If Noah lived in Australia
Jun 17th 2003, 1:03 pm
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Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Sydney
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If Noah lived in Australia
Joke just sent to me by an Aussie.
If Noah lived in Australia
>
> And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make it
> rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. I
> want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living
> thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."
>
> In a flash of lightening, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In
> fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.
> "Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything
> aboard in one year."
>
> Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the
> seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah was sitting in
> his front yard weeping.
>
> "Noah," He shouted. "Where is the Ark?"
>
> "Lord, please forgive me!" Cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were
> big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your
> plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm
> and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with Occupational Health &
> Safety Commission over whether the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and
> flotation devices. Then my neighbour objected, claiming I was violating
> zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to lodge
> a Rezoning Application with the City Council and it is now with the Land &
> Environment Court. I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark,
> because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Kookaburra. I
> finally convinced the Department of Conservation & Land Management that I
> needed the wood to save the kookaburras. However, National Parks &
> Wildlife won't let me catch any kookaburras, so, no kookaburras.
>
> "The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate
> a settlement with the Department of Industrial Relations before anyone
> would pick up a saw or hammer. Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but
> still no kookaburras. When I started rounding up the other animals, the
> RSPCA sued me. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard.
> Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not
> complete the Ark without filling in an environmental impact statement on
> your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they
> had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe. Then
> the Department of Land & Water Conservation demanded a map of the proposed
> new flood plain. I sent them a complete set of UBD's and Gregory's.
>
> Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal
> Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by
> not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!
>
> "The Australian Tax Office has seized my assets, claiming that I'm
> building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes.
> I also have to wait for the registration of my ABN for the GST. I just
> got a notice from the Waterways Authority that I owe them some kind of
> user tax and failed to register the Ark as a "recreational water craft."
> I also need a Boat Drivers Licence but they are debating about how to
> classify the craft.
>
> "I am getting continual visits from Greenpeace, the RSPCA, Work Cover, the
> Sheriff's Office and numerous other government departments. Finally, the
> Australian Council for Civil Liberties got the courts to issue an
> injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God
> is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore
> unconstitutional.
>
> "I don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah
> wailed.
>
> The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm.
> A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean
> you're not going to destroy the earth Lord?"
>
> "No," said the Lord sadly. "I don't have to. The bureaucracy has beaten
> me to it!"
>
If Noah lived in Australia
>
> And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make it
> rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. I
> want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living
> thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."
>
> In a flash of lightening, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In
> fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.
> "Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything
> aboard in one year."
>
> Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the
> seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah was sitting in
> his front yard weeping.
>
> "Noah," He shouted. "Where is the Ark?"
>
> "Lord, please forgive me!" Cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were
> big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your
> plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm
> and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with Occupational Health &
> Safety Commission over whether the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and
> flotation devices. Then my neighbour objected, claiming I was violating
> zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to lodge
> a Rezoning Application with the City Council and it is now with the Land &
> Environment Court. I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark,
> because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Kookaburra. I
> finally convinced the Department of Conservation & Land Management that I
> needed the wood to save the kookaburras. However, National Parks &
> Wildlife won't let me catch any kookaburras, so, no kookaburras.
>
> "The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate
> a settlement with the Department of Industrial Relations before anyone
> would pick up a saw or hammer. Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but
> still no kookaburras. When I started rounding up the other animals, the
> RSPCA sued me. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard.
> Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not
> complete the Ark without filling in an environmental impact statement on
> your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they
> had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe. Then
> the Department of Land & Water Conservation demanded a map of the proposed
> new flood plain. I sent them a complete set of UBD's and Gregory's.
>
> Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal
> Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by
> not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!
>
> "The Australian Tax Office has seized my assets, claiming that I'm
> building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes.
> I also have to wait for the registration of my ABN for the GST. I just
> got a notice from the Waterways Authority that I owe them some kind of
> user tax and failed to register the Ark as a "recreational water craft."
> I also need a Boat Drivers Licence but they are debating about how to
> classify the craft.
>
> "I am getting continual visits from Greenpeace, the RSPCA, Work Cover, the
> Sheriff's Office and numerous other government departments. Finally, the
> Australian Council for Civil Liberties got the courts to issue an
> injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God
> is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore
> unconstitutional.
>
> "I don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Noah
> wailed.
>
> The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm.
> A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean
> you're not going to destroy the earth Lord?"
>
> "No," said the Lord sadly. "I don't have to. The bureaucracy has beaten
> me to it!"
>
