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-   -   IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW (https://britishexpats.com/forum/australia-54/if-you-knew-then-what-you-know-now-546169/)

kericare Jul 1st 2008 5:13 am

IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW
 
would you have ever emigrated,i feel i have given up so much to be here my house my friends family taking the kids away from everything they knew,and if it wasnt for family coming out this yr i would be going home sooner,they are the only thing that is keeping me here

Nu-Shooz Jul 1st 2008 5:19 am

Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW
 

Originally Posted by kericare (Post 6521290)
would you have ever emigrated,i feel i have given up so much to be here my house my friends family taking the kids away from everything they knew,and if it wasnt for family coming out this yr i would be going home sooner,they are the only thing that is keeping me here

I often try to tell myself that 'Yes, i am glad of the experience'....but i know deep down i am lying to myself.
If i knew what i know now, then to be honest "no" i wouldn't have come. But that's not the case is it, i am here and trying to make the best of it.
I will be back home oneday, until then i'll just keep plodding on...(littlest HOBO):D

Sally Redux Jul 1st 2008 5:23 am

Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW
 
It's been an experience - like lying on a bed of nails.

kericare Jul 1st 2008 5:29 am

Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW
 
hi nu-shooz,thanks for the reply what you have said is exactly how i feel,i would have always been wondering what if if we had never done it,but my heart is just not here its back home with everything and everyone around me

Nu-Shooz Jul 1st 2008 5:31 am

Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW
 

Originally Posted by Sally Redux (Post 6521304)
It's been an experience - like lying on a bed of nails.

:rofl: well, when you put it like that, it seems more accurate:)

busterboy Jul 1st 2008 5:32 am

Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW
 

Originally Posted by kericare (Post 6521290)
would you have ever emigrated,i feel i have given up so much to be here my house my friends family taking the kids away from everything they knew,and if it wasnt for family coming out this yr i would be going home sooner,they are the only thing that is keeping me here


Okay Missy, I having been where you are about a year ago am going to take you in hand....:) (In case you don't think I know, I will give you a short summation - loneliness, desperation, grief, anger, home sickness and people sickness, general state of being overwhelmed, fear, disappointment, to name but a few).

Here are my top tips for making it through the next year:
  • Get to a local meet
  • Force yourself to accept any and all invites
  • Involve yourself in your children's activities if possible
  • Buy one of those 'things to do at the weekend' books and go some places
  • If you can work, do! It will get you out, make some money and form some relationships for you.
  • Write emails to your friends that are reflective of how you are feeling - those that write back qualify as good friends
  • Meet some expats but only ones that can see the wood from the trees - ie positive influences or people with a realistic take on their circumstances and not the doomsayers (although it helps to share your woes, concentrating on them will make everything seem bleaker
  • Try to have regular and meaningful discussions with your partner on why you are here.
  • Set small timeframes i.e. 6, 12, 18, 24 months.
  • Visitors can help - but so do other things to look forward to. Others in this situation begin studying, volunteering, getting fit, planning a holiday etc.
  • Cut out excess TV watching, smoking, drinking and/or eating - they will just make you more unhappy
  • If you need to, go see a doctor or counsellor. It has been said that emigrating leaves no place for problems to hide.
  • Get out there. Get a babysitter. Go on a date.
  • Garden


*Don't spend all of your time in Mbttuk. I love lots of the posters in Mbbtuk but it is too soon for you to be in there so often.

* Do keep posting, there is a lot of support to be found here.

Best of luck to you.

Sally Redux Jul 1st 2008 5:37 am

Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW
 

Originally Posted by busterboy (Post 6521316)
It has been said that emigrating leaves no place for problems to hide.

Very true.

northernbird Jul 1st 2008 5:46 am

Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW
 

Originally Posted by busterboy (Post 6521316)
Okay Missy, I having been where you are about a year ago am going to take you in hand....:) (In case you don't think I know, I will give you a short summation - loneliness, desperation, grief, anger, home sickness and people sickness, general state of being overwhelmed, fear, disappointment, to name but a few).

Here are my top tips for making it through the next year:
  • Get to a local meet
  • Force yourself to accept any and all invites
  • Involve yourself in your children's activities if possible
  • Buy one of those 'things to do at the weekend' books and go some places
  • If you can work, do! It will get you out, make some money and form some relationships for you.
  • Write emails to your friends that are reflective of how you are feeling - those that write back qualify as good friends
  • Meet some expats but only ones that can see the wood from the trees - ie positive influences or people with a realistic take on their circumstances and not the doomsayers (although it helps to share your woes, concentrating on them will make everything seem bleaker
  • Try to have regular and meaningful discussions with your partner on why you are here.
  • Set small timeframes i.e. 6, 12, 18, 24 months.
  • Visitors can help - but so do other things to look forward to. Others in this situation begin studying, volunteering, getting fit, planning a holiday etc.
  • Cut out excess TV watching, smoking, drinking and/or eating - they will just make you more unhappy
  • If you need to, go see a doctor or counsellor. It has been said that emigrating leaves no place for problems to hide.
  • Get out there. Get a babysitter. Go on a date.
  • Garden


*Don't spend all of your time in Mbttuk. I love lots of the posters in Mbbtuk but it is too soon for you to be in there so often.

* Do keep posting, there is a lot of support to be found here.

Best of luck to you.

