,would love to meet up let me know when you can kerrie
I used to go with Lauren, she got quite friendly with the staff at the last cafe, so much so that she ended up getting a 'wage' of icecream for picking up stray napkins off the floor. They are a lovely bunch you should go down if you can.

PS. Nightnurse might say she is normal but reserve judgement until you have met her!! (thats for the wine comment Trace!)
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Old Jul 1st 2008, 9:30 am
  #26  
 
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Default Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW

Originally Posted by brissybound View Post
As someone who is arriving in a couple of weeks these threads make me worried.
You shouldn't for there are many many more for whom the answer to the question "if you knew then what you know now" would simply be that you would change nothing as its worked out just great
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Old Jul 1st 2008, 9:41 am
  #27  
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Default Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW

I`m in Japan at the moment. Been studying here for more than two years straight and living here for another year before that. I should be moving back to the UK and want to try to move the OZ some time.
What I can say is what some one else just said that when you feel bad in one country you feel that your old life was much better. To tell you the truth if you feel things weren`t going well in the UK then going any where in the world no wont matter. The problem is how you look at things. I can say I have more than 20 people who are friends and a girl friend here and I`m about as shy as it gets.

Join clubs
Do a part time job
Go to the bar
Find people online

Its not like you don`t speak English or some thing. Not seeing your family after a long while can boost the home sickness so try and get back at least once a year.
Or if your feeling that bad you could come and live at my place. I know thats lots of waves that need riding in OZ right now .
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Old Jul 1st 2008, 10:11 am
  #28  
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Default Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW

I've lived and worked overseas in a few places and know lots of people who do the same. There is a definite pattern. The first 6 months are the worst. The second 6 months seem bad but gradually get better. After a year you feel like you are at home. (Except if you get posted to Lagos, Nigeria )

Have you met your neighbours? Just knock on their doors and introduce yourself. People move a lot here (not just immigrants) so it's usual not to know anyone when you arrive. Walk around the area and talk to people in their gardens - ask about their plants, talk about the weather. Do some gardening yourself - people will come and talk to you.

Just take one day at a time and don't try to fill the future for months, but plan for today.
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Old Jul 1st 2008, 11:11 am
  #29  
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Default Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW

When my sister moved to northern Queensland 23 years ago she didn't know a single sole except her husband. He's a bit of a workaholic, so she spent a lot of time alone. They lived in a very small town so there wasn't really much for her to do other than wallow in her lonliness. Finally after about 3 months she decided that it was either do something or she would have to leave her husband and go back. One morning she put on her makeup, did her hair and went door knocking. She introduced herself to everyone in her street by saying "I'm Kathy, just moved here and don't know anyone." Within days she had met the woman who is still her best friend years later.

Moral of the story is that sometimes you have to swallow your pride and put yourself out there.

For the most part the people here have already got lives and friends, so they aren't going to go looking to be your friend. Go to the meets in Hillary's and Mindarie. Go to the King's Park meet on the 20th (although it's actually going to be at Hillary's this time 'cause it's winter). Send a PM to some of the other people in your city and ask if they'll meet you for coffee/lunch/BBQ, etc. I know it's hard, but it's just what you have to do. You may just get lucky and meet someone you really click with.

Forgot to answer the original question...If I knew then what I know now, yes, I still would have emigrated. I would have even done it the same way complete with the interstate move.
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Old Jul 1st 2008, 11:17 am
  #30  
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Default Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW

If I knew then what i know now...would I have emigrated?

Yes.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained
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