Fantastic post my friend :D

busterboy Jul 1st 2008 5:49 am

Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW
 

Originally Posted by northernbird (Post 6521341)
Fantastic post my friend :D

I got some of this advice from you Chum!:)

northernbird Jul 1st 2008 5:51 am

Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW
 

Originally Posted by busterboy (Post 6521353)
I got some of this advice from you Chum!:)

I just assumed nobody ever listened to me ;)

kericare Jul 1st 2008 5:52 am

Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW
 
hi busterboy,thankyou for the things you wrote down,i have met some good friends here but i still feel lonely,i have 2 boys that are at school and also have twins that are 3 they go to nusrery 2 days a week,so that gives me a bit of a break but i still am finding it hard to make friends i feel i cant just go up to anyone and say will you be my friend i know it sounds silly,but i just feel so lonely and keep thinking of home all the time and just wanting my old life back,we have been here for nearly 4 months now but feel like a yr already,for the people that have settled down here and are getting on with things good on them i wish them all the luck i wish i was like that i feel like an alien and so iscolated i take the kids down the park and see all the other mums down their who have already got their group of friends its so hard to make friends when you dont know anybody here,some people i have met dont have little ones so that makes it harder,when you said about seeing the doctor well i actually am going tommorrow i have never felt this low in all my life like i do now,i just cant seem to pick myself up and am in a rut.i didnt realise it would be so hard i knew it would be hard but not like this,i need some aduld conversation thanks for taking the time to reply to me anyway

Ozzy dog Jul 1st 2008 5:53 am

Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW
 

Originally Posted by busterboy (Post 6521316)
Okay Missy, I having been where you are about a year ago am going to take you in hand....:) (In case you don't think I know, I will give you a short summation - loneliness, desperation, grief, anger, home sickness and people sickness, general state of being overwhelmed, fear, disappointment, to name but a few).

Here are my top tips for making it through the next year:
  • Get to a local meet
  • Force yourself to accept any and all invites
  • Involve yourself in your children's activities if possible
  • Buy one of those 'things to do at the weekend' books and go some places
  • If you can work, do! It will get you out, make some money and form some relationships for you.
  • Write emails to your friends that are reflective of how you are feeling - those that write back qualify as good friends
  • Meet some expats but only ones that can see the wood from the trees - ie positive influences or people with a realistic take on their circumstances and not the doomsayers (although it helps to share your woes, concentrating on them will make everything seem bleaker
  • Try to have regular and meaningful discussions with your partner on why you are here.
  • Set small timeframes i.e. 6, 12, 18, 24 months.
  • Visitors can help - but so do other things to look forward to. Others in this situation begin studying, volunteering, getting fit, planning a holiday etc.
  • Cut out excess TV watching, smoking, drinking and/or eating - they will just make you more unhappy
  • If you need to, go see a doctor or counsellor. It has been said that emigrating leaves no place for problems to hide.
  • Get out there. Get a babysitter. Go on a date.
  • Garden


*Don't spend all of your time in Mbttuk. I love lots of the posters in Mbbtuk but it is too soon for you to be in there so often.

* Do keep posting, there is a lot of support to be found here.

Best of luck to you.

What a fantastic post, couldn't have said it better myself.

There are not many other times when you would experience loss in every area of your life in the way that immigration leaves you feeling. Having a plan of action is a great idea.

I really wish you luck, remember it is early days.

Tracey x

Nu-Shooz Jul 1st 2008 5:57 am

Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW
 

Originally Posted by kericare (Post 6521361)
hi busterboy,thankyou for the things you wrote down,i have met some good friends here but i still feel lonely,i have 2 boys that are at school and also have twins that are 3 they go to nusrery 2 days a week,so that gives me a bit of a break but i still am finding it hard to make friends i feel i cant just go up to anyone and say will you be my friend i know it sounds silly,but i just feel so lonely and keep thinking of home all the time and just wanting my old life back,we have been here for nearly 4 months now but feel like a yr already,for the people that have settled down here and are getting on with things good on them i wish them all the luck i wish i was like that i feel like an alien and so iscolated i take the kids down the park and see all the other mums down their who have already got their group of friends its so hard to make friends when you dont know anybody here,some people i have met dont have little ones so that makes it harder,when you said about seeing the doctor well i actually am going tommorrow i have never felt this low in all my life like i do now,i just cant seem to pick myself up and am in a rut.i didnt realise it would be so hard i knew it would be hard but not like this,i need some aduld conversation thanks for taking the time to reply to me anyway


You have to try harder. I have met loads of friends by putting myself out. I even ended up on Northernbirds doorstep:D
It is hard i know....i don't normally meet up with strangers, but when you have no option you have to do it. It gets easier after the first time.
Just do it, see how you feel.

northernbird Jul 1st 2008 5:58 am

Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW
 

Originally Posted by kericare (Post 6521361)
hi busterboy,thankyou for the things you wrote down,i have met some good friends here but i still feel lonely,i have 2 boys that are at school and also have twins that are 3 they go to nusrery 2 days a week,so that gives me a bit of a break but i still am finding it hard to make friends i feel i cant just go up to anyone and say will you be my friend i know it sounds silly,but i just feel so lonely and keep thinking of home all the time and just wanting my old life back,we have been here for nearly 4 months now but feel like a yr already,for the people that have settled down here and are getting on with things good on them i wish them all the luck i wish i was like that i feel like an alien and so iscolated i take the kids down the park and see all the other mums down their who have already got their group of friends its so hard to make friends when you dont know anybody here,some people i have met dont have little ones so that makes it harder,when you said about seeing the doctor well i actually am going tommorrow i have never felt this low in all my life like i do now,i just cant seem to pick myself up and am in a rut.i didnt realise it would be so hard i knew it would be hard but not like this,i need some aduld conversation thanks for taking the time to reply to me anyway

www.playgroupwa.com.au

there are bound to be a couple of them around your area so you can go and mix with mums with similar aged children.

kericare Jul 1st 2008 5:59 am

Re: IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW
 
how do you do it though i cant just walk up to anyone in the street lol


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